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I Hate Doctors August 29, 2007

Posted by Michael in Man Laws, Music.

I’m not sayin’ this hatred is rational; it’s just true.

I avoid doctors like the plague. Sure, I realize that there is probably stuff wrong with me, given my Jack Daniels & Marlboro Lights Lifestyle™, but I just don’t want to know about it. I don’t care if there are polyps in my colon. They’re not bothering me, so why should I bother them?

I’m not a fanatic about this. My genetic heritage includes the fact that I’m prone to skin cancers, so occasionally I will go to a dermatologist and zap suspicious-looking spots on my skin. I actually like my dermatologist.

Still, in general, I hate doctors.

Take Beethoven, for example. He should have been more like me.


He might have lived longer, if he had feared doctors like I do.

VIENNA, Austria – Did someone kill Beethoven? A Viennese pathologist claims the composer’s physician did — inadvertently overdosing him with lead in a case of a cure that went wrong.

Other researchers are not convinced, but there is no controversy about one fact: The master had been a very sick man years before his death in 1827.

Previous research determined that Beethoven had suffered from lead poisoning, first detecting toxic levels of the metal in his hair and then, two years ago, in bone fragments. Those findings strengthened the belief that lead poisoning may have contributed — and ultimately led — to his death at age 57.

But Viennese forensic expert Christian Reiter claims to know more after months of painstaking work applying CSI-like methods to strands of Beethoven’s hair.

He says his analysis, published last week in the Beethoven Journal, shows that in the final months of the composer’s life, lead concentrations in his body spiked every time he was treated by his doctor, Andreas Wawruch, for fluid inside the abdomen. Those lethal doses permeated Beethoven’s ailing liver, ultimately killing him, Reiter told The Associated Press.

I’m just saying, I hate doctors. They should be avoided whenever possible.

Pathologist: Doctor killed Beethoven


1. Wickedpinto - August 29, 2007

I visited something like 9 doctors for my GP doc before I established my “personal physician” for my HMO.

His name was gilroy, I was only out of the service for about 3 months, and every GP I visited wanted to establish “a medical history” and when I handed them my military med records, they looked like retarded kids, who wanted to break momma’s toaster, or some shit, but it was doctor gilroy, a doctor who was still a reservest naval doctar saw my records, and that I was Marine (he was green navy, meaning he served the Marines most of his career, not the pussy navy) he started to shit on me.

“whats wrong with you?”
“nothing that I know, you have my file, though I cough alot”
“okay, sit down, breathe” a moment “breath” a moment, “nurse? bloodpressure?” “breathe”

“Sir, only thing I can think of . . . .”
“shut up.”
“yes sir.”
“bend over”
“you are navy,”
“shut up or I will take your temperature.”
“yes sir.”
“don’t smoke, don’t drink, other than that, you are fine, get back here in 2 weeks, and we will do a more thorough check up.”
“yes sir.”

“um, sir?”
“I’m not your doctor now, don’t call me sir!”
“um, yes doctor gilroy, um, this rocked, I’m just saying.”
“we are different kid, get out of here.”

I don’t want a beloved caretaker, I want a maintenance tech, when it comes to medical care. In about 20 minutes, I had better care, because commander gilroy recognized corporal (wickedpinto) and we did our jobs, and we got the job done, and I had 6 months worth of tests done in an instant, whereas most others need about an hour of self validation per test.

Thats the kinda doc I like, I like DOC’s who address an issue, rather than worry about beuracracy.

2. lauraw - August 29, 2007

IIRC, George Washington was being treated for flu-like symptoms and died in his physician’s care.

They used powerful purgatives and such and he died in misery.

If he hadn’t called his doctor, the father of our nation might still be alive today!
OK, tired and silly right now.

3. compos mentis - August 29, 2007

Tis better than being sired and tilly.

I’m grateful for living in a more modern era as far as medicine and health care go. I read an article where “they” had cut off the wing of a chicken then genetically altered the DNA in the wing to regrow the limb. It worked. The possibilities are fun to ponder.

