German Science: Oooooh Baby, Oh Yeah! Give It To Me!!! December 19, 2007
Posted by Michael in Ducks, Humor, Science, Sex.trackback
The latest news about macacas, not involving George Allen:
Female monkeys may shout during sex to help their male partners climax, research now reveals.
Without these yells, male Barbary macaques (Macaca sylvanus) almost never ejaculated, scientists found.
Female monkeys often utter loud, distinctive calls before, during or after sex. Their exact function, if any, has remained heavily debated.
I really don’t know why this was a mystery. It should be obvious why the female monkeys were vocalizing. They were encouraging their mates. But German scientists tackled the phenomena by counting ejaculations. (The article does not, unfortunately, explain exactly how they identified ejaculatory sex.)
To investigate the purpose behind these calls, scientists at the German Primate Center in Göttingen focused on Barbary macaques for two years in a nature reserve in Gibraltar.
The researchers found that females yelled during 86 percent of all sexual encounters. When females shouted, males ejaculated 59 percent of the time. However, when females did not holler, males ejaculated less than 2 percent of the time.
You can always depend on Germans to count stuff. Those frickin’ Germans are insane about counting stuff.
Next thing you know, those whacky German scientists will start counting in order to study whether the girl monkeys were saying “Do me hard! Yeah baby, just like that!!!” Like in all those online porn flicks (which I have never seen, of course).
Oh wait, the German scientists did that.
To see if yelling resulted from how vigorous the sex was, the [German] scientists counted the number of pelvic thrusts males gave and timed when they happened. They found when shouting occurred, thrusting increased. In other words, hollering led to more vigorous sex.
Quote of the day:
Counting monkey pelvic thrusts is admittedly “quite weird, but it’s science,” researcher Dana Pfefferle, a behavioral scientist and primatologist at the German Primate Center, told LiveScience. “You get used to it.”
Back in the day, before he quit blogging, I would have just sent this link to Dave at Garfield Ridge. Nobody could do monkey sex stories better than Dave. I miss him.
Study Reveals Why Monkeys Shout During Sex | LiveScience
UPDATE JUST FOR YOU, DAVE@GR:
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Innocent Bystanders 
Wow. A whole post developed to monkey sex, shouting and counting the number of pelvic thrusts. Boy, this AoSHQ blog is plenty weird.
Damn Germans, always doing weird things.
Wait.
*checks family tree*
Oh. Never mind.
I know what she’s hollering.
“QUIT PLAYING AROUND WITH THAT Q-TIP AND GET IN”
“MY MOTHER’S GOING TO COME STAY WITH US FOR A COUPLE WEEKS”
“YOU’RE BROTHER IS BETTER AT THIS THAN YOU”
Monkeys prefer angry sex.
Good thing there’s no dynamite around.
you cant have a post about monkey sex without linking this video. Its a rule:
NSFW, but youre already reading about screaming monkey ejaculations on the companies dime so what have you got to lose?
Laura, I double-dog dare you to shout any of those at your customers today.
Is today the last day to get stuff shipped before Christmas?
In an older, less well publicized study, German Scientists discovered that male macaca monkeys who screamed at their mates had no vigorous sex whatsoever.
Last day for safe Ground delivery coast-to-coast was Monday. Those people have to use Air service now to get it there by Christmas.
Heh. ka-ching!
If you live in the middle of the country you still have time for Ground shipping to most areas of the country. For those of us on a coast, our Ground shipping range has shrunk to about 1200 miles from origin (zone 3).
tenderloin!
Tenderloins are pretty flavorless, aren’t they. Been favoring some nicely marbled NY strips lately. A bit more toothsome and tasty.
Last day for safe Ground delivery coast-to-coast was Monday.
What about unsafe delivery, say the guy drives like a freaking maniac, running red lights and racing up on the sidewalk to get around traffic? Is that extra?
The volume they’re dealing with during this time of year, I’m surprised they slow the trucks down when they make deliveries.
The volume they’re dealing with during this time of year, I’m surprised they slow the trucks down when they make deliveries.
UPS delivered a package at 9 pm the other night.
Trying to think of captions for that pic.
I like how she’s looking so earnestly at him, but he’s looking at the camera.
Is that female monkey wearing high heels?
Speaking of steaks and shipping…
why on earth would people buy steaks (and other meat products) through the mail? You pay twice as much for older food, where’s the upside?
These online places say how their beef is grain-fed and all that good stuff. Can anyone really tell the difference? And the steaks are so small (8-10 oz, wtf? Then you have to freeze the stuff. I can tell when steak has been frozen and then cooked. Yes, I really can.
I’ve been tempted to buy the stuff, myself. Then I realized that I have about 18 supermatkets around me in a 5-mile radius and came to my senses.
Oh, and here’s the caption:
boy monkey: piitb?
gril monkey: nope.
boy monkey: 😦
Omaha steak makes these Au gratin potato balls…ohmygodthey’resogood. Forget the steak, just get a case of those spuds.
