New Year’s Eve Countdown December 31, 2006
Posted by harrison in News.comments closed
Have a safe and happy New Year.
Pig Races Staged Next To Texas Mosque Property December 31, 2006
Posted by Michael in Crime, Terrorist Hemorrhoids.comments closed
KATY, Texas (AP) — A man unhappy with an Islamic association’s plans to build a mosque next to his property has staged pig races as a protest during afternoon prayers. Craig Baker, 46, sold merchandise and grilled sausages Friday for about 100 people who showed up in heavy rain. He insisted he wasn’t trying to offend anyone with the pigs, which are forbidden from the Muslim diet.
My ass. You weren’t trying to be offensive? Craig, most Texans have too much class to attempt such an obvious lie.
Too bad the Muslims weren’t actually offended.
Muslims don’t hate pigs, they just don’t eat them, said engineer Kamel Fotouh, president of the 500-member Katy Islamic Association in this Houston suburb.
“I don’t care if he races, roasts or slaughters pigs,” said Yousef Allam, a spokesman for the group.
So, why was Craig pissed off?
The dispute began when the association asked Baker to remove his cattle from its newly bought land. The association plans to build a mosque, community center, athletic facilities and a school.
Huh. Craig was grazing his cattle on someone else’s land, for free, without permission. That’s called criminal trespass. Sounds like the Muslims were pretty polite about it.
There must be something more to this.
Baker agreed to move his cattle but thought the Muslims also wanted him off the land his family has lived on for more than 100 years.
Whoa!!! Those frickin’ jihadi bastards are trying to kick a native born Texan off his land. Screw those ragheads!!!
Earlier this month, Baker conceded that the Muslims probably aren’t after his land, but he said he had to go through with the pig races because “I would be like a total idiot if I didn’t. I’d be the laughingstock now because I’ve gone too far.”
All the same, Baker plans to continue the weekly pig races until interest dwindles.
Oops. Just a misunderstanding.
Erm, Craig, you did go to far, you are a total idiot, and you are making it worse by continuing the pig races.
At least the Katy Islamic Association is trying to be gracious.
The association never meant to imply it wanted Baker to move, Allam said.
“If we somehow communicated that to him, then we apologize,” he said.
I’m highly confident, Allam, that you did not actually imply that. Craig is just a dumbfuck.
Resident Susan Canavespe said the pig racing wasn’t mean-spirited — “It’s just Texas-spirited.”
No, Susan, I’ve spent many years in Texas, and that is not “Texas-spirited.” That’s just Craig and you and a bunch of other redneck assholes embarrassing a state that is otherwise renowned for being hospitable and fair-minded.
You should be ashamed. Texas does not need dipshits like you telling people what is “Texas-spirited.”
In Memory Of Saddam Hussein December 31, 2006
Posted by Michael in Music.comments closed
This is a video of me singing a song that I wrote just for President Saddam Hussein, the Modern Nebuchadnezzar, a man whose destiny was to preside over the Restoration of Babylon and the Reconquest of Jerusalem.
The dream died, because of the intervention of infidels.
I invited a few friends over to preview this song, and they liked it, so I am sharing it with you. Hope you like it too.
Goodbye, Saddam.
P.S. I probably had drunk a little too much Jack Daniels when I did this, so please excuse the ragged performance.
Jay Mohr Reportedly Marries Nikki Cox December 30, 2006
Posted by Michael in Ducks.comments closed
Who is Jay Mohr?
Beats me. Never heard of him, but I guess he’s famous. He looks like a happy guy here. I’m just posting this to toast the happy couple.¹
Dave, I’ll Buy You A Beer December 30, 2006
Posted by Michael in Crime.comments closed
BERLIN (Reuters) – A thirsty German sold his 6-year-old step-daughter’s pet beagle to the owner of a bar to pay for beer, the Bild newspaper reported Friday. The unemployed man offered to take the dog for a walk and then stopped at a bar where he convinced the owner to buy the 3-year-old dog for 40 euros ($53).
The man spent the proceeds quenching his thirst for beer. The bar owner has now returned the dog to its owner.
Please, don’t do that to Moses.
Thirsty man sells beagle to buy beer
Americans Optimistic About New Year December 30, 2006
Posted by Michael in News.comments closed
Curiously, the country is perceived as being in bad shape, but people think that personally they are doing just fine.
An AP-AOL News Poll finds that while most Americans said 2006 was a bad year for the country, three-fourths thought it had been a good one for them and their families.
“In a time of war, so little has been asked of us as citizens,” said Given, who teaches ancient Greek at East Carolina University. “We haven’t had to sacrifice anything. We’ve been allowed to live our lives very, very well.”
Looking ahead, optimism reigns.
Seventy-two percent of Americans feel good about what 2007 will bring for the country, and an even larger 89 percent are optimistic about the new year for themselves and their families, according to the poll.
The reason — they feel in control of their own destiny.
