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German Science: Oooooh Baby, Oh Yeah! Give It To Me!!! December 19, 2007

Posted by Michael in Ducks, Humor, Science, Sex.
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The latest news about macacas, not involving George Allen:

Female monkeys may shout during sex to help their male partners climax, research now reveals.

Without these yells, male Barbary macaques (Macaca sylvanus) almost never ejaculated, scientists found.

Female monkeys often utter loud, distinctive calls before, during or after sex. Their exact function, if any, has remained heavily debated.

I really don’t know why this was a mystery. It should be obvious why the female monkeys were vocalizing. They were encouraging their mates. But German scientists tackled the phenomena by counting ejaculations. (The article does not, unfortunately, explain exactly how they identified ejaculatory sex.)

To investigate the purpose behind these calls, scientists at the German Primate Center in Göttingen focused on Barbary macaques for two years in a nature reserve in Gibraltar.

The researchers found that females yelled during 86 percent of all sexual encounters. When females shouted, males ejaculated 59 percent of the time. However, when females did not holler, males ejaculated less than 2 percent of the time.

You can always depend on Germans to count stuff. Those frickin’ Germans are insane about counting stuff.

Next thing you know, those whacky German scientists will start counting in order to study whether the girl monkeys were saying “Do me hard! Yeah baby, just like that!!!” Like in all those online porn flicks (which I have never seen, of course).

Oh wait, the German scientists did that.

To see if yelling resulted from how vigorous the sex was, the [German] scientists counted the number of pelvic thrusts males gave and timed when they happened. They found when shouting occurred, thrusting increased. In other words, hollering led to more vigorous sex.

Quote of the day:

Counting monkey pelvic thrusts is admittedly “quite weird, but it’s science,” researcher Dana Pfefferle, a behavioral scientist and primatologist at the German Primate Center, told LiveScience. “You get used to it.”

Back in the day, before he quit blogging, I would have just sent this link to Dave at Garfield Ridge. Nobody could do monkey sex stories better than Dave. I miss him.

Study Reveals Why Monkeys Shout During Sex | LiveScience

UPDATE JUST FOR YOU, DAVE@GR:

 

Comments»

1. cranky - December 18, 2007

Wow. A whole post developed to monkey sex, shouting and counting the number of pelvic thrusts. Boy, this AoSHQ blog is plenty weird.

2. eddiebear - December 19, 2007

Damn Germans, always doing weird things.

Wait.

*checks family tree*

Oh. Never mind.

3. lauraw - December 19, 2007

I know what she’s hollering.

“QUIT PLAYING AROUND WITH THAT Q-TIP AND GET IN”

“MY MOTHER’S GOING TO COME STAY WITH US FOR A COUPLE WEEKS”

“YOU’RE BROTHER IS BETTER AT THIS THAN YOU”

Monkeys prefer angry sex.

4. Dave in Texas - December 19, 2007

Good thing there’s no dynamite around.

5. Amish in the Mist - December 19, 2007

you cant have a post about monkey sex without linking this video. Its a rule:

NSFW, but youre already reading about screaming monkey ejaculations on the companies dime so what have you got to lose?

6. PattyAnn - December 19, 2007

Laura, I double-dog dare you to shout any of those at your customers today.

7. eddiebear - December 19, 2007

Is today the last day to get stuff shipped before Christmas?

8. Pupster - December 19, 2007

In an older, less well publicized study, German Scientists discovered that male macaca monkeys who screamed at their mates had no vigorous sex whatsoever.

9. lauraw - December 19, 2007

Last day for safe Ground delivery coast-to-coast was Monday. Those people have to use Air service now to get it there by Christmas.

Heh. ka-ching!

If you live in the middle of the country you still have time for Ground shipping to most areas of the country. For those of us on a coast, our Ground shipping range has shrunk to about 1200 miles from origin (zone 3).

10. Dave in Texas - December 19, 2007

tenderloin!

11. lauraw - December 19, 2007

Tenderloins are pretty flavorless, aren’t they. Been favoring some nicely marbled NY strips lately. A bit more toothsome and tasty.

12. wiserbud - December 19, 2007

Last day for safe Ground delivery coast-to-coast was Monday.

