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Global Warming Proven To Be A Hoax April 6, 2007

Posted by Michael in Politics, Science.
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At least, here’s all the proof I need — the U.N. says otherwise. After hosting a conference of professional scaremongers, the U.N. issued a report today:

BRUSSELS, Belgium – An international global warming conference approved a report Friday warning of dire threats to the Earth and to mankind — from increased hunger in Africa and Asia to the extinction of species — unless the world adapts to climate change and halts its progress.

Africa will be hardest hit, the report concluded. By 2020, up to 250 million people are likely to be exposed to water shortages. In some countries, food production could fall by half, it said.

I just knew that global warming was going to turn out to be racist.

And, of course, it is a plot against poor people:

“The poorest of the poor in the world — and this includes poor people in prosperous societies — are going to be the worst hit,” Pachauri said. “People who are poor are least able to adapt to climate change.”

Erm, poor people are least able to deal with anything. That’s sorta the bad thing about being poor.

But never mind, global warming is also going to wipe out endangered species:

The report said up to 30 percent of the Earth’s species face an increased risk of vanishing if global temperatures rise 3.6 degrees Fahrenheit above the average in the 1980s and ’90s.

Here in the United States, global warming will overturn Roe v. Wade and bring back prayer in public schools:

. . .

. . .

. . .

Huh, I can’t find the quote. Maybe there are actually some liberal bogeymen that global warming will not affect.

According to the U.N. report, there really is no room for argument about this any more.

There was little doubt about the science, which was based on 29,000 sets of data, much of it collected in the last five years. “For the first time we are not just arm-waving with models,” Martin Perry, who conducted the grueling negotiations, told reporters.

Of course, the consequences of inaction will be catastrophic.

“This is a glimpse into an apocalyptic future,” the Greenpeace environmental group said of the final report.

Without action to curb carbon emissions, man’s livable habitat will shrink starkly, said Stephen Schneider, a Stanford scientist who was one of the authors. “Don’t be poor in a hot country, don’t live in hurricane alley, watch out about being on the coasts or in the Arctic, and it’s a bad idea to be on high mountains with glaciers melting.”

And we all know what action means: (1) higher taxes, (2) more regulations, (3) more bureaucrats (attending more conferences), (4) a greater role for the U.N. and other international bodies, and (5) a greater role for their constituent advocacy groups like Greenpeace.

Greenpeace’s Mr. Schneider tells us exactly what to expect:

“We can fix this,” by investing a small part of the world’s economic growth rate, said Schneider. “It’s trillions of dollars, but it’s a very trivial thing.”

And just guess where that trivial bit of chump change is going to come from.

The summary will be presented to the G8 summit of the world’s richest nations in June, when the European Union is expected to renew appeals to President Bush to join in international efforts to control emissions of fossil fuels.

. . .

“The urgency of this report prepared by the world’s top scientists should be matched by an equally urgent response from governments,” said Hans Verolme, director of the global climate change program of the World Wide Fund for Nature.

 

Experts issue new climate warning – Climate Change – MSNBC.com

UPDATE:  Just to honor Ace’s link to this post, I’m going to throw in a bonus:

[sonific=c19a3a352ad306b83c588dcfb09238f2ee3aeb92]

Comments»

1. wiserbud - April 6, 2007

Global Warming turned me into a newt!

2. Sobek - April 6, 2007

“For the first time we are not just arm-waving with models,”

Did he just admit more than he intended? That they were just making crap up before now?

3. Sir Bedevere - April 6, 2007

A newt?

4. wiserbud - April 6, 2007

Well, I got better.

5. Villagers - April 6, 2007

BURN THE GLOBAL WARMING!!

6. Lipstick - April 6, 2007

Ha ha. I’m going to be contributing to global warming tomorrow by flying in a big plane to a tropical island. Belated honeymoon.

Suck on that, Al Gore!

7. Mr Minority - April 6, 2007

Dr. Peter Venkman: This city is headed for a disaster of biblical proportions.
Mayor: What do you mean, “biblical”?
Dr Ray Stantz: What he means is Old Testament, Mr. Mayor, real wrath-of-God type stuff.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Exactly.
Dr Ray Stantz: Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling.
Dr. Egon Spengler: Forty years of darkness. Earthquakes, volcanoes…
Winston Zeddemore: The dead rising from the grave.
Dr. Peter Venkman: Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together – mass hysteria.

8. BrewFan - April 6, 2007

Have fun Lipstick! Don’t worry about the global warming. I’ll sell you some carbon offsets when you get home. What I do is drink beer to keep the ‘carbon’ation out of the atmosphere. Its the least I can do.

