#Firstdraftmovielines July 10, 2009
Posted by daveintexas in News.trackback
There’s a pretty silly and funny thing that was going on yesterday over at Twitter (yeah, I do that). Some examples:
”To infinity and… well, that’s about it. It’s infinity and all.”
”Be afraid, be very afraid. Even more afraid than that. Wait, that’s too afraid.”
”Actually, now that you mention it, these are the droids you’re looking for.”
”Say hello to all the firearms I’ve amassed.”
”Houston, my bad.”
”Well, I’m pretty darned upset. And I don’t think I’m going to take this anymore.”
”My sled….”
”I’ll have the salad that gave that lady an orgasm.”
”No Mr. Bond, I expect you to cry.”
”Do you want to know how to get Capone? Yeah, me too.”
”You had me at jumping up and down on the couch.”
”Help me Obi Wan Kenobi. You’re my backup plan”.
got any suggestions?
YOU DO NOT HAVE THE INTELLECTUAL CAPACITY TO GRASP THE OVERWHELMING IMPORTANCE OF THE REALITY WHICH I AM DESCRIBING!
Good thing we’re on such a big boat.
I can attack with 3 Divisions in 3 days. Ok maybe 4, or 5. 7 tops, depending on the breaks.
I’m gonna make him an offer that I hope he finds reasonable.
Heaven? Heaven?? What are you, a f*@king idiot? Dude, this is the furthest f*@king thing from Heaven. This is Iowa, dumbass.
Now, you wanta have a catch or not?
What we have here is an inability to engage in a meaningful and constructive dialogue.
Shirlena?
Of course Dave, I’d be happy to open the pod bay doors.
Soylent Green contains peanuts! And transfats!!!
Psssst. Stella! Are you home tonight punkin?
YOU MANIACS! YOU TORE DOWN THE STATUE OF LIBERTY!
Please, sir, would you mind removing your paws from me? Thank you very much.
Oh duh. Statue of Liberty. Of course. That explains why all the monkeys speak English.
Of all the men’s rooms, in all the towns, in all the world, she had to walk into mine.
My mama always said, “Life sucks, then you die.”
Mrs. Robinson, you’re trying to turn me gay, aren’t you?
Mr. Robinson, you’re trying to seduce me aren’t you?
Luke, you are nothing to me. Nothing at all.
Badges? BADGES?? Yeah, we’re gonna need …ummmm, lemme see… 1, 2, 3…better make it like 10 badges. Thanks.
I could tell you, but you would have to sign this non-disclosure agreement first. I’ll need that notarized also, if you don’t mind.
This one goes to ten.
Good for you Hamchung. You’re what this war is all about. Well, ok that and this 27 year old political conflict that started with the French and the Viet Minh, and later escalated through the People’s Front for the Liberation of the South, ok, look, it’s complicated.
The unpleasantness! The unpleasantness!
No, it wasn’t the airplanes. It was the fall that killed the beast.
“I’M ON A BIG BOAT!”
Frankly My Dear, I’ll miss you an awful lot and prolly drop by next week to see if you’re OK.
I feel the need. The need to go really, really fast.
What the Hell, is everybody on Twitter now? And, what is Twitter? Do I really still have to learn new stuff?
Welcome to the potty, pal.
I know what you’re thinking. Did he fire six shots or only five? Well, to tell you the truth, it was five.
#26 Ha.
As God is my witness, I’ll never be hungry for Clark Gable’s tube steak again!
SHOW ME THE COMMISSION!!!
So I’ve got that going for me. Which kind of sucks.
I don’t know nuthin bout no vasectomies Miz Scarlett!
What Laura said.
Here’s looking directly at you kid.
First Rule of Fight Club? Tell as many people as possible, so this thing gets really huge.
Oh heck, I’ve got a little time to bleed. Anybody got a Band-Aid?
There is no racial bigotry here. I do not look down on African Americans, Jewish Americans, Italian Americans or greasers. Well, maybe on the greasers.
Here’s checking out your ass, kid.
Tuba! Tuba!