Can anyone really tell the difference?
Yeah. Even the burgers taste great. I’m never sorry to see Omaha Steaks in the mail.
I like how she’s looking so earnestly at him, but he’s looking at the camera.
Yeah, a good director can really frame the shot.
That male monkey looks old.
And wise.
I found an Omaha Steaks Store near the mall my wife loves to frequent. And it’s next a PF Chang’s. Good times for all.
and bored.
“What about unsafe delivery, say the guy drives like a freaking maniac, running red lights and racing up on the sidewalk to get around traffic? Is that extra?”
wiser, if you’re this bored, I have a head-shot of rosetta and a body-shot of a standard poodle I’ll send you. ‘Bout time for some photoshopping, eh?
the monkey looks bored, PA.
But send them anyway. Having gotten no work done all year,why should I start now?
http://www.bustedcoverage.com/?p=1147
I found out how Brewfan celebrates his weekends.
Not only me, eddie, but the thousands of cheeseheads that filled up your stadium last weekend. We almost had homefield advantage 🙂
UPS delivered a package at 9 pm the other night.
They’ve been using Budget Rent-A-Trucks instead of the usual Brownmobile around here.
Ace is sensitive over the huckabee posts.
What did you guys say?
They’ve been using Budget Rent-A-Trucks in addition to the usual Brownmobile around here.
Changing trucks might be a good idea when you’re dealing with Pepper. She hates the UPS guys. I swear she can hear their truck coming from three blocks away. It’s pretty funny to watch them deliver to us – they chuck the package at the door and run like hell.
A happy Christmas message.
It’s a Wonderful Life if you identify all the people I dragged into this.
http://www.jibjab.com/sendables/preview/CQcWuLC1duZUETrRbds4Dchn
I saw you and the Huckster. I think.
he was Clarence the angel
Brew:
Yes. Yes. I know. The Rams suck, and the fans were more than willing to sell their tickets to the Cheeseheads. Also, I get the feeling there were a lot of “transplants” from Wisconsin who live in St. Louis (my old boss at my old job was from Verona, WI and a Badger) who normally would wear Blue and Gold, but put on the Green and Gold for this weekend. Kinda like my wife’s friend who now works at Marquette. He is a Brewers Fan, except when the Cardinals come to town.
We may see another sellout this weekend, as transplanted Steelers Fans are sure to fill up the Dome.
They’ve been using Budget Rent-A-Trucks in addition to the usual Brownmobile around here.
Yep, that’s what i meant, thanks harrison.
Dave in Bedford Falls,
Paul Anka
Natalie Wood?
Huck Hucklebee
Jerry Lewis
Shirley McClain
Dude, that was freakin awesome.
You get an A- pups
The first chick was a tough one, Zi Lin Zhang, Miss World 2007
http://ace.mu.nu/archives/248186.php#248186
When females shouted, males ejaculated 59 percent of the time. However, when females did not holler, males ejaculated less than 2 percent of the time.
My question for the esteemed panel is this: How do you tell when a monkey ejaculates? Does he pull out for a “money shot”? Are there cigarettes involved or what? I’m tantalized.
He tells the girl monkey to make him a sammich.
He hands her a tissue and slaps her on the butt.
He immediately falls into a deep sleep.
He stands up while driving his topless Wrangler and shouts: “I’m king of the world!”
He thumps his chest with both fists three times, hollers “Ungawa!”, and then he wipes his monkey dick on the drapes.
Which totally pisses off the girl monkey.
Cute JibJab, Dave. I laughed.
I watched It’s a Wonderful Life this year I discovered something I hadn’t noticed before.
Anybody else notice the names of George’s two best friends, the cop and the taxi driver?
Bert and Ernie.
Didn’t even have to look that one up. I think Henson said he chose them from the movie.
I thought the same thing. Those two guys were such great friends to George. Anybody who has friends like Bert and Ernie are blessed folks!
I’m tantalized.
Oh that’s new.
He washes the dishes, takes out the trash, fixes breakfast, mows the lawn, feeds the ducks, helps the baby monkeys with their homework, signs the contract for a kitchen renovation, etc.
When he unobtrusively sees the clock radio get to four minutes and thinks, “that’s acceptable.”
THE CLOCK RADIO IS A BIG LIAR!!!11!
This gives a whole new visual to the colloquial expression “hot monkey sex,” now doesn’t it?
(And, note to “Sticky B”… that would be a “monkey shot”… as in “the similar porn star pulled out for the monkey shot.
No bad banana jokes.
Not similar, simian.
clever girl
very clevuh
What I don’t understand is that the males only got off 59 percent of the time and that’s when the female talks dirty. Hell, most guys don’t even require their partner to be awake.
Hell, most guys don’t even require their partner to be awake.
Us humans are lucky that way. At least until we get into our mid 40’s.
What happens then?
What happens then?
It takes all night to do what you used to be able to do all night.
It’s still worth it though, right?
I would yell having sex too! Maybe.
I’m only 8 years old!