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New Year’s Resolutions December 29, 2006

Posted by Michael in Websites.
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Mostly, they don’t work.  I always end up being the same schmuck that I was last year, and nothing really changes.

You too?  I thought so.

The problem is that we are not resolving to do the right things, the achievable and realistic goals that would really make 2007 a significantly better year.

How, you may ask, do I figure out what the correct resolutions really are?

Well, you don’t have to.  All you need to do is consult the outsourced Innocent Bystanders Advice Department and our third world professional expert on everything, recently returned from his Christmas hiatus, will give you a complete list of resolutions, tailored to your individual situation, that will make 2007 the best year of your life.

It’s guaranteed!

Comments»

1. Barb the Evil Genius - December 29, 2006

I resolve to drink more.

2. Michael - December 29, 2006

I resolve to not hit on fifteen year old Swedish girls who comment here.

3. onehorsephoto - December 29, 2006

I’m going to attempt to quit smoking. At least I’m realistic enough to say ‘attempt’.

4. Feisty - December 30, 2006

I resolve to stop having sex with men for money.

WOOOOOOOOOOAHHAHAHAHAH

Almost had ya there, didn’t I?

5. geoff - December 30, 2006

I promise to cut my troll-bashing by some measurable percentage. I hope.

6. mudkitty - December 30, 2006

Geoff, you’re going to stop feeding me?

*****

My resolution is to stop interupting when other people are talking. My friends are going to be really happy when they hear this.

7. Retired Geezer - December 30, 2006

My resolution is to stop interupting when other people are talking.

What a coinkydink, I’m planning on doing a post on The Lost Art of Conversation.

Stay tuned.

8. Bart - December 31, 2006

Dennis Prager mentions (lectures) to his audience on how to be a good conversationalist.

I don’t want to steal your thunder, Geeza, but…

He stresses that one should not talk nonstop. One should speak and then allow the other person to reply. Then it’s your turn, and so on.

9. Bart - December 31, 2006

Oh, and I resolve, as I do every year, to be a better, stronger, smarter, and faster Bart.

10. Michael - December 31, 2006

Oh, and I resolve, as I do every year, to be a better, stronger, smarter, and faster Bart.

That’s just not realistic. You should consult the Innocent Bystanders Advice Department for an achievable goal.

Like, not tanning too much.

11. Retired Geezer - December 31, 2006

I don’t want to steal your thunder, Geeza, but…

No problem, in fact I would solicit any suggestions.

12. Retired Geezer - December 31, 2006

Oh, and I resolve, as I do every year, to be a better, stronger, smarter, and faster Bart.

Uh, you left off smoother.

13. kevlarchick - December 31, 2006

one horse, good luck with the smoking thing. I try to limit myself to a pack of smokes a week, and that’s the best I can do so far.

14. Dave in Texas - December 31, 2006

I think this would be the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

15. BrewFan - December 31, 2006

The tower, the tower! Rapunzel, Rapunzel!

16. wiserbud - December 31, 2006

I resolve to stop stalking James Brown.

17. Dave in Texas - December 31, 2006

I resolve not to give a rats ass about the playoffs.

18. Retired Geezer - December 31, 2006

I try to limit myself to a pack of smokes a week

That seems like pretty moderate usage, actually.

19. kevlarchick - December 31, 2006

Well, Dave, if I’m drinking it’s all over. Chain smoking fool I am.

20. daveintexas - December 31, 2006

Chain chain chaaaaain. Chain of fools

21. sandy burger - December 31, 2006

I resolve to exercize once in a while, and to be nicer to people.

22. sandy burger - December 31, 2006

Goodbye, 2006.

My year in a nutshell:

A. Pretty normal, I guess.
B. Ouch.
C. I can’t remember a thing that happened this year. Not one damn thing. Huh.
D. One small step for a man, one giant leap for the Ace of Spades Lifestyle.

23. Lipstick - December 31, 2006

Happy New Year everybody!

24. mudkitty - January 1, 2007

Sandy – if you’re a republican, you don’t want to remember anything that happened this year.

25. Russ from Winterset - January 1, 2007

My New Years resolution: don’t get intestinal worms.

