Dogs Suck. -lauraw October 29, 2007
Posted by anycomments in AA - Uncategorized.trackback
How many damn times….
OK. Let me set the scene.
Hubby let the dogs out for their evening constitutional. A short while later, we heard activity in the underbrush by the Magnolia tree. Lot of jumping around.
“Think he treed something,” he said, and whistled to retrieve the dogs.
Yankee, my boy, came bounding into the porch with a troubled look on his face. I noticed that his nose and mouth were dripping bubbles, and jumped up out of my seat and started off to the kitchen. Because I know the signs by now. He was suffering.
The smell hit before I reached the door.
The Boy been skunked. Again.
HOW MANY TIMES does a dog have to try to make best friends with a skunk before he gives up?
This makes number five for my Special Retarded Moron Imbecile Non-Savant StupidFuck Idiot Dummy Halfwit Simple Cretinous Feebleminded STUPID DOG.
And always at 10 pm. And always when it’s too cold outside for a bath.
WTF?? I can teach him a simple command and he retains it forever with perfect recall. But he doesn’t remember what led up to the most traumatic evenings of his life?
Friends, I have treated my idiot canine pal with two different commercial preparations tonight, and have not let him into the house yet.
Yet I am sitting here in my home before the computer, and I stink. All that I can smell is tire-fire skunk-nasty. It’s in my nose, it’s in my hair, it’s everywhere. Eyes are burning.
It is on me.
Why should I let him live?
“…my Special Retarded Moron Imbecile Non-Savant StupidFuck Idiot Dummy Halfwit Simple Cretinous Feebleminded STUPID DOG.”
Well, you’ve done a great job of describing dogs, there.
It is on me.
Oh, baby, you know what I like!
Jeez, I can smell you from here.
Because he’s a cutie poochie woochie. Look into his eyes: awwwwww.
Dogs can be so stupid (like my doggy running into walls, chairs, tables, and people while running around like crazy) but also such bearers of love, compassion, and adoration (whenever said silly puppy looks at one). He recently pooped out a twig because he insists on chasing after and eating leaves.
Ah, dogs. Hope you and your duppy get better swiftly.
Our dog Bandit decided to celebrate my last birthday in February by losing a fight with a skunk. We had to put him in the car to take him back to town (seven freakin’ miles) and despite the 10° weather, we had the windows down the whole trip.
I let him live, but I’m not talking about five times. Five times? That’s getting into “special” territory there, laura.
You have a magnolia tree?
Cool.
Mesablue takes away only the most important details.
Tomato juice for a puppy shampoo. Thank god we don’t have skunks around here because I’ve got some real nosy puppies.
It could be worse. You could have a cat.
Eating bunnies, and chasing squirrels
It’s my job in this here yard
If you’ve got legs, and fur or hair
I’ll bark and chase you too!
(hell yeah!)
Ooooh that smell
Cant you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of skunk surrounds you
One little problem that confronts me
Got a white stripe down it’s back
(you fool, you!)
I’m not a ree-taaard, I’m just a dog
One hell of a price for you to get your licks
Ooooh that smell
Cant you smell that smell
Ooooh that smell
The smell of skunk surrounds you
The greyhound we had used to run down opossum that were stupid enough to be in our back yard. That was fun.
Magnolias are ghey—they shed leaves all frickin’ year.
And I kinda like the smell of fresh polecat. Mmmmm, musky.
Eddiebear –
I’ve got a greyhound. Dumbest dog ever. Most neurotic too.
(Sigh. But he’s my boy.)
Dogs are great. Chickens are stupid.
Dogs rule. Mine likes to roll on dead things–rodents, worms, deer carcasses, etc. And in the summer when Mr Kevlar leaves his sweaty shirt on the lawn chair, the dog takes it and rolls in it too.
But Mr Kevlar is not dead.
Stupid, my ass! You don’t see us eating out of the cat’s litter box, do ya?
Stupid dogs.
*smug look*
My greyhound was dumb as hell also. She would walk into walls and doors.
