Fashion Police Report October 29, 2006Posted by Mrs. Peel in Ducks, Economics, History, Personal Experiences, Philosophy, Travel.
Ignore that “Mrs. Peel” up there. This article is by the Fashion Police. Recently, we had occasion to make a patrol at the Texas Renaissance Festival, and we have some comments that certain attendees may find helpful.
- Mirrors are useful devices that, when employed properly, can reveal such problems as skin that ought not to be exposed and hair that needs washing.
- Memo to blond men who fancy themselves as archers: Just because Orlando Bloom can pull it off without looking 100% gay doesn’t mean you can.
- When wearing corsets, one should check below the corset for an unsightly roll of fat. Such rolls should be concealed.
- Similarly, one should check above the corset to see if one’s breasts appear to be badly misshapen due to the effects of the corset.
- “Man-boobs” should always be concealed.
- If your stomach is such that you can draw two eyes on your abdomen and make a mouth with your belly button, that, too, should be concealed. (We observed at least one female as well as several males who would benefit from applying this rule.)
- To maximize the usefulness of chain mail, wear a full suit of it. Leaving one’s midsection vulnerable is not recommended.
In all seriousness, do these people just not look in the mirror, or what? I can sorta understand the guys, but how can a woman not know when she looks completely repulsive?
Also, what the hell were little kids doing there? What were their parents thinking?
Anyway, overall verdict: Boring, expensive, and full of unattractive people, creepy people, and people who think making suggestive comments to attractive young women is being “in character.”
So, go or don’t go. It’s up to you.