4. BrewFan - August 29, 2007

I’m old enough to remember house calls. Today I’m lucky to get a solid 5 minutes of face time with my doctor during an office visit. Not to mention the lack of follow-up with test results, etc. Grrr…

5. skinbad - August 29, 2007

I think a bleeding would do Michael a world of good.

6. geoff - August 29, 2007

I like my kids’ doctor, but it’s still spooky. The last time I took my son in for his pre-school immunizations, they wanted to give him a tetanus booster.

“Didn’t you give him one last week?” I asked (the previous week he had cut himself on the forehead with a chisel. That’s my boy).

“Uh, drrrrr….” said the Doc.

Somehow they’d forgotten to document the tetanus shot they’d given him. It’s easy to understand how 100,000 people die every year due to medical errors.

7. Leech - August 29, 2007

I think a bleeding would do Michael a world of good.

No way! We have standards you know.

8. kevlarchick - August 29, 2007

I hate going to the docs–a nightmare of rude, surly women in scrubs and insurance papers. Fortunately I don’t go often.

In a few weeks I will visit an orthopedic surgeon’s office, but I’m meeting with the nurse practitioner. In my experience, nurse practitioners are superior because they listen, they ask questions, and they do not rush.

9. Doctors - August 29, 2007

Hey, just so you know, we’re not so fond of lawyers.

Just sayin’.

10. Lawyers - August 29, 2007

We’re the ones who keep you frickin’ quacks from killing everyone.

11. Mrs. Michael - August 29, 2007

Some doctors really messed me up in past years. Now I stay away as much as possible, only select doctors who take an attitude that they are here to partner in my staying healthy — sorta like Wickedpinto’s “maintenance tech.”

Generally speaking DOs seem better than MDs.

I take herbs, I juice, and do toxin cleanses now to treat any pains and discomforts. I read a lot and take advice from my health food folks — and stay out of doctor’s offices. I don’t do antibiotics, cough medicines, pain meds, etc. AND I have completely stopped taking my BP meds, lowering my own blood pressure by changing my diet, exercising, and doing cleansings.

I’m convinced much of what doctor’s prescribe are toxic to our bodies — and end up clogging our livers, gallbladders, kidneys, and also stick to the linings of our intestinal tracts — all of which can eventually lead to cancer, arthritis and most body aches and headaches, depression, bloating and obesity, heart disease, high cholesterol, etc.

12. Michael - August 29, 2007

Please please please, nobody ask Mrs. Michael what she means by “cleansing.”

13. BrewFan - August 29, 2007

Having just recently ‘cleansed’ my colon I will happily refrain from asking. 🙂

One last thing you need to do Mrs. Michael is take care of the spiritual. Become a Calvinist!

14. Mrs. Michael - August 29, 2007

FACT: 100 + years ago when pregnant women began going to doctors to care for them and deliver babies instead of using midwives, many women and their infants ended up dead of sepsis because the doctors didn’t know that they were supposed to WASH THEIR FRIGGIN’ HANDS before internal examinations.

15. programmers - August 29, 2007

Well, we….

awww. Who cares.

16. Mrs. Michael - August 29, 2007

Brew — I still need to live with Mr. Michael.

Could I substitute Calvin and Hobbs? I miss them!

17. Indian Chief - August 29, 2007

Hey, just so you know, we’re not so fond of lawyers. – Doctors

We’re the ones who keep you frickin’ quacks from killing everyone. – Lawyers

Hmph, me not so impressed by either one of you.

18. lauraw - August 29, 2007

Every once in a while I’ll go all granola and start consuming flax seeds and fish oil supplements and homemade fruit smoothies, etc.

But honestly that stuff makes my cigarettes taste bad. I can’t countenance a poor smoking experience.

When I draw that delicious blue smoke past my tastebuds and into my quivering, burning lungs, I don’t want it sullied by the faint residue of yogurt and blueberries.

This is what I mean by ‘the high cost of health care.’

19. Mrs. Michael - August 29, 2007

Thanks, Lauraw.

#18 helps me understand why Mr. Michael’s toxic habits are even more obnoxious to me now that I detox and eat cleaner.

20. lauraw - August 29, 2007

What kind of cleaner do you eat?