Lauraw,
maybe your dog secretly loves the skunk smell. Sure, he looks all traumatized, so you won’t yell at him too much. But when your back is turned, I am sure he breathes deeply to take in the wonderful essence of skunk, and shudders in pleasure.
don’t even get me started on dogs
I love dogs. A lot. Especially when they smell like skunks.
Ooops, time for my next cocktail! Gotta run!
It could be worse. You could have a cat.
Mrs Peel,
I’ll have you know that cats are smarter than dogs. For example, when a skunk wanders onto our porch to eat the cat food, do they act all stupid and try irritate it or make friends with it, like a dog? NO! they recognize that it can defend itself with an obnoxious oder and leave it alone.
Now tell me which is the smartest species.
We’ll just see if you change your mind after we devour your corpse.
Lauraw, you’re lucky it was a skunk.
With my dog it was the dreaded Porky.
First time…he wanted to be friends with Porky..$350.00+ vet bill.
Second time… he was really pissed at Porky for not wanting to be his friend..$500.00+ vet bill.
I will never forget the smirk on my vets’ face as she informed me that she was pretty sure I had the dumbest dog in the County, and that is saying a lot.
What did the pig do to him?
I second the motion for the tomato juice bath, it seems to help.
Whenever I smell a skunk I am reminded of the smell of really good weed…. Not that I have ever possessed any, mind you….
No comment.
I get your point. Scroll up.
Hi Laura,
So sorry to hear about the skunk tussle. My heart goes out to you.
When we lived in Texas, there were times when all three of our dogs got it by the same skunk. I would run to H.E.B. and buy a case of the large cans of tomato juice and be up all night with those dogs!
Our oldest dog, Lucy, would get it the worst. Once she got a direct hit right in the mouth, eyes, face, and chest. It sort of drove her insane. The fur on her chest wasn’t thick so the spray penetrated into her skin and gave her a rash. That was hard to watch her sad face.
When this happened skunk smell lingered in the house for over a month. Even though they were bathed in it for hours, there would always still be a hint of it, and yea it smelled like burning tires.
Mr. M, smart or not (I vote “not”), cats are chaotic evil, and I’m allergic to them. You can keep ‘em, thanks.
Tonight was beggar’s night here in Winterset, and Bandit helped me hand out candy wearing his new costume – a skunk suit. His original owners sent us a package from DC this week, and I figured that I’d better dress him up for them so I could send them the pictures.
I’ll try to see if Bob & Hilton will post one of those pictures at Spudder’s site for me later this week. Those damn cats won’t give me their password, so I can’t post it myself.
Homemade recipe for knocking down skunk smell on a dog:
1st, Do NOT rinse the dog in water. Works best on a dry dog.
1-2 cups baking soda, depending on the size of the dog
1 teaspoon liquid soap
enough hydrogen peroxide to make a runny slurry
Mix it up and apply to the dog. Let the mixture sit in the fur for 10-15 minutes, then rinse thoroughly and dry the dog.
I used this when my stupid moron dunderhead was hit the first couple times and it works very well.
And yes, my house, my truck, and my porch all reek right now.
This happens to him again I’ll use a shovel.
Looks like I picked a pretty good night to stay out of your magnolia tree.
Oh hey, since you brought it up. Been meaning to ask you something. This is kind of awkward…
We found an unusual-looking scat by the rhododenrons last weekend….like a bear, but not a bear…you wouldn’t happen to know anything about it, wouldya?
It’s the Idahoianite Mystery Pooper!
Chupacabra!
The New Jersey Devil!
Look, all I’m saying is, if it’s too late at night to use McDonald’s, there’s a Denny’s right down the street.
Forget Denny’s, there is something earthy about using rhododenrons to crap in.
Wasn’t me, pal. That is disgusting.
I would never.
corn?
Do your Rhodies look like this?
I’m allergic to them.
Mrs Peel,
Just because you are allergic to cats doesn’t make them evil. It takes a special (and I don’t mean helmet wearing short bus riding special) person to understand and like cats. That is just the way it is.
cats suck.
I believe it was Oscar Wilde who said, “a cat is a creature that is willing to enter into any relationship in order to abuse it”.
Granted, Oscar had some relationships, but that’s true.
