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Not my usual sort of post November 30, 2006

Posted by composmentis in AA - Uncategorized.
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I’m probably not as well read as some of you, but I’m sure I’ve done my share.  Of all the books, blogs, and articles I’ve read, only two works have made me cry.  I don’t mean bring a tear to my eye cry. I mean full on, tears streaming down my face, gotta blow my nose because I’m a big girl cry.

The first is a specific part in Uncle Tom’s Cabin. If you haven’t read the book but think you will, you might want to stop reading until after the break because I’m going to bring up a bit of a spoiler.

Reading Uncle Tom’s Cabin, I began to tear up at the beginning of Chapter 26 and, by the end, when Little Eva had passed, I was sobbing.

The child lay panting on her pillows, as one exhausted,—the large clear eyes rolled up and fixed. Ah, what said those eyes, that spoke so much of heaven! Earth was past,—and earthly pain; but so solemn, so mysterious, was the triumphant brightness of that face, that it checked even the sobs of sorrow. They pressed around her, in breathless stillness. “Eva,” said St. Clare, gently.She did not hear.

“O, Eva, tell us what you see! What is it?” said her father.

A bright, a glorious smile passed over her face, and she said, brokenly,—”O! love,—joy,—peace!” gave one sigh and passed from death unto life!

“Farewell, beloved child! the bright, eternal doors have closed after thee; we shall see thy sweet face no more. O, woe for them who watched thy entrance into heaven, when they shall wake and find only the cold gray sky of daily life, and thou gone forever!”

Part of it is because I have two daughters of my own, one whom is around the same age as the girl in the book and I cannot fathom the unbearable anguish I would feel if she were gone. Yet, the thing that I believe gets me most is the joy Eva so fully expressed at fully feeling God’s loving presence and entering His kingdom.

The second is from Rob at File It Under. I’ve read it twice. Once right after it was initially posted, and again this morning. I went searching for it in the archives because of the way I was feeling this morning.

Rob recounts a conversation he’s had with God. Both times I’ve read this piece, I’ve cried. I think it’s partly because it’s further proof to me that God IS. I am. And I know the other part is because, though I talk to God and I believe He has revealed Himself to me more than once, I am not worthy of His revelation.

Though I’ve not yet heard them, my son introduced me to a Christian metal band called Demon Hunter. I wanted to make sure of what he was really listening to, so I checked their website. One of their songs is called Screams of the Undead. They say this song is about the difficulties of everyday temptations and hardships, that it speaks about the pain of growing accustomed to a version of yourself that you know is impure and flawed.

I find that interesting. I’d really love to hear any personal experiences like this that any of you have had, if you’re willing to share them. But, I certainly understand if you want to keep them personal.

Sorry for the long post. Michael, if you want, I can move it to my little blog and link it instead. I thought of that, but wasn’t sure if that was the proper thing to do.

Comments»

1. kevlarchick - November 30, 2006

Compos, I get in a crying mood now and then. It’s cathartic for me. To cry when reading such things is proof to me of God; empathy, sympathy, even rage, elevate us above the biological.

I cried yesterday when an old man on our Giving Tree asked for socks and treats for his dog. So, despite my many flaws and sins, I can still treat others with love. That’s God working thru me.

2. Michael - November 30, 2006

I thought of that, but wasn’t sure if that was the proper thing to do.

Erm, I’m still working on the Innocent Bystanders Policy Manual. The first draft was 367 pages, so I’m trying to pare it back a little. Until I’m finished, you’ll just have to use your best judgment.

3. skinbad - November 30, 2006

Kevlar–Why does his dog need socks? 🙂

CM, I’ve never heard a voice, but I’ve prayed to know if He is there and if He loves me and I’ve felt it. Then I prayed asking if it was really Him or if it was me just wanting it to be Him and I felt it twice as hard. I’ve had the same feeling many other times since then. A nice (LDS) talk on the “coincidences” in our lives is here:

http://www.lds.org/conference/talk/display/0,5232,23-1-520-33,00.html

4. HayZeus - November 30, 2006

it’s always personal. He’ll reveal his nature to you and blast your socks off and no matter what you say, it won’t prove a thing to someone else.

Everyone else will be able to shoot holes in it. It’ll be coincidence or luck or your imagination, but you’ll know the truth.

Rob’s sure got that right. These days, it doesn’t take much to remind me of God’s presence in my life; something as simple as the sun peeking out from behind the clouds at the exact right moment will answer my thoughts and strip away any doubts and uncertainty. In those moments I’ll remember that God is always right there with me. The first time that I experienced God was, like Rob’s experience, rather dramatic though. 😀

5. Dave in Texas - November 30, 2006

I cried when I dropped a propane tank on my toe.

I also called out to God.

sorta.

6. Nice Deb - November 30, 2006

I’ve actually felt the hand of God.

One time, many years ago, I was experiencing doubt, because I thought, “what kind of loving God allows such cruelty in the world.” And my own life wasn’t going the way I wanted it. I felt that if there was a God, he wasn’t very nice, and I didn’t like him very much. In short, I was miserable. I was struggling with my faith, but I wanted to believe.

Then, I had a very vivid dream where the “end times” had come, and the “Rapture” had taken place. All of the people who were going to heaven had departed from the world, yet I was still here, and I cried out to the heavens, “Why am I not there with you, too? I have faith!”

And God answered me, “It is not enough to just believe. You must also love the lord your God.” And it was right then that God showered me with this beautiful, warm and glowing sensation, shimmering throughout my whole body. I was partially awake by the last part of the dream, and I remember as I opened my eyes, I could still feel that warm glowing feeling.

This was how God showed me how much he loves me.

I’ve had many spiritual experiences since then, where I felt close to God, and felt his hand in my life, and I’ve experienced “dry” periods where he seems oh so far away. But my belief in God has remained rock solid.

7. Hank Hill - November 30, 2006

Youre going to Burn in Hell for that Dave.

And im pretty sure God isny going to like you using his name in vain much either.

8. composmentis - November 30, 2006

Funny Dave 🙂 You were probably one of those kids in grade school who, when asked a question, would respond with a Hollywood Squares / smartass type answer. Me too.

As for the rest of you whose comments were appropriate, thanks. As I said, I have my own experiences that I don’t mind relaying to you, it’s just that they’ll take some time to type and I’m at work right now. Don’t want to break the Thou shalt not waste company time and resources, even if it is to talk about Me commandment.

9. Dave in Texas - November 30, 2006

who me?

hell I still do that.

10. onehorsephoto - November 30, 2006

One time years ago a bunch of us were rafting on the Youghiogheny River in PA. I got dumped out of the raft and started going down river, bouncing off the rocks in Class 4 rapids. I asked Jesus to get me outta there. It worked.

He got me over cancer too.


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