You don’t understand Charlie. I never coulda had class. I never could been a contender. I never coulda been anyt’ing other than a bum, which is what I am, let’s face it.
#36 Hey!
I came here to chew gum and kick ass and I’m all outa …oh, wait a minute. I found another pack. Anyone want a piece?
Love means having to say “I’m sorry.” A lot.
A census taker once tried to test me. I pretended I wasn’t home until he went away. Those guys really scare me.
Play it, Sam. Play ‘Pop Goes The Weasel.’
Today..today..today…. I consider myself..self..self … the luckiest ..*cough .. luckiest ma…*cough cough cough hack cough… the luckiest man on the..*cough hack cough hack gag cough cough choke…
*thud
I see live people.
You had me at “I dig anal.”
It’s ALIVE! It’s A- oops, whoops. Nope. Just a gust of wind. Nevermind.
Igor, bring all this shit back to the cemetery…
The name’s “Psycho”. Anybody touches my stuff, you’re going to get yourself one serious talking to. Anybody calls me “Francis”, I will probably remind you not to do that again.
As Goad as my witness, I’ll never got to Hungary again!
Son of a bitch must remit within two business days!
Use the vice grips, Luke.
I smell varmint poontang. And the only good varmint poontang is when it’s dressed up with a little black garter belt and some nylons with the stripe up the back.
ATTIC! ATTIC! ATTIC!
Nobody puts Baby in a latex mask.
I’ll get you, my pretty, and then I’ll screw your little dog too.
I am Thpartacuth. What’s your name?
Do. Or do not do. Whatever seems like the most appropriate course of action, or, uh, inaction I suppose. Yeah.
A boy’s best friend is his hot step-mom.
I love the smell of strudel in the morning…
We’ll always have Nueva Laredo. We lost it for a while, but you brought it back.
Alright, Mr. Deville. I’m ready for my fluffer.
I’m the king of this front part of this big boat!
Toto, I’ve got a feeling we’re f*@king still in f*@king Kansas.
“I’m just a girl standing in front of a boy asking him to please put it back in his pants.”
I felt a sudden disturbance in the force, as if millions of voices cried out as one. Hey, where the fuck is Alderaan?
Every time you hear a bell ring, it means come make me a sandwich.
Yippie-Ki-A, Mr. Bad Guy
Do you think you adequately counted the bullets? Perhaps my gun is empty. Punk.
Hello, my name is Indigo. You killed my father, and that makes me upset. I shall fight you now.
Oh, how do you solve a problem like chlamydia?
I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tanhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time like spunk in the shower. Time to die.
Damn the torpedoes! Full steam ahead! *GASP* did you see how close that one came? I’m terrified!
My Mama always said, ‘Life was like a visit to a Tijuana whorehouse; you never know what you’re gonna get.’
E.T would like to make voice contact with my planet of origin.
Ilsa, I’m no good at being noble, but it doesn’t take a fucking rocket scientist to see that the petty little bullshit of three morons don’t mean shit in this fucked-up world. Someday you’ll get that, stupid. But until then, how’s about a quick blow-job, huh?
Who’s on First? What the hell kind of name is “Who?”
I shall serve no french fries until they have been properly cooked.
Only one thing counts in this life: Get them to sign on the line which is dotted…A. Always. B. Be. C. Clucking. Always Be Clucking.
Bond. Maternal Bond.
Coffee is for salesmen who are good at what they do.
I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like bacon.
I can see your dirty pillows. Everyone will.
- Ooops, thanks Momma. I’ll put them in the washer immediately.
We just got word that Brian Piccolo is…that’s he’s gay, very gay…And, uh, it looks, uh…like he might never play football…again,
Never go up against a Canadian when death is on the line.
But Charlie, don’t forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted… He died an angry, bitter,crazy recluse. Like me.
So, eleven hundred men went into the water. Three hundred and sixteen men come out, the sharks took the rest, June the twenty-ninth, nineteen-forty five. Anyway, we bombed the fuck out of those little Nips.
