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Another Reason Why the US Should Conquer Canada January 26, 2008

Posted by Michael in Politics, Sports.
Tags: ,

I have previously spoken out on this subject, and offered cogent reasons for conquering Canada (the unfinished business of the War of 1812, energy supplies, undefended border, excessive taxes in Canada, etc.).  However, I neglected to mention that we should also conquer Canada because they do stupid shit and need our guidance.  For example, Extreme Ice Skating:

MONTREAL (Reuters) – Not content to simply play hockey on frozen ponds or waltz along canals that have turned to ice, some Canadians prefer to amuse themselves with a more extreme form of outdoor skating. In Quebec City, skaters will hurtle through the city’s historic quarter on a 1,755-ft track of ice that has steep drops and sharp turns resembling a bobsleigh run. For added fun, the track includes a series of washboard bumps.

Seriously, this is idiotic.  I know, there are lots of “extreme” sports out there today.  But Extreme Ice Skating is uniquely dangerous and gay.  Somebody needs to get those Canadians back in line.

Canadians opt for extreme form of ice skating


1. steveegg - January 26, 2008

I claim Northwest Ontario. I figure it ought to take me half a box of .40 S&W JHPs.

2. mesablue - January 27, 2008

They could make up for it with female poutine wrestling.

3. Louis Poirier - January 27, 2008

Give it a try, once it gets cold you’ll all go back home. Gay? Really, you can’t come up with a better comment than that? I’d love to see you don a pair of skates and call any one of my countrymen gay. We’ll show you how things are taken care of up here, toe to toe and the ref gives you room to have at ‘er! Take your best shot.

4. Mr Minority - January 27, 2008

Dude, chill, Michael was just making a funny. This site is all about satire.

He didn’t mean all Canadians are gay….just the Fwench Canadians.

5. mesablue - January 27, 2008

Poutine eater.

6. Amish Enjoys Deep Hurting - January 27, 2008

And the drunk guy says “I cant help being an idiot – im Canadian.

You gotta love MST3k

7. EVIL CON CARNE - January 30, 2008

🙂 dont wanna be a canadian idiot! dunna dunn dun dunna dun dun dun! Dont wanna be a beer…

wierd al speaks the truth!


8. evilconcarne - January 30, 2008

dont wann a be a canadian idiot!


9. American Pride Forever - May 8, 2009

Conquer those fucking Canadian pigs! Especially those French in Quebec!

10. Hope For The New Year — Oil, Gas and Coal « Innocent Bystanders - December 29, 2011

[…] I have been advocating for a long time, the U.S. should conquer Canada,  which is overdue for some whupass anyway.  I believe I have now been vindicated.  Those oil […]

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