Innocent Bystanders

  While watching Iowa’s Shawn Johnson win the Gold Medal on the beam last night, I heard the announcers talking about how her parents took out multiple mortgages on their house to keep her training with Coach Liang Chow.  This got me thinking, how do I steer Moses the Wonderbaby away from costly sports? 

  My cousin’s boy Tyler played on a regional traveling hockey team when they lived in Little Rock, and when they moved back to the family farm South of Earlham, he started playing with the club teams in the Des Moines area.  Since they’ve already experienced the travel & equipment costs, his younger brother Noah has already been told “You’re NOT going to play hockey, bub.” 

  The usual youth sports aren’t too bad for costs.  Soccer, baseball, football & basketball all can be played without plunking down thousands for specialized equipment or costly coaching, but what if he wants to get involved in an obscure olympic sport?  I could use some ideas for Olympic sports to steer Moses into, just in case he wants to do something unusual. 

  Here’s a few starters: 

  Trapshooting/Air Rifle/Smallbore Rifle:  I could teach him a few of the basics, but then I’d send him off to the “Camp Geezer Olympic Shooting Preparatory Academy”.  I hear that they offer scholarships to kids who can eat their own weight in bacon.

  Swimming/Diving/Hammer Throw:  If I got Moses a Greyhound ticket to the Dallas area, he could train at the prestigious “Dave in Texas Waterpark”.  As far as the hammer throw goes, I’ve never watched the Olympic event, but it’s got something to do with frustrated homeowners tossin’ tools at beagles, right?

  Beanbag Toss:  I know it’s not a sport yet, but I’m sure that by the 2032 games they’ll have it on the agenda.  Since Kevlarchick lives in the Cinci-tucky region, she’d be the logical coach for Moses if he wants to go for a gold in THAT sport.

  Drinking Budweiser with a Camel:  eddiebear, I’m counting on YOU for this one.

  And before you ask; NO.  The wife has already said “There’s No.  Way.  In.  Hell.  that Moses will go train with WP for an Olympic Sport.”  So don’t go there, or you’ll feel the wrath.

Does your dog wink at you?  What is the meaning of this mystery? 

Do you wink back? 

Just how cool is the pool lookin these days?

Awesomeness.

Last pics (sans sewer pipe), all the plants were itty bitty.

No more. 

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In a thread below, Dave and I were talking about heavy metal fixtures on the target cables of gun ranges.

That reminded me of an obscure, but excellent, song from way back called “Heavy Metal.”  It’s a song that offers the raw beat of heavy metal, but also features singers that can harmonize and serious work by the lead guitar.  Not just showy arpeggios, but real Clapton-worthy artistry.

I found it on YouTube, because it was featured in a truly bizarre South Park episode called “Major Boobage.”

Heavy metal.  South Park.  Major boobage.

I’m the kind of guy who needs to share.  I’m all about the love.

NSFW.

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Last night, my father, oldest younger sister, and I went to a local range for our local mandatory anti-zombie training. I practiced with my Mosin Nagant and my .22 Ruger.

I only fired 20 Rifle shots, and 40 Ruger shots because loading that rifle was something I had to get used to and after the two 10-round magazines that came with my Ruger were expended, I still have to learn how to load a .22 magazine quickly.

As you can see, I still need a lot of practice. But this is fun, and I want more.

Oh, and those zombies don’t stand a chance.

Pistol Shooting.

Rifle Shooting

I have been asked by McCain’s campaign to be the chair of the ‘Veterans for McCain’ Committe for the county I live in. I think I’d rather gouge out one of my eyes but I also have a sense of party loyalty to consider. I’ve been stalling for two weeks to see who he picks for VP because I will be damned if I’ll campaign for a McCain/Lieberman ticket.

So my question is this: principles or party?

All these years, I thought only the Dallas Cowboys, Keith Hernandez, and The NBA approached random casual sex with the same vigor that I approach the All-You-Can-Eat Sushi Happy Hour Fun Time at Mr. Sushi. But I was wrong.

It turns out those paragons of virtue and innocence, namely Olympic Athletes not named Kobe, really love to get acquainted with each other after the day is through. So much so, 100,000 condoms are available at the Olympic Village.

