Happy Halloween! October 31, 2007Posted by Michael in Gardening.
Here’s how I’m greeting the trick-or-treaters in my neighborhood. (The Neighborhood Association doesn’t like me anyway, so what the heck.)
Thanks to Cathy for emailing me this pic.
Ghosts in Louisville October 31, 2007Posted by daveintexas in Crime, History, Law, Personal Experiences.
Oh my God.
I’m on THIS FLOOR.
It’s very cold in here.
Just a reminder . . . . October 31, 2007Posted by skinbad in Sex.
It’s Wednesday. Ohhh yeahhhhh.
Fisherman Nets Shark 200 km from Sea October 30, 2007Posted by Michael in News.
I had no idea they could get that far upriver. No idea at all.
NASSIRIYA, Iraq (Reuters) – A two-metre shark has been caught in a river in southern Iraq more than 200 km (160 miles) from the sea.
The shark was pulled from the mouth of an irrigation canal that joins the Euphrates River. The Euphrates joins the Tigris River further east to form the Shatt al-Arab waterway which flows south past Basra into the Gulf.
Dr. Mohamed Ajah, assistant dean of the college of science at Thi Qar University in Nassiriya, said barriers in river estuaries usually prevented sharks swimming upstream.
“In this case, I think this animal was there for a long time but no one had managed to see it,” he said.
However, there is no reason to worry. The next time you swim in a river, you will be completely safe because there is one, and only one, obvious way for that shark to get so far upstream.
Locals blamed the U.S. military for the shark’s presence.
Somehow, I wish that were true. It would be pretty frickin’ cool if the U.S. Navy actually had figured out how to use killer sharks.
Wait, wait, wait — at least the educated Iraqis can come up with a more moderate opinion.
Tahseen Ali, a teacher, said there was a “75 percent chance” Americans had put the shark in the water.
Doesn’t it occur to anyone that the shark could belong to Blackwater?
UPDATE BELOW THE BREAK — DARPA RECRUITING SHARKS AS SPIES
Thanks to Lauraw for the tip.
Montana: Full of Lunatics October 30, 2007Posted by Sobek in Law.
From a Montana statute, 75-5-103,
(23) “Person” means the state, a political subdivision of the state,
institution, firm, corporation, partnership, individual, or other entity and
includes persons resident in Canada.
Canadians are people now?
There’s no non-vulgar word to express how I’m feeling right now, so I’ll just say nothing.
Via Dorf on Law.
Dogs Suck. -lauraw October 29, 2007Posted by anycomments in AA - Uncategorized.
How many damn times….
OK. Let me set the scene.
Hubby let the dogs out for their evening constitutional. A short while later, we heard activity in the underbrush by the Magnolia tree. Lot of jumping around.
“Think he treed something,” he said, and whistled to retrieve the dogs.
Yankee, my boy, came bounding into the porch with a troubled look on his face. I noticed that his nose and mouth were dripping bubbles, and jumped up out of my seat and started off to the kitchen. Because I know the signs by now. He was suffering.
The smell hit before I reached the door.
The Boy been skunked. Again.
HOW MANY TIMES does a dog have to try to make best friends with a skunk before he gives up?
This makes number five for my Special Retarded Moron Imbecile Non-Savant StupidFuck Idiot Dummy Halfwit Simple Cretinous Feebleminded STUPID DOG.
And always at 10 pm. And always when it’s too cold outside for a bath.
WTF?? I can teach him a simple command and he retains it forever with perfect recall. But he doesn’t remember what led up to the most traumatic evenings of his life?
Friends, I have treated my idiot canine pal with two different commercial preparations tonight, and have not let him into the house yet.
Yet I am sitting here in my home before the computer, and I stink. All that I can smell is tire-fire skunk-nasty. It’s in my nose, it’s in my hair, it’s everywhere. Eyes are burning.
It is on me.
Why should I let him live?
