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Crushed and driven enemies, lamention of women, etc. December 20, 2007

Posted by skinbad in Crime, Religion.

I was trying to figure out where I had read about this before and found that some genius already put something up on this new religion of peace. Typical intellectual commentary in that thread. Odin, Thor, and Loki showed up to bust each others’ balls.

Anyway. Prisoner files a lawsuit because he’s not allowed necessary sacred items to practice his religion. How about a quiz? True or False. The prisoner needs the following items to practice his Asatru religion:

  • Thor’s Hammer
  • prayer cloth
  • Mead Horn used for drinking Wassail
  • drum made of wood and boar skin
  • rune staff
  • sword

Yea, I’m messing with you. Of course he needs them all.


1. James Earl Jones - December 20, 2007

And I, as the High Priest, will file a brief with the ACLU.

2. Bubba the cellmate - December 20, 2007

Thor’s hammer, rune staff, sword, whatever you want…bring the jelly.

3. Mrs. Peel - December 20, 2007

speaking of arcane rituals, I did successfully complete my presentation and get promoted today. yay!

4. Lipstick - December 20, 2007

Congratulations! That’s great news!

5. Michael - December 20, 2007

Good for you, Mrs. Peel! I’m sure it was well deserved.

I promoted somebody this week. Made me feel real good. She truly had earned it.

6. Mrs. Peel - December 20, 2007


Sadly, the accompanying raise almost perfectly cancels what I have to spend on a new pair of hearing aids next year. Oh well.

7. daveintexas - December 20, 2007

So it’s one of those 180 degree out of phase raises?

Sorry. Bad of me. Congrats Peelie. Nice work.

8. PattyAnn - December 20, 2007

Congratulations, Mrs Peel!

9. Mr Minority - December 20, 2007

Way to go Mrs. Peel! Bully I say, Bully!

10. Cathy - December 20, 2007

Congratulations, Mrs. Peel!

Have the Boy take you out to celebrate.

11. eddiebear - December 20, 2007

Just make sure the bonus is in cash and not a ham.

12. The Comish (sic) - December 20, 2007

As for the OP, I’m not really sure how this differs from LARPing. And I’m pretty sure that prison is not the best place to get caught wearing a bedsheet and yelling “Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!” At least it’s not if prison is anything like my middle school.

Speaking of gaming, you’ll all be happy to know that I recently broke through the elusive 3000 point barrier on Desktop Tower Defense. So, you know, pretty much the same thing as Mrs. Peel.

(Congrats, Mrs. P!)

13. harrison - December 20, 2007

Good show, Mrs. Peel.
Next goal:take your boss’ job.

14. Lipstick - December 20, 2007

Mrs. Peel, when do you leave for Rome?

15. geoff - December 21, 2007

Super news, Mrs. P. I’ll admit, though, that I thought it was in the bag awhile ago.

16. Bart - December 21, 2007

job: good
man: peel

good job, peel, man.

That’s a nice early Christmas present.

17. Bart - December 21, 2007

Man strangles wife for not shoveling the snow.

When will they learn?


Is this old?
Have you seen it already?

18. Mrs. Peel - December 21, 2007

Thanks, all. I think it takes effect next pay period, so my vacation pay while in Rome (we leave right after Christmas) will be the new rate, yay. My new duties are pretty much more of the same, largely because I’ve always done work well above my pay grade. It’ll be a few more years before my official position (and pay grade!!) catches up to the work I actually do.

(My coworkers always look so horrified when I talk about liking money and raises. I guess they are not capitalists. I’ve also had my supervisor remark patronizingly on at least one occasion, “That’s okay. Some people are motivated by money.” Sheesh.)

Comish, kickass. I’ve been meaning to come on here and flame Brew for linking me to that addictive game, but I always figure I’ll do it right after I play one more round. What level were you playing?

19. Dave in Texas - December 21, 2007

Some people are motivated by money

Ask your supervisor to give up half his/her salary. Do your job for love.