While sex is not an Olympic sport it is expected to be an activity in the Beijing village housing 10,500 athletes, all of whom are in great shape and with plenty of free time on their hands once knocked out of the Games.

Athletes have received free condoms at every Olympics since Barcelona in 1992 to help raise awareness of AIDS, and Beijing is no exception.

“There are many young, strong, single people in the athletes’ village and, like everywhere, some will fall in love or other things so we need to make condoms available,” Ole Hansen, spokesman for UNAIDS China, told Reuters.

“A lot of these young people are not married or in relationships so we want to make sure they have the information and tools to protect themselves if they have sexual encounters.”

The UNAIDS, the Beijing organising committee BOCOG and International Olympics Committee are providing 100,000 condoms as part of a campaign on HIV prevention and anti-discrimination.

At the Sydney Games in 2000 athletes quickly exhausted a supply of 70,000 and another 20,000 had to be brought in.

Well, lets see who could be top contenders to exhaust this supply.
First up:

Some members of the German Female Athletic Contingent. These brave lasses gamely shed their clothes to discuss the Georgian War. Well, at least that is what I gathered when I went to the original source document. But my German is a bit rusty. Anyway, here is a snippet from the German version of a certain magazine that has great writing from George Plimpton and lotsa skin. But mostly skin.

Petra Niemann is competing in her third Olympiad, and sailing is her game. “I’ve been working hard with my psychologist,” she told Playboy, as if to suggest this had something to do with sport or being naked.

Kayaker Nicole Reinhardt is one of Germany’s best hopes for gold in Beijing, and is grateful that her sport is about technique, so the “dickere und kräftigere” (”butch”) ladies have nothing on her svelte frame.

Yeah. I told you the interviews were great.

Another contender is Spanish Rhythmic Gymnast Almudena Cid Tostado, who was kind enough to pose for the Spanish version of FHM, which also has great articles.

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In a conclusion that even I could understand, some smart guy wasted a ton of money coming to the conclusion that sexually appealing athletes can make a shitload of money in the advertising business.

The author of this mind-blowing piece mentioned the usual suspects: Amanda Beard, David Beckham, Maria Sharapova, and swimmer Dara Torres. But the much appreciated newcomer to the scene is Paraguayan javelin thrower Leryn Franco, who I had never heard of until today.

Leryn Franco, 26, a javelin thrower from Paraguay, is competing in her second Olympics at Beijing, thanks to her second career, modelling.

“Modelling is a way for me to continue with my sport, the hours are flexible, and you can earn good money through photographic modelling and the catwalk,” Franco told Reuters.

So, what does this athlete look like?

[UPDATE: PHOTO IS NOW BELOW THE FOLD. IT'S CLEAN, BUT I DON'T WANT TO START ANY TROUBLE.]

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Well, some doubt me.  I’m not sayin who.

So, just check this out, and we’ll see what’s what.

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Here is one way:

Here is how others may spend their time off:

Or, here is another idea:

  (Now, as if having to WATCH the ChiCom Olympics all freakin’ week wasn’t bad enough, I’ve been asked to post some thoughts about the Olympics?  The things I do to preserve domestic tranquility.)

iowa-olympians

  (It looks like I’ll be hooking up the extra DVD player to the old Zenith in the basement so that while we’ve got synchronized ladder climbing on the living room TV, I can watch “The Sons of Katie Elder” or “The Warriors” downstairs.  Moses and I watched “Three Godfathers” the other night, and I tried to tell him all about Ward Bond and his important place in the whole John Wayne/John Ford Movie Mythos.  I think he was smiling, but on second thought, that might have been gas.)

Ruger Mark III .22.

Somebody, and I think it was Russ, mentioned something about a warning on the side of the pistol. I thought he meant a big sticker. Turns out I didn’t know what he meant. There is a warning about reading the instructional manual engraved on the side of the pistol. And the loaded chamber indicator has “loaded chamber indicator” engraved on it as well. The nerve. Warning people that firearms are dangerous and holding peoples’ hands to tell them when a pistol is loaded?. What’s next? Nagging us that eating raw Crisco is bad for you?

But I digress. As an added bonus, Ruger is offering a discount on NRA membership.

My dad also went with me and bought a Taurus (from Brazil?) 9 round .22 revolver.

Those zombies won’t stand a chance.