Ken is coming to kill me.
-Stop rhyming, I mean it!
-Would you care for a cashew?
What we have here is… some sort of misunderstanding where I talk but you just don’t get it.
“Was it “Over” when the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor?”
I’m still shakin it boss, this here limb, so you know I’m right back here and not sneaking off or nuthin!
Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets. A heavy dew isn’t going to cut it.
It’s a very personal, very important thing. Hell, it’s a family motto. Now are you ready? Just checking to make sure you’re ready here it is — show me the pussy. OHHH!!!! SHOW! ME! THE! PUSSY! Doesn’t it make you feel good just to say that, Jerry? Say it with me one time brother!
Come into the sock, children. All are welcome, all are welcome.
Of my friend, I can only say this. Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels, his was the most… annoying.
In space, no one can hear you fart.
You tell the men there are four ways of doing things on this ship: The right way, the wrong way, the Navy way, and the gay way. They do things the gay way, and we’ll get along just fine.
Dyin ain’t much of a livin boy. What I mean by that is, it’s virtually impossible to learn a trade, find and hold down a decent job or develop your career. Because you’ll be dead. Am I making sense to you?
Listen, and understand! That Terminator is out there! It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are able to get it to crawl into a really big kind of crushing thingy or maybe drop it into a vat of molten steel. I hope I haven’t given anything away here.
Forget about the crowds, the size of the school, their fancy uniforms, and remember what got you here. A bunch of really huge cocks. And seriously, isn’t that what’s most important? In my book, that makes you all winners!
KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! WHERE SHOULD WE DO LUNCH?
You better start eyeballin’ me, boy! What’s the use of looking all fine-ass in this tight uniform if nobody looks?
Continue with your festivities, Wayne.
Likewise, Garth.
We band of brothers. For he that sheds his blood today shall be my brother, be he ‘ere so vile, I can do that, I’m a king. Really, I’ll square it with my legal guys, I can totally do this.
There’s no knitting in baseball! Right? I mean, help me out here, Billy. Am I right? No knitting whatsoever, I’m pretty sure.
The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers; it has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt, and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. Oh, and the Cubs not making the World Series. That’s pretty damn constant, too.
It’s kinda hard to explain the Matrix. I’m gonna need a white board.
They make take our lives, and that would suck ass.
#111 I’m dying
Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and that’s better than being hung like a donkey.
I’ve seen things, terrible things. Things that would make your mother spank a cat and wear a football helmet.
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was that one where he makes the quarter come out of your ear. You ever see that one? It’s pretty amazing the way he does it.
Why’d you do it? Why’d ya waste Cyrus?
Lots of reasons. Some geopolitical. Some psychosocial. I don’t expect you to understand.
This is my rifle, this is my gun. This is for fighting. This is for procreation.
Just when I thought I was out, I was incorrect.
You’re my father?
Huh. We’ll that sort of ties things together in a nice lttle package, doesn’t it. Can you give me a hand here?
My goodness, look at all these snakes here on this airplane.
Well Rick, I’m really not surprised to learn there’s gambling here, no sirree.
English sir, do you happen to speak it? Oh good!
Skip – You guys. You lollygag the ball around the infield. You lollygag your way down to first. You lollygag in and out of the dugout. You know what that makes you? Larry!
Larry – Lackadaisical!
Go ahead, make my day. Or, you can make me a sammich. Hey, gimme that juice box.
Are you crazy? Hell the fall will probably kill you. Course, if it doesn’t then I guess it’s certainly possible you could drown, so, you know, point taken.
The first rule of Fight Club is safety.
I’ll be back. In a minute. With my car.
This is the .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world. Always keep the muzzle pointed in a safe direction.
AOSHQ comments still dead for you guys?
seems ok now Laura
I see Lutherans.
Hey, you need a bandage or something?
No?
Well, so long, and thanks your help, Shane.
You ever do the lindy hop with the devil in the pale moonlight?
I ate his liver with kidney beans and a Diet Rite Cola.
I’m getting an internal server error.
I knew it was you, Fredo.
