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Girlfriend or Fling? September 14, 2007

Posted by Michael in Ducks, Sports.
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OK, check out these women:

Now, ask yourself, which of these women are girlfriend material, and which are just a quick screw. Can you tell?

Not me, but we have the expert opinion of a predatory male.  Starting on the left:

I like analyzing groups because the interplay between everyone helps me decide which girl would be open for a same night lay and which one would be worth toughing out a few dates with before sexing.

The far left girl is clearly a fling. Everything about her says “pain in the ass who bangs like a guy”. The holes in the jeans, large hoop ho-rings, and bright red nail polish are enough to tip me off. Throw in her solo shot drinking and it’s case closed. Maverick drinking is a red flag for sluttiness.

You can get the full analysis of the entire group here. Including the guy on the right. This was one of the top WordPress posts today.

Sheesh, I’m glad I’m married. I don’t think I could stand the singles scene.

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Comments»

1. Bart - September 14, 2007

They’re all whores.

The blonde in the forefront is very proud of herself for not “giving it up” so easy. But the harsh reality is that she’s a b-i-t-c-h who doesn’t get too many opportunities to not “give it up.” She would, though, in a heartbeat, for any man who kisses her ass and pretends he likes her in public. Sadly, no man (well, no man that she feels is worthy of her booty) is willing to put up with her shit.

The last chick on the far right in blue is girlfriend material. She has had several long-term relationships and will be married before she turns 28.

The girl in the middle in the awkward position wants to be girlfriend/wife material but no such luck. She’ dates often, but only dates the same guy for 2 or 3 dates. They stop calling because every guy who dates her realizes that they can do better. They probably get to 2nd or 3rd base on the second or third date. She’ll definitely put out on the 5th date. The problem is that she never goes on a 5th date.

Okay, the two on the left are openly promiscuous. They don’t want to settle down. They like being slutty and partying and they like men. They pretend to be outgoing and gregaroious, but in reality they have very low self-esteem and they know that men will never respect them. So they pretend they don’t care, or they accept their lot in life. I dunno.

2. Bart - September 14, 2007

Oh, and the blonde is really into Harry Potter.

I can just tell.

3. See-Dubya - September 14, 2007

That’s just a really depressing post, for a whole variety of reasons.

4. Michael - September 14, 2007

^ Read the comments there if you really want to get depressed.

5. harrison - September 14, 2007

The blonde in the front will boil your rabbit.

6. Michael - September 14, 2007

Blue dress would do your ammo reloads for you.

7. Michael - September 14, 2007

Red top will make your sammiches during the Michigan/Notre Dame game!

8. Wickedpinto - September 14, 2007

Let me tell the truth.

We are assuming that this picture was taken with previous notice.

The least dateable chicks are the two at center frame.

My guess is that this pick was taken by a guy who wanted to get into the easy.

Unattractive chicks FIGHT to be at the center so that they can hold your seed, until the condom is tossed.

The only actually attractive chick, who didn’t care about the fucking picture, is the chick at the left corner who just wanted to drink and have a good time for that night.

I would have chosen the one on the far left, and I wouldn’t waste my time with any of the four on the right.
The second from the left looks like a good kid, and the one on the far left seems honest, the rest, are posers, and nothings.

In a club, I would hit on the second from the left, and mean it, while the 4 on the right are wondering why I liked HER, and not THEM, then I would give the second from the left my number, treat her as a friend, and one of my good looking male friends, who liked her, would hook up, while I was fascinated by the chick on the far left.

9. Wickedpinto - September 14, 2007

Not racist, but racial, most of those chicks are JAP’s.

10. BrewFan - September 14, 2007

They look respectable to me and they certainly look happy. They’re probably the nicest people you’d ever want to meet. Whats wrong with you people?

11. Mrs. Peel - September 14, 2007

If it ain’t for sale, it shouldn’t be on display.

12. Michael - September 14, 2007

Black top with jeans has a great recipe for Paella.

13. Mrs. Michael - September 14, 2007

If I ever end up single again, widow or divorced, I’ll probably NEVER go to a bar, ’cause this sort of analysis is ruthless.

I’ll stick to grocery stores, museums, libraries, church, walks in the park with my crimefighter, and the like.

These gals ALL look kinda nice to me. I’d party with ‘em and have a fine time!

But the guy? I’d stay away from him. He’s a predatory METROSEXUAL jerk! Is that a red leather belt he is wearing to match his red striped polo? Yuck!

14. Wickedpinto - September 14, 2007

If I ever end up single again, widow or divorced

She led with widowed,

Mike? make julio your food taster.

15. Wickedpinto - September 14, 2007

Good lady michael?

Those broads are track runners looking for the block that they should circle.

Only the left two seem like real people.

Trust me, I been there.

16. TattooedIntellectual - September 14, 2007

“9. Wickedpinto – September 14, 2007

Not racist, but racial, most of those chicks are JAP’s.”

I’m still working on deciphering WP’s first post, but by this bit do you mean Japanese, or is there some bar/”dating” lingo I’m not up on (this is very believable b/c I avoid the bar scene like the plague).

17. Wickedpinto - September 14, 2007

Jewish American Princess’s.

18. TattooedIntellectual - September 14, 2007

Ahh, that I’d believe. Chickie in the middle in black looks like an elf w/ those ears–not a good pose for her.

19. Wickedpinto - September 14, 2007

all those broads have a beak. I myself have a rather prominant nose, so I don’t feel bad about pointing it out.

They are fucking tucan samsian in their protuberances.

20. Wickedpinto - September 14, 2007

chick in the middle looks like a fucking DROW, evil beaked bitch. I wouldn’t throw my seed at her, let alone put it in her.

Center pick looks evil, and smuggg. I would waiste my sweat on her, let alone my seed.

21. TattooedIntellectual - September 14, 2007

Well at least you make me giggle. But that’s part of the reason I avoid “dating bars”, that and the fact I have no desire to watch some chick get pissed off her ass and expect me to play designated nanny.

22. euphrosyne1115 - September 15, 2007

Testing…

23. euphrosyne1115 - September 15, 2007

Whoa, Bart! What would you do if you met a woman who actually liked sex, enjoyed men, AND wanted a relationship? Oh, wait – you’d never know.