John Edwards for President! October 29, 2007Posted by Sobek in Economics.
I have decided to officially throw my whole-hearted support behind John Edwards for President. The reason: College for Everyone.
“John Edwards says if he’s elected president, he’ll institute a New Deal-like suite of programs to fight poverty and stem growing wealth disparity. To do it, he said, he’ll ask many Americans to make sacrifices, like paying higher taxes.”
Boo-frickin’-yeah, baby. John Edwards is America’s new Walter Mondale. Of course, Edwards is probably a little too young to remember Walt, so here’s a handy infographic to show exactly why I think we all need to support Edwards as much as physically possible:
If John Edwards can produce the kind of unity that Walter Mondale inspired, then he is exactly what America needs during these polarizing times.
Business Time October 28, 2007Posted by Michael in Man Laws.
In a thread below, Sobek just called my attention to the Sixth Major Publishing Event In Human History. (You have to read the threads to get that joke.)
This video is hilarious. Or tragic. Maybe both.
Books and Comics and Movies and Expectations October 28, 2007Posted by Mrs. Peel in Crime, Heroes, Law, Literature, Philosophy, Women Ranting.
Ok, this post is mostly to push that awful picture down so I won’t have to look at it anymore.
Recently, I posted in some detail on a recent plot twist in Order of the Stick, one of my favorite webcomics. Long story short, the comic has always been light-hearted and unserious; but now it is taking a very serious turn (which I personally suspect is prompted by the artist facing his own mortality). And I’m not sure I’m going to keep reading.
It’s not that I object to comic strips killing off characters (look at the body counts in Sluggy and Schlock Mercenary), nor do I think that every comic must be ha-ha funny and never, ever serious. My objection is that this comic has never been serious from the beginning, and now I am having to read about the death of my favorite character. It’s like if you sat down and watched the first two seasons of Arrested Development, and then popped in a DVD of the third season to find that Michael had died. It’s a jarring change, and it’s just not what you signed up for when you started watching the show. If my favorite character doesn’t return, I’m going to feel betrayed, and probably won’t keep reading, even though the strip is still excellent.
I can imagine reacting the same way to similar sea changes in other media. So, my question is: How justified are those feelings?
Quitting Smoking Can Kill You October 28, 2007Posted by Retired Geezer in Gardening.
Lipstick, Michael, LauraW and the IB Puffers, Rejoice!
According to three doctors at the K.S. Hegde Medical Academy in Mangalore, India, writing in the journal Medical Hypotheses, giving up smoking can kill you. Arunachalam Kumar, Kasaragod Mallya, and Jairaj Kumar were “struck by the more than casual relationship between the appearance of lung cancer and an abrupt and recent cessation of the smoking habit in many, if not most, cases.”
Full Disclosure: Both my parents died of smoking-related Cancer.
In 182 of the 312 cases they had treated, an habitual smoker of at least a pack a day, for at least a quarter-century, had developed lung cancer shortly after he gave up smoking.
They reasonably surmised, that a biological mechanism protects smokers against cancer, which is strengthened by years of determined smoking. But when the smoker quits, “a surge and spurt in re-activation of bodily healing and repair mechanisms of chronic smoke-damaged respiratory epithelia is induced and spurred by an abrupt discontinuation of habit,” and “goes awry, triggering uncontrolled cell division and tumour genesis.”
Your actual mileage may vary.
The same general principle would apply: that a body long accustomed to a (frankly addictive) substance, goes haywire when the substance is removed. Verily, in the good old days, people instinctively understood things like that, without the need for medical research. And it was inconceivable that, for instance, hospitals would prevent patients from smoking, who were already medically challenged on other fronts.
More widely disseminated medical literature has documented other risks of non-smoking, that include neurotic depression, violent irritability, and obscene weight gain. But these tend to be discounted because they lead to death only indirectly.
But ladies, don’t forget that smoking add about 10 years to your apparent age.
