jump to navigation

Hold on a second . . . March 27, 2008

Posted by skinbad in Ducks, Food, Man Laws, Personal Experiences, Science, Sex.
trackback

A citizen journalist has to man-up to his mistakes from time to time. This very well could be the real Favorite Headline of the Day:

It takes very little to make a turkey amorous

This article gives a whole new perspective on the age-old Leg Man vs. Breast Man question. If I phrased the same question of preference for “white meat or dark meat” Ace would probably come over here and ban me.

The bottom line is that males get more turned on by a female head on a stick than by a headless female body.

And ladies? Freshness counts:

Next question was how minimal they could make the head before it failed as a turn-on: It turned out that a freshly severed head worked best, followed by a dried-out male head, then a 2-year-old “discolored withered and hard” female head. Last place went to a plain balsa wood head, though even that one worked.

I haven’t felt my maleness so validated by nature since reading about male praying mantises who keep bringing the love even after their heads have been chewed off.

Comments»

1. kevlarchick - March 27, 2008

What if you’re into arms and shoulders?

2. geoff - March 27, 2008

Don’t forget the fruit fly study.

3. daveintexas - March 27, 2008

well, the eyes and hair, you know.

4. Pupster - March 27, 2008

This article reminds me of one of my favorite pub signs.

I subscribe to the newsletter.

5. GrumpyUnk - March 27, 2008

Good thing male Turkeys don’t drink alcohol. I mean, who hasn’t woke up with a terrible hangover and a Rosie O’Donnell stunt double snoring beside ’em at least once?

6. daveintexas - March 27, 2008

I never told that story.

7. lauraw - March 27, 2008

Funny, Pupster, that sign is supposed to denigrate the fairer sex.

As a student of art history though, I can’t help but notice that the rays in her dress all lead to a sacred tambourine bathed in GodLight, held right in front of her ladybits.

I love how you despise women. It’s cute.

8. daveintexas - March 27, 2008

wimmin.

pfah!

9. pKay - March 27, 2008

Well what do you know…. Science is fun!!!

Haha cheers!
pKay.

10. geoff - March 27, 2008

all lead to a sacred tambourine bathed in GodLight

That wasn’t a giant albino tick?

I’m gonna have to rethink this one…

11. Michael - March 27, 2008

I love how you despise women. It’s cute.

Huh? You mean there is a better strategy than sucking up to them?

*looks over the cost accounts from the kitchen renovation project*

12. Retired Geezer - March 27, 2008

*looks over the cost accounts from the kitchen renovation project*

Yeah, but it was an awesome place to hang out during the IBSBP.

13. Michael - March 27, 2008

Thanks, Geezer. Glad someone else appreciated the granite.

Plus, we have a Lutheran seminary professor staying with us tonight. He’s the supervisor of our church’s intern who flew in for an evaluation (Cathy chairs the relevant local committee). I was ambivalent about having this stranger in our house, but he turns out to be this black guy who is really interesting and funny. He has a doctorate in theology and experience in the mission field overseas. It was a good time talking to him.

And he ate a meal off our new granite in the kitchen. I was pleased to have him as a guest.

He went to bed early. Cathy has to take him to an early morning flight home tomorrow.

14. skinbad - March 28, 2008

I guess the real bottom line from the story is that male turkeys prefer getting head to getting tail.

15. Pupster - March 28, 2008
16. daveintexas - March 28, 2008

Huh? You mean there is a better strategy than sucking up to them?

Yes. There is.

heh

17. Mr. Kate Moss - March 28, 2008

Well who doesnt love fucking a head on a stick?

18. Retired Geezer - March 28, 2008

Thanks, Geezer. Glad someone else appreciated the granite.

Granite?

I thought it was Marble.

Just kidding.

19. Tom - March 28, 2008

Any of you ladies need a little ‘stuffing?’

oh i shouldnt be so exclusionary.

im not just about the ladies. Im into all kind of freaky shit. I even like chicks with peckers. Thats right – Im all about sharing the love. And by ‘love’ i mean my own special brand of giblet gravy.

Im a giver, you know. Its not just wham bam thank you m’am. I love the foreplay. i will gobble you up…mmmm hmmm. the only problem is that im really really sleeepy after i do that for some reason.

uh oh…well by that red thing that just popped up i can see this turkey is done…

Happy thanksgiving.

20. Franklin Evans - March 28, 2008

In college, my work-study job was serving dinner in a dining hall. Anyone with any exposure to institutional cooking will understand my growing depression, being faced with long lines of scowling faces every night.

So in an effort to boost my morale, on Chicken Night each person had to answer These Questions Two:

Breast or Thigh?

What size?

I wish I had modern video technology back then, to have a record of the faces of those who answered “breast” and their reactions to the Second Question.

Priceless.

21. eddiebear - March 28, 2008

^If your future Father In Law asks you if you are a breast or thigh guy, tell him you like wings.

Just sayin’

22. daveintexas - March 28, 2008

Future father in law: son, I think you should know, my daughter has acute angina.

Future dead son in law: Oh hell yes, she’s got great tits too!

23. TXMarko - March 28, 2008

“And he ate a meal off our new granite in the kitchen. I was pleased to have him as a guest.”

You guys dont eat off of plates?

24. eddiebear - March 28, 2008

22: my now inlaws were not wild about the fact I was not “one of them” in terms of upbringing, culture, etc. But, I was Catholic, so they relented.

25. compos mentis - March 28, 2008

Well who doesnt love fucking a head on a stick? — Mr. Kate Moss

That was some funny shit right there. Dave, was that you?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: