Innocent Bystanders

The Fonz

I’m so proud.

Paris has its Eiffel Tower. Rome’s got the Coliseum. And Milwaukee?

Well, we’re now the proud home of the Fonzie Statue, a 5-foot-6-inch, teal, white and bronze monument to Henry Winkler’s character in the 1970s TV sitcom “Happy Days.”

Update: I’m a glass-half-full kinda guy so I have to say this could be worse. It could be rubber sidewalks.

Just how cool is the pool lookin these days?

Awesomeness.

Last pics (sans sewer pipe), all the plants were itty bitty.

No more. 

  (more…)

I have been asked by McCain’s campaign to be the chair of the ‘Veterans for McCain’ Committe for the county I live in. I think I’d rather gouge out one of my eyes but I also have a sense of party loyalty to consider. I’ve been stalling for two weeks to see who he picks for VP because I will be damned if I’ll campaign for a McCain/Lieberman ticket.

So my question is this: principles or party?

Former Sudanese refugee to cary U. S. flag in opening ceremonies.

Voted  the honor by the captains of the U. S. Olympic teams. Well played.

Layers of heart-warming goodness (with, just possibly, a thumb in the eye to those who deserve it).

Where have I been all weekend?  I didn’t even know there was a tropical storm headed this way.

UPDATE: New track puts it right over us; it’ll be a weakened storm but should dump a lot of rain on us, which we really need as long as the flooding isn’t too bad.  40 to 50mph winds, might even still have a visible eye formation when it passes.

ALSO: Holy moly, the knee knows something is up.  I have just been issued a “joint-alert” regarding a change in barometric pressure.

 click on image to see larger more readable picture of catastrophic mayhem and disaster

Tropical storm Edouard, which sounds stupid so I’m calling it “Eddie”.  It’ll pick up some steam, but doesn’t look like an asskicker.  That line would take it about 60 miles south of us, so we’ll get some rain out of it.

My hometown is kinda halfway between the “M” in 2PM ET and the “5″ in (35 mph) On that line, just to the right of the last storm symbol on the track .

Good for me, but I think Michael is gonna get killed.  Good luck Michael!  Keep your head on a swivel.

This post is intended as an antidote for the blatant militarism recently exhibited on this site.  It was shameful, just shameful.  I’m embarrassed now to be associated with a bunch of frickin’ warmongers.  I believe in peace and love.  That’s the Lutheran way.

Here’s Peter, Paul and Mary with Pete Seeger.  I actually saw PP&M live once, and yes, Mary was pretty chunky by then, not the hot hippie chick I remembered from my youth.  But that does not detract from their compelling message of peace and love.  You need to wait for the voiceover commentary at 2:28 — it will make you weep.

I’ve posted before about how I think the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA) attempt to salvage a failed business model through litigation is a travesty of justice. I came across this article recently and wanted to share it with you as it explains how this mockery of due process is being foisted upon us.

There is a common misconception, actively fostered by the RIAA’s public relations spokespeople, that these are “downloading” cases. Nothing could be further from the truth. The cases are brought without any proof of downloading whatsoever. The way in which these cases come about is that an unlicensed “investigator” (through a method the RIAA has termed “automated,” “proprietary,” and “confidential” and that it refuses to dis-close), engages in a pretexting operation in which the investigator pretends to be an ordinary user of one of the peerto- peer file-sharing networks. When the investigator locates a group of “shared files” on his computer screen, he makes a screen shot, downloads a small number of files, and, from the data packet he retrieves, supplies the RIAA with the Internet protocol (IP) address contained in the packet, together with the date and time of the screenshot.

This is a very interesting article, and while I didn’t ‘get’ all of the legal mumbo jumbo it is certainly clear that the RIAA is not interested in justice.

Read it all (h/t Slashdot).

I met a nice lady from Hong-Kong at an industry conference in upstate New York last week. “Jane” had never been to America before, and was curious about, well…just about everything.

We were staying in a fairly nice hotel, and the first night our group was taken to a nice restaurant nearby. Jane and I met while we were outside waiting for the bus. She was looking all around at the scenery, the hotel golf course in the foreground and the green mountains off in the distance.  She opened her arms up wide and asked:

Is all of America like this?

I was not sure what she meant at first, but when I figured out she was talking about the wide open spaces, flowerbeds and well manicured lawns, I assured her that this was pretty typical of America.

There is no place like this in Hong Kong. No one makes the land look like gardens. It is very crowded where I come from.

When she found that I did not mind answering questions, she really opened up with some doozys. We sat together on the bus and in the restaurant, and I did my best to answer her inquiries. She was totally mystified by our system of government. I explained that we hold elections every 4 years to choose who will represent us in government.

“Does everyone have to vote?”

It’s a privilege to vote. Not everyone does it, but many take the time to study the candidates and issues, and make a choice based on which candidate would best represent their views.

She also had a lot of questions regarding our military.

Do the soldiers get rich when they join the army?

No, they do not get paid well at all. Our soldiers believe in America, and wish to help our country, and other people around the world, by volunteering for the armed services.

