It’s Friday Again! October 27, 2006
Posted by Michael in Websites.trackback
The outsourced Innocent Bystanders Advice Department is standing by to receive your questions. Any questions. If you can’t think of any questions, start with the fact that something is seriously wrong with you and you don’t know what to do about it. Ask about that. Don’t be shy. You’re not the only person who is totally screwed up.
Why has kevlarchick not made any recent posts?
I’m always so fascinated by her brilliant insights, I almost feel as though I have been ignored by my all knowing mentor, is there some way that you can explain this?
Dude! My flashes of insight are unpredictable and short-lived. Would you have me post mere drivel, my darling?
One Word Kevlarchick.
Persistence
I might be crazy, but I’m persistent.
Are you talking about the persistence of the penis-in-mouth meme at Ace’s? That’s kept me off the boards over there, although many seem to be getting off on it.
I’m a guy!
Theres a lot funny to be found there, I’m sorry for my testicles.
I mean, I am apologizing on behalf of my testicles. I’m not sorry for my testicles, I love my testicles, two of my best friends are my testicles.
NEVER APOLOGIZE!!!
Anybody know how to make cactii grow faster?
Are you talking about the persistence of the penis-in-mouth meme at Ace’s?
You say that like it’s a bad thing.
I will apologize when I please!!!!
*pout and sniff*
Don’t you flounce out of here with that attitude, little man.
Little?
I’m 6′2 220lb’s.
And then I can start talking about my build!
Not little.
Random thought.
It’s a common act for men to defend their masculinity by talking about how huge their Bill Maher only with a brain a personality is. Why? Do Women talk about how huge their poots are when talking about how womanly they are?
Do Women say “My poot is so Tight, you can’t fit a DIME! in there without tearing flesh?”
It’s an odd obsession with men and women both talking about manliness based on the size of a mans junk, but really, theres a minimum, a maximum and an optimum, as it applies to each woman, so why does a guy want a “baby’s arm” when in some cases the woman can’t even handle a baby’s junk?
Just a random thought that came over me. (maybe I’m rationalizing the fact that I’m completely full of shit, about my junk, I’m hung like a hamster, I don’t mean I’m the same size as a hamster, I mean my junk is the same as a hamsters!)
“I’m hung like a hamster, I don’t mean I’m the same size as a hamster, I mean my junk is the same as a hamsters!”
How…intriguing…
Please…tell me more.
Anybody know how to make cactii grow faster?
Oops. Misfire.
Anybody know how to make cactii grow faster?
Sandy, I’m assuming you’re talking about a potted cactus in the home. Try putting the pot someplace where it not only has lots of sunshine but some bottom heat like from a radiator. If it is in a windowsill, there is likely a radiator nearby. Raise the pot up on some kind of supports that will allow the heated air to rise up under the pot, and baffle the cold air dropping off the window by blocking the window-side of the pot with a tea towel wrapped in plastic wrap.
Mist the cactus occasionally with fine water spray, and water with compost tea.
Look here, pops. To answer your question, size isn’t everything, as you evidently know. And women do NOT talk about their…stuff.
Anybody know how to make cactii grow faster?
I was going to suggest moving to Arizona but I think lauraw’s plan might be more practical.
“Anybody know how to make cactii grow faster? ”
Flip it upside down and read it a James Webb novel.
Anybody know how to make cactii grow faster?
Sure thing Brother. Just tell your little pokey Hulkamaniac to Train Hard, say its prayers, take its vitamins, and Believe in itself.
“To answer your question, size isn’t everything…”
yeah – theres also money.
err… DIT? The “context” of said activity IS a bad thing. Trust me.
Wow. Thanks, LauraW. Yeah, as an apartment dweller, my cactii are sadly confined to pots. I have no garden to call my own.
I had a spiny grass desert plant when I lived in the desert, the reason myself and my roommate bought that plant? The one we wanted, we asked about and what did the good little Marine Corps wife who worked at the PX say to us “you don’t want that one!” “well, it’s a pleasent enough plant.” (it wasn’t a flowering plant or anything, it was just a pleasent batch of green) “You will kill it.” And she said that as though she was interviewing jefferey dahmer to be her teenage sons ride to college.