You’re a dick.
Lighten up Psycho!
Get away from her, or I’ll hit you with this big forklift thingy.
Don’t cross the strea…Hey look I can write my name!
Klaatu birada nicto muthafuckas!
Michael, we are bigger than US Steel.
With much less overhead and hardly any inventory at all.
We’ll always have Paris Hilton.
Pardon my French, but Rosetta is so tight that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you’d have a potato.
Okay, nobody move or I get it!
A man’s got to know what his limits are, so he can stay within them, otherwise, ya know, he gets in trouble and junk.
Did you ever suck the jelly out of a jelly doughnut and then fill it with lard?
Two men enter, one man gets the shit kicked out of him, hopefully, then two men leave.
A-B-C. A-Always, B-Be, C-Courteous. Always be courteous, always be courteous.
Yippe-kay-yee, mom.
Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes…
The dead rising from the grave!
Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… you know like Friday night at Rosetta’s place.
The second rule of Fight Club: somebody has to bring snacks.
We’ll have a sign–up list in the back. Finger foods, nothing elaborate.
You know Captain Willard, you were so right. I never should have gotten off the boat. Lesson learned!
KHAAAAAANNN! You douchebag!
Donny, please be quiet.
You know how to whistle, don’t you? I mean, you’re not a total fucking retard, are you?
It’s the Chicago way: they pull a knife, you pull a gun. They put one of yours in the hospital, you send a Get Well card.
Inconceivable!
You keep using that word. What does it mean?
Pardon me. Let me just put this curtain back where it was. Pay no attention.
Warden Samuel Norton: What? What did you call me?
Andy Dufresne: Obtuse: lacking sharpness or quickness of sensibility or intellect; or of an angle : exceeding 90 degrees but less than 180 degrees.
Mirror, mirror on the wall, does this shade of lipstick look okay on me?
MADE IT , MA! TOP OF THE SLIDE!!
If you build it, you will probably go bankrupt and lose your home. But, hey, do what you want, I don’t give a shit.
Cinderella story. Outta nowhere. A former greenskeeper, now, about to become the Masters champion. It looks like a mirac… awww, he missed it. Oh, well.
Where do we get such men? They leave this ship and they do their job. Then they must find this speck lost somewhere on the sea, and land on its pitching deck. Where do we get such men. I’ll bet it’s the flight school at NAS Pensacola, that’s what I think.
Aye. Fight and you may die. Run and you’ll live, at least a while. And, dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance — just one chance — to . . . . um . . . never mind, stupid question.
I just want to say one word to you – just one word…. semen. Interested?
Listen to them. Children of the night. Good Lord, will they just fucking shut up already!!!
I do not envy you the headache you will have when you awake. But for now, rest well and dream of BBF.
You aren’t too smart, are you? I don’t mind that in a man. As long as he’s hung like a horse.
Diamonds are a girls’ best yield on her investment.
Your ears you keep and I’ll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, “Dear God! What is that thing,” will echo in your perfect ears. That is what it means to be Rosetta
All work and no play makes Jack a guy that works a lot.
The right hand here, well that’s Mr. LOVE. And the left hand, I call him Mr. POOKEY.
The horoscope! The horoscope!
hahaha.. that’s better than unpleasantness
Welcome to the party officers! We sure could use your help up here.
You talkin’ to him? Or are you talkin’ to him? There’s a lot of people here, you could be talkin’ to him. There’s just so many people here.
Only two things come out of Oklahoma. Steers and queers. Which one are you, boy? I don’t see no horns. Wait, you could be a man-lesbian like Rosetta, so that makes three things . . .
My sled, when I was a kid. That’s what I named it. Rosebud.
As God is my witness, I’ll never run down to the store in sweats with no makeup and my hair pinned up again. I’m just slinking out with a dozen eggs and always run into some bitch from high school or a guy I used to date. Every. Fuckin. Time.
Spartans! Ready your breakfast and eat hearty…for tonight, we dine on top of those rocks over there!