Then explain that people who work are generally motivated by these things:

1. Money. Self explanatory.
2. Recognition: am I appreciated and are my accomplishments seen?
3. Location: do I like where I work and live?
4. Challenge: is it making me think, strive?
5. Opportunity: do I get a chance to work on things I really like?
6. Fairness: Am I treated fairly and with respect
7. Teammates: Do I work with good people, people I like

People, being the silly critters we are, put these things in different priorities. Some people place money at the top, and are willing to forego other things. Some people really don’t care for recognition, others crave it. Most people want to be treated fairly. Many would put location above money.

So what you meant to say, moron supervisor, is that money might be higher on my priority list than yours (quite possibly because you make more, it’s a working theory).

The key to creating a situation by which a contributor may become motivated is to understand their priorities, and meet those specific needs.

Or you could work in civil service, where motivation abounds naturally.

20. Mr Minority - December 21, 2007

The order of those priorities can be determined on the following axiom:

Work to live? Or live to work?

21. Dave in Texas - December 21, 2007

Oh fine. Leave it to another Texan to summarize my brilliant verbosity in a single sentence.

I swear to God, it’s like a contest with us.

22. eddiebear - December 21, 2007

Mrs. Peel:


As a totally selfish threadjack, I did get another ham delivered this morning to replace the Ham of Destiny that was abused by my coworkers.

When I think I have it rough, I just remember what my brother had to do a few days ago, as he just told me this morning. Apparently, a guy in his unit had called his wife, only to find out the wife had shacked up with another guy. So, the guy in my brother’s unit hung up the phone, walked out of his quarters, and blew his head off with his rifle. My brother, as Company Commander of the Security Detail, had to be the one who identified the kid’s body and write up the papers and send the condolence letter to his next of kin not named his wife.

23. kevlarchick - December 21, 2007

I got a giant tub of chocolate covered almonds from one of my customers.

But no 12-sided dice or claymore. WTF??? Merry Asatru, all.

Congrats, Peel. We work for money.

24. Dave in Texas - December 21, 2007

Ed, sorry to hear that.

I need to be very careful how I say this, some of you may have had to deal with this particular sadness in your life (I have). It breaks my heart to see a young person in his despair and pain choose to end his pain and inflict it upon others, like your brother.

But you’re right Ed. Perspective is a healthy, if often times unpleasant thing for us.

25. lauraw - December 21, 2007

Well done, Mrs. Peel! Congratulations.

26. Mr Minority - December 21, 2007

I swear to God, it’s like a contest with us.

I am not competing with you Dave, I just wish you goodwill and joy.

And if it was a competition, I would be Mr W and you would be Mr LOSER!

27. Dave in Texas - December 21, 2007

Blow me. And Merry Christmas.

28. Sobek - December 21, 2007

Congratulations on your impressive accomplishment, Comish. I’ve spent many an hour on various tower games, no thanks to you. Xeno tactic is basically the same game with better graphics:


And Anti-TD is pretty cool, too. You send your creeps past the computer’s towers:


But I managed to get past all the levels, and discovered it has zero re-play value.

29. composmentis - December 21, 2007

Okay, whatever. Congrats to Peel. Even though I couldn’t give two shits that the little brainiac over-achiever got a raise and a promotion and is probably making more money now than I’ll ever see in my lifetime. Not to mention she’s going to fucking Rome.

And as for this asshole prisoner, I think he has no rights and I’d like to shove Thor’s Hammer straight up his ass without lube, cut off his head with the sword, display it out front of the jail on the rune staff, drink his Wassail then piss down his neck, and wipe my ass with his prayer cloth. I don’t know what I’d do with the drum but by god you can bet your ass it wouldn’t be pleasant!

Just kidding Peel sweety. My sincere congratulations 😉

30. Russ from Winterset - December 21, 2007

Man, I remember that old thread. Bacchus was some of my best work here, ever.

Good times, man. Good times.

