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Need Advice? About Anything? For Free? April 29, 2006

Posted by Michael in Websites.

Questions are again being accepted by the outsourced Innocent Bystanders Advice Department.

Our staff of exploited third-world Professional Advisors is standing by to help you.


1. digitalbrownshirt - April 30, 2006

Will the advice be worth the price?

2. michael - April 30, 2006

Will the advice be worth the price?

Yes, it will. As in previous weeks, to ensure the quality of service to our readers, Innocent Bystanders offers a double-your-money-back gaurantee to readers who are not completely satisfied with the help received from the Innocent Bystanders Advice Department. However, you must use the link above to submit your question in order to be covered by this valuable gaurantee.

3. Shirley - April 30, 2006

Sounds like an offer not to be ignored. I’ll try to think up a problem.



4. HayZeus - May 1, 2006

As in previous weeks, to ensure the quality of service to our readers, Innocent Bystanders offers a double-your-money-back gaurantee to readers who are not completely satisfied with the help received from the Innocent Bystanders Advice Department.

Isn’t that supposed to be my line? 😉

5. stephen - November 25, 2008

hi, my name is steve
i go to something called air training corp which is a club
i want to leave this club but my dad keeps putting me down and says things like ‘oh, I am disapointed you want to leave’ and then i end up stayin because i dont want this

please help me
what should i do

6. eddiebear - November 25, 2008

^drink heavily

7. stephen - November 25, 2008

i need advise, not a stupid plan

8. Sobek - November 25, 2008

How old are you, Steve?

9. Pupster - November 25, 2008


Why do you want to leave this club?

If you have another club or activity to take its place, which you think you may enjoy more, then make that the focus of the argument.

I want to join the Football Team sounds better to a Dad than I want to quit the Air Training Corps.

10. stephen - November 25, 2008

i am not going to state my age for personal safety

11. stephen - November 25, 2008

i wish to leave this club because i dont like it and i have exams coming up so this gets in the way
plus I am in a relationship and it gets in the way of that too
i just need advise on how to confront my father and how to make sure he is not dissapointed

12. stephen - November 25, 2008

the club was very good at first but it slowly started to bore me and turned from being fun to feeling like a chore

13. lauraw - November 25, 2008

Later on you may regret dropping an important learning experience just because of some girl.

You have your whole life to see girls.

14. Lipstick - November 25, 2008

Maybe you can work out some sort of compromise with your dad.

15. geoff - November 25, 2008

You have your whole life to see girls.

But he’s got a point – that’s really not enough time. Girls are pretty great.

I’m biased toward the Air Training Corps, of course, because hey, it’s the Air Training Corps. And I think most people who find things boring are takers, not givers. But here’s my suggestion:

Get your girlfriend to join up. Then it’s less boring, Dad is happy, and you get some time with your girl, freeing up a little time on the side for you to study for your exams.

I hope your exams are on the works of Don Marquis, because you’re obviously well along in that subject.

16. stephen - November 25, 2008

i’ve told my dad i’m leaving now and have have been feeling guilty ever since just the look of disappointment was horrible then he said i’m dissapointed but I don’t care I’ve got plenty of other things to do now and can focus on my personal life and school work.

thanks everyone

feel free to reply

17. geoff - November 25, 2008

I’ve got plenty of other things to do now and can focus on my personal life and school work

It’s a mistake to prioritize personal life ahead of extracurriculars at this stage. If you’re aiming high in life, that is. You need the complete suite of extracurriculars to get to a good school, which sets you more squarely on the path to success. Once you’re in college, dating opportunities abound. And the parties are way, way better.

18. eddiebear - November 25, 2008

Plus, girls are icky.

19. Lipstick - November 25, 2008

Eddie is just resentful that girls laugh because he wears Crocs.

20. eddiebear - November 25, 2008

Well, right now I am wearing some dress shoes at the office.

But once I get home, it’s Crocs time

21. eddiebear - November 25, 2008


Hell, it is the only thing that keeps the wimmins away from my radiant he-manism

22. Michael - November 25, 2008

my radiant he-manism

Nah, that’s just your Jade East cologne. Makes the chicks horny every time. They love that stuff.

23. Mrs. Peel - November 25, 2008

Stephen, if English is your first language, I suggest you focus on learning grammar and punctuation. Chicks dig that.

24. skinbad - November 25, 2008

Not familiar with Jade East. Similar to Sex Panther?

25. Lipstick - November 25, 2008

Hai Karate — HA!

26. Lipstick - November 25, 2008

OK, Mr. L has been home exactly a week and now he was just told he has to go away for another month (after being gone 2 months). Starting tomorrow.

And the two month trip was supposed to be a two week trip but they told him on arrival that he was staying longer.

I am beyond pissed and am firing off angry emails to Mr. L to quit. Advice?

PS, this was NOT in the job description.

27. Lipstick - November 25, 2008

And I don’t mind being alone 2-3 weeks — I lived alone for 20 years — but we are talking cumulatively a third of the year here. So far this year.


28. kevlarchick - November 25, 2008

Some folks may not agree with me, but it’s okay to quit things. You can find your own way in life, and it may not be the way your father envisioned. If you do it with integrity and respect for others, he will come around.

When you’re older probably won’t have the luxury of quitting a bad job or a bad blog.