I think someone should add “doesn’t call women they’ve never even met ‘whores’ or ‘sluts’” to the Man’s Man list. Because my Man’s Man doesn’t use those words at all, even for people who may deserve them, male or female. And he’s my hero.

Can we all pause for a moment and remember that all of these young people, including Annoyingly Coordinated Metrosexual Boy, are posing for a picture at a party full of other people posing at a party for everyone else posing… well, you get my point. Haven’t we all been there? A little sympathy, please!

24. euphrosyne1115 - September 15, 2007

BTW, Bart: The blonde in the forefront has a huge forehead and a little poochy tummy; she’s doing the classic “turn sideways, look up” pose (the “awkward position,” designed to make you look skinnier). She also probably hates her strongly-defined features, since lovely people have called her harsh and manly her whole life. Her breasts are also real, as opposed to…

…your only candidate for decency, the girl in blue, who has implants. I guess you figure that her “multiple long-term relationships” have been strictly platonic… she’s also hiding behind her hair, so insecurity about looks must be a turn-on, huh?

The one on the far left is spray-tanned and drunk; unthinkable at a party, I know. She may well be openly promiscuous. Damn her to hell.

The one in the black shirt next to her has a cheap haircut and poor taste in jeans. Obviously, another whore – that understated makeup and lack of flash is just one of her slutty tricks.

All these skanks are decently dressed, have no trashy jewelry or heavy make-up, have simple hairstyles, are not making out with each other to attract attention, and look like they might really be a group of friends. Shameful.

I absolutely adore the Michaels, Knight and Lady, and BrewFan – but BrewFan already knows that if we were both single, I’d be on him like stink on a skunk. I’d even pretend his granddaughter is cuter than my little lamb.

That’s the bonus for being a Man’s Man – chicks like ya AND want to do ya.

25. HerrMorgenholz - September 15, 2007

Easiest lay: Red Belt Boy

Easiest lay that’s female: Eagle-face. Self esteem of corrugated cardboard, and she just wants someone to love her. NOW DAMMIT! Fake name absolutely mandatory. And don’t ever go to a club within 50 miles of there again.

Best fuck-buddy: Red shirt without question. Fun, good in bed, most likely not to have any strings attached or emotional hang-ups. She knows who she is and doesn’t give a rat’s ass what anyone else thinks.

GF material: Either second from left or blue dress. Flip a coin. Both make kickass sammiches. Second from left more likely to understand the nickel defense.

26. Mrs. Peel - September 15, 2007

all of these young people…are posing for a picture at a party full of other people posing at a party for everyone else posing… well, you get my point. Haven’t we all been there?

Actually, no, I haven’t. Despite my youth and non-marriedness, I don’t really do the party scene, largely because being in a dark, crowded room full of drunk people “dancing” to some horrid cacophany played at eardrum-bursting levels is about as far as you can get from my idea of fun.

27. toni - September 15, 2007

You can always tell where the ‘boys’ are with the tiny ding dongs, they are the ones ‘thinking and yaking’ about putting down what they ‘can’t have’ or possibly get. The actual whores are the guys doing the ‘yaking’. Sooo BBooorriinngg. Any psych 101 student can tell you that. Girls the next time you here this gargage think 2″ and pencil thin…. :) Better things to do. Any of these guys have brains. Think not….t

28. Retired Geezer - September 15, 2007

…is about as far as you can get from my idea of fun.

You forgot Renaissance Faires.

29. euphrosyne1115 - September 15, 2007

Obviously, Mrs. Peel reached a far higher level of taste and discernment at a much earlier age than I probably ever will.

And RG, no RenFaire? No “garb?” No brain-bursting fake accents and forced merrymaking?

30. tsos20 - September 15, 2007

What does this have to do with Sports?
The Sultan on Sports

http://www.tsos20.wordpress.com

31. Mr Minority - September 15, 2007

2nd from the left, in the black top & jeans is probably the only girlfriend material out of the bunch. She is just along for the ride because her friends forced her into it and is not a serious partier.

I one in the front in a black dress is a gold-digger and only want a rich guy to spend money on her. She wouldn’t put out unless there was a diamond involved.

Keep away from the girl in the red top and a drink in her hand, she has serious issues, likes men to rough her up, and will probably end up as a dominatrix in some second rate bordello.

I partied hardy when I was a lot younger and met many of chicks that way, but to find a woman that you want a lasting relationship with, bars are not the place.

I actually met Mrs. Minority at work and it was a slow courtship. No regrets.

32. Retired Geezer - September 15, 2007

And RG, no RenFaire? No “garb?” No brain-bursting fake accents and forced merrymaking?

That was in reference to something Mrs. Peel said a year ago about how much she hated RenFaires.

I concur.

Brain-bursting fake accents – lol.

I haven’t seen as much forced merrymaking since the next Aceapalooza IBSB.

33. Bart - September 15, 2007

The ho in the blue is has A-B cup boobs. (.)(.) <– boobs

She’s wearing a push-up bra. She does not have breast implants.

34. Bart - September 15, 2007

Oh, and the last two on the left like to kiss each other in bars because they’re both attention whores. And they both yell, “WOOOOH,” a lot while they’re drinking and partying.

35. BrewFan - September 15, 2007

but BrewFan already knows that if we were both single, I’d be on him like stink on a skunk.

*puffs out scrawny chest* Affair d’amour? Affair d’coeur? Je ne sais quoi … je vis en espoir. (Sniffs) Mmmm m mm … un smella voo feenay*

*h/t to Pepé Le Pew

36. euphrosyne1115 - September 15, 2007

33:

Bart, they’re fake. They’re at least C-cups. I don’t like to destroy anyone’s dream, but dude. I have an intimate understanding of how various undergarments operate on the female form. Heck, I actually have a degree in it. For real.

37. Michael - September 15, 2007

I have an intimate understanding of how various undergarments operate on the female form. Heck, I actually have a degree in it. For real.

That would explain why your handle is a Greek goddess with nekkid hooters.

38. Paul Baylay - September 15, 2007

Its not a question of real or fake.. its a question of availability..

39. surferdude123 - September 15, 2007

nice analysis everyone, but question.

