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A Kingdom for My Stool August 31, 2006

Posted by skinbad in History, Travel.

I have a brother-in-law that is a black-belt jujitsu master with stool jokes. “Push in your stool.” “Pull out your stool.” “Turn your stools over and put them on your desks” etc. No mention of “stool” goes by unnoticed or without a crude (and, I’m afraid to admit, funny) joke.

I felt I had to follow up on Michael of Spades’ post.

The Golden Stool of Suri:


Now, as anyone knows, The Golden Stool of Ashanti (a tribe in Ghana) is “the resting place of [the African] nation’s soul.” Reading the following quotes leads me to believe Suri will someday take her rightful place on the “throne” of this African tribe.

The Golden Stool is considered to be so sacred that no person whatsoever is allowed to sit upon it.

It is always lying on its own stool or on the skin of an animal such as the leopard.

In March 1900, the governor of the Gold Coast, Sir Frederick Hodgson went to Kumasi to demand the surrender of the stool. “Where is the Golden Stool”, he asked “Why am I not sitting on the Golden Stool at this moment?.. Why did you not take the opportunity of my coming to Kumasi to bring the Golden Stool, to give it to me to sit upon..?” This was a tactless and terrible mistake arising out of complete ignorance of the symbolism of the stool. the Golden Stool was not a kingly throne, but the resting-place of the nation’s soul. The speech was heard in silence. When the assembly broke up, every man went home and prepared for war.

The Ashantis have always been proud of the uniqueness of the Golden Stool when the king of Gyaman, called Adinkra, made a golden stool for himself, the Asantehene was so annoyed that he led an army against Gyaman. Adinkra was totally defeated near Bontuku, and his head cut off.

This cultural lesson may not rival Turgenev and the llamas, but you will be better for it. Your life will now be 3% funnier because you’ll curse me every time someone asks you for a stool to sit on. Besides, coming home from work and yelling: “Why am I not sitting on the Golden Stool at this moment?” will be an awesome way to set the tone for an evening of love.

Update: These were also too good to pass up

When a person becomes a king, he is said to be enstooled in the office and he is the one “who sits on the stool” and when he dies in office, it is said the “stool has fallen.”

The stools of kings who proved to be great leaders are blackened as a method of preserving the stools. These blackened stools are kept in the temple of stools.

A “temple of stools.” Suri, you’d better get busy.


1. Muslihoon - August 31, 2006

LOL! Excellent! Thanks, Skinbad.

Ask your brother what he thinks about the Stool of Suri.

2. vampire sex - January 17, 2008

its a glodentized poopishe thingymabobber doohicky……………………………………. HOWDY DOODLE

3. skinbad - January 17, 2008

How do you fit four vampires on a bar stool?

4. amish van helsing - January 17, 2008

One wooden leg through each of their hearts?

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