The Sexiest Woman Alive

The Sexiest Woman Alive July 20, 2007

Posted by Pupster in Humor, Man Laws, Women Ranting.
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A few months ago, Mrs. Pupster told me she had collected enough Coke rewards points for another magazine subscription, and since none of the choices appealed to her, she picked one for me. “Maxim?” I asked hopefully, “Guns and Ammo? Field and Stream? ESPN?” Uhm…no.

So, my first Esquire magazine arrived the other day (*sigh*) and I did a double take when I saw the cover:

Not a photoshop

Here is the full cover, the ‘real’ Edwards Headline is almost as bad.

Comments

1. Cuffy Meigs - July 20, 2007: Dude, you just scooped the whole VRWC with that one. All due to Coke points.
2. cranky - July 20, 2007: Oh! Man of the People. Sleeves rolled up and all that shitz.
3. Cuffy Meigs - July 20, 2007: Can I send this to Ace, Pupster?
4. Pupster - July 20, 2007: Uh, sure Cuffy…if you think it’s Ace-worthy.
5. Cuffy Meigs - July 20, 2007: You’re effing right it’s Ace-worthy. I love it.

(I was about to wrap up with an appropriate Coke slogan a la “The Real Thing” or some such, but can’t remember Coke’s latest tag line off hand. Curious. You marketing MBA’s out there please write a thesis on this sad observation).
6. forged rite - July 20, 2007: Whatever Coke’s new slogan is, it’s got to be better than ” Budweiser…..this is beer”. Really? This is beer? Well i’ll be damned, i had no idea. Thanks Budweiser!

Are you sure Esquire is a men’s magazine? Judging from Edward’s pose and the headlines surrounding him, it looks more like a parody of a men’s magazine.
7. Wickedpinto - July 20, 2007: Cuffy gets two hotarialanche’s and is the editor of all tardworthy links.

you might be getting a big big in there cuffy 🙂

before you turn that argument on me, “my” blog has hits for “retarded politics” and “retard face.”

In fact I think my britches are a little oversized at the moment.
8. Don Carne - July 20, 2007: Budweiser’s slogan should be “Good enough to get you drunk!”
9. Wickedpinto - July 20, 2007: A case of bud Ice 9 odd years ago went for less than 9 bucks, in oki.
10. Cuffy Meigs - July 21, 2007: goddamm, Wickedpinto, I don’t claim no nuthin’ special.

I just happen to be reading when some Pupster magic occurred is all, and wanted to share.

(btw, it was Sinistar/doubleplusundead that got all the the HotAir love today—good for him).

Apparently wore out a brief welcome. Bye.
11. Bart - July 21, 2007: Cuffy,

Wait.

You haven’t heard about my quest for the hairless body.
12. Sinistar - July 21, 2007: Pinto, you got me and Cuffy mixed up, but its understandable, we’re both awesome.
13. Wickedpinto - July 21, 2007: You guys need to develop a continuity of title.

Sorry cuffy.
14. Wickedpinto - July 21, 2007: How prolific is sinistar?

He’s like a ninja thief, he told me himself “Oh, I just steal shit and post it”

Thats FUNNY!

sorry about that cuffy, I might have confused him with you, cuz I think you said basicaly the same thing.
15. Cuffy Meigs - July 21, 2007: No sweat. Sin got some sweet, sweet Allah love today. He was rocking out with his penis exposed. Or something.
16. eddiebear - July 21, 2007: I used to read Esquire in Undergrad. It had some great articles and the like, but I now realize it is as useless as my company newsletter.
17. daveintexas - July 21, 2007: Oh yeah, this is sweet.

You know, he really does have great hair. I’ve never felt this way about a man before.
18. lauraw - July 21, 2007: The gleam in his eyes as he gazes heavenward…those sculpted lips…the chin that resembles a tiny little butt…

Dreamcake, that’s what he is. Dreamcake.
19. steve_in_hb - July 21, 2007: I think we should start archeological explorations under that amazing, protruding shelf of hair. Early man frequently camped in the lee of such ledges. I’m sure there is a wealth of artifacts waitng for discovery.
20. Retired Geezer - July 21, 2007: I hope somebody posts something soon to keep the streak alive or I will be forced to post Gun pRon.
21. John Edwards - July 21, 2007: archeological explorations under that amazing, protruding shelf of hair