Um… I think you people might want to re-think your cat comments.
That’s how WP started with Spudder.
Haven’t seen him lately have you?
Just Sayin’.
The problem seems so obvious to me. You named the dog – Yankee! Obviously the skunk must be Southern. Put the dog out of its misery or for God’s sake, rename the pooch – Rebel. Problem solved.
Glad I could help. Heh.
<i.Haven’t seen him lately have you?
Has Spudder’s been licking it’s ass lately, to get the taste of WP out of it’s mouth?
Haven’t seen him lately have you?
Ignore RG; he’s just pimping his blog again.
Internet access is not allowed on locked psychiatric wards at VA hospitals. Wickedpinto is missing. Do the math.
My Mom, BTW, used to be Big Nurse on the locked psychiatric ward of a VA hospital. She had some stories.
Their variety is the spice of life. One day they ignore people, the next day they annoy them.
Cat Law.
Be nice to WP. It’s a new job thing.
“Like a bear, but not a bear”? What would Andrew Sullivan be doing in your garden?
Check for signs of impaction. If present, Andi’s your culprit. I resent any implication otherwise as I, were I present, would not forget my Astronaut Huggies.
its actually ur fault, u probably leave in a cardboard box with a skunk. ACTUALLY UR CHEAPY SHIT WAT THE HELL? U LIVE NEAR A SKUNK GET A HOUSE U LOSER!
Hey, I’ll have you know she lives in a very fine cardboard box in a skunk-restricted development on the northwest side, so you just watch your little attitude there you big freakyhead.
Huh. And all this time I thought she lived in a bell tower. Quasidodo lives in a box?
I remember when the realtor had us sign the Skunk Disclosure & Waiver.
What an alphabet soup of legalese THAT was.
We looked at each other and asked him to explain it to us. He was real breezy about it, like it was no big deal. “Standard form, you know how it is with the State of Connecticut… lead paint, radon, all these other things…”
Yep. Sigh.
Pupster deserved an “atta boy” for his Lynyrd Skynyrd (#10). A few months late, but there it is.
I have 5 cats at the moment and wouldn’t trade a purr for a tailwag anytime! Cats don’t attack people 3 million times a year, cause 15 – 20 deaths a year, and few if any of them are on a dangerous breeds list! Plus, my cats love me because they want to, NOT because I feed them something everytime they shit or piss. Sure, I check their catbox 2 – 3 times a day, but it’s a lot more fun doing that than walking some dim-witted dog in the rain. sleet or snow 3 times a day, sometimes for a half hour untill the mutt decides he;s found a dry place to dump or whiz. And how many cat attacks make the news for maiming an elderly person or child? Keep your mutts, I’ll take cats every time!!!
Trouble brewing…
T. gondii claims another victim, I see.
Good one*, Mrs. Peel!
*Let’s be honest. I had to google it.
Also There are only two reasons why somebody would clean out the cat box twice a day. They are OC or they have too many frickin’ cats (which, by definition, is any number greater then zero).
I don’t mean to be sexist either but I will admit to being a little suprised that comment came from a male.
I don’t mean to be sexist either but I will admit to being a little suprised that comment came from a male.
Technically, you are not being sexist. You are being homophobic. You think Ralph is gay.
Me too.
You can have our cat Ralph.
I got no fuckin use for it.
Man, Ralph has got Dave The Paraffin-Waxer pretending not to be gay.
That’s an achievement.
My wife is allergic to cats. In addition to not having cats around, my daughter is not a fan of them, because they don’t let her pet them.
She is wise beyond her years.
At first I was offended by the title of this post, but.
Yeah, dogs, are loving and obedient, but more than a little retarded, as well as all the other adjectives LauraW included.
Cats are just as retarded,its just that cats hate people so much that you never notice when they are retarded.
Dogs are willing to go “Mommy Daddy?”/ “Alpha male/alpha female?”
“I’m retarded, help me?! I won’t sniff your crotch for a week if you help me, I SWEAR!”
Dogs are a part of the pack, and them being retarded is part of what makes them so awesome.
I wish dogs would go out and pee in the rain!