How are you able to make any of these kind of judgements based on the appearance of these girls without at least a first conversation?

very presumptious.

40. surferdude123 - September 15, 2007

oh p.s

I’d never meet a girl in this situation, you don’t meet dating material or the love of your life in a bar. haha.

sheesh.

41. geoff - September 15, 2007

How are you able to make any of these kind of judgements based on the appearance of these girls without at least a first conversation?

Ignorant fool. Obviously we’ve mastered the art of making exactly those kinds of judgments. The kind of judgmental capability that tells us immediately upon looking at your avatar that the right hemisphere of your brain is missing.

Anyway, if conversation were necessary, we would have mastered that art as well, which we haven’t, so QED.

42. Michael - September 15, 2007

How are you able to make any of these kind of judgements based on the appearance of these girls without at least a first conversation?

very presumptious.

Well, I opined that black top with jeans has an excellent Paella recipe. That’s not presumptuous. If you look closely, you can see a Paella stain on her jeans.

Here’s a little tip, Surferdude123 — you should learn how to spell “presumptuous” before you presume to accuse other people of that attribute.

43. euphrosyne1115 - September 15, 2007

Hey, I don’t need no young whippersnapper jumpin’ my feminazi, bleedin’-heart, gay agenda train, Keanu. I’m doin’ the sensitivity beatdowns round these parts, young ‘un – and until you git yourself a whip, a pair of them nipple clamps, and a set of double D’s for motivatin’, you jist leave it to the experts. Them with dictionaries.

*lowers hat over eyes*

44. Michael - September 15, 2007

I’m doin’ the sensitivity beatdowns round these parts, young ‘un

Jeez, that cracked me up!!!

You’re perfect for sensitivity beatdowns at IB. I figure, your nekkid hooter thing gives you credibility around here.

45. geoff - September 15, 2007

you should learn how to spell “presumptuous” before you presume to accuse other people of that attribute.

…and “judgment.”

46. Retired Geezer - September 16, 2007

…git yourself a whip, a pair of them nipple clamps, and a set of double D’s.

I may have exuded a Tear of Seminal Longing just now.

47. Michael - September 16, 2007

…and “judgment.”

Actually, Geoff, he was using the King James Bible spelling of “judgement,” so I gave him a pass for that.

48. Retired Geezer - September 16, 2007

Old guy goes to the doctor.
“Doc, i’ve had this drip for a day now”.

Doc says “You been with a woman recently?”

“Yeah, just last week”.

“Well you better get back there, you’re coming!”

Thank you thank you.

49. geoff - September 16, 2007

Actually, Geoff, he was using the King James Bible spelling of “judgement,” so I gave him a pass for that.

… a literalist, eh?

50. truthgiver - September 16, 2007

Now, I’m going to say that, for the most part, the first commenter, Bart, is fairly accurate in his assessment except for one vital misjudgement. The girl on the far right in blue. As far as my experience, which is admittadly limited, allows me to speculate, she is most certainly not one for long term relationships.

If we are to take a look at her, we can clearly see that she too wears ‘large hoop ho-rings’, and considering she is fairly attractive, I’m going to go with her being somewhat shy, somewhat quiet, but certainly willing to have a good one-nighter. She’s nearest to the only male, she’s wearing a low cut dress, she has lip-gloss on, and as far as I can tell, she simply looks like she’s wanting a bit of fun.

And that’s the truth.

51. Bart - September 16, 2007

Do you think her ankles will fit through those hoops?

52. truthgiver - September 16, 2007

With the right lube and some motivation anythings possible.

53. navcity - September 16, 2007

I dont know about the gals in the snap but reading her comment, Mrs Peel is definately relationship material!

54. cilvecs - September 16, 2007
55. Jess - September 16, 2007

This post is enough to turn me lesbian. Those girls are just out trying to have a good time. It is so low to judge them like this and it’s so backwards and sexist to call women sluts or say they don’t respect themselves just because she likes one night stands and what if she does have low self esteem? It would be pretty downright wrong to take advantage of a girl like that.

Bart, i’m sorry your mother didn’t love you or whatever it was that caused you to become like this but someone who is so disrespectful to women dosen’t deserve to get near a women let alone have a girlfriend.

56. Jess - September 16, 2007

I’m with surferdude about not finding a partner in a bar. Everybody likes to go out and party but people are a bit crazy when they are out drinking and it’s not the best place to get know someone for who they are.

57. Alice - September 16, 2007

Mrs Peel belong with Bart. Girls can dress however they like. It’s not ur position to judge and do you really need to talk about these girls as though they are farm animals ‘out for sale’?

58. navcity - September 16, 2007

Women sometimes want to be womanised because it makes them feel more feminine. In fact the worse you treat them the more they’ll come back because they figure they’ll be able to change you….its female instinct to try to change a man, and its male instinct to resist change because of their pride…its only flesh and bone so let people have their fun. However I prefer mine sober because the sex is better.

59. BrewFan - September 16, 2007

I’m with Jess. You people put the ‘mental’ in judgemental.

p.s. I think I’m a lesbian, too

60. Mrs. Peel - September 16, 2007

Alice, the comparison was with prostitutes, not farm animals. I grew up in a very unpleasant neighborhood, so I know full well how bottom-dollar hookers dress when they are standing on the street corner cruising for tricks. It’s pretty similar to how girls are dressing nowadays.

I’m not saying those girls are sluts. What I was saying, though I didn’t elaborate, was that when you are dressed such that you would fit in perfectly on the aforementioned street corner, then people are going to make assumptions about you. It’s unfair, certainly, but that’s the way it is, O. Henry stories notwithstanding. If you don’t want people making those assumptions, then cover that shit up.

61. daveintexas - September 16, 2007

my head hurts

62. BrewFan - September 16, 2007

my head hurts

1. Alka Seltzer
2. Bloody Mary
3. Two hour nap
4. Good as new.

63. BrewFan - September 16, 2007

If you get stuck on 2 you may want to consider rehab.

64. Mrs. Michael - September 16, 2007

Dave’s head hurts = Dave had fun!!! last night.

65. pajama momma - September 16, 2007

They’re all sluts and need to be taken out back and given the high hard one!