Jealous bitch.
22. Michael - July 21, 2007: I don’t know about that, Steve, it could be dangerous. That shelf looks structurally unsound to me. We’d want to shore it up with some timbers before we sent in an archaeological team.
23. Sinistar - July 21, 2007: Huh? I’m a ninja thief? I’d say more of a shameless linkwhore…
24. John Edwards - July 21, 2007: I tape a tiny scaffolding to my forehead every night at bedtime, lest my magnificent hair shelf be crushed while I toss in my sleep.
25. ace - July 21, 2007: Wait, I don’t get it.. is this real or not? You say “the real headline is almost as bad…” so is this p-shop ?
26. PattyAnn - July 22, 2007: Ace, Pupster put the full-length magazine cover “below the fold” here
Silky Pony just had the bad luck to have that particular article title above his head.
27. sherlock - July 22, 2007: “Bad” luck?
28. See-Dubya - July 22, 2007: Is he wearing a Casio Ironman watch?

Whatever it is, it’s not part of the look he’s going for.
29. PattyAnn - July 22, 2007: sherlock, I actually did wonder who at Esquire despised Edwards.
30. drolmorg - July 22, 2007: He and hillary! ought to get together and have some really serious sex.
31. hate leftists - July 22, 2007: I just puked my pantz
32. skh.pcola - July 22, 2007: I think he’s thrusting his hips forward to make his peepee look larger, ala Willy Clinton. What an effete lil’ faggot.
33. Jerry R. Reynolds - July 22, 2007: Haha, Edwards won’t get elected becuase he is an idiot, not becuase the white man is a dying species! Its all propaganda! Where is H. Ross Perot when you need him!

Jerry R. Reynolds
Alimoe Developing
jerry@alimoeinc.com
34. Brent - July 22, 2007: Is anyone stupid enough to honestly believe that Mr. $1200 Haircut actually wears a cheap $10 throw away digital watch–when he’s not trying to manufacture and advance the issue that he’s a Man of the have nots? This guy is a cartoon character. As fake as a three dollar bill.
35. John Edwards, Sexiest Woman Alive? at Ian Schwartz - July 22, 2007: […] Innocent Bystanders) Trackback | | Print This Article […]
36. Inoperable Terran » Hee - July 22, 2007: […] is the Sexiest Woman Alive. Or at least it looks that way. Posted by Ian S. […]
37. Purple Avenger - July 22, 2007: Good thing I’m fasting this week or I might throw up.
38. Pirate’s Cove » >>Americans Never Quit » Sorta Blogless Sunday Pinup-Blogaversary Edition - July 22, 2007: […] at Innocent Bystanders has the Sexiest Woman […]
39. Is John Edwards the sexiest woman alive? at Conservative Times--Republican GOP news source. - July 22, 2007: […] Well, is he? […]
40. BrewFan - July 22, 2007: Hey Pups, you got a HotAir link courtesy of SeeDubya. You da man!
41. yochanan - July 22, 2007: the silk pony is not a woman but a tranny
42. jmflynny - July 22, 2007: I agree with Brent, and furthermore, does he typically run around, cufflink free, with his shirt sleeves rolled up? I doubt it. It’s as staged as staged can be.

Lame-o move.
43. LeatherPenguin » I Think thei Qualifies - July 22, 2007: […] an ELEvenNTY!!!110011!! on the funny meter:John Edwards, Esq.Share […]
44. jmflynny - July 22, 2007: Oops!

Wrong on both counts…

The ‘I Feel Pretty’ video shows a cheap watch as well.
45. Cafe dog - July 22, 2007: this message board… er, webBlog is a terrific concept..oh the anxiety of no centrlalized theme! 🙂
46. Muslihoon - July 22, 2007: I wonder what version 1.3 will look like.
47. Michael - July 22, 2007: Hey Pups, you got a HotAir link courtesy of SeeDubya. You da man!