They don’t have any better options, they are desperate, and need jobs?

No. The armed services only take the best volunteers, they actually turn people away who can’t pass the screening tests.

What about their parents?

Their parents are proud. Proud. (I had to say it twice to make her understand.)

On another field trip, she asked why we fly American flags from our homes and businesses.  Several others in our group tried to explain that it’s traditional in America to be proud of our country, and flying the flag is one form of patriotism.

“It is not like this anywhere else, people flying flags and being patriotic, unless the children have been brainwashed into it…into believing their country is great. How does this happen in America?”

At this point I began to wonder if Jane was being purposely obtuse, possibly inscrutable. She had a lot of information about America right in front of her, but did not make the connections between how nice it is to live here, and how we are proud of being Americans. 

She had been amazed that there was a coffee maker in every room in the hotel (she works in an office with 20 others, and they all share one).  She was shocked to see maintenance and custodial workers leaving the hotel after an 8 hour work day, and driving nice vehicles.

Your country is very rich.

Yes, we are.  Maybe a little spoiled too, but we mean well. 

Jane didn’t get America, but didn’t hesitate when I asked her if she would want to live here.

Absolutely. I would love to move here. America is strange to me, but very wonderful.

Gallup finally does a survey that is relevant.

In recent years, wine had narrowed the gap, including pulling slightly ahead in 2005 (though not by a significant margin), but for the first time since 2002, beer enjoys a better-than-double-digit advantage over wine.

Zombie Dating Services.

Female Collegiate Soccer Players, especially Megan Ohai.

Michigan weather in late July.

Mr. Long Wang.

And finally, science focusing on what is important: the damage women cause their breasts by wearing the wrong undergarments while exercising.

Dr Scurr - who has tested 50 bra designs on hundreds of women over the last three years - believes the speed at which breasts move could be the key to preventing breast pain and damage to fragile ligaments.

Her team has helped design a new, extra supportive bra made with moulded plastic which goes on sale later this year.

“Of the women I have seen during my work I would say only five per cent were wearing the right size bra,” said Dr Scurr.

“Most women wear an underband that is too large and a cup size that is too small. Wearing the wrong size bra can cause discomfort and offers reduced levels of support that can lead to stretching and ultimately sagging.”

Women experience the most discomfort when their breasts accelerate or decelerate, the scientists found.

Yes, I know this important topic has been covered before, but in the public interest, breast health cannot be discussed enough.

Back when I was in undergrad and sometimes coherent, I all but lived on Hot Pockets. That lava hot cheese. That ambiguous “meat”. That funky sleeve thingy. All for $1.50 for two of them. That meant more money for alcohol, so you know, being the Biz School man I was, I allocated my resources properly and filled my freezer with Hot Pockets so that the essentials would be perpetually handy. And that fucking do-gooder down the hall complaining of the smell and flatulence? Go bite my ass, fuckface! I’m eating and boozing and getting laid. And you?

*ahem*

Anyway, I read with much sorrow today that there has been a recall of a shitload of LeanPockets, the “diet” spinoff of HotPockets.

About 200,000 pounds of the products, a spinach artichoke chicken package with two sandwiches, are affected.

This prompted a recall of the greatest stand up skit not featuring the late George Carlin (PBUH):

Anyway, what’s a lad to do while waiting out the recall? Here are a few suggestions:

Ponder whether or not Batman could really exist.

What’s most plausible about portrayals of Batman’s skills?
You could train somebody to be a tremendous athlete and to have a significant martial arts background, and also to use some of the gear that he has, which requires a lot of physical prowess. Most of what you see there is feasible to the extent that somebody could be trained to that extreme. We’re seeing that kind of thing in less than a month in the Olympics.

Thanks to Wisergenius for the above.

Go out and exercise.

Steve Striker of Edwardsville planned to eat at least 24 doughnuts. He was working on 20 doughnuts when he reached the Worden pit stop.

“I don’t think I’ll make my goal. It’s tough to hold it back now,” Striker said as he was shoving five doughnuts into his mouth.

First-time participant Blake Stevens of Edwardsville said the ride was fun.

“I got to see some guy puke after eating 25 doughnuts, so that was interesting,” Stevens said.

Cope with the InBev buyout of A-B:

Q: What should I drink instead?

A: You have several options. You can drink Miller Lite, which is fucking terrible. You can also drink Coors Light, which is also fucking terrible. But at least Coors Light is an offical sponsor of the NFL. Also, when you open a Coors Light, a big fucking silver train comes from out of nowhere! And you can see your breath! And girls with big tits show up out of thin air! Awesome.
…
Whatever you do, DO NOT drink any Belgian beer. Belgium is renowned for making delicious dubbels and trappist ales that make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. THIS IS A TRAP. It’s right there in the name: “trap”pist. You know who makes those beers? Bloodthirsty Belgian monks, who employ the beer as a sedative before FUCKING THEIR VICTIMS UP THE ASS. You keep that Chimay away from my family, you perverts.