What about unsafe delivery, say the guy drives like a freaking maniac, running red lights and racing up on the sidewalk to get around traffic? Is that extra?

13. lauraw - December 19, 2007

The volume they’re dealing with during this time of year, I’m surprised they slow the trucks down when they make deliveries.

14. geoff - December 19, 2007

The volume they’re dealing with during this time of year, I’m surprised they slow the trucks down when they make deliveries.

UPS delivered a package at 9 pm the other night.

15. lauraw - December 19, 2007

Trying to think of captions for that pic.

I like how she’s looking so earnestly at him, but he’s looking at the camera.

16. Cuffy Meigs - December 19, 2007

Is that female monkey wearing high heels?

17. Bart - December 19, 2007

Speaking of steaks and shipping…

why on earth would people buy steaks (and other meat products) through the mail? You pay twice as much for older food, where’s the upside?

These online places say how their beef is grain-fed and all that good stuff. Can anyone really tell the difference? And the steaks are so small (8-10 oz, wtf? Then you have to freeze the stuff. I can tell when steak has been frozen and then cooked. Yes, I really can.

I’ve been tempted to buy the stuff, myself. Then I realized that I have about 18 supermatkets around me in a 5-mile radius and came to my senses.

18. Bart - December 19, 2007

Oh, and here’s the caption:

boy monkey: piitb?
gril monkey: nope.
boy monkey: 😦

19. lauraw - December 19, 2007

Omaha steak makes these Au gratin potato balls…ohmygodthey’resogood. Forget the steak, just get a case of those spuds.

20. geoff - December 19, 2007

Can anyone really tell the difference?

Yeah. Even the burgers taste great. I’m never sorry to see Omaha Steaks in the mail.

21. Dave in Texas - December 19, 2007

I like how she’s looking so earnestly at him, but he’s looking at the camera.

Yeah, a good director can really frame the shot.

22. Retired Geezer - December 19, 2007

That male monkey looks old.

23. Cuffy Meigs - December 19, 2007

And wise.

24. eddiebear - December 19, 2007

I found an Omaha Steaks Store near the mall my wife loves to frequent. And it’s next a PF Chang’s. Good times for all.

25. wiserbud - December 19, 2007

and bored.

26. PattyAnn - December 19, 2007

“What about unsafe delivery, say the guy drives like a freaking maniac, running red lights and racing up on the sidewalk to get around traffic? Is that extra?”

wiser, if you’re this bored, I have a head-shot of rosetta and a body-shot of a standard poodle I’ll send you. ‘Bout time for some photoshopping, eh?

27. wiserbud - December 19, 2007

the monkey looks bored, PA.

But send them anyway. Having gotten no work done all year,why should I start now?

28. eddiebear - December 19, 2007

http://www.bustedcoverage.com/?p=1147

I found out how Brewfan celebrates his weekends.

29. BrewFan - December 19, 2007

Not only me, eddie, but the thousands of cheeseheads that filled up your stadium last weekend. We almost had homefield advantage 🙂

30. forged rite - December 19, 2007

UPS delivered a package at 9 pm the other night.

They’ve been using Budget Rent-A-Trucks instead of the usual Brownmobile around here.

31. Bart - December 19, 2007

Ace is sensitive over the huckabee posts.

What did you guys say?

32. harrison - December 19, 2007

They’ve been using Budget Rent-A-Trucks in addition to the usual Brownmobile around here.

33. Mrs. Peel - December 19, 2007

Changing trucks might be a good idea when you’re dealing with Pepper. She hates the UPS guys. I swear she can hear their truck coming from three blocks away. It’s pretty funny to watch them deliver to us – they chuck the package at the door and run like hell.

34. daveintexas - December 19, 2007

A happy Christmas message.

It’s a Wonderful Life if you identify all the people I dragged into this.

http://www.jibjab.com/sendables/preview/CQcWuLC1duZUETrRbds4Dchn

35. Lipstick - December 19, 2007

I saw you and the Huckster. I think.

