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Old, but still funny. October 26, 2007

Posted by composmentis in AA - Uncategorized, Terrorist Hemorrhoids.
3 comments

Here is a little test that will help you find out if you are a Republican, a Democrat, or a Texan. Just pick which answer most closely mirrors your likely response to the following situation:You’re walking down a deserted street with your family. Suddenly, an man in black, wearing a kefir and carrying a huge knife comes around the corner. He locks eyes with you, screams “Alahu Akbar!” and “Death to the Infidels”, and brandishes the knife wildly as he runs toward your children. You are carrying a Glock 40-caliber semi-automatic pistol.

You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

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More Evidence That Brits Are Weird October 25, 2007

Posted by Michael in Crime.
12 comments

What do British men do at night when they’re naked?

Walk around.

LONDON (Reuters) – A surge in naked sleepwalking among guests has led one of Britain’s largest budget hotel groups to re-train staff to handle late-night nudity.

Travelodge, which runs more than 300 business hotels in Britain, says sleepwalking rose seven-fold in the past year, and 95 percent of the somnambulants are scantily clad men.

“We have seen an increased number of cases over the years so it is important that our staff know how to help sleepwalking when it arises,” Leigh McCarron, the chain’s sleep director, said in a statement.

They sound more like zombies than sleepwalkers… – Yahoo! News

Pumpkin Simulator October 25, 2007

Posted by Michael in Women Ranting.
4 comments

Carve your Halloween pumpkin here:

Pumpkin Simulator

Thanks to Cathy for this time-waster.

Media Bias In The Muslim World October 25, 2007

Posted by Michael in News.
7 comments

This is so richly ironic.

CAIRO, Egypt (AP) — Al-Qaida sympathizers have unleashed a torrent of anger against Al-Jazeera television, accusing it of misrepresenting Osama bin Laden’s latest audiotape by airing excerpts in which he criticizes mistakes by insurgents in Iraq.

Users of a leading Islamic militant Web forum posted thousands of insults against the pan-Arab station for focusing on excerpts in which bin Laden criticizes insurgents, including his followers.

Analysts said the reaction highlighted militants’ surprise at bin Laden’s words, and their dismay at the deep divisions among al-Qaida and other Iraqi militants that he appeared to be trying to heal.

You should read the rest of this story. It’s pretty funny. And it highlights a basic fact that should encourage us — Islamic radicals are dumbfucks.

CourierPress | The Evansville Courier & Press – Evansville, Indiana

Antarctica Now October 25, 2007

Posted by daveintexas in Crime, History, Philosophy.
37 comments

Mrs. Peel was kind enough to pull this silly thing out of the comment threads at AoS a while back, and posted it on her old site.  I thought I oughta grab it in case it ever went away though.

***

Antarctica, shit. I’m still only in Antarctica. Every time I think I’m going to wake up back on the ice floe. When I was home after my first tour, it was worse. I’d wake up and there’d be nothing… I hardly said a word to my wife until I said yes to a divorce. When I was here I wanted to be there. When I was there, all I could think of was getting back into McMurdo. I’ve been here a week now. Waiting for a mission, getting softer. Every minute I stay in this tent I get weaker. And every minute Charlie squats in the snow he gets stronger.

Each time I look around the tent flaps move in a little tighter.
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Fear Through the Ages October 25, 2007

Posted by Retired Geezer in Ducks.
17 comments

Doug Savage writes a strip called Savage Chickens. Today’s cartoon made me chuckle.

Here’s his award winning animated chicken cartoon Phantom Mountain.

Check out his archives: Savage Chickens Cartoons

Science Discovers Brain Cells That Cause Optimism October 24, 2007

Posted by Michael in Science.
18 comments

Hope springs eternal and we sing that the sun will come out tomorrow despite the lack of hard evidence to support upbeat forecasts.

That’s true. When I am hiding in the bushes in Kevlarchick’s yard, gazing at her through the minblinds, I am eternally hopeful.