You also got linked by Ace. Plus, you’re getting a substantial number of hits from Little Green Footballs, but I don’t know where the link is. It’s probably posted in a comment thread somewhere.
48. thescoundrel - July 22, 2007: I think the picture makes him look even more like the shady Martin Sheen character, Greg Stillson, from the movie “The Dead Zone”, than he already did.
49. Pupster - July 22, 2007: spam bucket?
50. UrbanGrounds » Blog Archive » John Edwards: The Sexiest Woman Alive - July 22, 2007: […] to Innocent Bystanders Spread the word: These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and […]
51. Pupster - July 22, 2007: “You also got linked by Ace. Plus, you’re getting a substantial number of hits from Little Green Footballs…” – Michael

Thanks for the update Michael.

Just for the record, councilor; I thought your Global Warming post was good too.
52. Retired Geezer - July 22, 2007: Someday we’ll all be hoping for a Pupstalanche.

*pats Pupster on the head*

Good Boy.
53. The Mighty Righty - July 22, 2007: The Sexiest Woman Alive

Not a photoshop
54. Michael - July 22, 2007: Pupster, I found the comment you lost in the spam filter.

I thought your Global Warming post was good too.

Thanks, Pups, but it looks like I’m going to have to offer door prizes to get a comment there, now that YOU are getting all the attention.

*clenches fists, face turns green*
55. Pupster - July 22, 2007: “I wonder what version 1.3 will look like.” – Muslihoon

Wonder no more.

V. 1.3

V. 1.4

*edited for clarity*
56. Michael - July 22, 2007: IB Factoid Of The Day:

Today IB has already blown through it’s previous record for the most hits in a WordPress day (based on G.M.T.)

We’re presently at 5,752 hits and counting.
57. Top Posts « WordPress.com - July 22, 2007: […] John Edwards, Esq. A few months ago, Mrs. Pupster told me she had collected enough Coke rewards points for another magazine subscription, […] […]
58. mathaytacechristou - July 22, 2007: ROFL
59. 06jk - July 22, 2007: Oh my…

I must admit, he is an extremely charming man. I met him about a week ago, and he really was a great guy to chat with…and pretty good looking.

But the rolled-up cuffs…?
60. Man - July 22, 2007: Ehhhh, he was nice enough. But, you would think that, even a trial Lawyer, after 5 repeated warnings would be able to understand “Hands off the ass!”
61. Sarah - July 22, 2007: I just about cried when I saw this! It’s just incredible. If it were me, I would sue!
62. Sarah - July 22, 2007: Let me clarify. I was about to cry..from laughing!
63. “Can a white man still be elected president?” « À La Moderate - July 23, 2007: […] “Can a white man still be elected president?” Who came up with this headline? John Edwards, Esq. […]
64. A Woman - July 23, 2007: what do you think about this

greetings from sofia

http://sofiawinterborn.wordpress.com/2007/07/23/sofialivets-ord-sander-online-over-internet-en-hel-vecka-the-word-of-life-online-for-a-whole-one-week-english-swedish/
65. totaltransformation - July 23, 2007: Now I am upset I can’t get the image file to work. Darn firewalls at work.
66. mikeelliott1 - July 23, 2007: It’s so bad you almost think it’s a self-parody.

http://mikeelliottsblog.wordpress.com
67. Webloggin - Blog Archive » John Edwards - The Sexiest Woman Alive - July 23, 2007: […] See Also: You Decide, Ace, American Digest, Ed Driscoll, Innocent Bystanders […]
68. Ed Darrell - July 23, 2007: More fluff in the comments and snarks about Edwards than in his hair by a factor of, oh, 10 million.

Seriously, have you ever worked with the guy? Have you ever met him? He’s good, his policies are solid — and how could you ever not think him noble when he won all that money for the kid who had her guts sucked out by the swimming pool machinery, after every other white knight had failed?
69. sandy burger - July 23, 2007: his policies are solid

I would strongly dispute that, but then this thread might turn into a serious discussion about the laws of economics or something, and nobody wants that.

I’m sure John Edwards is a nice guy, though. And I cannot deny I’m envious of his good looks. (Not snark, that’s the honest truth.)

P.S. Did you know that Dick Cheney’s daughter is a lesbian? Just thought you should know.
70. daveintexas - July 23, 2007: uh, Ed? That accident happened a few weeks ago.

I’m pretty sure John ain’t practicing trial law. You wanna cite that ref please?
71. Ed's Other Brother Darrell - July 23, 2007: I understand John also got $100 zillion jillion gazillion dollars out of those evil Q-tip makers for people who didn’t understand just how far they could stick them things in their ears before they hurt themselves.