36. daveintexas - December 19, 2007

he was Clarence the angel

37. eddiebear - December 19, 2007

Brew:

Yes. Yes. I know. The Rams suck, and the fans were more than willing to sell their tickets to the Cheeseheads. Also, I get the feeling there were a lot of “transplants” from Wisconsin who live in St. Louis (my old boss at my old job was from Verona, WI and a Badger) who normally would wear Blue and Gold, but put on the Green and Gold for this weekend. Kinda like my wife’s friend who now works at Marquette. He is a Brewers Fan, except when the Cardinals come to town.

We may see another sellout this weekend, as transplanted Steelers Fans are sure to fill up the Dome.

38. forged rite - December 19, 2007

They’ve been using Budget Rent-A-Trucks in addition to the usual Brownmobile around here.

Yep, that’s what i meant, thanks harrison.

39. Pupster - December 20, 2007

Dave in Bedford Falls,

Paul Anka

Natalie Wood?

Huck Hucklebee

Jerry Lewis

Shirley McClain

Dude, that was freakin awesome.

40. Dave in Texas - December 20, 2007

You get an A- pups

The first chick was a tough one, Zi Lin Zhang, Miss World 2007

http://ace.mu.nu/archives/248186.php#248186

41. Sticky B - December 20, 2007

When females shouted, males ejaculated 59 percent of the time. However, when females did not holler, males ejaculated less than 2 percent of the time.

My question for the esteemed panel is this: How do you tell when a monkey ejaculates? Does he pull out for a “money shot”? Are there cigarettes involved or what? I’m tantalized.

42. Dave in Texas - December 20, 2007

He tells the girl monkey to make him a sammich.

43. skinbad - December 20, 2007

He hands her a tissue and slaps her on the butt.

44. Pupster - December 20, 2007

He immediately falls into a deep sleep.

45. skinbad - December 20, 2007

He stands up while driving his topless Wrangler and shouts: “I’m king of the world!”

46. Dave in Texas - December 20, 2007

He thumps his chest with both fists three times, hollers “Ungawa!”, and then he wipes his monkey dick on the drapes.

Which totally pisses off the girl monkey.

47. Cathy - December 20, 2007

Cute JibJab, Dave. I laughed.

I watched It’s a Wonderful Life this year I discovered something I hadn’t noticed before.

Anybody else notice the names of George’s two best friends, the cop and the taxi driver?

48. Dave in Texas - December 20, 2007

Bert and Ernie.

Didn’t even have to look that one up. I think Henson said he chose them from the movie.

49. Cathy - December 20, 2007

I thought the same thing. Those two guys were such great friends to George. Anybody who has friends like Bert and Ernie are blessed folks!

50. geoff - December 20, 2007

I’m tantalized.

Oh that’s new.

51. Pupster - December 20, 2007

He washes the dishes, takes out the trash, fixes breakfast, mows the lawn, feeds the ducks, helps the baby monkeys with their homework, signs the contract for a kitchen renovation, etc.

52. skinbad - December 20, 2007

When he unobtrusively sees the clock radio get to four minutes and thinks, “that’s acceptable.”

53. Pupster - December 20, 2007

THE CLOCK RADIO IS A BIG LIAR!!!11!

54. GeekPornGirl - December 20, 2007

This gives a whole new visual to the colloquial expression “hot monkey sex,” now doesn’t it?

55. GeekPornGirl - December 20, 2007

(And, note to “Sticky B”… that would be a “monkey shot”… as in “the similar porn star pulled out for the monkey shot.

No bad banana jokes.

56. GeekPornGirl - December 20, 2007

Not similar, simian.

57. Bart - December 20, 2007

clever girl

very clevuh

58. compos mentis - December 20, 2007

What I don’t understand is that the males only got off 59 percent of the time and that’s when the female talks dirty. Hell, most guys don’t even require their partner to be awake.

59. Sticky B - December 20, 2007

Hell, most guys don’t even require their partner to be awake.

Us humans are lucky that way. At least until we get into our mid 40’s.

60. composmentis - December 20, 2007

What happens then?

61. BrewFan - December 20, 2007

What happens then?

It takes all night to do what you used to be able to do all night.

62. composmentis - December 21, 2007

It’s still worth it though, right?

63. Taylor - August 18, 2008

I would yell having sex too! Maybe.

I’m only 8 years old!


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