66. geoff - September 16, 2007

…or say they don’t respect themselves just because she likes one night stands and what if she does have low self esteem?

I got derailed in there somewhere.

67. geoff - September 16, 2007

my head hurts

I’m anxiously awaiting a detailed report – by email if discretion is necessary.

68. Top Posts « WordPress.com - September 16, 2007

[...] Girlfriend or Fling? OK, check out these women: [image] Now, ask yourself, which of these women are girlfriend material, and which are just […] [...]

69. lauraw - September 16, 2007

How are you able to make any of these kind of judgements based on the appearance of these girls without at least a first conversation?

We can’t, but the headline of this post explicitly asks us to try, doesn’t it?

Yeah, they just look like kids wearing what kids wear at Summer parties these days. I want them to cover up, too, but I’m older.

If that’s the style these days, then that’s the style. *shrug*

70. pajama momma - September 16, 2007

you know Lauraw I’m retarded. I don’t have crocus. I have crotons. dur

71. geoff - September 16, 2007

If that’s the style these days, then that’s the style. *shrug*

Sure, if you’re OK with the decline of Western civilization, the corruption of youth, and the degradation of morality and spirituality.

Not to mention the proliferation of annoying ring tones.

72. daveintexas - September 16, 2007

well, I’m better now. a little ibuprofin, a peck on the cheek from Slublog, and I’m as right as rain.

Long story short, we all had a blast. I met ace and spongeworthy (who are both still asleep I’m quite sure) on Friday night, ran around the Commons yesterday with Slubs, then a lovely dinner with lauraw and her hubby, sponge, Slub and ace.. then the gig.

As far as I know there were no serious injuries or felonies committed. But I didn’t stay up as late as some.

Afterwards a few of us decided to find another bar and piss them off too, and we did, and it was awesome.

Met a lot of commenters, very nice people, all of them. Looking forward to the IBSB gig, it will be nice to meet more people that I like a lot.

And to give Michael a big hug. In a manly way.

73. Retired Geezer - September 16, 2007

I don’t have crocus. I have crotons.

One of my clients gave Mrs. Geezer some Cana bulbs, they are looking great.

74. daveintexas - September 16, 2007

RG, ace showed me the card and the pass you sent him, no wait, to laura, she brought them to dinner and passed them around, the things from Mr. Paul Anka.

awesome dude. awesome. ace was wearing the pass last night, clipped to his pocket.

75. Retired Geezer - September 16, 2007

Looking forward to the IBSB gig, it will be nice to meet more people that I like a lot.

Yeah me too but I’m mostly looking forward to trying out Michael’s fancy Electric Toothbrush.

76. Retired Geezer - September 16, 2007

…the things from Mr. Paul Anka.

Yeah, I knew I had a Backstage Pass from when I was on the road with Mr. PA. Took me a while to find it but I’m glad everybody got a kick out of it.

Let me know if anybody needs an ‘All Access Laminate’ for Monsters Inc. on Ice or Velvet Revolver.

77. Michael - September 16, 2007

And to give Michael a big hug. In a manly way.

Um, Dave, at the IBSBP, Pupster has agreed to serve as the Official IB Manly Hug Recipient™.

78. Michael - September 16, 2007

One of my clients gave Mrs. Geezer some Cana bulbs, they are looking great.

RG, when livestock dies in your flower garden, it is considered good manners to dispose of the carcass.

Sheesh.

79. daveintexas - September 16, 2007

oh c’mon big guy.

You know you want to hug me.

Besides, Mrs. Michael promised squishy hugs too, and no way I’m passing up that action.

80. lauraw - September 16, 2007

When I met DinT for the first time last night I tried to shake his hand but he batted it aside and gave me the Chaste Shoulder Hug instead. And again when I left.

He’s a good hugger. I’ll vouch for him, even though I didn’t get any bear hug action (not advisable with Mr. W around, anyway).

81. Michael - September 16, 2007

Dang, already the chicks like Dave better, and now he turns out to be a good hugger. That’s just not fair.

82. Bart - September 16, 2007

This post is enough to turn me lesbian.

Me too.
But let’s be honest, your options are narrowwing, aren’t they?

Bart, i’m sorry your mother didn’t love you or whatever it was that caused you to become like this but someone who is so disrespectful to women dosen’t deserve to get near a women let alone have a girlfriend.

You know me so well.
*sob*

…it’s not the best place to get know someone for who they are.

No, but from a comment on an internet blog, you know everything about a person.

Mrs Peel belong with Bart.

Two peas in a pod. We’re like bookends.

83. daveintexas - September 16, 2007

Hey, I wanted a hug but I didn’t want to get laid out by Mr. W.

He’s a right fine fella, and we had a nice dinner and a good visit. A good time was had by all.

84. BrewFan - September 16, 2007

S. Weasel’s gender seems to be the big revelation of the evening.

So far.

85. Retired Geezer - September 16, 2007

Did you guys wear nametags?

Did anybody show up from the other side?

86. lauraw - September 16, 2007

Ace was the only one who wore a tag, and I think you know what it said, Geez.

I went over to that pathetic lefty website, and yes, they have a post up about us. Apparently they bothered to show. Do they have a life? Sadly, no. Thankfully, they didn’t post any pics of their own.

But they stole one off of AOSHQ of Dave and Slublog.

If they hotlinked it, the person who posted the pic could have some fun fucking with them. I’m going to email Ace and see if he can tell.

87. Bart - September 16, 2007

I almost wore a tiara.

But it didn’t really go with what I was wearing.

88. lauraw - September 16, 2007

I’m too retarded to live. Obviously it’s not a hotlink. Urk.
me not smot

89. geoff - September 16, 2007

Further evidence that in addition to second-rate, partisan analysis, Sadly No has no class.

90. daveintexas - September 16, 2007

Bart looked good last night.

I’m just sayin.

91. Bart - September 16, 2007

Did my eyebrows look, you know, too trimmed?

92. daveintexas - September 16, 2007

no, not too much. just right I’d say.

I had a crazy one on the right eye, didn’t I? I meant to deal with that but I was focused on the nostrils.

93. Bart - September 16, 2007

No, yours looked good.

And your mustache was symmetric, too.

94. Michael - September 16, 2007

Bart looked good last night.

