If It Rains – It Whores July 30, 2007Posted by Pupster in Crime, Ducks, Gardening, Man Laws, Religion, Sex, Women Ranting.
READINGTON, N.J. (AP) – Organizers think they’ve found the secret to good weather for this weekend’s Quick Chek New Jersey Festival of Ballooning – a virgin.
According to an imported superstition, good weather can be assured through a ceremony involving a virgin, some knives and fresh, whole onions and peppers.
Whoops…wrong thread. This is a recipe for Global Warming Relief. Needs olives.
Brumfield, 28, has worked with Freeman in the past and is a devout Mormon, proud of her adherence to the church’s rules, including not drinking, smoking, gambling or cursing – and no sex before marriage.
Apparently there is no provision against Pagan Weather Rituals. Kind of a big loophole, if you ask me.
She became the festival’s official virgin last year after her younger sister, who had that role in 2005, moved to California.
What, did they jump her at the state line? Was there some sort of reverse Amber alert issued?
Here’s how she does it: She drives a golf cart to the four corners of the festival site, picks up some grass, mumbles some random words, then penetrates the produce with a knife before jamming it and the knives into the ground.
Mumbles random words like,”Light petting doesn’t count, it just got a little out of, hey…is that a storm cloud?”
Hat-tip to Dave Barry’s Blog