Except for you two guys. You’re gonna die in the next scene. And you, you kid, just wait. You are totally gonna get you head chopped off. Really dramatic and whatnot.
Tomorrow night, though…we dine in Hell!
Every time you get soused and slam your car into a tree, an angel gets its wings. It was that bastard Steve, this time. So drink up.
Hans, Bubby, I’m a douchebag
“You look good, Jack”
“I didn’t ask, but Thanks.”
Shut up, just shut up. You had me at “for god’s sake Dorothy! I need this sham marriage”.
Stella? Oh Stelllllaaaa. Say, I don’t want to raise my voice and wake everybody up, so howzabout you be a dear and let me in?
You Tarzan, me Bruce.
License to kill gophers by the government of the United Nations. Man, free to kill gophers at will. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case my enemy is a varmint. And a varmint will never quit – ever. They’re like the Viet Cong – Varmint Cong. So you have to fall back on superior intelligence and um um…that is all I got.
“There may come a day when the hearts of men fail, but it is not this day! That day comes when your wife makes you hold her purse in the lingerie aisle!”
There could be several.
Conan! What is best in life?
Sammiches!
Next time you say “Let’s go to Bolivia” we should get an agent and write a best-selling novel, be adored, make a lot of money, and then go retire in Bolivia!
Young man, actually there’s a lot of overlap in the skill sets for driving through hyperspace and crop dusting.
A flute without holes, is not a flute. A donut without a hole, is a bearclaw
Hey there. You’ve reached Jack’s voicemail. I can’t come to the phone right now, but if you leave a name and a number, I’ll try and get right back to you as soon as possible.
Surely, you can’t be serious.
I am serious. And don’t call me.
Listen to me, mister. You’re my knight in shining armor. Don’t you forget it. You’re going to get back on that horse, and I’m going to be right behind you, holding on tight, and away we’re gonna fuck, fuck, fuck!
I’ll tell you the problem with the scientific power that you’re using here: it didn’t require any discipline to attain it. You read what others had done and you took the next step. You didn’t earn the knowledge for yourselves, so you don’t take any responsibility… for it. You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could and before you even knew what you had you patented it and packaged it and slapped it on a plastic lunchbox, and now…
nobody carries plastic lunchboxes.
Ray. If someone asks if you are a god, you say, “no, but if you read this tract, I can show you who He is!”
SBCFTW
Miller Chill. Shaken, not stirred.
Forget it, Jake. It’s Chinese food.
I’ll be back when I’ve procured Sarah Connor’s proper legal representation.
Please, honey, if you don’t mind, Mommy would really appreciate it if you would try not to use the wire hangers for your nice clothes, okay? Thank you, sweetie.
What do you mean, I’m funny?…You mean the way I talk? What?…Funny how? I mean, what’s funny about it?…But I’m funny how? I mean, funny like I’m a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? What do you mean, funny? Funny how? How’m I funny??
Oh, you mean when I told that joke the other day? Yeah, that was pretty good wasn’t it?
You know, honestly, I really can’t stand the smell of Napalm in the morning. It really makes the coffee taste like crap. It’s not so bad later in the day, though.
I have a head for business and a bod that will get wrinkled and gross and make people in the future wonder why the hot guy with the Spanish accent sticks with me.
May the force be with you. And packed some snacks for you, too.
I wish I knew how to quit banging you in the ass. Honestly, it grosses me out big time.
I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass, and I’m down to my last two packs of bubble gum.
Help me help me.
Help me help me.
Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussyy, the small of a woman’s back, the hangin’ curveball, high fiber, good Scotch, that the novels of Susan Sontag are self-indulgent crap…I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve, and I believe in long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days. Oh, and I believe still that The Postman was a classic and the people who didn’t get it are idiots.
It’s the one that says “JULES” on it.
Gort! nikto klaatu ummmm barada uhhhh…wait…. DAMMIT! What was that stupid command again?
You know, walk the earth, meet people… get into adventures. Like Fred from “Scooby Do.”
Spiders. *whew. For a minute there, I thought it was gonna be snakes.
