Innocent Bystanders

Ames, IA, and Iowa State University, the alma mater of a certain fella we know, has determined that the weight of kegs hitting the sidewalk is a major problem. In fact, the sidewalks near an area where many bars are located and the required beer distributors unload their liquid goods are becoming cracked and damaged.

So, how did Ames overcome this dilemma, without disrupting vital beer supplies?

Why, they made rubber sidewalks!

The city of Ames is installing a rubber sidewalk at a spot near the Iowa State University campus where beer distributors unload hundreds of kegs from trucks for area bars.

The heavy kegs have been cracking the concrete pavement. So officials have decided to install sidewalk pavers made by a California company using recycled tires.

The city’s streets supervisor tested the project by taking a sledge hammer to it. The new sidewalk didn’t even dent.

Apparently, the sidewalks also saved a bunch of tires from being burned. But who cares about that? Beer supplies will continue unabated.

In a thread below, Dave and I were talking about heavy metal fixtures on the target cables of gun ranges.

That reminded me of an obscure, but excellent, song from way back called “Heavy Metal.”  It’s a song that offers the raw beat of heavy metal, but also features singers that can harmonize and serious work by the lead guitar.  Not just showy arpeggios, but real Clapton-worthy artistry.

I found it on YouTube, because it was featured in a truly bizarre South Park episode called “Major Boobage.”

Heavy metal.  South Park.  Major boobage.

I’m the kind of guy who needs to share.  I’m all about the love.

NSFW.

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Ernest Borgnine appeared on Fox News this morning touting his new autobiography.   He is 91 years old and just as full of it as ever.   When asked “what’s your secret,”  Borgnine replied:

“I masturbate alot.” 

Borgnine in his latest role as Mermaid Man on Sponge Bob Square Pants

All these years, I thought only the Dallas Cowboys, Keith Hernandez, and The NBA approached random casual sex with the same vigor that I approach the All-You-Can-Eat Sushi Happy Hour Fun Time at Mr. Sushi. But I was wrong.

It turns out those paragons of virtue and innocence, namely Olympic Athletes not named Kobe, really love to get acquainted with each other after the day is through. So much so, 100,000 condoms are available at the Olympic Village.

While sex is not an Olympic sport it is expected to be an activity in the Beijing village housing 10,500 athletes, all of whom are in great shape and with plenty of free time on their hands once knocked out of the Games.

Athletes have received free condoms at every Olympics since Barcelona in 1992 to help raise awareness of AIDS, and Beijing is no exception.

“There are many young, strong, single people in the athletes’ village and, like everywhere, some will fall in love or other things so we need to make condoms available,” Ole Hansen, spokesman for UNAIDS China, told Reuters.

“A lot of these young people are not married or in relationships so we want to make sure they have the information and tools to protect themselves if they have sexual encounters.”

The UNAIDS, the Beijing organising committee BOCOG and International Olympics Committee are providing 100,000 condoms as part of a campaign on HIV prevention and anti-discrimination.

At the Sydney Games in 2000 athletes quickly exhausted a supply of 70,000 and another 20,000 had to be brought in.

Well, lets see who could be top contenders to exhaust this supply.
First up:

Some members of the German Female Athletic Contingent. These brave lasses gamely shed their clothes to discuss the Georgian War. Well, at least that is what I gathered when I went to the original source document. But my German is a bit rusty. Anyway, here is a snippet from the German version of a certain magazine that has great writing from George Plimpton and lotsa skin. But mostly skin.

Petra Niemann is competing in her third Olympiad, and sailing is her game. “I’ve been working hard with my psychologist,” she told Playboy, as if to suggest this had something to do with sport or being naked.

Kayaker Nicole Reinhardt is one of Germany’s best hopes for gold in Beijing, and is grateful that her sport is about technique, so the “dickere und kräftigere” (”butch”) ladies have nothing on her svelte frame.

Yeah. I told you the interviews were great.

Another contender is Spanish Rhythmic Gymnast Almudena Cid Tostado, who was kind enough to pose for the Spanish version of FHM, which also has great articles.

(more…)

In a conclusion that even I could understand, some smart guy wasted a ton of money coming to the conclusion that sexually appealing athletes can make a shitload of money in the advertising business.

The author of this mind-blowing piece mentioned the usual suspects: Amanda Beard, David Beckham, Maria Sharapova, and swimmer Dara Torres. But the much appreciated newcomer to the scene is Paraguayan javelin thrower Leryn Franco, who I had never heard of until today.

Leryn Franco, 26, a javelin thrower from Paraguay, is competing in her second Olympics at Beijing, thanks to her second career, modelling.

“Modelling is a way for me to continue with my sport, the hours are flexible, and you can earn good money through photographic modelling and the catwalk,” Franco told Reuters.

So, what does this athlete look like?

[UPDATE: PHOTO IS NOW BELOW THE FOLD. IT'S CLEAN, BUT I DON'T WANT TO START ANY TROUBLE.]

(more…)

Ruger Mark III .22.

Somebody, and I think it was Russ, mentioned something about a warning on the side of the pistol. I thought he meant a big sticker. Turns out I didn’t know what he meant. There is a warning about reading the instructional manual engraved on the side of the pistol. And the loaded chamber indicator has “loaded chamber indicator” engraved on it as well. The nerve. Warning people that firearms are dangerous and holding peoples’ hands to tell them when a pistol is loaded?. What’s next? Nagging us that eating raw Crisco is bad for you?