No, yours looked good. And your mustache was symmetric, too.

*Michael rummages through desk for a barf bag*

I nominate the foregoing exchange for inclusion in the IB Commenters Hall of Fame™, to be recognized as the Most Embarrassing Comments Ever.

95. lauraw - September 16, 2007

No, Michael.

Met Dave, didn’t get to meet Bart, but saw the picture. They’re a handsome pair of roosters, you betcha.

And the lighting in the place was doing none of us any favors, so you can take that to the bank.

96. daveintexas - September 16, 2007

hey, I’m just sayin, the dude is cut. I’d fear no man with him at my back unless he was making “I don’t know him from Adam” faces, in which case I would have overcommitted and I’d get my ass kicked.

97. lauraw - September 16, 2007

You’ve honored that other blog with your presence. Pearls before swine.

Sorry I mentioned them at all.

98. Russ from Winterset - September 16, 2007

Can I tell which one of these women is girlfriend material & which one is only suitable for a dirty, dirty fling by looking at one photograph? No. What do you think I am, a psychic?

Besides, they’re all lesbians anyway, so it doesn’t matter.

99. daveintexas - September 16, 2007

you’re right, I’m done poking that thread.

I was feeling cranky

100. jilsrun - September 16, 2007

Supposing I asked you delve deep in your mind
I wonder what hidden secrets you’d find.
Mine I am bringing forth into light
To me it’s not supposing for only truths I do write.

This is one more message from the teeming unknown.
To point out to earth’s people what their history has shown.
That one great imbalance which has helped maim your earth
That the males gave their females no true lasting worth.

Males kept destroying their two sources of life
On their earth and their females they put a great blight.
Please let your minds range all over your world
Note how the males keep destroying young girls.

This is the start of earths great army of tarts
‘twas men who taught them the prostitutes arts.
‘twas the males who twisted earths patterned life out of shape
And condemned countless children to a miserable fate.

With the name bastard they were labeled during all history’s time
Many of these unprotected children had, within them, great minds.
But they had to live in poverty, in a state of disgrace
With a few exceptions, no good lives could they make.

Their mothers were regarded as street walkers and whores
When only one man they had loved and perhaps did still adore.
Even their own fathers were lecherous, you know
And spoiled their children’s future, destroying their goals.

Isolated cases could be excused
But the male attitude towards women does, in general, them abuse.
History has a way of turning its cheek
Making the strong become the weak.

History can, unfortunately repeat its self
Don’t hide this fact on your memory shelf.
Your females are already showing signs of change
And they, by their male counterparts, have been well trained.

The males greed’s and lusts will his own nemesis be
This, my friends, is a prophecy.

101. Michael - September 16, 2007

Supposing I asked you delve deep in your mind
I wonder what hidden secrets you’d find.
Mine I am bringing forth into light
To me it’s not supposing for only truths I do write.

Well now. My hidden secrets are that I was traumatized as an adolescent by playing in the clarinet section of a Boy Scout Marching Band (not to mention the early death of my mother). I believe all of that has previously been “brought forth into the light,” right here at Innocent Bystanders.

The males greed’s and lusts will his own nemesis be

Jeebers, you’re right. I’m 55 and I fantasize that I’m Batman.

102. daveintexas - September 16, 2007

crap.. I’m overwired and can’t go to sleep now.

It really was a nice visit. These people were all as nice as you’d imagine, I had the best time.

I look forward to February when the Cowboys beat whoever in the Superbowl. And seeing the nice guest towels in the bathroom (but not touching them). And the squishy hugs. I hope I don’t do anything in the interim to mess that gig up!

103. lauraw - September 16, 2007

You don’t suppose that women have any hand in their society or their fate, do you?

Nahhhh
VICTIMS ALL.

*sobbing*
My daddy made me a whiny, self righteous jerk!

Oh wait no, that wasn’t me.

That was you.

104. Bart - September 16, 2007

Dave, are you circulating our pic?

What other pics you got?

105. Michael - September 16, 2007

Note how the males keep destroying young girls.

This is the start of earths great army of tarts
‘twas men who taught them the prostitutes arts.

I actually agree with that, BTW. Years ago I was on the board of a charitable foundation in St. Louis, and was the Chairman of the Grants Committee. One of the grant applicants was a Catholic charity that worked with prostitutes. I talked with some of the staff and volunteers, including in particular a Lutheran pastor who volunteered his services as a counselor (he was professionally qualified).

Long story short — I was totally shocked to learn that most prostitutes were the victims of childhood sexual abuse, and such abuse was far more common than I had imagined. Usually, by the way, the abuser is a member or close friend of the family.

I’ve since happened across articles that confirm the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse amongst prostitutes, so I don’t think the pastor was just scamming me for a grant. Interestingly, he confided in me that, as a result of his volunteer work with this agency, his wife finally told him her own story of being raped as a girl.

There’s a lot of sick stuff out there.

106. Retired Geezer - September 16, 2007

But the male attitude towards women does, in general, them abuse.

Heck, that’s easy to figure out… It’s a poem about Muslim men.

107. Michael - September 16, 2007

Further to #105 — Notwithstanding that this charity for prostitutes was Catholic and was run by a nun, and my foundation was Lutheran, and Catholics used to burn us at the stake so we’re still a little pissed — I got that grant approved. Maybe I somewhat exaggerated the involvement of the Lutheran pastor. Maybe.

The nun who was actually in charge was a plump and very charming lady with a heart of gold. You couldn’t help but like her. I could kind of see that if you wanted to cry on someone’s shoulder, she would be a great choice.

So, now you know my dirty little secret. I’m a Lutheran, and I sent some serious Lutheran bucks to the Catholics. I know, I should be ashamed, but I’m not.

108. jilsrun - September 16, 2007

It’s a message to the human race and for those who need to become more humane.
Blessings and good night.

109. Bart - September 16, 2007

The human race is destroying the rest of the planet, jilsrun.

110. daveintexas - September 16, 2007

Bart, no. I sent it to lauraw but I should have asked you for permission, sorry. She’s the only one that’s seen it besides me.

Apologies for that. I was just thinking she wanted to meet you so badly I got stupid.