Or, you could engage in some “bonding” with the USC Football Team.

You could drive scooters in Columbus, OH (I hear that is popular with some on this site).

It’s difficult to get an exact estimate as to how many scooters are being operated around the city, but some estimates are as high as 3,000.

“With the fuel injection engines, it should get about 100 miles per gallon under normal use,” Beam said.

But there are drawbacks.

Scooters are now mixing into the flow of traffic.

Dave Hughes and his wife have started riding scooters to and from work.

“It’s more of a respect thing and ‘you’re in my way kind of thing,’” Hughes said.

But as the price of gasoline remains high, scooters may not always be the vehicles that are “in the way.”

“We’ve been absolutely inundated (with a) 35 scooter backorder right now,” Beam said.

With a higher demand than supply, Central Ohioans should expect to see more and more of them as more are built and available.

Or, you could hang out with some Canadian Football Cheerleaders.

Folks, the choice is yours. Choose wisely.

The public seems to be evenly divided about how to withdraw from Iraq:

A new Washington Post-ABC News poll finds the country split down the middle between those backing Sen. Barack Obama’s 16o-month timeline for withdrawal of U.S. troops from Iraq and those agreeing with Sen. John McCain’s position that events, not timetables, should dictate when forces come home.

Obama, the presumptive Democratic presidential nominee, will deliver what his campaign is billing as a “major address” on Iraq today in Washington, part of an effort to convince voters that he could serve effectively as commander in chief. The public is also evenly divided on that question, with 48 percent saying he would be an effective leader of the military and 48 percent saying he would not.

Poll: Voters split on Iraq-pullout positions - Washington Post- msnbc.com

The country is “split.”  Maybe we could benefit from an artistic representation of this divisive trend, from Australia.  Here is a compelling performance of the Banana Split Show.

Why can’t we all just be friends?

Aussies came up with this dance routine.  This confirms my belief that Australia may be the last best hope for the preservation of black American culture.

Mitch Harris recently graduated from the U.S. Naval Academy At Annapolis and was commissioned as an Ensign and Assigned to the USS Ponce. Sadly, that in and of itself would not be news. Ensign Harris survived and flourished under one of the most demanding and rigorous programs around to earn a degree that takes a backseat to few others in this country or the world. Additionally, Ensign Harris, should he so choose, is slated for the fast track up the promotion chain in the Navy should he choose to pursue his career in the military. All of this without owing a dime in student loans for an education that could realistically be valued near $200,000. And I, as I would expect all readers of IB, congratulate and thank Ensign Harris for his commitment, service, and accomplishments.

So, why do I mention Ensign Harris? Well, it turns out that the good Ensign also was a starting pitcher for the Naval Academy Baseball team blessed with a 94 mile-per-hour fastball and drafted by the St. Louis Cardinals. Ensign Harris also tried to find a “flexible” arrangement so that he could serve his commitment as an Officer and a Gentleman while toeing the rubber for Major League Baseball.

Needless to say, his request was denied by the Secretary of the Navy, and he has been ordered to duty on the USS Ponce, an amphibious transport dock, forthwith.
Here is what some spokesman for the Navy Department had to say:

“We are a nation at war, and we believe it’s inappropriate to allow Navy and Marine Corps personnel to be released from service obligations to play professional sports at the same time that other sailors and marines are carrying out their service obligations,”

Well, Ensign Harris was not pleased. Here is what he said recently:

“I completely understand the policy, but there’s got to be some kind of way you can do both ,”

And the good Ensign also claims that his potential to make the Big Leagues will be severely hampered by his absence.

To which I say (as I salute his service): Boo Freakin’ Hoo. Nobody made you attend Canoe U. You chose of your own free will to attend one of the most demanding schools in the nation, knowing full well what lay ahead of you upon graduation. You knew that in a time of war, few if any personnel are exempt from service and expected to give their last full measure.

Trust me, I know. I was at my father’s house yesterday when my brother called from Iraq. He said the sandstorms where he is serving have reduced the ability of resupplying him and his men. He is giving portions of his MREs to his Sergeants and Privates to keep them going while they wait out the weather. And you, Ensign Harris, are upset that a baseball career will be in jeopardy because you will be on a transport vessel?

And don’t give me the bit about pro sports careers being hindered by military service. Ask Roger Staubach, Chad Henning, Bob Feller, Stan Musial, Ty Cobb, Willie Mays, Ted Williams, Jackie Robinson, and David Robinson, to name a few, how their careers were hindered by their military service. If you are that good, that fastball will still be there in a few years.

And finally, Ensign Harris, one other thing to consider. By attending the USNA, you took a slot away from another person who would have been thrilled to attend the Academy. If you were and are so awesome, you could have attended any school in the nation, and played baseball on a full ride, owing as much in loans as you do as a recent USNA graduate.

Admittedly, this is personal for me. I admire you, your service, and your commitment to this country. But I ask again, why in the hell did you go to Annapolis if you were unwilling to live up to your end of the bargain?