Peel, next time your supervisor makes a condescending comment like that, you should do either one of two things:

1. Drive your fist through his rib cage, rip out his heart and shove it in his face as he lies dying.

2. Tell him “OK, if money’s not important, let’s swap paychecks this month.”

I’ll leave it up to you to decide which option works best in your particular situation.

Have fun in Rome with “the boy”, and Merry Christmas.

31. eddiebear - December 21, 2007

Sorry to threadjack with some depressing news. But he seems to be handling it well. He admits it is one of the burdens of leadership.

I try not to ignore downers, but I try not to let them bother me. And I deal with it in my own unique way. I don’t post too much personal stuff on my own crap ass site, since my coworkers, friends and family read it a lot. And if I don’t, it’s because I don’t want them to read it. They don’t read IB (my dad read one time, the post about the paraffin, and refused to return after that), so this is how I vent.

32. Retired Geezer - December 21, 2007

Breaking: Spudders are seceding, and Steve is our leader.


33. Dave in Texas - December 21, 2007

We seem to be having a contest at work, which one of us can feed the others to death.

34. wiserbud - December 21, 2007

Congrats, Mrs. Peel! You probably earned it the right way, so I’ll avoid making any off-color comments here.

Have a great holiday everyone!

35. Mrs. Peel - December 21, 2007

Sorry to hear that, Eddie. One of my friends went through something similar when a member of his (ROTC) outfit was killed in an alcohol-related incident, after he (the friend) had personally counseled him (the deceased) on alcohol abuse. It’s rough.

compos, I make very little. But I do get 20 days of paid leave a year. So I’ve got that going for me. Which is nice.

Well, I totally skipped out of work early today so I could clean, pack, and cook. We’re having the family over on Sunday, so there’s lots to do. Catch y’all on the flip side.

36. composmentis - December 21, 2007

You know I was just kidding right?

Everybody’s being so cheerful and kind to each other that I thought I’d change things up a bit. I truly am happy for you, you bright little star. Hope you have a fantastic time in Rome. World travelers say if there’s one place you need to see, Rome is it. Cheers!

37. eddiebear - December 21, 2007

Thanks, Mrs. P. Obviously, I am more worried about him.

When in Rome, you hafta throw some coins in that one fountain.

38. Sobek - December 21, 2007

The Trevi Fountain. Don’t listen to him, Peel. I never threw anything in there, and I only got the bubonic plague for about a week and a half. No biggie.

39. Dave in Texas - December 21, 2007

Don’t eat the pasta either.

40. composmentis - December 21, 2007

That’s because the plague gets spread by those filthy disease carrying vermin. Avoid lawyers at all costs Peel.

41. Pupster - December 21, 2007

Try the Gyros!

42. Mrs. Peel - December 21, 2007

I knew you were kidding, compos.

We are so going to the Fontana di Trevi. I actually didn’t go there the last time I went to Rome, thanks to the wusses I was with.

Them: “Waaaahh, it’s hot!”
Me: “We are standing in the Roman Forum! The Colosseum is right there!! What is the matter with you?!?”
Them: “It’s hot and we’re tired! We want to sit down.”
Me: *staring in disbelief*

43. Lipstick - December 21, 2007

It’ll be cold this time. I remember being there on New Year’s Eve and wearing a big down jacket.

And you know, of course to beware of the gypsies and don’t be afraid to be aggressive with them if they won’t leave you alone.

–Auntie Lipstick

44. Russ from Winterset - December 21, 2007

cheerful threadjack:

Pupster, thanks for that e-greeting. You even picked my favorite time-waster computer game to put on the darn thing (snowball fight). I’m definitely bringing you some scooby-snacks for the IBSBP in February.

Eddie, that totally sucks for your brother. I had a friend in college who got a little unbalanced one semester & was briefly brought in for observation because his parents thought he’d try to off himself. About a year later, I got him talking about the whole thing, and he said “I thought about killing myself for a second, but then I realized that I’d be pulling a real dirty trick on the person who found my body. Since I couldn’t figure out anyone I hated enough to try to set them up to find me, I decided to not go through with it.”