26. Spudder the Idaho Barn Cat - January 1, 2007

Brother, you don’t know the HALF of it.

27. Retired Geezer - January 1, 2007

Yeah, she had Tapeworms, which are not treatable with the cheap meds.

28. lauraw - January 1, 2007

One of my grandmothers came down with tapeworms.

She was from a foreign country, and was also living in yet another foreign country at the time that the problem happened (I’m a first generation American).
This was way back in the day, and in South America, so the cure was just awful.

One of the keys to a sunny disposition is hearing vivid stories from your recent ancestors.

Life just has not ever been better than it is now, here.

29. Retired Geezer - January 1, 2007

Life just has not ever been better than it is now, here.

Amen, Sister.

I remember reading about some girls recently who injested tapeworms on purpose to lose weight.

30. lauraw - January 1, 2007

Morons. How big did their stomachs get? Those tapeworms size up pretty fast in humans.

31. harrison - January 1, 2007

Where’s your family from, Lauraw?

32. Michael - January 1, 2007

Portugal.

33. Wickedpinto - January 2, 2007

I resolve to be a less static loser, who only makes enough to survive, and supply my bording requirements of family and friends, so that I might become a real person, who must make ALL of his decisions for himself rather than just living off of the most base of requirements.

Thats actually dificult, because I have all of the abilitities to create that situation, but my mind, is so self hating that sometimes I must focus on myself, and realize just how hateful I am.

Maybe I should resolve to become a less hateful person, but, I’m confident (sorry allah) that that is just who I am.

Sorry to throw shit in your stuffing, unless you like it that way that is.

34. lauraw - January 2, 2007

Portugal.

Yeah, half of me is from there. Good memory Michael. That is Dad’s side, though.

But, the grandmother that I mentioned, that was the Italian (Mom’s) side that for the most part settled in Argentina after WWII. We still have people there.

Every once in a while I google the old Italian family name + their locale in Argentina and find cousins of merit making the good news.

I know it’s the same line because they’re still taking first names from the old ones in my very tree. Transplanted so long, yet they still remember our great-great-greats from the old country, and honor them. That amazes me.

Someday I’ll meet these people? Not sure I really want to, actually.

35. Michael - January 2, 2007

I resolve to treasure the people I care about.

The CEO of my company, and my friend, had a health crisis on Christmas Eve Day, and died a couple of days ago.

He was a great guy. His vision and energy turned my company around after the dot.com bust. Thanks to him, our company is an exciting place to work right now. He was the most modest and approachable person you can imagine, but he had a mind like a laser. And a total commitment to operating the company with integrity, which meant a lot to me.

He had six kids, The youngest is nine and the oldest is in graduate school. I will pray for his family.

So, that’s my New Year’s Resolution. Treasure the people that you care about.

Life is short.

36. geoff - January 2, 2007

but my mind, is so self hating that sometimes I must focus on myself, and realize just how hateful I am.

Monsters from the Id. You’re a smart guy, WP, but the smarter you are, the bigger the monsters. And until you dig in and sort things out, those monsters will always be just a little bigger than you are. And the second you take your eye off them, they start growing again.

Constant maintenance – that’s the key.

37. Wickedpinto - January 2, 2007

I need bigger monsters geoff.

So far, all they have done is say who they are, but ain’t scared me a lick.

I can break ALL THOSE BITCHES!!!

38. Wickedpinto - January 2, 2007

Also Geoff, most of my hate is piled on myself.

39. Wickedpinto - January 2, 2007

random comment (btw I’m back from the holliday visits to family, so I’mn all about full force now, my brtother was actually pissed about my President Ford comment_) but right now I’m listening to “tangled up in blue” by THE Dylan, and I’m pretty mellow.

40. Wickedpinto - January 2, 2007

Michael,

Your recent eulogy of your friend is WHY I will not lie about ford.

I didn’t mean to be cruel, but I’m honest.

When I’m dead, I would LOVE my yougogoly to consist of “he was an Asshole, but those things he loved, he really loved, You never “wondered” where (okay, I will share my first name) Doug was going with his opinions.

Always, Doug was spoke his mind, and EVERYONE knew what he meant”

knowwhatI mean?