John shouldn’t be President. He should be the Leader of the Elders!!!111! just for that alone.
72. Ed Darrell - July 24, 2007: . . .but then this thread might turn into a serious discussion about the laws of economics or something, and nobody wants that.

Well, sometime, soon we pray, somebody has to stop the frat party and get to the business of making good government. Maybe no one wants to do it, but we all want to have it. Maybe it’s time to get out of the way and let the grownups do their work.
73. Ed Darrell - July 24, 2007: Uh, Dave? That accident happened years prior to John Edwards going to the Senate – the case was tried in 1996. Another accident last week? Maybe that kid has a chance to get a life, now that John Edwards made the law. Before Edwards, many kids didn’t. Here, go see the story: http://ncstormtrack.com/news/local/story/160341/

The family said that they hired Edwards over other attorneys because he alone had offered to accept a smaller percentage as fee unless the settlement was unexpectedly high, while all of the other lawyers they spoke with said they required the full one-third fee. The size of the settlement was unprecedented and Edwards did receive the standard one-third plus expenses fee typical of contingency cases. The family was so impressed with his intelligence and commitment[12] that they volunteered for his Senate campaign the next year.

From the Wikipedia bio (edited a jillion times), and see here:
http://www.nytimes.com/2004/01/31/politics/campaign/31EDWA.html?ex=1185422400&en=0ad1eb4cd3c533f9&ei=5070
74. BrewFan - July 24, 2007: Yep, I want an ambulance chaser for President! You forgot to mention his gift of channeling the spirits of dead children. And have you noticed his economic policies make Karl Marx look like a free market zealot with trickle down tendencies? Somebody told me he was going to ask for one-third of the GNP when he got elected. You think thats true?
75. A Woman - July 24, 2007: would you like to hold my heart?

greetings sofia

http://sofiawinterborn.wordpress.com/2007/07/24/sofiahold-my-heart-and-hold-my-soul-for-a-while/
76. Dave in Texas - July 24, 2007: Ok, sorry, I confused it with this story

http://www.wsbtv.com/news/13626279/detail.html

Who knew it happened so often?
77. geoff - July 24, 2007: More fluff in the comments and snarks about Edwards than in his hair by a factor of, oh, 10 million.

I like it when liberal apologists go the extra mile. It’s not enough to complain about snark on a snark thread, but he’s got to make a snarky comment to do it. The irony is even more painful than the hyperbolic math.
78. wiserbud - July 24, 2007: Who knew it happened so often?

What? It happened again since the sexiest woman in the world changed the law? How is that even possible?!??!
79. eddiebear - July 24, 2007: “Well, sometime, soon we pray, somebody has to stop the frat party and get to the business of making good government. Maybe no one wants to do it, but we all want to have it. Maybe it’s time to get out of the way and let the grownups do their work.”

Ed, you just described the Clinton Years. You also make a mockery of those of us with the name Ed.
80. Cuffy Meigs - July 24, 2007: Edwards further shores up his masculinity:

http://hotair.com/archives/2007/07/24/video-im-not-sure-about-that-coat-silky-tells-hillary/#comment-582369
81. eddiebear - July 24, 2007: Ed:

I live in St. Louis City, which is next to Madison County, IL. These two jursidictions give new meaning to “Jackpot Justice”, “Ambulance Chasers” and “Judge Shopping”. The delays and near death of my daughter during her birth were attributed (I was told later) to fear the doctors and hospital had to handling her situation in the middle of the night without a certain doctor present. So pardon me if I have little sympathy for clowns like Edwards who reap zillions of dollars by attacking doctors and businesses.
82. eddiebear - July 24, 2007: And the fact that Edwards has to have his Daily Kos/DU-posting wife go on the offensive for him (and then having the gall after posting on Kos/DU to lecture others on being nice) speaks volumes of his masculinity.
83. lauraw - July 24, 2007: Hobo lolcat: there’s no way to do one that isn’t needlessly cruel.
84. Ed Darrell - July 24, 2007: Brewfan, I didn’t forget anything — read the NYT story. “Channeling” is a bit of a stretch. Edwards used the charts to tell the jury what the baby was saying — it’s the sort of channeling doctors are trained and paid the big bucks to do all the time. Edwards’ point was, the doctor wasn’t listening.

