Innocent Bystanders

Comments»

1. lauraw - May 30, 2009

I don’t know much about tropical plants. Do you ever get real bananas off those?

2. daveintexas - May 30, 2009

No ma’am. They just wave in the breeze and look all tropical and groovy and stuff.

Which is pretty awesome. You have to cut em off at the base before the first freeze or the whole plant dies.

I mention that cause you like knowing about plants and shit.

3. Pupster - May 30, 2009

Larry, Moe, and Curly Nanner.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4ZgVRJ-H8U

4. MCPO Airdale - May 30, 2009

Dave – give ‘em a couple of years. The ones I had in Florida grew taller than the lanai. . . about 12 feet.

5. daveintexas - May 30, 2009

Oh you dumb swabbie… YOU HAVE TO CUT THEM BACK EVERY YEAR BEFORE THE FREEZE.

dorkhead. They’ll grow to 15 feet by end of summer.

6. Vmaximus - May 30, 2009

Freeze? In Florida? well maybe up north Fl. I have some that put out little tiny nanners. It is tough to get them before something else does though.

One time as a kid a “friend” told me to eat a green one.
.
.
.
I swear my mouth turned inside out I have never tasted anything so sour/bitter.

7. Mrs. Peel - May 30, 2009

My f’n banana trees are ginormous. I must destroy them.

8. Michael - May 30, 2009

Dave, I’m told that the nanners we both have will actually produce fruit, but our growing season is just not long enough, and we don’t let them mature. We cut them off before the first freeze, so they can survive underground. Thus, no fruit.

9. Tushar - May 30, 2009

Dave,

is it true that you have a sewage pipe running through your pool?
If yes, why?

10. daveintexas - May 31, 2009

Michael, did you pay money for that information.

Tushar, yes. Long story. I will regale you with it in two weeks.

11. Michael - May 31, 2009

Dave,

Tushar, I’m not Dave, but I can answer these questions. Trust me.

is it true that you have a sewage pipe running through your pool?

Yes, Dave does.

If yes, why?

Because Dave is fucking insane, that’s why. He actually had the pool designed to feature a pipe carrying raw sewage from his house. You can see it under construction here.

And then the IB Wimmens still like him better than me! My own wife gets all excited and makes pie when he shows up. Go figure.

12. Michael - May 31, 2009

Michael, did you pay money for that information.

Nope, just something we were told. Makes sense, though, if you think about it. A species of nanners won’t last long if they don’t make baby nanners. We are just growing nanners in a climate where they don’t have enough time to grow up and do that. It’s not like they are some kind of exotic hybrid or something. They are just plain old nanner trees that are too far north. Here, my grove is spreading out by root propagation.

13. Michael - May 31, 2009

By the way, one of the coolest things we ever did in Jamaica was to go on a tour of a banana plantation.

We were riding around looking at all the banana trees, and then stopped, and this little old black guy stepped forward. He was just this guy in a T-shirt, shorts, and flip-flops.

Turns out, he was also an amazing botanist. He started explaining to us all the extraordinary things about the banana plant. Ripping apart a nearby plant, he undertook some edumacation of us, starting from the roots, working on up to the stalk, the leaves, the skin of the fruit, the pulp, and the seeds. Every bit of this plant is useful.

I was blown away by this guy, and by the banana plant. Did you know that banana fibers are so amazing that they were used as the cross-hairs on submarine periscopes? Well, now you do.

Then, it got better. He started talking about the horrific life of day-laborers on the banana plantations in post-slavery Jamaica. The workers were paid by what they could carry between dusk and dawn when you could work out of the hot Jamaican sun, and the boss would tally how many banana bunches they delivered to the river. This old guy took a banana leaf and showed us how the workers would make a sort of head truss out of the leaf, so they could use their head as well as their arms to bring bananas to the river and get them tallied, and then the bananas would be rafted down to the port for export.

It was very moving. You could not help but feel sorry about this plantation system that was almost worse than slavery, and dominated the Jamaican economy.