29. Lipstick - November 25, 2008

Tell me about it — the job market isn’t all that great right now.

30. Lipstick - November 25, 2008

But since you were talking to Stephen, KC, I agree with you.

31. Cathy - November 25, 2008

Hang in there with your man. Michael had some years where he was gone for every holiday (except Christmas) and also was not present for any of the family birthdays or our anniversary. It was crap, cause the kids were little and I was trying to meet all their emotional needs by myself and working full time.

He just celebrated 25 years with the company now and things aren’t like that for him at this point, Thank God. I just keep reminding myself of how things used to be and that helps.

The crappy time for you guys will pass and for now — your man has a job.

Hang in there. Plan a trip to come and see us. We’d love to have you.

32. kevlarchick - November 25, 2008

Lips, either that or Mr LS can tell them to cough up the cash for his additional responsibilities.

That may not matter to you, however. You just want your man around. Don’t blame you a bit. He’s HOT and you are still newlyweds.

33. Cathy - November 25, 2008

But since you were talking to Stephen, KC, I agree with you.

Ditto with Lipstick and KevlarChick. I agree — It’s okay to quit things.
Assessing what is a personal priority is part of growing up.
And confronting a dad’s expectations is a big deal.
Good going, Stephen.

34. Lipstick - November 25, 2008

Cathy and KC, thanks, and I’m not letting Mr. L go for anything. “Out of my cold dead hands.”

You’re right KC, (and you’ve seen the photo), he’s HOT!

35. Lipstick - November 25, 2008

The whole “me emailing him to quit” thing is a sort of therapy for both of us. I get to vent and he knows that I’m behind him no matter what. It seems to work.

36. Dave in Texas - November 25, 2008

My dad wore Jade East.

I’m just sayin.

37. Lipstick - November 25, 2008

Giiive Him Bri-i-i-tish Sterrrrling. . .

38. Hai Karate? - November 25, 2008

Don’t be hatin’

39. Canoe - November 25, 2008

Don’t forget about me!

40. Mrs. Peel - November 25, 2008

All my men wear English Leather or they wear nothing at all.

(I’ve never understood that…doesn’t that imply that you’ll get all your clothes taken off if you DON’T wear English Leather?)

41. eddiebear - November 25, 2008

My wife hates cologne. But the raw musk that is me after a day mowing the lawn, running, and fighting the zombie hordes gets me….

a demand to take a shower.


42. Enjolie - November 25, 2008

I can bring home the bacon. . .

Fry it up in a pan. . .

43. skinbad - November 25, 2008

I remember reading the enclosed literature in my dad’s Hai Karate. It showed how to do defensive moves when the women couldn’t help themselves from accosting you. Awesome.

Yeah. Something like this:

44. lauraw - November 26, 2008

Pretty much the same message in the Axe commercials. Similarly geeky guys in the commercials, too.

45. Michael - November 26, 2008

Wow, Laura, that was pretty much the dumbest advertisement I have ever seen in my entire life. I mean, that was just plain pathetic.

46. Michael - November 26, 2008

Does anybody know where I can order Axe online?

47. Dave in Texas - November 26, 2008

They’re like lemmings.

Lemmings with big bouncy breasts.

48. lauraw - November 26, 2008

*bows to the power of large-budget advertisers*

You’re welcome, guys. There’s a million of those Axe ads online, and most of them are very sexy.

(all Axe ads are for very young leg-humping lads)

49. Mrs Peel - November 26, 2008

60% of the time, it works every time.

50. geoff - November 26, 2008

Dayum. I didn’t think I’d been dreaming that loudly.

51. Dave in Texas - November 26, 2008

It’s made with bits of real ground panther.

52. eddiebear - November 26, 2008

I hope it’s the Teh Sexxxy Parts

53. Wickedpinto - November 27, 2008

Good lady Lipstick.

True story, and this might be crude, however, at that period of time when I was willing to have actual relationships, was also at that time when I had a tendency for vanishing for a month at a time.

I had one girlfriend who was PISSED, cuz it came up suddenly, and I said, well, lets get you a vibrator that I aprove of.

(no kidding)

So we go out shopping at “adult book stores” and she’s completely embarassed, because, I’m me, and I’m like “look honey! You’ll LOVE THIS ONE!!!” and since she was my girlfriend, she came over and looked interested, and then I was kinda loud and asked for a counter person, “What colors this come in? I know I’m white, but I think she might like it in black, just as a change” or something like that.

I embarassed her so much shortly after we entered the place, that when I shut up a few minutes later she actually got to shopping, and she ended up buying one of your normal ordinary every day sex assistants.

OH! but WAIT! It’s NOT OVER!!!

I bought it, and I said, “no honey, it’s a going away gift.” so I took the vibrator back to the barracks, and then I went to one of those photo booths, and had pictures of me taken, and turned into stickers.

I took for of those stickers, and put them on the vibrator, and then gave it to her as a “going away gift” when I had to go up for about a months worth of training, and she was kinda pissed, cuz I was kinda public about giving her a gift in front of my and her friends.

I get a letter less than a week later, of pure and vitriolic hate, and humor, because, I mean really.

A vibrator with little stickers of your boyfriends face on it, is just ridiculous.

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