In the past I have flagged U.N. statistics showing that life expectancy was nicely proportional to tobacco consumption, internationally — so that e.g. Japan and South Korea were respectively first and second in BOTH life expectancy AND tobacco consumption. Whereas, the lowest tobacco consumption was in “basketcase” Third World countries, where we also found some of the shortest life expectancies.
I think we could also find historical statistics showing that there is a reliable, worldwide relationship between rising tobacco consumption, and rising life expectancy, nation by nation, throughout the 19th and 20th centuries.
As Al Gore likes to say, “the science is irrefutable.”
I guess his lesson is: Don’t quit smoking.
I would add, Don’t start in the first place.
Hottest Chili Pepper Evah! October 27, 2007Posted by daveintexas in News.
I gotta get me some of these for the SuperBowl chili. Michael, do you have a fire extinguisher?
What to do if you’re attacked by monkeys October 26, 2007Posted by composmentis in Terrorist Hemorrhoids.
The deputy mayor of New Delhi, India, fell off his balcony and died Sunday after being attacked by monkeys, his family members say. The city has around 10,000 monkeys, some of which have taken to roaming government buildings as they steal food and rip apart documents.
Sounds like me when I’ve had too much junk food at the office carry-in.
What should you do if monkeys are picking on you? It’s like Mom said about muggers: Just give ‘em what they want.
Also known as “The Democrat Way.” Fuck that! Mom needs to grow a pair.
When monkeys get aggressive, it’s usually because they think you have something to eat. According to one study, about three-quarters of all the aggressive interactions between long-tailed macaques and tourists at Bali’s Padangtegal Monkey Forest involved food. If you are holding a snack, throw it in their direction, and they’ll stop bothering you.
Yeah monkey, I got somethin’ you can eat! *grabs crotch and starts gyrating* I have an idea. Why doesn’t the government hand out grenades painted to look like apples? After a few of these little bastards are reduced to nothing more than a grease spot on the sidewalk, they might think twice before taking food from strangers.
If you don’t have any food,
hold out your open palmsflip the monkeyfucks the double-bird to show you’re not carrying a tasty treat or back away from the monkeys without showing fearenter the nearest 7-Eleven, buy a Slurpee and a hot dog then procede to eat it right in front of the little assholes. To diffuse the situation, don’t make eye contact or smile with your teeth showing—in the nonhuman primate world, these are almost always signs of aggression.
They’re also signs of aggression when trying to pick up chicks in a bar.
What if you can’t or won’t appease the monkeys with food? You can try to chase them off by shaking a stick at them, but they might get violent if cornered. If they don’t budge, bop ‘em on the head.
Now we’re talkin’. Screw the stick though. Tee off on their furry little monkey noggins with a 34 oz. Louisville Slugger and knock them back into the primordial soup. Flatten their flea-bitten asses like you’re trying to ring the bell and win a prize for your girl at the county fair.
Primatologists will sometimes send a macaque warning signal called the open mouth threat. Basically, form an “O” with your mouth, lean toward them with your body and head, and raise your eyebrows.
WTF? I’m trying to scare the little shits off, not look like I’m about to shoot my load.
Female victims and Democrats might seek protection in a group of men, since monkeys are somewhat afraid of males. But whatever you do, don’t freak out; those who scream, wave their arms, and run away are only going to make the macaques even more aggressive.
Macaques is a funny word. It’s like part of a punchline . . . macaques on fire.
Despite all the monkey business, Delhi has refused to cull the macaques, which are sacred because of the Hindu reverence for Hanuman, the monkey god.
Just like in England, the fucking criminals have more rights than law abiding citizens.
Instead, the government has relocated some of the troublemakers and even brought in lanugrs, a mellower but larger monkey, to scare off the smaller macaques.
Yeah, because introducing new species in order to resolve issues with another one has always worked out well in the past.
Read the whole thing here.