21. shamans - August 29, 2007


22. S. Weasel - August 29, 2007

Another president done in by medicine: Abe. They think he might have survived the bullet. What he didn’t survive was a surgeon sticking his finger into the hole in Lincoln’s skull and wiggling it around, looking for the bullet.

Friday evenings, I treat myself to a delicious cup of senna tea. Saturday morning, the world falls out of my bottom.

A weasel’s got to have a hobby.

23. Mrs. Michael - August 29, 2007

#20 Comet Cleanser, Borax, or Tide mixed with water, vinegar, bleach and baking soda…

…just kidding.

24. Retired Geezer - August 29, 2007

Mrs. Geezer does the “Master Cleanser” thing about once or twice a year.
Basically you drink Lemonade for 2 weeks.
Here’s the recipe from memory:

Juice of a lemon.
2 tablespoons of organic Maple Syrup.
1/4 tsp of Cayenne pepper.
Fill up the glass with water. (hot or cold)

It’s not really bad or hard to stick with. I’ve done it a few times.
You drink Herbal Tea at night.

Anybody else tried that?

25. Mrs. Michael - August 29, 2007

Geezer — I haven’t tried that one — but I know of a female doctor (MD) who prescribes your “lemonade” for her patients. I had heard it works.

My cleansers are a little different. If you wanna know more, email Mr. Michael and he can forward it to me.

The Sweetie tolerates this at home– but I don’t think he wants me to “share” here.

26. BrewFan - August 29, 2007

The Sweetie tolerates this at home– but I don’t think he wants me to “share” here.

I don’t mind, really. Go ahead and share.


Oh. Nevermind.

27. compos mentis - August 29, 2007

but I don’t think he wants me to “share” here.

Well, why the hell not??

28. Mrs. Geezer - August 29, 2007

Hi all, thought I’d better tell you the exact recipe for the Master Cleanser.

juice from 1/2 a lemon
2 Tablespoons of Pure Maple Syrup from Connecticut (or any other worthy state)
1/10 tsp. Cayenne pepper (or to taste)
Mix together in a 10 oz. glass of water (hot or cold)

That’s it, and that’s all you have for a minimum of 10 days. You won’t get hungry because it has all the minerals and vitamins your body requires.

The book says to have 6 to 12 glasses a day. I usually have about 8. If you find you’re getting hungry, drink more.
There’s a couple of other things that the book recommends you can do but that’s up to you.

The name of the book is The Master Cleanser, by Stanley Burroughs. You can find it at your Health Food Store. I’ve been doing this for years and it makes you feel great.

29. Mrs. Michael - August 29, 2007

I may hunt up that book!.

30. Wickedpinto - August 29, 2007

about every 3 or 4 months, I go about a week eating only salads, but thats more of a crave thing. Does the same thing as general “cleansing.” Not to mention every day I drink almost a gallon of water, well, and a quart or two of beer, but thats beside the point.

I can’t handle caffeine anymore, effects me worse than booze nowadays to tell the truth, so I only drink water, sometimes I might make lemonade, or drink juices, drank just short a gallon of pomegranate juice one day. WAY too sweet, felt sick for a couple days actually. But yeah, I don’t like most syrupy drinks anymore. It’s all water and booze, and if you are talking scotch, then theres water and booze, a perfect healthy combination right there.

31. Retired Geezer - August 30, 2007

One thing I forgot to mention about the “Lemonade Diet”:

It’s surprisingly easy to last on that diet without eating. It’s really easy to make up a bunch of those lemonades and add water later.
You have a lot of energy too.

One thing I just remembered is that you need to rinse your mouth out with water a lot because the lemon juice makes your teeth sensitive along your gum line.

Pope out.

32. geoff - August 30, 2007

Pope out.

…or, rather, “Poop out.”

33. Lipstick - August 30, 2007


I love this place.

34. lauraw - August 30, 2007

You…fast for ten days while drinking only that lemonade concoction?

Holy moly, I could never do that.

I will do the first two days of the old GM diet though as a Summer thing. Gives you a nice burst of vitamins and water after eating heavy foods all Winter.

First day nothing but fruit, all the fruits you want except bananas. Drink plenty of water.
Second day nothing but non-starchy vegetables. Water.