Well, come to think of it, I guess you could handle the truth. I should stop taking things to such extremes, sorry.
Schving!
Bond. Leslie Marion Bond.
You want the moon? What, are you a friggin’ idiot? How the hell do you think I’m gonna be able to get you the moon, with a friggin’ lasso or something?
Stupid needy bitch.
Frankly, my dear… … come to think of you, you’re not mine… and you’re not much of a dear either!
My Mama always said, ‘Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know when you’re gonna get cholera.’
@220 Wiser made me laugh.
These boots are made for jogging.
Ya know, I’ve done far, far better things than this before. Seriously, this really sucks big time.
@220 Wiser made me laugh.
Only took 105 tries.
I’m ready for that shot where the camera gets pretty close, Bob.
Frankly, my dear….wait… your name is Frankly? WTF??
Only took 105 tries.
The other 105 were just sniggers.
@228 GLAR
Houston, blaaaaaaaaaaaaRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHH!!!!
wiserbud
Put down that sammich!
Today, I consider myself the luckiest man on the face of the earth. Except for the whole dying a horrible, crippling, painful death. Boy, maybe I’m not so lucky, then. Hmm.
What now? Let me tell you what now. I’ma call a coupla hard, pipe-hittin’ grandmothers, who’ll go to work on the homes here with a pair of pinking shears and a crochet hook. You hear me talkin’, hillbilly boy? I ain’t through with you by a damn sight. I’ma get Granny Finkle on your ass.
If you build it, he will try to put it on his schedule, but no promises.
Luke, I am your father. But, see, I didn’t know that. It was a party over in Larry’s basement, senior year….
That’s 30 minutes away.
I’ll be there in 10.
12-15 minutes, tops.
Out of control, this business will get. We’ll live through this business, if we are lucky, because this business right here will be getting out of control.
Hoke, you’re my best…OMG!!!! LOOK OUT FOR THAT TREE, YOU DUMB SUNUVA…..
Aye. Fight and you may die. Run and you’ll live, at least a while. And, dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance — just one chance — to . . . . um . . . never mind, stupid question.
Die Tired?
I’m Bat…ummm..guy.
Off–Topic question: how long do these popular threads get? Because I’m wondering just how many comments constitutes a “good thread”.
y’all is some funny mufakus.
“Out here, due process is really sort of a legal construct we kinda set aside for the expediency of an instant sentencing with a bullet.”
You’re doing okay! You’re perfectly fine! This whole trial is progressing perfectly in order, in my opinion!
Because I’m wondering just how many comments constitutes a “good thread”.
Here? Anything greater than 8 is a bloody miracle.
Wiser, did you read the Postman book? I’ve had it laying around awhile and haven’t had the gumption to start it.
“If ye prove to me you can stay outta the troubles, you may court my daughter. ‘Til then, me answer’s no.”
–”Didn’t I just prove it?”
“No.”
–”No?”
“NO!”
–”What if I told ye she was pregnant?”
“Everything that guy just said is without merit”.
Dammit it Dave! I was just working on that one.
Wiser, did you read the Postman book?
You mean the one the movie was based on?
No, I haven’t.
And the last thing he said to me, ‘Rock,’ he said, ’sometime when the team is up against it and the breaks are beating the boys, tell them to…*’
And then he died. I really have no idea what he was gonna say at the end there. Sorry, it’s a pretty stupid story. I probably shouldn’t have even brought it up right now. Anyway, let’s get out there and win one for… well, let’s just win one, ‘k?
Me, Tarzan, You Stinky.
Crap. Thanks anyhow. And, to stay on theme:
There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable… but then you realize that I’m actually Batman.
You see, George, you really had a miserable life. Don’t you see what a mistake it was not to jump sooner?
John, since it’s inception IB has had 3,759 posts and 99,044 comments, meaning average thread length is about 26 comments. It varies widely, however.
That’ll do, bitch, that’ll do.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Couldn’t have timed that last one better.
Don’t you know who I am?
They call me ‘The Juggernaut’.