I took our dog out to pee in the afternoon while it’s raining. He wouldn’t leave the garage and go into the rain. He just sat there. I tugged on the leash; I baby-talked him to come; I tried to tempt him with the umbrella. Wouldn’t budge.
I take him and put him on the driveway. He runs back into the garage.
I take and put him on the grass. He runs back into the garage.
I take and put him on the grass again. He walks around in circles for half a minute, pees, then runs back into the garage.
I thought you were still iffy about dogs mus.
Dogs are so needy.
Cats just come around once in a while for a pet then they leave you alone. I like that.
Dogs aren’t needy, they love.
Do you have a problem with the love required by your boyfriend, or mother or father? or siblings?
Dogs are perpetual children, because it’s rare for them to live more than 13 years.
Dogs are Amazing, they are always loving, they are always foolish, they are always caring, and at a very young age they are strong and bold.
They are the light that burns bright for those they love, or the candle that is doused before it’s time if owned by assholes like vick.
If there is a god, Dogs are more beloved of him than are humans, because dogs act to their nature, ALWAYS, and that nature is beautiful.
Cats just come around once in a while for a pet then they leave you alone. I like that.
Huh. That means you’re gay like Ralph.
And Dave.
They are the light that burns bright for those they love, or the candle that is doused before it’s time if owned by assholes like vick.
Jeez, WP, you are actually getting poetic.
If there is a god, Dogs are more beloved of him than are humans, because dogs act to their nature, ALWAYS, and that nature is beautiful.
No, I think dogs are here because God loves humans the most, having created us in His image, and He uses dogs to teach us something about our condition, and unconditional love. As you said, dogs are pack animals that can adapt to a human family. In much the same way, humans are pack animals that can adapt to a divine family.
That’s why I think dogs are important. And cats are not.
Never owned a cat, though my buddy owns cats. When I would be awake, and drinking and shooting the shit with my bud? not a cat to be found. As soon as I went to sleep? Cats all over me, like I was sweating catnip or whatever that crap is called.
Cats are lib’s, dogs are Conservative.
remember the rainbow bridge link Mike?
I forgot who posted it, but it was in response to the “the dude” blegs.
I’ll dig it up.
I don’t know if you guys took part in or remember “The Dude” AKA “Kramer” who is G and Bmac’s dog. He was sick, and they didn’t have the cash on hand to take care of him, so I put a bleg (which I never do, I hate blegs) for the dude
Part of the reason G and Bmac mentioned it at the retardblog is because I LOVE LOVE LOVE poochies (especially because of my living situation and I can’t have a dog.) and they mentioned Kramer/”The Dude”‘s situation based on this sarcastic post of mine about dogs.
In which MoMentum had this BEAUTIFUL tribute to dogs, titled “rainbow bridge.”
you can read the other comments and it basicaly consists of the hostages just loving on dogs.
rainbow bridge
linkies no linky! is that a thing? I think I did it right.
Anyways, if I screwed up, this can lead you to most of what I said.
http://thewickedpinto.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/poochie-a-moment-of-silence/#comment-3642
I still mist up reading that.
So Mike, Dogs are the angels that guide men?
I can accept that.
*cough*
All pets are only as smart as the owners.
Although, I did love your story at the top, and agree fully. I have 2 black cats, and they are the sweetest things ever…but then again so am I.
Your story rocks. I love all animals, but can’t stand drooling, licking, slobbering and jumping. Train your damn dog plz, or don’t take one on. They are innocent here.
BUMPUSSES!!!!!!!!!!!
It needed to be said.
Train your damn dog plz, or don’t take one on.
YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME
#57 – Thanks Skinbad, #10 was some of my best work that once again went unheralded by all but the most intelligent of Innocent Bystanders.
And in closing, may I just roll around in a dead donkey carcass, eat some, then give you all wet sloppy face licks?
Thank You.
I’m a sucker for Lynyrd Skynyrd.
Now you should do “Gimme three Sheps.”
*Waves lighter in the air* FREE BIRDDOG!!!
Ha!