Third day nothing but fried chicken.
OK not really but that’s how it generally goes.

35. Retired Geezer - August 30, 2007

First day nothing but fruit, all the fruits you want except bananas.

Why no bananas? Don’t you need to feed your inner monkey?

36. compos mentis - August 30, 2007

all the fruits you want … Sounds like a Richard Simmons wet dream.

And what of the forbidden fruit?

37. lauraw - August 30, 2007

The focus is on water-filled fruits like citrus fruits and melons and such. I think (not sure, and too lazy to check) that bananas are pretty rich in calories and sugars compared to other fruits.

38. Dave in Texas - August 30, 2007

IIRC, James Garfield died from post-surgical infection, not the bullet wound.

So I hope nobody shoots me.

In a few weeks I will visit an orthopedic surgeon’s office

I hope it’s nothing serious dearie.

39. Bananas - August 30, 2007

We are the superior fruit in all respects.

And guys like watching chicks eat bananas too, so, you know, bonus.

40. kumquat - August 30, 2007

little full of yourself, bananas, don’t ya think?

Well, it may be fun watching chicks eat you, but try to talk about me without giggling. I dare ya.

41. Bananas - August 30, 2007

Okay, I do admit saying kumquat makes me giggle.

Still, that whole chick thing.. you show me one guy that doesn’t stop talkin when he sees that.

42. kumquat - August 30, 2007

Andrew Sullivan?

43. compos mentis - August 30, 2007

Andrew Sullivan?

Speaking of fruits.

44. Barry in CO - August 30, 2007

Doctors killed George Washington. Basically, he had a bad cold, and they treated him by opening one of his veins.

45. Steve Miller - August 30, 2007

Every time you call my name,
I heat up like a big blue vein.

46. Paul Young - August 30, 2007

Every time you go away,
You take a piece of meat with you.

47. The Beatles - August 30, 2007

Th girl with colitis goes by…..

48. Jimi Hendrix - August 30, 2007

‘scuse me while I kiss this guy

49. Keith Richards - August 30, 2007



50. Creedence Clearwater Revival - August 30, 2007

Th girl with colitis goes by…..

There’s a bathroom on the right

51. Retired Geezer - August 30, 2007


I see a Bad Moon Rising.

52. Retired Geezer - August 30, 2007
53. Wickedpinto - August 30, 2007

Who was that commedian CCR? Isn’t the stoner red head hippy guy who looks like “hyde” from that seventy’s show, with the inturned wrist, and almost always has his head down?

54. Wickedpinto - August 30, 2007


Her eyes look odd. No really, look at them, there is something off about them.

55. Retired Geezer - August 30, 2007

Her eyes look odd.

Nuh uhh. They look just fine.

56. Wickedpinto - August 30, 2007

Notice that she has a MUCH sharper point in the inside portion of her left eye (right in the picture) than her left eye? at first I thought it might have been just the off angle (3/4 I think it’s called) but if you look, her right eye, is more rounded, than her left. Thats what I think is odd about the image.

57. Wickedpinto - August 30, 2007

Not three quarters, but the camera slightly favors the left side of her face.

58. Wickedpinto - August 30, 2007

Oh, and totaly hittable, ain’t saying she ain’t, but I might have nightmares after hitting it, that aren’t related to my horrible performance.

59. compos mentis - August 30, 2007

Yeah, WP’s right. They’re a little too far apart. Looking into them is like trying to look through a pair of binochulars spread a little to wide.

She is a fine looking woman none thel ess.

60. Wickedpinto - August 30, 2007


Spudders are MUTANTS!

61. compos mentis - August 30, 2007

Jesus Christ pinto. Why the fuck can’t you put all of your thoughts into one comment you borderline schizophrenic?

I say that with affection of course. 🙂

62. compos mentis - August 30, 2007

Speaking of mutant spudders, you might get a kick out of this.

63. Wickedpinto - September 1, 2007

Thats pretty damn funny, It’s open blog at Ace’s how about you use this there?

64. Iris b - April 26, 2010

You are so right Im with you on that 100 percent as long as we don’t feel it or see anything wrong i refuse to go to the doctor

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