The Most Pathetic Article of June 8, 2010 June 8, 2010
Posted by geoff in News.trackback
…generated by the very liberal Boulder Daily Camera. First the title:
Coping with caffeine: How to handle the buzz with moderation
Oh yeah – the life-destroying struggle with the caffeine monkey on your back. Let’s check in on the terrible plight of the addicts:
“I’ve been drinking at least one cup every day for the past 15 years or so,” said Alkhawaja, 28. “I always have a cup in my hand. I’m definitely addicted.”
One cup a day. Pretty scary. Boy, don’t come to me unless you’re drinking 10 cups a day and always have a coffee pot in your hand.
So after the scary title and the compelling story of one out-of-control addict, where do we stand?
Yet according to Boulder nutritionist Eileen Faughey, there may be nothing wrong with that. So far, she said, studies have been unable to directly link caffeine to health problems.
Um yeah. Some college dweeb talking about his lightweight “addiction” to a substance which has been around for centuries and which apparently causes no ill effects. What a scoop!
Coffee and excess caffeine consumption is a leading cause of productivity and may contribute to high rates of awesomeness.
Coffee has been America’s answer to office productivity for generations and I’m not fucking with it.
It just seems like this article is wistful – pining for some reason to start regulating and maybe even banning caffeine. Because, darn it, there’s got to be something wrong with it.
You might as well start confining your diet to water, fruit, and vegetables, because they won’t be happy until they’ve outlawed everything else.
THEY’LL TAKE MY CRACK PIPE FROM MY COLD, DEAD HAND
Wistful and affectatious.
GMAFB.
Coping with Cowbell: How to Know When There is Too Much
Hi, I’m Enas and I’m a LOLcatoholic.
This is typical of the kind of local reporting we have here. And its not just the local fish wrapper its the TV news reporting also that sucks more and more.
‘Round here, The Star-Telegram (more appropriately nicknamed The StartleGram) usually just bashes the evil polluting gaswell drilling companies.
Which I agree are being dangerously cavalier about their practices and monitoring and don’t seem to give a crap about the low-income Hispanic neighborhood that they’re drilling 200′ away from.
But hey, newsflash – if Moncrief actually did anything about it, odds are he would wind up wearing concrete shoes in the Trinity. Fall down a flight of stairs and land on six bullets. KWIM? ITYD.