111. jilsrun - September 16, 2007

Yes. You are correct. Thank you. Lets save it. Lets raise our vibration so that the collective will do the same, and maybe, we wont blow ourselves out of orbit.

112. Bart - September 16, 2007

That’s okay, D.

For a second there, I thought you posted it on your blog.

I hate how I look in photos. My soft delicate features somehow transform into assymetric angles and unsightly shadows.

113. Bart - September 16, 2007

Amen, jilsrun. Amen.

Let’s save the planet.

Together, we can do it.

Si, se puede!
(Yes, we can!)

114. daveintexas - September 17, 2007

sorry about that Bart.

email me if you want to see it. gooberintexas -at- gmail -dot- com

115. geoff - September 17, 2007

I didn’t realize that a majority of American women had become prostitutes. Or even a significant percentage. Or even a percent. Still, if jilsrun says that that’s the major factor in the decline of the world, then I guess it’s so.

116. daveintexas - September 17, 2007

A majority?

I would think the action would be a little more, I dunno… active!

117. geoff - September 17, 2007

And I guess I misspoke when I said “had become” when I should have said “had been forced by men to become.” My apologies for trying to shirk the blame and for being a tad distracted by a few of the other, more positive, things men have done. It’s a wonder they had the time for it, what with all the women needing to be forced into sexual slavery.

Busy, busy, busy.

118. Bart - September 17, 2007

Step 1 to a better world: Give the Palestinians nukes. That way, it will create a “mutual destruction” stalemate between Israel, the Palestinians, and the rest of the Middle East, thus creating peace throughout the region.

Are you with me on this, jilsrun? If so, I got more ideas which you might like.

119. Mrs. Michael - September 17, 2007

Jilsrun – THANKS.
Your poetry and comments reminded me about a female friend in professional ministry. For many years she worked with prostitutes in Bangkok helping to safely rescue them out of white slavery. The most pathetic thing about that was that at a very young age their parents (from the very poor regions in the north) sold their own daughters into white slavery for money for a period of years. And even when those years were up, their “pimps” would try to keep them in it by buying their parents off again. Sheesh! The young women actually were given no say in the matter.

My friend’s focus was not only to help the young women develop skills to have ways to earn some sort of living by sewing, a craft, or secretarial, etc., but also to spend time with the young woman’s parents in the northern tribes to help them to understand that these alternatives to prostitution were the right thing for them to do. Gently teaching these very poor people that what they were doing to their daughters was wrong was not an easy task. Considering the very high percentage of Bangkok prostitutes who were contracting AIDS of course made matters not only worse — but deadly for many of these sweet young women — who started out innocent and were merely being obedient and honoring their parents wishes.

We have power to change people’s lives and circumstances — but it takes guts and tenacity to stand with them. Again — thanks.

120. Bart - September 17, 2007

Step 2 to a better world: No more bras. They are oppressive to women. More importantly, they are quite literally repressive to breasts. jils, if we can rid all societies of all forms of oppression and repression, the world would be a better place.

121. daveintexas - September 17, 2007

it sucks to be tired when you can’t go to sleep.

and I believe I’m already on the record with bras.

122. geoff - September 17, 2007

it sucks to be tired when you can’t go to sleep.

You could be emailing me all the photos from the event. Yes you could.

123. Mrs. Michael - September 17, 2007

Dave –try warm milk with honey in it. Honey has a natural sedative. Then go to sleep and hug a swishy pillow, thinking about how much you love all your IB friends.

Geoff — what are you doing up? Don’t you need your beauty rest for all that post-graduate work you are into?

Bart — I’m keeping my bra, buddy! It’s my friend.
Good night.

124. geoff - September 17, 2007

I’m studying. Sort of. Actually I studied all weekend, and now I’ve actually got to sit down and do a problem set, but my motivation has left me. But I’m sure a few pics from Aceapalooza would get me fired up again.

125. Mrs. Michael - September 17, 2007

I’m jealous. I wanna see pics too!

126. Michael - September 17, 2007

Bart, no. I sent it to lauraw but I should have asked you for permission, sorry. She’s the only one that’s seen it besides me.

Dang! Now I’m jealous as well. Why does Laura get to see pics of the Hairless One, and not me?

127. Wickedpinto - September 17, 2007

Getting rid of bra’s is blasphemy, it maintains the tomatoes through harsher periods allowing them more time to grow and ripen, without damage to the texture.

Remove the bra’s, and you end up with 30 year olds, packing B+ cups, who can use their extended nipples to pick their toes.

(was that wrong? ITS SUPPOSED TO BE!)

128. Wickedpinto - September 17, 2007

As for judgement, this is a large group of females, I would only mark 3 of them as “young” as in 23-27, the rest are older, with a young man, who is posing, crotch forwards, expressing dominance.

Since the two most distasteful people in the pick are at the center, and at that far right, (only cuz he’s male) I automaticaly favored the left.

The reason being that whoever is furthest left can perform the friendly duties of posing for a picture, while being furthest away from the most distasteful elements, that is why I eliminated the broad in the blue shirt.

I do not believe that red shirt on the left is girlfriend material, I think I made that clear, but I think blackshirt on the left, has a basic demeanor that means she COULD be, but not for me, so I would treat her decent, and if she was nice, I would pass her off to someone who might wanna date her, mean while, me and the lush on the left, would find an empty space behind a trash bin and have dirty sex.

I don’t know if they are sluts, but they are in a pack mentality in this pick, whenever you have more than 3 women together, they never move outside of their friends field of fire, meanwhile men, must be all special ops and solo in for action.

This is a WAY to large group of women to be reasonably friendly or respectful to eachother, so it is a bunch of cock blockers (even for the gay guy on the right who doesn’t realize he doesn’t stand a chance) If any interesting man from the outside might approach.

The only one I think who would break from the norm is the one on the left, because of her apparent disgust for the picture, and the posers, cuz she would rather drink and have fun, than feed some ego trip held by beaky mcbeaklittletiterteetherston in the front and center of the picture, so like the weak calf, I could likely cull her from the herd, with her likely approval.

It isn’t just “how they look” it’s also “how they present.”

and I would wager my judgements (it’s used even more recently than king james, I believe you will find that spelling in legal cases lawyer) are accurate, and I don’t give much a damn about my spelling.