The judge said it was a stellar bunch of legal work. You can poke fun at it, but the experts say it’s great.

How many crippled kids have you won a million dollars for lately? Why not?
85. lauraw - July 24, 2007
86. Dave in Texas - July 24, 2007: Did you know he grew up poor? One time JE’s whole family went to a restaurant when he was a kid, and they sat down at the table, and then dad the millworker said they had to leave because they couldn’t afford to eat there.

That really happened. John Edwards said so.
87. BrewFan - July 24, 2007: “She speaks to you through me,” the lawyer went on in his closing argument. “And I have to tell you right now — I didn’t plan to talk about this — right now I feel her. I feel her presence. She’s inside me, and she’s talking to you.”

Some chart.
88. daveintexas - July 24, 2007: It was a bar chart.

3D
89. BrewFan - July 24, 2007: How many crippled kids have you won a million dollars for lately? Why not?

Furthermore, if you think altruism was Edwards motivation for his chosen line of work you are hopelessly naive. Did you ever stop and consider that a true humanitarian would not spend $400 dollars for a haircut when there are starving children to be fed?
90. BrewFan - July 24, 2007: Actually I think the bar chart would have had to have been 4D. Don’t cross the streams!
91. BrewFan - July 24, 2007: Ed Darrell you really need to switch to the Kucinich camp. He might be crazier then a bedbug, but at least he’s sincere.
92. daveintexas - July 24, 2007: “bar chart”

get it?
93. Michael - July 24, 2007: Yeah, Ed, crazy moonbat or not, Kucinich is definitely doing something right.

And Ed, just ignore Dave’s attempts to be funny.
94. Sobek - July 24, 2007: Sound policies = raising taxes. Gotcha.

I’m going to go ask Walter Mondale how that worked out for him.
95. John Edwards - July 24, 2007: And let me just say this. This is something I have never told anyone else, ever, but I think you should all know this about me.

I had a son.

He died.

Vote Edwards ’08!!
96. eddiebear - July 24, 2007: Did you know that John Edwards fights for the poor by charging $500/hour in legal fees ?

He told us so.
97. John Edwards - July 24, 2007: That’s $500/hour for that one America. You know, the one I avoid at all costs.

You should see what I’ve charged the other America! Wooooo doggie, those was some sweet, sweet fees right there.

Ooops, gotta go. Liz needs her toenails clipped. Man, you do not want to be around her if I miss one of those sessions.
98. BrewFan - July 24, 2007: Mr. Edwards, I’d like to tell you how much I admire your ability to forge strong relations with your less fortunate neighbors. It gives me confidence you’ll be able to restore America’s reputation in the eyes of the world community.

Not.
99. BrewFan - July 24, 2007: Plus thats one big sweet-ass house you got there. I bet you have it crammed full of little crippled children just so you can take care of them.
100. compos mentis - July 24, 2007: I bet you have it crammed full of little crippled children just so you can take care of them.

Vote John Edwards/Michael Jackson ’08!
101. Mrs. John Edwards - July 24, 2007: My Fellow Americans,
As you may have read above, my manly and hardworking husband is under attack by right-wing hatemongers. Is this what passes for political discourse these days? Are you fed up with the tone of politics in America?

Help us fight back. Please send all you can.

Mrs. John Edwards
102. John Edwards - July 24, 2007: I bet you have it crammed full of little crippled children just so you can take care of them.

Ewwwwww, are you kidding? They all belong to that other America. Plus, Liz hates having to see all those the walkers and wheelchairs. It makes her…..uncomfortable.
103. jon - February 4, 2008: hahahahaha that sux
104. sam - February 4, 2008: fff
105. Edwards Endorses Obama « Innocent Bystanders - May 14, 2008: […] Obama is now ustoppable with the support of the Sexiest Woman Alive. […]
106. Joseph Hanse - November 6, 2009: Why a sexiest women become increasing in this world ? What happen to be this world after the second coming, will they would be save ?
107. TGSG - May 23, 2010: Too bad the thread ended before the “real hunter” came along!
108. WEALTH AVOIDED - TIMBLAIR - ARCHIVE FROM A BLAIR FAN - August 4, 2017: […] Besides, Tim, what if your subjects turned out to be like this guy? […]