I went to Texas to meet a jerk, but it wasn’t Dave or Michael May 11, 2009
Posted by kevlarchick in Women Ranting.trackback
I have a customer who hands me my ass on a platter daily. Mean, demanding, very smart. Commanding, deep voice. I went to Houston to meet him last week.
I envisioned a Jack Bauer/Clint Eastwood/Wolverine hybrid stalking into the hotel lobby, snarling. I thought he would set off a flash bang at the breakfast buffet. I thought he would spit tobacco juice on my shoes and beat my ass with a nice piece of hickory.
I was very excited.
Then I saw him. After recovering for a full 30 seconds, the only thought in my mind was “this guy HAS to be a commenter at Ace of Spades.”
Yes, it was that much of a shock. A bummer too. Now when he calls to administer my daily beatdown, I have to suppress my giggles.
On a much hipper note, I went to NASA one afternoon. Now I think I understand the phrase “an erection lasting more than four hours.” It was very cool. Tried to look up Mrs Peel, but they wouldn’t let me “look around.”
They wouldn't let me ride on this
beat my ass with a nice piece of hickory.
I searched my desk for cigarettes for five minutes before remembering I don’t smoke.
I got yer nice hard piece of hickory right here.
I just set my bunk on fire with a cigarette.
“I just set my
bunkjunk on fire with a cigarette.”Fixed.
Dudes, it’s a quote from Pale Rider. C’mon.
Pale Rider?
Oh sure. It’s pale now. I just need some time out by the pool.
Psssst!
We’ll trade you kevlarchick for TBOM. What do you say? Huh? Huh?
You could make a deal for her Ocho Cinco jersey. Other than that, I don’t think we have anything to discuss.
*Falls to knees and screams, “Thank you, Lord Jesus!”
You don’t post much KC but when you do it is good!
We’ll trade you kevlarchick for TBOM. What do you say? Huh? Huh?
Trade??? Hell, I’ll give him to you!!
*Falls to knees and screams, “Thank you, Lord Jesus!”
It was just “Thank You, Jesus!”, and you are really never gonna forgive me for that, are you?
Sorry. Two first round draft picks and a player to be named doesn’t even get you a cup of coffee at the negotiating table.
So, who has been to Johnson Space Center?
I have!
Now when he calls to administer my daily beatdown, I have to suppress my giggles.
Gettin’ some payback during your beatdowns, at least…
Man, traffic is really spiking right now.
The word has gotten out that KC is talking about spanking her ass.
I went there in 1975. It was pretty cool.
“this guy HAS to be a commenter at Ace of Spades.”
OMFG I’m so stealing this! The next time I run across some a-hole at work I too will have trouble not laughing…
“I just set my bunk junk on fire with a cigarette.”
Yikes! Time for the patch dude. Of course it might sting down there, perhaps like Ben Gay or something which I understand is a mean trick in gym class (not that I know anything about that). Of course now that I’m turning the Big Four-OMG, I’m waiting to receive the official recall notice.
No Johnson Space Center for me. But my dad worked there periodically as an aerospace engineer with McDonnell Douglas. He was on the team that designed the air-lock system for Sky Lab. I got to see it in D.C. in the 80′s at the Air and Space Museum. Pretty cool to see what my dad worked on.
Toured the Space Center in Cape Canaveral in the early 70s.
Of course now that I’m turning the Big Four-OMG, I’m waiting to receive the official recall notice.
There is no recall, John. When you turn 40, it just shrivels up and falls off.
“OMFG I’m so stealing this!”
I will have to consult with my attorney about artistic license and blog copyright. Michael?
Michael?
Sorry. My brain shut down for 48 hours when you called attention to your ass.
There is no recall, John. When you turn 40, it just shrivels up and falls off.
Sort of like a natural Bobbitectomy? Eh, no worries. It’s not like I use much anyways. Although I’ll miss being able to write my name in the snow…
Sorry. My brain shut down for 48 hours when you called attention to your ass.
Why do I keep hearing the Coz singing about Jello all of sudden?
*ducks*
>> I have to suppress my giggles
well crap. I thought you were laughing last year because I was funny.
BiW:
I didn’t have H2 up when I wrote that.
And, to your other question:
That is too damn funny to let go.
So, who has been to Johnson Space Center?
Mrs. Geezer and I got a guided tour of the Dayton Air Museum by none other than Cathy!
Good times.
And, to your other question:
That is too damn funny to let go.
As long as you are not pissed. I’d hate to be accosted by your dromedary.
Why do I keep hearing the Coz singing about Jello all of sudden?
Because you don’t know what you’re talking about?
Hey Mikey, can you make this like a regular feature? Y’know, KC holding forth daily on such various and sundry topics like, oh, I don’t know, beating her ass, getting very excited and Johnsons or something. I think that might be a winner.
Because you don’t know what you’re talking about?
I hope that’s it ’cause usually I can tune out the voices in my head. At least they’re not singing “It’s A Small World After All” anymore. That just drove me nuts…
John, I remember having to go through that “Small World” boat ride in Orlando three times in one day with my little kids.
That’s when I started to get an inkling of what spree killers feel like.
Mrs. Geezer and I got a guided tour of the Dayton Air Museum by none other than Cathy!
Geezer, you were the guide, not me pal.
Very good times. Miss ya both.
That’s when I started to get an inkling of what spree killers feel like.
… and why we didn’t acquire handguns til that memory was 20 years old.
Michael: That’s rough. I understand why some turn to copious amounts of adult beverages to numb the pain. Tis almost as bad as being forced to watch Barney with the young’uns over and over and over again. I just don’t love my nephews and nieces that much and that damn dinosaur MUST die a slow and very painful death…
BiW:
Naw, I loved it.
I know for a fact (based on comments, not based on having witnessed it in person) that people who sit in my very building read Ace of Spades. It’s a bit awkward at times to comment there given that fact.