But I digress. As an added bonus, Ruger is offering a discount on NRA membership.

My dad also went with me and bought a Taurus (from Brazil?) 9 round .22 revolver.

Those zombies won’t stand a chance.

I guess I have led a sheltered life, not knowing until today that shooting bowling pins was a big deal.

Anyway, here is a random video I found of this particular activity:
[UPDATE: RG NOTICED THE FIRST VIDEO I FOUND WAS "NO LONGER AVAILABLE". SO, HERE'S ANOTHER RANDOM VIDEO OF A GUY SHOOTING BOWLING PINS.]

Former Sudanese refugee to cary U. S. flag in opening ceremonies.

Voted  the honor by the captains of the U. S. Olympic teams. Well played.

Layers of heart-warming goodness (with, just possibly, a thumb in the eye to those who deserve it).

Meet Bia and Branca Feres, twin sisters from Brazil. What makes them even better is that they are synchronized swimmers. I could care less if they are on the Olympic team from Brazil or not. But this just proves that all sports should be taken seriously. Here is a photo of them:

And here is a video of the sisters in action. You know, for educational purposes.

Oh, and I bought a .22 Ruger Pistol today, and Lauraw may have a kindred spirit in her hatred of crocs, but who cares about that?

  More Moses pictures?  Oh, I’m sorry.  We don’t have any.

  Nope, not a one.

  I guess we’re just bad parents, because we just keep forgetting to go get our camera whenever Moses does anything remotely interesting.  Oh well, can I interest you in seeing some cat pictures instead?

  Well, the one picture DOES have a cat in it.

I met a nice lady from Hong-Kong at an industry conference in upstate New York last week. “Jane” had never been to America before, and was curious about, well…just about everything.

We were staying in a fairly nice hotel, and the first night our group was taken to a nice restaurant nearby. Jane and I met while we were outside waiting for the bus. She was looking all around at the scenery, the hotel golf course in the foreground and the green mountains off in the distance.  She opened her arms up wide and asked:

Is all of America like this?

I was not sure what she meant at first, but when I figured out she was talking about the wide open spaces, flowerbeds and well manicured lawns, I assured her that this was pretty typical of America.

There is no place like this in Hong Kong. No one makes the land look like gardens. It is very crowded where I come from.

When she found that I did not mind answering questions, she really opened up with some doozys. We sat together on the bus and in the restaurant, and I did my best to answer her inquiries. She was totally mystified by our system of government. I explained that we hold elections every 4 years to choose who will represent us in government.

“Does everyone have to vote?”

It’s a privilege to vote. Not everyone does it, but many take the time to study the candidates and issues, and make a choice based on which candidate would best represent their views.

She also had a lot of questions regarding our military.

Do the soldiers get rich when they join the army?

No, they do not get paid well at all. Our soldiers believe in America, and wish to help our country, and other people around the world, by volunteering for the armed services.

They don’t have any better options, they are desperate, and need jobs?

No. The armed services only take the best volunteers, they actually turn people away who can’t pass the screening tests.

What about their parents?

Their parents are proud. Proud. (I had to say it twice to make her understand.)

On another field trip, she asked why we fly American flags from our homes and businesses.  Several others in our group tried to explain that it’s traditional in America to be proud of our country, and flying the flag is one form of patriotism.

“It is not like this anywhere else, people flying flags and being patriotic, unless the children have been brainwashed into it…into believing their country is great. How does this happen in America?”

At this point I began to wonder if Jane was being purposely obtuse, possibly inscrutable. She had a lot of information about America right in front of her, but did not make the connections between how nice it is to live here, and how we are proud of being Americans. 

She had been amazed that there was a coffee maker in every room in the hotel (she works in an office with 20 others, and they all share one).  She was shocked to see maintenance and custodial workers leaving the hotel after an 8 hour work day, and driving nice vehicles.

Your country is very rich.

Yes, we are.  Maybe a little spoiled too, but we mean well. 

Jane didn’t get America, but didn’t hesitate when I asked her if she would want to live here.

Absolutely. I would love to move here. America is strange to me, but very wonderful.

Gallup finally does a survey that is relevant.

In recent years, wine had narrowed the gap, including pulling slightly ahead in 2005 (though not by a significant margin), but for the first time since 2002, beer enjoys a better-than-double-digit advantage over wine.

Zombie Dating Services.

Female Collegiate Soccer Players, especially Megan Ohai.

Michigan weather in late July.

Mr. Long Wang.

And finally, science focusing on what is important: the damage women cause their breasts by wearing the wrong undergarments while exercising.

Dr Scurr - who has tested 50 bra designs on hundreds of women over the last three years - believes the speed at which breasts move could be the key to preventing breast pain and damage to fragile ligaments.

Her team has helped design a new, extra supportive bra made with moulded plastic which goes on sale later this year.

“Of the women I have seen during my work I would say only five per cent were wearing the right size bra,” said Dr Scurr.

“Most women wear an underband that is too large and a cup size that is too small. Wearing the wrong size bra can cause discomfort and offers reduced levels of support that can lead to stretching and ultimately sagging.”

Women experience the most discomfort when their breasts accelerate or decelerate, the scientists found.

Yes, I know this important topic has been covered before, but in the public interest, breast health cannot be discussed enough.