Innocent Bystanders

Environment of Hate Not Working for You? Try Some Real Calls to Violence!! January 12, 2011

[I was going to put this up at AoSHQ, but decided that they had too much metacoverage of the Giffords assassination attempt. IB, however, had none! So here you go.]

I’ve never been much for appreciating metaphors, similes, allegories and the like. I like things direct and simple. So when people show me these bullseyes, crosshairs, surveyor symbols, or whatever, I just shrug. When somebody says “don’t retreat, reload,” I’m bewildered. It’s too vague – it requires too much reading between the lines.

I need my incitements to violence to be clear and to the point: tell me who it is and what you want done. Direct and simple.

That’s why I recommend liberals 9 times out of 10 for your calls to violence. When Democrats place a newspaper ad that says:

“And then there’s Rumsfeld who said of Iraq, ‘We have our good days and our bad days,’ ” the ad continues. “We should put this S.O.B. up against the wall and say ‘This is one of our bad days,’ and pull the trigger.”

there’s no question about who, what, where, or how. Hell, they even script it for you!! Environment of hate, my ass – these guys give you the instruction manual for murder!

I’m sure you’ve heard this one quite a few times over the past few days:

“That Scott down there that’s running for governor of Florida,” Mr. Kanjorski said. “Instead of running for governor of Florida, they ought to have him and shoot him. Put him against the wall and shoot him.

Any questions? Any confusion? Didn’t think so.

Randi Rhodes provided us another roadmap to action:

“Like Fredo, somebody ought to take him out fishing and phuw. ” Rhodes then imitated the sound of a gunshot.

You’ve got to admire her going the extra mile and clarifying what she meant by “phuw.” Yes, she set a standard of excellence and attention to detail that has dwarfed Sarah Palin’s feeble efforts.

In the absence of a well-defined plan, liberals go to their fallback strategy: form a committee. Thus we have ex-SNL performer Rick “I’m Known Only for Sniglets” Hall singing “Let’s get together and kill George Bush” at his comedy appearances. Short on concrete ideas, he delegates responsibility for planning to the audience. And if the plan doesn’t seem to be coming together, they can always just burn some effigies.

But maybe you’re intimidated. “Gee,” you say to yourself, “I dunno if I can handle some of these fancy-schmancy schemes these libs are cooking up.” Well hustle yourself to the practice range and take aim at a George Bush target! Ammo too expensive? Not to worry, ‘cuz you can practice on one of the many “Kill Bush” video games available at a web site near you! Here are a few:

• Kill George Bush
• Hit Bush with Shoe
• Cyborg [your mission: go to White House and kill George Bush]
• The quickly removed, “The Night of Bush Capturing; A Virtual Jihadi“
• How many times can you kill George W without getting bored

But sometimes you’re in a more passive mood, where you want to get fired up to commit political violence, but you can’t get off the couch. Then just feast your eyes on Bush-killing movies, like Death of a President.

Despite the extensive suite of training tools and a great go-to team of speakers, even liberals occasionally come up short. Falling into despair after 5 heart attacks failed to stop the indomitable Dick Cheney, they’ve been forced to give up when even their most high-tech, fanciful assassination plans failed to bear fruit. Stick with the Cheney effigies, guys.

But even with the occasional (and completely excusable) failure, it’s clear that creating an environment of hate is for amateurs. You need direct, specific, targeted calls for the death of major political figures to be in the liberals’ league. Honestly, I don’t think our side will ever close the gap.