General Question December 20, 2009
Posted by kevlarchick in Women Ranting.trackback
Hey there big fella.
So, when you get up in the morning and use the big-boy potty, and you are stretching your massive shoulders and flexing your mighty guns in preparation for a day of battle, do you even OPEN YOUR EYES? Do you LOOK DOWN? Can you see the TARGET? It’s pretty CLOSE and fairly EASY TO HIT.
So why then, do you MISS IT? Dude, the lid is even up to make it easier. And don’t even start with the “well, he’s (or whatever you’ve named it) got a mind of his own…”
Just stop it. Hit the damn target and get on with your day. Don’t be disgusting.
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I’m sorry, what is the question? I stopped paying attention sometime after the words “big-boy potty”.
I thought we already explained the dreaded random “double-stream-V-shaped-dispersion” anomaly to KC.
Ehh…it’s kind of a ‘visual’.
Some mornings, it looks like a fog nozzle
Plus, you gotta allow for the fact that there is a genetic “marking your territory” imperative that is at work here.
‘Sactly Michael. But do we get any credit for keeping the bathroom wolf free? Hell no.
*marks lazyboy*
Hmm, and cleaning the mess up never occurred, huh?
*standing in closet*
Whatddya mean, I ain’t in the bathroom?
I’m just glad she finally cleaned the damn toilet.
I’m pretty sure the guys at Gibson came up with the design for the Flying V early one morning.
Hmm, and cleaning the mess up never occurred, huh?
Yes, it did. You gotta have something to do in between making sammiches.
Good point.
Speaking of sammiches; dinner tonight is going to be open faced toasted sammiches with ham, hard salami, provolone and grated sharp cheddar on homemade wheat bread.
Awesome, TI.
With that kind of effort, you can relax and leave the bathroom alone.
Aww thanks Michael. Especially since I just cleaned it Friday?
And never discount morning wood. It makes things challenging.
Especially since I just cleaned it Friday?
Yeah.
Sort of.
I mean, you should check the closet if Dave has been around.
Dave’s still in the closet?
Why? I thought we all knew about his little secret.
>> And never discount morning wood. It makes things challenging.
Staff meetings, for example.
Staff meetings, for example.
Yeah.
Damn those wymmens. But for them, we would not need that big expensive wood-veneer conference room table. We could just arrange chairs in a circle, like we do for Adult Bible Class.
I don’t need to open my eyes and I don’t miss. It’s really just a matter of technique.
I shuffle forward in the dark until my shins bump into the porcelain. Then I lean forward until my forehead is pressed against the wall. That’s my cue that I’m dead on target. Never fails.
Just piss outside and get over yourselves. You know you’d rather be alone with him in the wild anyway.
Jewstin.
Dude.
You are severely at risk of a wolf attack.
Just piss outside and get over yourselves.
Pissing outside is a great idea. The problem is, with a limited land area like a backyard, it tends to kill off expensive landscaping and create odor issues. So, back to the bathroom.
You know you’d rather be alone with him in the wild anyway.
That’s just not true. On this site, the overwhelming magnetic power of bewbs has been thoroughly documented.
>> with a limited land area like a backyard, it tends to kill off expensive landscaping.
Those little shrubs outside around by the pool pumps seem to be pretty tough.
From what I remember.
To be honest, I have rather large Yaupon holly trees by my pool pumps, and they are extremely resilient. You can’t hurt those things.
KC, train them to use the sink, it is a larger target and a hell of a lot closer.
Heck, just pee in the shower.
It’s exactly the same drain line that the toilet nearby is using.
Sometimes I bump into the bathtub instead of the toilet, but the technique still works.
I used to know this Orthodox New York Jewish Lawyer, who told me the definition of a “schmuck.”
According to him, a “schmuck” is a guy who does not pee in the shower.
So, I guess I am a schmuck, because as a Lutheran I just don’t do that. Better to hose down the general vicinity of the toilet.
But, I get his point.
Note to self: Move shin-high furniture out of Jewstin’s path.
Nailed it in the opening sentence, KC; big fella indeed. The torque associated with high-volume, high-velocity turbulent flow is highly unpredictable. Ever notice there are like 4-5 firemen to direct a fire hose? You should appreciate, nay admire us for our valiant efforts.
You mean we have to leave the seat down AND go outside to whiz, now?
Unfair.
I’ll bet Mrs. Norden didn’t like cleaning up either.
Necessity is the mofaku of invention.
With 4 boys between ages 4 and 10, I’m lucky if they make ANY in that little round hole. 4 little out of control fire-hoses. We’ve had pee on top of the toilet TANK!!
And as I always tell my wife and daughter “Can you please be a little considerate and REMEMBER TO PUT THE SEAT UP!!!”.
Perhaps I should just tell them to go in the shower…its too cold outside. During the summer they’ll walk by a bathroom to go outside. l I finally broke the 4 year old of peeing in the garage.
boys….
Yes, Rick. My two nephews always pee together. Naturally it becomes a competition. DO NOT CROSS THE STREAMS!
Maybe their mother should make them clean it up once or twice. Still it’s funny.
>>I thought we already explained the dreaded random “double-stream-V-shaped-dispersion” anomaly
Not to mention the effects of the phenomenon colloquially referred to as ‘morning wood’ on the direction, dispersal, turbulence and spin of the stream.
I should have read Cuffy’s comment first.
I should have read Cuffy’s comment first.
Great job, team. Now head back to base for debriefing and cocktails.
I know that doing it in a hot shower is a bad idea. There is some chemical reaction that leaves odors.
Don’t ask me how I know that.
There is some chemical reaction that leaves odors.
It’s the combination of eggplant and tumeric that’s causing that.
It creates undesirable steam.
Kills athlete’s foot fungus though. Trade-off.
Asparagus.
Trade-off: yellowed toenails.
HAHAHAHAHA! Great post.
we have 4 males and 2 chicks in this household
I always put the seat back up after I get done peeing on it.
Me, Myself, and Irene? Jim Carrey has a pertinent scene.
Yeah skinbad that’s what I was thinking of.
And I’m lazy, I usually sit down heh
>>And I’m lazy, I usually sit down heh
Sitzpinkler
Skinbad- I just love the way Carrey tries to bank it off the picture.
I usually sit also but for other reasons. My doctor told me not to lift anything really heavy before 10:00 AM.
One word: Lint.
Gotta admit, after watching 7y/o son hose down the tank, the lid and the wall, I do feel a bit better about my aim in the morning.
Lint.
Lint?
LINT!
Gromulin, you are either a genius or frighteningly familiar with peen.
I sit down to pee when I’m drunk.
Half a century on this planet has taught me something.
It starts at an early age. There’s a reason boys won’t pee with the seat up. When yer winkie only reaches the rim of the toilet, ever have the seat slam down on it?
I sit down to pee when I’m drunk.
Roughly what percentage of time is a toilet involved?
Have to share this: http://kuvaton.com/browse/10824/stay_focused_wc.jpg
Roughly what percentage of time is a toilet involved?
HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
*snort*
Musli’s link is blocked for “adult content.” Musli is spending too much time with the Hostages.