129. lauraw - September 17, 2007

None of those girls would have sex with you Pinto. No way.

130. Dave in Texas - September 17, 2007

Well at this point I need Bart’s permission y’all. I broke the rule once, I shouldn’t again.

But I will tell you he is a handsome lad.

131. Retired Geezer - September 17, 2007

Speaking of Boobs…
Here’s a really cute (probably NSFW) music video of some Skydiving Babies and a Babe in lingerie.
No nudity though.

132. Mrs. Michael - September 17, 2007

Where’s notice claiming No infant was harmed or abused during the filming of this video. ?

It’s a cute video, RG.

133. euphrosyne1115 - September 17, 2007

100:
Jilsrun,

I agree with you, in general terms. I’ve already chewed Bart a new one (though I suspect he may have been drunk-posting). A lot of the name-calling is keyboard courage and classic male posturing – you’d never hear them do this in front of their mothers or wives (or in Dave’s case, the evening’s hired help?). And yes, even so, it’s depressing and indicative of terrible problems and I light my bra in sympathy with you.

Next time, how about trying some heartfelt prose? Or free verse? An ABAB rhyme scheme develops a sing-song quality that detracts from the seriousness of your message – and it’s hard enough to get people to listen. Keep writing poetry, try some personal essays, stay passionate, and most of all, grab all the joy you can.

Courage, ma soeur.

134. geoff - September 17, 2007

Next time, how about trying some heartfelt prose?

…or maybe, next time, how about trying some perspective? Or a balanced viewpoint? Or avoiding gross and pejorative generalizations? Or not insulting an entire gender because you’re saddled with a myopic viewpoint?

135. Dave in Texas - September 17, 2007

what are you busting my chops for now euphr?

I don’t get it.

136. kevlarchick - September 17, 2007

Dave, it’s your fault. Clearly. Geoff’s too.

The poem said so. That pathetic, unoriginal screed that probably is in the liner notes of a Madonna album. Talk about posturing.

I will defend Bart’s honor, but only because I’ve heard that he’s extremely good looking, and therefore vulnerable.

137. daveintexas - September 17, 2007

I’m still recovering processing all my remembrances from the weekend, but I can tell you meeting Bart was really cool. He’s a very friendly guy, and fun to be around.

138. Retired Geezer - September 17, 2007

meeting Bart was really cool.

Yeah, but is he a good kisser?

139. Bart - September 17, 2007

There was no kissing.

But ace really did squeeze my bum.

I don’t know if I more put-off that he took the liberty of grabbing a handful of my butt, or that he grabbed the fleshy/squishy part instead of the hard/muscular part. I hope he doesn’t think that I negelct my glutes.

Dammit. I shoulda flexed.
:(

140. lauraw - September 17, 2007

It is important to Bart that Ace knows his butt is firmer than that.

Bart should have invited Ace to try again. Perhaps by placing Ace’s hand there with his hand.

141. daveintexas - September 17, 2007

You have a fleshy, squishy part of your butt?

Can’t be much to that.

142. Bart - September 17, 2007

It is important.

143. wiserbud - September 17, 2007

But were Dave’s hands smooth?

144. Retired Geezer - September 17, 2007

Perhaps by placing Ace’s hand there with his hand.

Or that foot-tapping thing. That usually works.

145. Bart - September 17, 2007

All the guys had soft hands.

146. ace - September 17, 2007

Bart,

I knew you didn’t flex because I gave you no warning. Trust me, I know in my heart that had you been prepared, I would have been holding a rock-hard slab of ossified butt-steak.

I really want to apologize for that; I thought it was a necessary joke, you know? Almost had to be done. Hope it didn’t actually bother you.

147. Bart - September 17, 2007

Well, I have to pretend it bothered me a little. Otherwise, the guys might get suspicious.

148. daveintexas - September 17, 2007

He got you too?

149. wiserbud - September 17, 2007

Wait, what kind of bar was this?

150. kevlarchick - September 17, 2007

I’d be jealous, but somehow I don’t think I’d be in the queue for an ass grab with that crowd.

151. wiserbud - September 17, 2007

The line starts right here, KC… ;)

152. Retired Geezer - September 17, 2007

I would have been holding a rock-hard slab of ossified butt-steak.

Dang, I just experienced another Tear of Seminal Longing.

Sure wish I could find *that* Mrs. Peel comment.

153. daveintexas - September 17, 2007

I don’t think I’d be in the queue for an ass grab with that crowd.

O RILY?

154. wiserbud - September 17, 2007

Hey look! Someone posted a picture from Acepalooza already!!

I can only assume that’s Ace sitting at the table, like he owns the place?

155. wiserbud - September 17, 2007

Looks like pictures from Acepalooza have already hit the net.

I assume that’s Ace sitting at the table, looking like he owns the place?

156. wiserbud - September 17, 2007

whoops, thought the first one got caught in the spam filter.

157. Michael - September 17, 2007

Sure wish I could find *that* Mrs. Peel comment.

Mr. Geezer, your faithful staff at Site Administration is glad to be of service.

Now aren’t you glad I go to the trouble of memorizing the location of every comment?

158. Retired Geezer - September 17, 2007

Don’t nobody start a Flame War when Michael is around.

159. wiserbud - September 17, 2007

**lowers head and kicks dirt.**

Yes, sir.

160. daveintexas - September 17, 2007

It will probably embarrass her, because she is so genuinely nice, but I’ll tell y’all that lauraw’s hunchback thing is total bullshit. She is a very lovely girl. One of my favorite things about the trip was meeting her and her husband, and getting to visit with them.

I don’t think she thought I was too annoying, but she is quite sweet and likely wouldn’t tell me.

161. lauraw - September 17, 2007

I feel bad I never got a chance to really relax and hang out for long. Only chatted for quick bits with a few people, and before I knew it, it was time to go. :(

162. daveintexas - September 17, 2007

Everybody knew you had a long drive home that night, and of course we all wanted you to get there safely. I feel pretty fortunate on the visiting thing cause of Friday night, and also the dinner we had before hand was a very nice setting with just a few of us.

It was great talking to Mr. W too, we had several chats. Nice fella.

163. ace - September 17, 2007

Laura W is a shy one.