Then, it got better. This old guy just stood there, and suddenly started to sing a Jamaican song.

Day-Oh.

Yeah, the song that Harry Belafonte, a Jamaican, made popular worldwide. People think it’s an upbeat fun song. Not really.

Daylight come an’ I wanna go home

The song had a whole new meaning after the lecture on the misery of plantation life.

Come, Mister tally man, tally me banana

This old guy stood there in the banana plantation, singing that song all by himself, at a slower tempo than you are familiar with, and you realized all the pain that the song was about.

The song ended, and we moved on, but I will never forget that guy.

14. Michael - May 31, 2009

OK, that was a pretty long-winded comment, and I forgot to tell you what you really wanted to know, which is — how many Jamaican visitors are on our Flag Counter?

So far — 4.

15. doc - May 31, 2009

hey Mike

Michael - May 31, 2009

Hey doc. Thanks for delurking.

16. lauraw - May 31, 2009

Makes sense, though, if you think about it. A species of nanners won’t last long if they don’t make baby nanners.

Maybe at some point in the distant past. My understanding is that banana trees do not propagate by seed, only by root division off the previous years’ growth. I’m dredging up that little factoid but I don’t know how it came to be in my brain.

17. Mrs. Peel - May 31, 2009

Well, my banana trees had banana bunches last year. Maybe it’s because I am just that much closer to the coast. I didn’t sample any of the bananas, though.

18. daveintexas - May 31, 2009

You live where they like growing better than here punkin. But they do look awesome here by teh pool.

Laura, I thinks you’re right. Chicks who know nanner tree factoids are awesome. I just thought that, that’s what I thought.

19. lauraw - May 31, 2009

Dudes who dig chicks who know banana tree factoids are teh coolest.

20. Tushar - May 31, 2009

I wandered across Retired Geezer’s sprinkler blog, where he mentioned Dave’s Sewage pipe adorned pool. He also used adjectives for Dave and his pool that cannot be called flattering. One suggestion that intrigued me was to replace the PVC pipe with a clear plastic one, to create a sort of lava lamp that Dave can watch for hours, marveling at the undulating shapes.

21. daveintexas - May 31, 2009

Chicks who dig dudes who dig chicks on banana trees are the I am not able tot forumulate anm semtence or nothing now…

22. Mrs. Peel - May 31, 2009

Screw that. Chicks who live at nearly tropical latitudes are teh coolest.

23. daveintexas - May 31, 2009

still fumbly. pardon me.

24. harrison - May 31, 2009

Pull yourself together, man!

25. daveintexas - May 31, 2009

holy moly.

ok, what happened?

26. harrison - May 31, 2009

It was the nanas, I think.

27. Retired Geezer - May 31, 2009

It was the nanas, Tatas I think.

Fixed.

One suggestion that intrigued me was to replace the PVC pipe with a clear plastic one, to create a sort of lava lamp that Dave can watch for hours, marveling at the undulating shapes.

Heh, I remember that.

28. mesablue - May 31, 2009

Ass monkey escape chute.

29. Mrs. Peel - May 31, 2009

So, I got a hammerless Taurus super-light .38 for a pretty good price. Only problem: The way the trigger is designed, it’s very difficult for my tiny little fingers to exert the proper leverage. (My finger keeps sliding up the curve of the trigger, with the result that I’m exerting a force in the wrong place – like when you try to open a heavy door by pushing close to the hinges.) We’re going to replace the springs so the trigger pull won’t be quite so hard, and possibly replace the grip so I can get my finger in the right place.

30. Retired Geezer - May 31, 2009

We’re going to replace the springs so the trigger pull won’t be quite so hard,

Make sure that the springs aren’t too light to pop the primers. I had that done to a Taurus and that’s exactly what happened. It would fire 3 out of 6. I had to go back to a heavier spring.

Is it able to shoot +P loads?
After you get used to it, you may want to switch to those for your defense loads.