I hope your brother & his troops can find a way to make peace with their friend’s rash decision.

45. Dave in Texas - December 21, 2007


46. Sobek - December 21, 2007

“*staring in disbelief*”

That sounds about right. But Lipstick’s right: Italy gets freakin cold in the winter. It’s all that humid Mediterranean air that slices right through your coat.

I visited Cairo in a December. Perfect time of year.

47. Sobek - December 21, 2007

Pupster, the vid was cute, but your kiddos need to work on their aim.

48. Sobek - December 21, 2007

My lungs feel like they are on fire right now. That’s not technically possible, is it? I don’t need to start inhaling fire extinquisher foam or anything, right?

49. Michael - December 21, 2007

I just wish you goodwill and joy.


50. composmentis - December 21, 2007

I just wish you goodwill and joy.

Mr. M looks like the love child of Mark Twain and Colonel Sanders.

51. Anna-Lys - December 21, 2007

In Scandinavia its not a religion, but it sure is folklore and cultural habits. And the rest of the world (meaning Christian) have actually copied the Yule Tree, the Yule Man (Odin) and the rest of it.

Happy Yule Season!

52. Mr Minority - December 21, 2007


I won’t wish you to receive coal in your stocking or anything, since I am in a goodwill mood.

But if you did get some, you deserve it.

53. Mrs. Peel - December 21, 2007

I have this insulative undershirt thing I found at REI a few years back, a Polartec fleece sweatshirt, and a big ol’ wool coat. I think I’ll be okay.

Also, the boy is a heat source. I am a heat sink (or at least, my feet are). We’re a perfect pair in so many ways, thermodynamics not the least.

54. Mr Minority - December 21, 2007

Mr. M looks like the love child of Mark Twain and Colonel Sanders.

I want to thank you all for the warm words that you have been bestowing upon me.

And if your hemorrhoids swell up and explode Christmas morning, maybe someone thinks you have been naughty and not a spreader of goodwill.

55. iuyikuy - December 21, 2007

Also, the boy is a heat source.

She’s gonna split you open like a ton-ton boy.

I suggest honeymooning in a warm environment.

56. Michael - December 21, 2007

God Jul till du, Ana-Lys.

57. Lipstick - December 21, 2007


58. Lipstick - December 21, 2007

Sobek, you’re still sick? Sounds like it’s time to see a doctor.

59. Dave in Texas - December 21, 2007

yabba dabba do

60. Sobek - December 21, 2007

No, I just took one of every kind of pill in the medicine cabinet, and now I feel AWESOME!!!

61. Mr Minority - December 21, 2007

No, I just took one of every kind of pill in the medicine cabinet, and now I feel AWESOME!!!

A combination of Vicodin, Sudafed and Midol will do that.

62. Sobek - December 21, 2007

Plus, no more menstrual cramps. And, the talking purple unicorn is especially witty today.

63. Dave in Texas - December 21, 2007

Was one of those pills in a little round dispenser with numbers on them?

64. Dave in Texas - December 21, 2007

Completely off topic, I just tied Bart in the football picks.

You can quit looking over your shoulder now.

65. Sobek - December 21, 2007


66. Sobek - December 21, 2007

Okay, the truth is that I didn’t just raid the medicine cabinet. That’s just what I’d like to be doing.

Instead of sitting here at work.

On Friday afternoon.

With what appears to be raging bronchitis.

Shortly before driving my family out of state for Christmas.

67. composmentis - December 21, 2007

Sobek, now’s the time to call that judge that ruled against you and let him know just what you really think.

68. Dave in Texas - December 21, 2007

Sobek, if you’ve been bugged lately with your wife about any old thing, laundry… her cooking, now would be a great time to have an open and honest discussion. Just let her know what’s on your mind.

69. Dave in Texas - December 21, 2007

Ooo… yeah, and tell the guy you work for you could use some more money since the Christmas bonuses were so cheesy this year.