Please make a note of it.
Some pig! Not an once of fat on these hocks, either! Delicious!
Blow me, Wiser.
Greet the dawn with a breath of fire. The, go brush your damn teeth, because nobody ’round here wants to smell that crappy fire breath of yours.
HAHAHAH
Ease up Ripley, you’re just wearing out the clutch plate and the throwout bearing a little prematurely.
Blow me, Wiser.
That, sir, would cost you a graduate degree.
Some folks call it a sling blade, I call it MaryAnn.
Lets have a party where we all dress up in bedsheets…you know, like the ancient romans did?
When my lawyer J. Noble Daggett is through with you, you will feel as if you had been ass-fucked by a raging bull elephant.
Captain, it is I, Ensign Pulver, and I just threw your stinking palm tree overboard. Now, what’s all this crud about no circle-jerk tonight?
Meow like a kitteh!
You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland. And, I fuck you, because it’s a roofie.
You. ARE. A. VIBRATOR!!
Remember my sentimental friend, you will be judged not by how much you love, but by how much you put out.
I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than this freaking dose of the clap she gave me.
You will remember this day as the day that you almost caught…. Captain… Jack… *click … oh bugger.
With great power comes great ability to kick ass, take names, and use webbing for bedroom hijinx.
But soft, what light through yonder window breaks?
Tis the East, and Juliet is the sun.
Arise, fair sun an….. Hey, who the fuck is that dude up there?
Still jerkin’ it here, bo..aw.aw.aw.aw……sssssssssss….aaaaaaaaaah…
Cry HAVOC!!!! And let slip the poodles of war!
It is our dicks that make us men.
Then close your eyes and tap your heels together three times. And think to yourself, ‘There’s no place like home’. Then my boyfriend is going to take you in his van and give you some nice candy, and you’ll wake up back in Kansas. Or on the side of the road. Just for Oz’s sake don’t try and run, he hates that. It’ll only make him more angry.
I don’t have to break you, but I’m a pretty big dude, so I probably will.
I see dead people. Like you. You’re dead.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. I know, that hardly makes any sense, lemme finish the story.
Call me Ishmael and I’ll scratch your eyes out.
I am not an animal! I am a human being, which, while technically an animal, is a higher form or animal than say, a moose or a squirrel.
If you’ll note on this slide, I’ve put in a brief overview of Darwin’s Theory of Evolution that shows that man is on the high end of the scale. Now, if you’ll click forward to the next slide…
This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home and make a salad it tastes better than arugula.
Just so you know, there’s still time. We could still have a Senator Corleone, a Governor Corleone… This thing we got isn’t over by a long shot…
Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Are you prepared in case you have an accident and have to miss time at work?
Put on your condoms, it’s gonna be a bumpy night.
It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we have a full tank of gas, half a packet of cigarettes, it’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses…Proceed with caution.
We’re on a mission from dog.
Hasta la Vista, XP.
Heeeere’s my grinning stupid face looking at you through this chopped in door!
FBI Technician: What’s “forget about it”?
Donnie Brasco: “Forget about it” means you should not remember something.
How do you write women so well?
I think of a man, and I take away the penis and testicles.
Well I’ve been to one world’s fair, two rodeos and a church picnic, but I seriously doubt we’ve just been ordered to attack the Russians with nuclear weapons.
Now we have the unions, we have the gambling; and they’re the best things to have. But Six Sigma Process Management is the thing of the future. And if we don’t get a piece of that action, we risk everything we have. I mean not now, but, ah, ten years from now.
“Look, Chalmers, let’s understand each other… I don’t like Jews.”
You guys are seriously killing me.
“Final report of the commercial starship Nostromo, third officer reporting. The other members of the crew, Kane, Lambert, Parker, Brett, Ash and Captain Dallas, are dead. Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.”
“We’d better get back, ’cause it’ll be dark soon, and they mostly come at night. See? I made this little chart showing documented sightings cross-referenced against the time of day. There’s a little wiggle-room for the dawn and dusk hours, but you can see the general trend, anyway, and I feel pretty confident in saying ‘mostly.’”