Optimism is a common human trait. For instance, people tend to expect to live longer and be more successful than average, and underestimate their chances of getting divorced.

I don’t like where this is going. It sounds to me like they’re trying to tell me I don’t really have a chance with Kevlarchick.

To find out how the brain generates optimism for the future, researchers at New York University scanned the brains of 15 volunteers while they imagined possible future life events, such as “winning an award” or “the end of a romantic relationship.”

The scientists discovered positive future events led to increased activity in the same brain clusters that seem to malfunction in depression—the amygdala, which helps form and store emotional memories, and the rostral anterior cingulate, which helps regulate emotional responses. The researchers also found that when volunteers had optimistic personalities, as rated by psychological exams, these brain clusters activated more.

What a crock. These science dorks are trying to tell me that my fantasies about Kevlarchick are the result of an overactive amygdala and rostral anterior cingulate. Like, I’m out there in the cold and rain, shivering behind the bushes, for nothing.  No way. They just don’t understand the relationship.

Scientists Learn Why Hope Springs Eternal

Take Justice Ginsburg, Please! October 24, 2007

Posted by skinbad in Law.
4 comments

SCOTUS Chief Roberts cracks wise:

“Even on a serious occasion such as this I think most people expect me to begin with a lawyer joke. But I no longer tell lawyer jokes, particularly to mixed gatherings such as this. Turns out the lawyers don’t think they’re funny, and the nonlawyers don’t think they’re jokes.”

Roberts spoke at BYU. Newspaper summaries of his talk here and here. Video will be available “within a few days” at http://byubroadcasting.org

Dead Bird in Your Breakfast Cereal October 24, 2007

Posted by daveintexas in Literature, Man Laws.
40 comments

Roommates can be such bastards.

Eh heh heh heh

Well, I’m a Little Depressed: a guest post by Hugh Jackman, a close personal friend of Dave in Texas October 24, 2007

Posted by daveintexas in Ducks, Sex.
30 comments

Yeah, my TV show got canned.

I really thought it would do well.  We based it on a very popular show from Britain.  It was my first project with my new production company, and it sure flopped.

Ah.  I really wish I could get away for a couple of weeks and just unwind.  I’m so tense lately.  I need to take my mind off of all of this but I just don’t know how.

Thanks Dave for letting me just kinda talk it out.  You’re a good friend.

[daveintexas] No problem buddy.  My friends here at IB are swell, and happy to listen, or help just any way they can. 

Fred Thompson Promises The Hottest First Lady In U.S. History October 23, 2007

Posted by Michael in Humor.
35 comments


If Elected

 

My fellow Americans, in the coming presidential election, the voters of this nation will plot a course for the future. There are many candidates, each of whom brings a different vision of that future. But only one has the conviction and strength to lead this great country. Only one is a popular television and film actor ready to face the challenges of the 21st century head-on. And, most importantly, there is only one candidate with a bombshell trophy wife nearly a quarter-century younger than himself.

Fred’s got my vote!

If Elected, I Will Have The Hottest First Lady In U.S. History | The Onion – America’s Finest News Source

A Way to Get Better Customer Service? October 23, 2007

Posted by skinbad in Crime.
11 comments

There’s a fairly strong interest among IBers in packing heat. Some have concealed carry permits and some are in the process. It’s kind of easy to forget the open carry option. 

Does that feel too “Wild West” to you? Personally, I don’t think I would want the attention drawn to it (or me). I would probably assume someone carrying openly would be involved with law enforcement one way or another. It would seem so out of the norm as to be misleading in a way. Lots of typical to and fro in the comments.  The mother “packingmama” mentioned in the article shows up in the comments.

The open carry website that shows the laws for each state (and that is mentioned in the article) is www.opencarry.org I find it interesting that many New England states have more permissive carry rules than a state like Texas. Open Carry’s motto is “A right unexercised is a right lost.” A lot of people don’t vote, but I don’t think they’re in danger of losing the right. If I lived in an area that prohibited or made the concealed carry option too onerous, maybe this right would be important to me. Thoughts?