AndrewR is a shy one too.

164. daveintexas - September 17, 2007

The only bummer that night for me was when we hit the second place after Lir, getting a call from my kid with the stranded car. Just got the call from the shop, needs a starter. Arg.

165. ace - September 17, 2007

oh and by “shy” I don’t mean “neocon bastards.”

I’m shy of course too, but then, I had a double dose of klonopin in me so I could deal.

166. daveintexas - September 17, 2007

You seemed quite at ease, I detected no shyness.

I’m actually somewhat shy but I use my gregariousness (?) to compensate for it. Or overcompensate, depending on how people react to it.

167. Michael - September 17, 2007

I’m actually somewhat shy but I use my gregariousness (?) to compensate

I’m shy too but I use bourbon to compensate.

At work, fortunately, I don’t have to compensate, because I’m paid to have a heart of stone, so that works for me.

I think we’ve had more comments from Ace on this thread than in the entire history of IB. The guy is getting all mushy on us. Makes me want to gag hug him.

168. daveintexas - September 17, 2007

we’re still Splitters.

except for me, I guess. I don’t know what I am. A moron.

169. euphrosyne1115 - September 18, 2007

135:

Well, you said you had fun and can’t remember much of it… who knows? There could have been double-jointed midgets and latex undergarments involved… I thought I was being kind of conservative.

170. euphrosyne1115 - September 18, 2007

134:

Small steps, Geoff. Small steps.

171. euphrosyne1115 - September 18, 2007

136:

Whoa, KC. Lay off the young’ un a little. You may direct any lingering varieties of the genus Apis currently lingering in your rectum directly at me… now how’s that for flowery? I’ll even do a noble, windblown Lord Byron posture for you to aim at.

172. euphrosyne1115 - September 18, 2007

lingering lingering lingering – it’s late here…

173. TattooedIntellectual - September 18, 2007

euphrosyne, not to start shit but I have a real problem w/ the idea that women aren’t responsible for what they become, and that it’s all some mans fault. To be honest, the women are the same as men re sex w/o commitment seems to have been born (at least in part) of the ERA movement and it’s associated shite.

Also, this shit gets said in bars pretty much directly to the object of discussion. That’s why I don’t go. WTH would I want to listen to some drunk dumbass’s opinion on anything.

174. Dave in Texas - September 18, 2007

As long as we’re clear here that you’re the victim euphr, I’m happy to be the oppressor.

175. Michael - September 18, 2007

Also, this shit gets said in bars pretty much directly to the object of discussion.

Michael: “Hi, I’m Michael. You look like skank material to me. Wanna do it?”

Skank: “Wow, you sure got my number! I’m all yours big boy.”

Happens all the time.

176. pajama momma - September 18, 2007

Was that you I was talking to last night? You never called.

177. lauraw - September 18, 2007

Ha ha ha haaa

Cute, PJ

178. TattooedIntellectual - September 18, 2007

Ok, Michael maybe not that blatant :P But the “assessments” are.

179. Michael - September 18, 2007

But the “assessments” are.

Indeed so, TI. Thus my original post, and the bulk of my comments on this thread, were devoted to mocking those “assessments.” I won’t go so far as to say they are a sure-fire indicator of small penis size, but they strike me as silly in the context of the casual snapshot of a group of friends that appears above.

Except for the guy with the red belt. He’s gay. :)

180. Mrs. Michael - September 18, 2007

Tatooed
I like your comments @ #173. It got me to thinking that I stopped going out with gal-friends awhile back. Even though we were out just for fun (not to get picked up since we are all married) that some of them were pretty damn cruel assessing the male-meat.

This always bothered me, but especially got my goat when I realized that I am sitting there with some gals that are pudgy, not great lookers themselves, and definitely no longer young.

Who are they kidding??? They’re lucky the husbands love ‘em and put up with ‘em.

181. Mrs. Michael - September 18, 2007

Yea — that red belt gave it away.

182. TattooedIntellectual - September 18, 2007

Yep, the assessments go both ways, and it can get ugly. One of the things I love about NZ/Aus are the pubs. Everybody goes out after work, has a couple of drinks, eats dinner and it’s not a meat market.

183. skinbad - September 18, 2007

I’ve avoided commenting so far, but I will say if I was betting, the girl in front is a thespian or singer/musician. The girl in blue isn’t alltogether comfortable handling female flesh–right arm appears to be straight down and left hand is touching bare shoulder but doesn’t really want to be. That doesn’t lose her any points with me. Red and white shirt guy is somewhat of an outsider (as someone said) or he would have thrown an arm around a shoulder or waist (whether he’s gay or not). And I have to admire Wickedpinto’s admiration/attraction to the one who can’t be bothered to slow down from pounding booze long enough to look at a camera for a second. Black shirt and blue shirt are cute. Hell, who am I kidding? Red and white shirt is the cutest.

184. Michael - September 18, 2007

I don’t think anyone has commented on the girl in the middle with the black pants. She’s working on a degree in optometry. You can spot those chicks a mile away. They always have to be different, and she’s not wearing blue jeans. Typical.

185. BrewFan - September 18, 2007

I don’t think anyone has commented on the girl in the middle with the black pants.

I was going to but I don’t like making fun of those with ‘special needs’.

186. geoff - September 18, 2007

I don’t think anyone has commented on the girl in the middle with the black pants.

I figured everybody was being nice to lauraw – y’know, not wanting to mention how the hump has twisted her frail frame and all.

187. lauraw - September 18, 2007

I was holding on hard, pulling up, and trying to stand upright among the normal people so as not to queer the pic too much.

You can’t see it, but my tiny misshapen legs were straining and quivering.

With my shrunken neck-tendons, that sideways look was the best I could do.
You guys are harsh on a freak.

188. daveintexas - September 18, 2007

those neck thingys are kinda lumpy on the left side.

I’d go with that for the portrait.

189. geoff - September 18, 2007

but my tiny misshapen legs were straining and quivering.

I am forced to repair to my bunk.

190. daveintexas - September 18, 2007

Repair to my bunk sounds like you’re fixing something … oh. ok. My bad.

191. Wickedpinto - September 19, 2007

She’s the drunk younger sister.


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