31. MCPO Airdale - May 31, 2009

Only an idiot would have banana plants where they can’t grow large enough for fruit.

Stupid DiT!

32. digitalbrownshirt - May 31, 2009

Michael: How could you not know that was a depressing song?

I wish we had better weather here. I miss having an avocado tree.

33. TattooedIntellectual - May 31, 2009

Nanners=gross.

34. MCPO Airdale - May 31, 2009

T/I – you are a sick, sick woman. There is nothing better than Cherrios with a nanner sliced on top or a peanut butter & nanner sammich!

35. TattooedIntellectual - May 31, 2009

Nanners=baby-food in tube form. Bleh!

36. Michael - May 31, 2009

Nanners=gross.

My nanner trees out by the pool are actually very pretty right now. Real tropical looking.

And they are bigger than Dave’s.

37. TattooedIntellectual - May 31, 2009

And they are bigger than Dave’s.

I, of course, must insist on photographic proof of such an outrageous claim.

38. MCPO Airdale - May 31, 2009

T/I – HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

39. daveintexas - May 31, 2009

WTF? Counselor, please. Did you just actually brag about the size of your banana trees as compared to mine? You did that?

Somebody needs a hug.

40. TattooedIntellectual - May 31, 2009

Aww Dave, do you need a hug? I’ll give you a hug.

41. Michael - May 31, 2009

Seriously, if you challenge me, I will post a picture of my nanner trees. I was going to do it anyway, but then Cathy was all like, ” No, Michael, do not be like that, do not humiliate Dave about his puny nanner trees . . .”

So, I did not do it.

42. MCPO Airdale - May 31, 2009

Ohhh, now this is getting interesting.

43. harrison - May 31, 2009

Do it! Do it!

44. Michael - May 31, 2009

Well, I don’t want to be petty.

But my nanner trees are some long, thick, robust shafts rapidly rising towards the Texas sky in the warming air. Not those short skinny reeds that Dave posted.

Just sayin’.

45. TattooedIntellectual - May 31, 2009

Pictures as proof please. Otherwise it’s just another “the one that got away” story.

46. Edward Von Bear - May 31, 2009

Peel:

Good deal.

Oh, when your parents are out of town, and they ask you to water their flowers, and you bring a 4 year old with you to accomplish the task, make sure you always stay behind her when she wants to use the hose on her own.

Just sayin’.

47. Mrs. Peel - May 31, 2009

I was going to say that my banana plants pwn both of y’all’s, but then I thought I might not want to get involved in this conversation given the subtext.

48. Edward Von Bear - May 31, 2009

Also, Taurus offers you deals with NRA membership and will fix your firearm for life, so long as you send them the registration card that came in the box with it.

I definitely made sure of that with my Judge.

49. Americano - June 1, 2009

I’ll say it for you Mrs. Peel: I’m pretty sure my banana trees are bigger than Dave and Michael’s added together.

50. daveintexas - June 1, 2009

Hey, it ain’t my subtext. (points to “needy” over there on the cape running around with a measuring tape).

51. Pupster - June 1, 2009

Congratulations on your firearm purchase Mrs. Peel.

Chicks w/guns are teh sexy.

52. daveintexas - June 1, 2009

Have two Taurus .38s, good, reliable weapons. I do recommend a rubber grip for small hands, that helped my kid with it.

53. MCPO Airdale - June 1, 2009

DiT – Oversized grips for my Taurus .38 special.

54. daveintexas - June 1, 2009

Yeah, what the chief said.

55. Sox - June 1, 2009

Its awful nice of DinT to fancy up the Litter Box next time I get to Texas….

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Enter your comment here...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

Email (Address never made public)

Name

Website

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. ( Log Out / Change )

You are commenting using your Twitter account. ( Log Out / Change )

You are commenting using your Facebook account. ( Log Out / Change )

Cancel

Connecting to %s

Notify me of follow-up comments via email.

Notify me of new posts via email.