Not “are you prepared to care for this plant?” or “it’s a rather finicky plant to care for” no, none of that, just straight faced and stern, (this chick was like 5′4″, and I’m 6′2, my roommate was about 6′3″, big guys) and looked at us and said “you will kill it.” So we bought a grass plant, and named him phydeaux ( a stephen wright joke) we made everyone water him when they entered the room, and we made them say hello and good by (we were the cool kids)
My roommate and I were seperated, he ended up moving out to town, and I moved in with a fucking boot, so we had to give phydeaux to a carring parent, and we thought we did. What happened?
Phydeaux fucking died within months.
How does GRASS not get enough sun, in the FUCKING DESERT!
Oh I know sparkle, I was just going for the easy joke. I am familiar with the excerpts taken from Webb’s stories, and yes, that’s all creepy.
Good potting mix for cacti (better than store-bought mix)
2 parts masonry sand
1 part sifted compost
1 part ordinary potting soil (moistened well with hot water)
add one teaspoon of bone meal per quart
a tablespoon of activated charcoal pellets is helpful, but not necessary
Mix thoroughly.
Pot up in clay pots that have been soaked in warm water an hour or so.
Allow to dry well between waterings.
When you do water, use very warm tap water.
With this mix you won’t need to supplemental feed with compost tea.
Here comes a cactus beat-down again. I wish LauraW didn’t know how to grow them so large. But I’m guessing that Sandy Burger’s growing his for some monkish self-flagellation reason. He’s mortifying.
You know what, that looks like too much sand to me.
Let me play with my toys over the weekend, I’ll find the recipe and verify.
I only fight with storebought cacti. If I hit you with one of my homegrown, your head would fly clean off.
I like grasses, maybe cuz I’m a stoic like male, I don’t know.
But Bella (whatever) (phydeaux) was a pleasent plant.
I think my fried told me it meant “beautiful (duh) fingers” But I can’t remember precisely, I just likes me my phydeaux.
My FAVORITE! literary representation of how to raise plants? is from “the nice and accurate prophecies of agnes nutter witch/Good Omens” when crowley would terrify his household plants.
But Sandy,
you shouldn’t really expect cacti to grow much in the Winter anyway. Most of them kind of rest then, especially the blooming ones. Its a good idea to not feed them for a couple months, and to water them much less in the Winter.
If they’re types that bloom in Winter, like Christmas cactus, let them have the cold draft from the window and become root-bound. It seems to help buds set.
And do not repot any succulent or cacti houseplants until Spring, when daylight lengthens and active growth resumes. They will be susceptible to shock and root-rot if they aren’t actively growing and able to spread roots into the new medium.
Cactus bloomers! Splitters!
LauraW Thread JACKED!!!
AWESOME!
well, threadjackedish.
I just wanna bash laura cuz she’s married.
Thats SO EFFED UP!
Yeah, she jacked it alright, but you didn’t hinder her jacking it did you Mr. Desert Thumb.
And you guys know I love you, so here’s my question. What in hell are you doing discussing how to grow cacti on this board on Friday night?
I’m having a little homemade red grape wine. DinT’s got me thinking I need to watch Life of Brian.
Always look on the bright side of life.
I would hang around and shoot the shit, but I’ll be damned if I’m gonna listen to lw wax botanical.
Speaking of waxing, that could be an interesting subject. And I’m not talking about autocare.
I’m gonna go masturbate with my window cactus.
I know the result, it will be Ford Fairlaneish, “interesting but mostly painful” but I’m gonna do it anyways, and then pass out absorbed in pain.
I’m out.
If I stick around I will become FURIOUS with John Cole. What a FLOGGING PUSSY!
Detroit’s down to its final three outs.
Cards seem to be celebrating a little early. Fat lady ain’t sung yet.
Dammit pinto, I was going to suggest we get drunk and see who can type the most outrageous shit. After your last post, you win before the drinking even began. Happy cactusbating.