“Tuesday’s Gone, and He Took My Coonhound With Him”
“T for Terriers”
“I Know a Piddle”
“Working for the ASPCA”
“Gimme me back my dognuts”
“They Call Me Febreze”
“The Beagle and the Moon”
What’s Your Mange?
“I ain’t the one (who threw up in your shoe)”
As much as I hate to compliment a Hostage, #94 is really good. 92 and 95 just a step behind. Russ’s #90 has some homosexual overtones (NTTAWWT).
As much as I hate to compliment a Hostage,
YES!!!
Due, up high..one time!
*raises hand and waits
Dude, high five……. right here…..
*waits….
Dude, don’t leave me hanging……
*waits…..
*cough
dude.
I called Rosetta. He said he’d “pound it” for you.
*quickly takes down hand….
No, never mind. I’m good.
You Got That Leash
[...] 21, 2009 Posted by skinbad in Handblogging, History, Music. trackback Wiserbud cracked me up today. That’s kind of newsworthy, I think. Channel your inner redneck and enjoy “Call me [...]
9. Mrs. Peel – October 30, 2007
It could be worse. You could have a cat.
I resent that remark….
blah blah blah. dogs don’t love you. The traits you recognize as love were selected for by humans during the evolution of the species. Its a survival mechanism, they do it because they want care and food, its all about food, food food food. fucking stupid ass dogs. I have had dogs and cats all my life, not by choice. Dogs are like other people’s annoying kids, fun for like 5 minutes then you want them to get the fuck away from you. I’m not that desperate for fake love from a sub par animal. I have humans capable of real love in my life. lol @ rainbow bridge. Get a grip, your dog is not waiting to guide you to heaven, lmao. there is no magical land with your pets waiting for you after you die, your dog is dead, the end, and when you die, the same will go for you.
I have humans capable of real love in my life.
I’ll bet they are as bitter and angry as you are.
Think about the conversations you have with them.
I secretly pee on your toothbrush.
Daily.
Our dog found a bobcat while we walking in the woods. It was tense!
Hope it worked out ok.
I live with a dog AND a cat and the dog is by far the worst. Greedy, stupid, shits like a horse, pukes in the house, sheds everywhere, eats shit, hates grooming, neurotically needy, stinks the day after a bath. I never want another dog in the house; never. The cat never begs, sheds alot less, pukes seldom, never stinks, doesn’t wake us up early, need to be walked, interrupt us for attention during the act, even tolerates nail clipping and likes brushing. Dogs should go extinct.
Have you ever stopped to consider maybe it isn’t the dog, it’s you?
Have you ever stopped to consider you’re an asshole?
Have you ever stopped to consider you’re an asshole?
Ah – the unexamined life…
>> Have you ever stopped to consider you’re an asshole?
I have, but I usually only get about 15 seconds into the reflection before it occurs to me that I do not care if I am an asshole.
Between you and me, there are times it actually pleases me. Take now for instance.
Have you ever stopped to consider you’re an asshole?
Stopped? You mean like, hesitated?
No, we generally try to get assholery done expeditiously around here. You should come by more often.
I’m thinking KaD hates Pie also.
Just sayin’
The great thing about being an asshole is that you take pride in complete strangers on the internets telling you “You’re an asshole”.
It’s like…..”Well, yeah. I’m glad you noticed.”
Yeah, but I’m not the asshole whisperer.
More like a screamer.
Dedicated to KaD
so you say.
Asshole isn’t strong enough for someone who dislikes their own dog.
“Greedy, stupid, shits like a horse, pukes in the house, sheds everywhere, eats shit, hates grooming, neurotically needy, stinks the day after a bath”
All of those are your fault.
Please give that dog to a normal human that will be able to give him/her at least a few years of happiness.
No, all of those are what dogs do and what dogs are. I’d gladly get rid of the large stupid thing but my other is attached to it for some reason I can’t fathom. And no, I really don’t give a shit what anyone thinks of me. Dogs SUCK and are lousy pets.
I pee on your toothbrush, too.
…but my other is attached to it for some reason I can’t fathom.
Methinks that when it finally comes down to the dog or KaD, KaD’s going to get her chance to live with a pet more to her liking.
Everybody wins!!!
Especially her new pet rock.