You are relaxed, and focused!

70. Sobek - December 21, 2007

I’m doin’ it. Where’s that judicial directory…?

71. eddiebear - December 21, 2007

Merry Christmas Ihnen so Gut

72. eddiebear - December 21, 2007


I will extend your wishes.

He hasn’t said this, but I do wonder if these much hyped studies showing military suicides are up could actually be the result of stuff like this situation, and not the meme being pushed that stress on the battlefield is what causes it.

He did say that the Army (and I hope the other branches as well) will have 3 months of “decompress” time and meetings with shrinks once he returns in an effort to reduce any problems that may arise after the return.

73. Sobek - December 21, 2007

Fun fact: Las Vegas bail bondsmen are closed today. Huh.

74. eddiebear - December 21, 2007

On a brighter note, I think I found Pupster’s house

75. Sobek - December 21, 2007

Anyone here know how to make a shiv?

76. BrewFan - December 21, 2007

Mrs. Peel, congratulations! And think squirt tower!

77. Pupster - December 21, 2007

*closes drapes*

*shuts garage door*

The thing to do, Sobek, is to grab a guy and sucker punch him right away, and just wail on him until the guards pull you off. Then everyone will know you are a bad-ass and they won’t mess with you.

You probably want to pick the one best tattoo/teeth ratio, but don’t get too picky and lose the opportunity to make a first impression.

78. Mr Minority - December 21, 2007

Anyone here know how to make a shiv?

Take a long piece of metal (6 to 8″ long), a rod, spoon or one of those thin metal slats under your mattress and grind it down by rubbing in on the concrete floor until it is sharp on the edges and pointed at the end.

And if you are going to shiv someone, either do it at the base of the skull or between the 3rd and 4th rib angling it upwards and to the right.

Don’t ask me how I know, I won’t tell you.

79. daveintexas - December 21, 2007

Everybody knows that’s in the Boy Scout Manual.


80. Mr Minority - December 21, 2007

Everybody knows that’s in the Boy Scout Manual.

Damn Dave, I had everyone believing that I was some kind of bad-ass ex-con, and you went and ruined it for me.

It’s on pages 134-137 by the way.

81. Mrs. Peel - December 21, 2007

Man, and all we learned in Girl Scouts was how to cut a cloverleaf from a piece of paper. We got gypped.

82. kevlarchick - December 21, 2007

It’s a SHANK.

83. kevlarchick - December 21, 2007

or a bonecrusher.

84. daveintexas - December 21, 2007

I’m not a wabbit. I need some weeeest.

85. Cathy - December 21, 2007

So a shiv isn’t a Christmas cocktail?

86. Mr Minority - December 21, 2007

So a shiv isn’t a Christmas cocktail?

Well it sure ain’t a Fuzzy Navel if you are the receiving end of one.

More like a Bloody Mary.

87. lauraw - December 21, 2007

I’m pretty sure shank is a verb. It’s what you do with a shiv.

“I shanked him in the thigh with a piece of window glass.”

Yeah. Verb.

88. goodinfo2 - December 31, 2007

I must say I find this blog very interesting. I invite you to http://www.hi5christian.com wich is a great dating and social networking site where you can meet beautifull people. To join go to http://www.hi5christian.com/join_form.php

89. lauraw - December 31, 2007

Now what would have drawn this Christian-matchmaking spambot to this particular thread?

‘Crushed and driven,’ ‘lamentation,’ or ‘shiv vs. shank?’

90. daveintexas - December 31, 2007

beautifull peoplle?

91. Amish wants you to turn the other cheek... - December 31, 2007

ugh – dont even get me started with dating and religion. Me and my third wife split up because of our religious differences.

See, I was a Baptist…. and she was the Devil..

92. Muslihoon - January 1, 2008

Amish: LOL!

93. Michael - January 1, 2008

See, I was a Baptist…. and she was the Devil..

It sounds to me like your ex is a potential Lutheran. Give her my email address.

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