I never meant to bash ford, as a person, I was just bashing is competance as PRESIDENT. Theres a lot of good people who are decent people, but completely incompetant in their jobs in real life, and I would guess that ford was a good guy, who SUICKED at the job he was FORCED INTO!!!

That was my point in the previous thread.

41. geoff - January 2, 2007

Also Geoff, most of my hate is piled on myself.

That’s the point – it is our own demons of self-doubt and self-loathing that are our most challenging foes. They are the Monsters of the Id (reference from Forbidden Planet, of course).

42. Wickedpinto - January 2, 2007

I know the reference, I was kinda pushing it.

Geoff I don’t know if you ever went through it, but I’ve been reminded at least twice. This world EFFING SUCKS!!!!

I MOURNE my cowardice of not re-enlisting because while they might be LESS (not stupid, or UN) educated people’s they were the most POWEFUL people I’ve ever met.

There is something about the service, it is like Life ++, and now I’m in the one place that I NEVER wanted to touch again.

It isn’t just family, and friends, it’s society. There is almost a conspiracy of elitists that pushes talented people into small worlds.

My brother is very talented, and his wife actually had opportunities to make more money than he did, but somehow her family, and society forced them to come back to this vague grey urban world in which we now live.

I don’t care much about myself, (I will not have a wife or a family, MAYBE a child, but that would be a favor, rather than a duty) Shit, I YELLED! at my brothers wife over New Years because I didn’t want her anywhere near the to oil, while I did the mechanics of deap frying her turkey (it was her turkey, I just was the guy who might have burst into flames) and I didn’t want my sissy, or my brother, to burst into flames while fry’ing a turkey.

My point.

GET THE EFF AWAY FROM HOME AS SOON AS POSSIBLE, AND DON’T COME BACK!!!!!!

Love your family, and care for them, but do NOT EVER “RETURN” the area you think of as “HOME!!!!”

GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!!!

Otherwise, you become insane political blog commenters.

43. Michael - January 2, 2007

Love your family, and care for them, but do NOT EVER “RETURN” the area you think of as “HOME!!!!”

WP, a lot of people with graduate degrees make a living by giving that advice.

44. geoff - January 2, 2007

There is something about the service, it is like Life ++,

I miss getting to do things because they were the right things to do, not the profitable things to do. Being in the military let me pamper my idealism.

Can’t you re-up in these hungry recruting times? Or at least join the National Guard?

Also, yes – you should never go back home until you’re in the family mode. I lived far from the rest of my family for a couple of decades, then moved back after I’d had two kids. My folks are only a mile away now, and that’s perfect for where I’m at in life. A decade ago, though, the proximity would have chafed.

45. geoff - January 2, 2007

Shit, I YELLED! at my brothers wife over New Years

Also, when you’re at your brother’s house, you should use your indoors voice.

46. Bart - November 19, 2007

There’s still time to complete/achieve your 2007 resolutions before you make more resolutions that you will not complete.

47. geoff - November 19, 2007

There’s still time to complete/achieve your 2007 resolutions before you make more resolutions that you will not complete.

Hey, I cut way, way back on troll-bashing this year.

48. Mr Minority - November 19, 2007

There’s still time to complete/achieve your 2007 resolutions before you make more resolutions that you will not complete.

But Bart, my New Years resolution was to be more of a procrastinator, and I am still debating that one.

49. Bart - November 19, 2007

Hey, I cut way, way back on troll-bashing this year.

That was your resolution?

my New Years resolution was to be more of a procrastinator, and I am still debating that one.

That reminds me of that funny FedEx commercial:

50. geoff - November 19, 2007

That was your resolution?

Look at #5 above.

51. Bart - November 19, 2007

Setting the bar kinda low, no?

You’re not really a basher, geoff. Maybe more of a gentle slasher. Unless by bash you mean argue in the first place.

52. See-Dubya - November 19, 2007

We don’t get French Benefits?

53. Bart - November 19, 2007

Heh. I remember that one.

FedEx made a lot of good commercials.

54. Retired Geezer - November 20, 2007

Anybody remember the ‘Feel Lucky’ lottery commercial where the jerk cuts off a lady and steals her parking spot and a baseball flies over the fence and breaks 3 of his windows?

Maybe it was an Idaho local spot.


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