9. kevlarchick - April 6, 2007

Hmm. Doesn’t excessive beer drinking cause one to *emit* more carbon?

10. BrewFan - April 6, 2007

Its a well known fact that beer farts are environmentally friendly; the carbon has been filtered out by your colon. Its science.

11. Lipstick - April 6, 2007

Thanks Brew!

I’ll be doing some “carbon”ation offsets too, lol.

12. Michael - April 6, 2007

Its a well known fact that beer farts are environmentally friendly; the carbon has been filtered out by your colon. Its science.

Dang, Brew, light a match fer cryin’ out loud! Consider the resulting fireball your own personal “carbon offset,” and a kindness to your family as well.

13. Mrs. Michael - April 6, 2007

Have a GREAT time, Lipstick. Go global warm somethin!

14. Quint - April 6, 2007

300 UN Delegates went into the warm water that night.

15. Chicken Little - April 6, 2007

THE SKY IS FALLING!!! THE SKY IS FALLING!

16. dr4 - April 6, 2007

Its snowing here in TN. It isnt much much – just a few flakes but it is definitely snowing.

Did i mention I live in the same county as Al Gore?

The man is cursed.

17. adolfo_velasquez - April 6, 2007

Al Gore must’ve flown over my state because it’s snowing in April. I don’t remember ever seeing snow in April in Oklahoma before.

18. geoff - April 6, 2007

Yeesh, ya’ll are making the baby Mendeleyev cry.

Your aft emissions are methane (CH4). If you combust them completely (i.e., light a match to them), you end up with H2O and (cue ominous organ music) CO2.

This is what the problem with CO2 is: it used to be considered the desired combustion product – people cheered when the reaction produced lots of CO2. The industry has been working doggedly to make that reaction, and only that reaction, happen. And they’ve had success: they’ve gotten rid of most of the contaminant-based pollutant products, and a lot of the undesired CO and NOx products.

But if you’re really trying to get rid of CO2, all combustion-based products are screwed. That includes all engines and power plants that burn fuel. All of them.

19. Dave in Texas - April 6, 2007

actually, you end up with the Blue Flame!

All praise be unto its Holimoliness!

OOF

20. eddiebear - April 6, 2007

I doubt the Kyoto treaty will ever be ratified here. It can’t garner the enough votes in the Senate. But, are there other round a bout ways measures can be enacted? Can parts of the treaty be enacted as prt of a spending bill or something?

I’m not sure. Maybe somebody could educate me.

21. rightlinx.com » Blog Archive » Laugh Links - With Open Trackbacks! - April 7, 2007

[…] Bystander discovers that Global Warming Proven To Be A Hoax! (Hat tip to Ace for both of […]

22. Tristen Squirter - April 7, 2007

Being highly oversexed myself, my main global warming concern is how much less people will want to engage in sexual encounters. Already we have the problem of too many people not wanting to sex at least a few times a day, now with this ecological heat wave, all we’re going to hear is “Not tonight dear, it’s just to hot”. I have additional sympathy for men who are straight as too many women already dedicate their lives to avoiding sex whenever possible, remaining unmoved by their male partner’s desperate cravings resulting from highly demanding libidos which never settle for less. And, as a gay man, research has shown us to be measurably more highly sexed than our straight counterparts, I am faced with an ever growing sector of my community who restrict themselves to partnerless sex, rather than making the small investment needed to purchase the few condoms needed each day to keep the possibility of STD infection at bay. They, of course risk their sanity by this self imposed segregation, isolating themselves in an unatural state unhealthy for any man, gay or straight; leaving the supply of activity partners severely diminished, before this warming problem now destined to drive this critical problem to a state of dangerously beyond endurable.

23. Barry in CO - April 9, 2007

Global warming made it snow in Denver for Easter Sunday. I’m certain that’s the reason.

Next thing you know, they’ll tell us global warming will mean no more cute puppies. It’s only a matter of time.

24. fart4fun - April 10, 2007

out about being on the coasts or in the Arctic, and it’s a bad idea to be on high mountains with glaciers melting…I would think you might want to be on a mountain when glaciers melt…

25. Kris - April 11, 2007

You are all idiots! Go read a book…

26. Retired Geezer - April 11, 2007

I read several books. Here’s one I liked a lot:

State of Fear

However, some of his novels actually include authentic published scientific works to illustrate his point, as can be seen in ‘State of Fear.’

http://www.crichton-official.com/

27. geoff - April 11, 2007

I read State of Fear about halfway through it and put it aside – I thought the plot and writing were not very compelling. I may yet finish it, but probably not until I get on an airplane.


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