“My User has information that could… that could make this a free system again! No, really! You’d have programs lined up just to surf pron on company time, and no MCP looking over your shoulder.”
Don’t be telling me about foot massages. I’m quite good at them myself.
“Here, take this. Wave it at anything that slithers. … NOT MY SCHLONG, YOU IDIOT!”
This. Is. FRAAAAAAAAAAAAANCE!!!
Dead or alive, you’re coming with the mortician or me, respectively.
Somebody hose down Sobek.
It’s sad when someone shows up late to a dead joke thread.
Over? Did you say “over”?
NOTHING IS OVER UNTIL WE SAY IT’S OVER! WAS IT OVER WHEN THE ASSYRIANS BOMBED PEARL HARBOR?
My target behavior is to disobey the rules.
Sorry to interrupt this program.
I have to pimp out my puppy pic’s
You crossed the Line!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111!!!!!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/vmaximus/3708024843/sizes/l/
the 2nd interuption
You crossed the line!!!!!1111!!!
http://www.flickr.com/photos/vmaximus/3708024843/sizes/l/
I pronounce you sir bearsalot
http://www.flickr.com/photos/vmaximus/3708837594/sizes/l/
Good night my friends!
Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me after I get cheesed off.
Heh. I made a Vmax sandwich.
I like your pictures dude, your house looks like one great big dog party.
Don’t you just want to kiss him?
http://www.flickr.com/photos/vmaximus/3708829164/sizes/l/
Thanks Pups!
Meanwhile, while we are fucking around, Conservativegrapevine.com sent a ton of hits to Geoff’s serious post on “The Stimulus Package that Forgot to Stimulate Anything.”
BWAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!
If it sneezes, we can kill it.
“Now I have a cheese-grater. Ho ho ho.”
“You asked for miracles, Theo, I give you the DMV.”
Hey Hanrahan! Hanrahan! Hanrahan – Suzanne is bi-curious!
It puts the sunblock on its skin or it gets the melanoma again.
(just keeping Sobek company)
you people kill me.
“Are you cold? Then stamp your feet. Stand closer to the woodstove. Hold your hands out like this. Turn them back and forth. THAT’S how you get Capone. Watch out for the baseball bat.”
It puts the sunblock on its skin or it gets the melanoma again.
HAHAHAHAHA!
Thanks, Mrs. Peel.
This one’s for Dave:
“Survival kit contents check. In them you’ll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four buckets of steamed oysters in a bearnaisse sauce; one drug issue containing Nyquil, Flintstones Chewables, crack cocaine, St. John’s Wort, the red pills from ‘The Matrix’, placebos; the collected works of Marcel Proust in Finnish; eleven socks; forty-five dollars’ worth of Chuck E. Cheese tokens; nine packs of Virginia Slims; four boxes of non-latex rubber gloves; two copies of ‘Space Balls’ on laser disk; and the lyrics to Inna Gadda Davita written in braille. Shoot, a fella’ could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.”
AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!
POE. EOP. OPE.
I´m going to bed. G´night.
Tushar told me that, on the drive back from the CT meet up, Sobek made him stop at the World’s Largest Casserole momument upon which Sobek relieved himself and spray-painted “Lutherns = Failed Mormons”.
Tushar found that offensive as do I.
G’night ladies.
Public urination? What is Sobek, Baptist?
Given the knowledge available to you at this point in time, can you state with a reasonably high level of confidence that I can engage in my desired course of action without suffering adverse consequences?
(too obscure? here’s what I was going for)
Those darn Mormans. That kind of behavior from them does not surprise me at all.
Let’s go, while we’re at the tail end of middle age!
aaah. “Is it safe?” Peel, I love you.
Glad someone caught that one…I was afraid I was too late to the party
>>Sobek relieved himself and spray-painted “Lutherns = Failed Mormons”.
I think he was going for Marmosets, but ran out of piss.
ran out of piss
Frickin’ Mormans don’t drink enough beer.