Krista Grueninger, communications director for Optimists International, a volunteer service organization based in St. Louis, Mo., says it’s easier for people to be optimistic about their situation “because they feel they have more control over their own lives. It kind of goes along with the American dream; if you really want something you can go out and get it.”
Iowan Jack Duvall, who organized a tongue-in-cheek countervailing group called the Iowa City Benevolent & Loyal Order of Pessimists, says that when people look at the country, “it’s easy to say, ‘No, I’m not optimistic.'” But on a micro level, he says, “We insist on seeing our lives as having hope.”
Is this a great country or what?
Holiday Safety Tip December 30, 2006
Posted by Michael in Women Ranting.comments closed
Guys, protect your family jewels during holiday parties, no matter how drunk you get.
LILLINGTON, N.C. – A woman attacked a man in his genitals during a Christmas party, injuring him badly enough that he needed 50 stitches, authorities said Friday. Rebecca Arnold Dawson, 34, was charged with malicious castration in a fight early Tuesday at a party hosted by the 38-year-old man’s girlfriend, police said.
Erm, where was the girlfriend when this happened? I bet alcohol was involved.
All three were heavily intoxicated, police Chief Frank Powers said.
Told you.
Now comes the bad part — there was no weapon.
Dawson is accused of grabbing the man’s genitals. Police said a weapon was not used. He declined to elaborate.
“I believe he needed more than 50 stitches to repair the damage, but he is back home at this point,” police Cpl. Brad Stevens said. “All we can tell you is that the injury was done with her hands.”
YEEOOOWWTCH!!!
Prediction For 2017 December 30, 2006
Posted by Michael in Economics.comments closed
I’ve been talking about telecom convergence in comment threads for years. I am now going to put a prediction on the main page here, so that maybe in ten years you will remember me and think, “Hey, Michael was right.”
My prediction: In 2017, the telephone, cable TV, cell phone and Internet access industries will no longer exist. They will all be the same business, and that business will be offering services we don’t even contemplate today.
In 2017, you may try to explain to a ten year old child a world in which the phone, TV and computer were separate appliances. If you do so, they will look at you funny. When you get that funny look, remember, I told you so.
AT&T Completes Buyout of BellSouth
UPDATE below the break.
Hookers Union Sues Amsterdam City Hall December 29, 2006
Posted by Michael in Ducks, Economics.comments closed
Mrs. Michael has relatives in Amsterdam, and we have heard about how the libertine Dutch attitude towards prostitution and drugs has made this wonderful city a magnet for organized crime in Europe, and one of the world capitals of sex tourism.
The merchandise is displayed so that customers can window shop.
Apparently, the city council has decided to scale back, and the prostitutes are fighting the move.
Brothel owners in Amsterdam’s red light district have taken the city council to court over its decision to close a number of sex businesses.
The council is demanding the closure of 33 brothels, which account for around a third of the district’s sex businesses, by the end of the year.
The prostitutes union says the move will force many women to work illegally.
But the attempts by the Dutch to be “open-minded” about sex have resulted in a seamy underside to the city of Amsterdam.
Amsterdam’s mayor, Job Cohen, claims that many sex businesses are fronts for criminal activity, such as women trafficking and money laundering.
But the prostitutes’ union, the Red Thread, which represents 20,000 prostitutes, argues that closing legal brothels will force many women onto the streets.
20,000!!!
Something is profoundly wrong with that.
A Tourist Map of Gotham December 29, 2006
Posted by Michael in Crime.comments closed
A useful resource for white hot crimefighting thugs is available here.
New Year’s Resolutions December 29, 2006
Posted by Michael in Websites.comments closed
Mostly, they don’t work. I always end up being the same schmuck that I was last year, and nothing really changes.
You too? I thought so.
The problem is that we are not resolving to do the right things, the achievable and realistic goals that would really make 2007 a significantly better year.
How, you may ask, do I figure out what the correct resolutions really are?
Well, you don’t have to. All you need to do is consult the outsourced Innocent Bystanders Advice Department and our third world professional expert on everything, recently returned from his Christmas hiatus, will give you a complete list of resolutions, tailored to your individual situation, that will make 2007 the best year of your life.
It’s guaranteed!
Snap Preview Anywhere Beta Test December 29, 2006
Posted by Michael in Websites.comments closed
The Snap Preview Anywhere (“SPA”) feature is being tested by WordPress on about 10% of the sites they host. Innocent Bystanders is among the test sites. You will see the feature in action if you pause your cursor on any link that is included in the extensive SPA link library (including linked pictures). A window pops up to give you a peek at the linked destination, so you can better decide if you want to take the time to go there. You can read more about the feature here.
WordPress is asking for feedback, so feel free to let me know in the comments what you think, and I’ll pass your views along to the landlord.
Update: You can test the feature right now by holding your cursor over this link to Dave’s blog for an example of how you can quickly discern if a post merits a closer look.
Innocent Bystanders 