When I was a kid, my mom’s car was a Ford Fairlane 500, in Ford Blue, which was kind of a deep navy with metallic speck. Somewhere I still have the little bottle of touch-up paint, which is still fluid with the wonderful solvents of the day, probably banned now.
That Fairlane turned a wild purple color at night, under the Hartford streetlamps.
Forest Lane.
Dallas.
That’s all I’m sayin.
I’m gonna go masturbate with my window cactus.
What? Are the two of you going to go and watch your copy of ‘Succulent Serority Succulents’?
Dude, it’s not possible. Just because your friend is covered in Pricks doesnt mean he actually has genitals.
Or do you mean your going to stick a cactus in your anus? A bit of the old New Mexican Tickler perhaps? Take a little trip Down Under and pay a visit Botany Gay, maybe?
Im really bored.
Do something.
Speaking of waxing, that could be an interesting subject. And I’m not talking about autocare.
Well, I recently had my third laser treatment. Geeze, I thought they were holding a lighter to my legs (and other areas), it hurt that bad.
Then the chick doing it said “Yeah, we up the dose every session”
Well thanks for the friggin’ warning!
*mumble, mumble, grumble, bitch*
I kept trying to think of POWs being tortured and how they withstood it.
It didn’t help much. I would fold in a minute and reveal all of your dirty secrets when the intertubes interrogators got busy.
Fair warning.
PS, then Torture Chick says “Well, there is skin numbing cream you can buy” Me: “Thanks for telling me that NOW!”
Flea problems?
oh. my. God.
I remember this now.
The Telly Savales treatment.
not listening. *la la la la la la la la LAAAAAA*
That there’s what we call the triple threadjack, new style.
she stuck the landing too
So are you done, Lipstick? Is Telly in the house?
This IS the mortification thread, after all.
NOT listening! LALALALALALALALALALA
*Line from Serenity*
I could hear a little more.
Holy crap, it’s 6:30.
I’m going back to bed.
Let me see if I can put a little more English on it.
My girlfriend and I are taking advantage of the horrible weather today by getting to gether to make a paella.
Anybody got a recipe? We’ve never cooked this before.
We’re thinking chicken, chorizo, and shrimp.
Have to get up to pee again Geez?
So Lipstick was getting weed whacked in her nethers with a laser? Kind of reminds me of that scene in Logan’s Run. Ouchie.
lw, cool memory.
Dave, what’s Forest Lane in Dallas? I’m to lazy to Google right now.
Morning all.
The north dallas hang out place in the 70s. All the guys would get in their cars, and all the girls would get in their cars, and we’d drive around waving at each other until it was time to go home.
Here you go lw. A five star rating system for paella recipes on the Food Network. Bon Apetittie.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/my_recipe_box/review/0,1973,FOOD_9919_22544,00.html
What tipped you off there, WP?
Thanks compos!
Try some linguica sausage in that dish. Don’t forget the mussels. Why can’t I get linguica around these parts?
Your locality must be deficient in Portuguese folk.
You should probably move. The area is clearly not fit for human habitation.
desculpe, nao faolo Portuguese
This was emailed to me:
Scottish Compassion
Bono, the lead signer of the band U2 is famous throughout the entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous.
He is playing a U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland when he asks the
audience for total quiet.
Then in the silence, he starts to slowly clap his hands, once every few seconds.
Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone, “Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies.”
A voice with a broad Scottish accent, from near the front of the crowd, pierces the silence…
“Well, fucking stop it then!”
LOL!
don’t clap
don’t clap
don’t clap so close to me
Needless to say, 20 was not me.
By the way, as long as we’re threadjacking, I think you’ve all missed the most important fallout from the Webb business, and that is that our new telescope must be renamed, or else everyone will think that it likes to turn the Hubble upside down and put its mirror in its mouth.
shut up I’m growing water lilies.
I’m planting seed on infertile soil. The best place for a man to plant his seed.
shut up I’m growing water lilies.
*files that away for the next Flame war*