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Nothing Changes March 31, 2008

Posted by Michael in Man Laws, Science, Sex.
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Latest news from the world of archeology.

Guys like women, and women are impressed with shiny jewelry. This has been going on for a long time.

gold.jpg

WASHINGTON – The earliest known gold jewelry made in the Americas has been discovered in southern Peru. The gold necklace, made nearly 4,000 years ago, was found in a burial site near Lake Titicaca, researchers report in Tuesday’s issue of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. The discovery “was a complete shock,” said Mark Aldenderfer, an anthropologist at the University of Arizona.

“It was not expected in the least,” he said in a telephone interview. “It’s always fun to find something and go, ‘Wow, what is that doing here?'”

In the past, it had been assumed that a society needed to be settled to produce agricultural surpluses that can support activities such as making ornamental objects, he explained.

But the people living in this region at the time were still primarily hunter-gatherers, he said. “They were on their way to becoming settled peoples, but they were not quite there yet.”

Ancient gold necklace discovered in Peru

Aside from shiny stuff, guys also try to impress women by making big stuff.

stonehenge.jpg

LONDON – Some of England’s most sacred soil was disturbed Monday for the first time in more than four decades as archaeologists worked to solve the enduring riddle of Stonehenge: When and why was the prehistoric monument built? The excavation project, set to last until April 11, is designed to unearth materials that can be used to establish a firm date for when the first mysterious set of bluestones was put in place at Stonehenge, one of Britain’s best known and least understood landmarks.

The World Heritage site, a favorite with visitors the world over, has become popular with Druids, neo-Pagans and New Agers who attach mystical significance to the strangely shaped circle of stones, but there remains great debate about the actual purpose of the structure.

Archaeologists Start Stone Henge Dig

I know the actual purpose  of that structure. I’ve been there myself, and it’s obvious. Guys were trying to impress women.

My point being — nothing changes. Guys are just idiots when we are trying to impress women.

Think about the long course of human history, and the amount of time we wasted over the millennia trying to impress women, when we could have been drinking beer, farting, smoking cigars, playing poker, and having a good time.

Instead, we tried to impress women, which is basically a lost cause.

Comments»

1. eddiebear - March 31, 2008

Once you buy a nice piece of jewelry, they seem to want more and bigger and flashier stuff.

And don’t get me started about daughters. They seem drawn to the glitter as well, and start wanting to wear their mother’s stuff. And asking for their own, even though they are still trying to be potty trained.

Just sayin’.

2. geoff - March 31, 2008

Aw c’mon, I’m sure we impressed them with The Great Wall.

Didn’t we?

3. Michael - March 31, 2008

Yeah, we impressed them with The Great Wall — and got laid.

That lasted about three weeks.

Then they mentioned that the kitchen was out of date.

4. geoff - March 31, 2008

Well, that’s not such a bad return. A few more major edifices and we’ll be on a roll.

5. Michael - March 31, 2008

Yeah. I’m thinking an effective Border Fence with Mexico ought to be good for a BJ.

But maybe not. You gotta make big stuff that is vertical.

The two greatest modern engineering projects in human history were the Panama Canal and the Eisenhower Interstate Highway System. They were both horizontal projects, and we got nuthin’ for it.

6. Tom Tancredo - March 31, 2008

Im beginning to think thats the only way it’s going to get built.

“…there comes a man.”

7. Michael - March 31, 2008

I’m thinking — forget monumental projects.

Shiny stuff works better, and is more cost-effective.

Wax your car.

8. Muslihoon - March 31, 2008

Lake Titicaca

*snicker*

Some of England’s most sacred soil

For a moment, I thought they were going to talk about Westminster. That should teach me to assume stuff about Brits.

And this soil is sacred to whom, exactly?

Sorry, I meant: to whom that we take seriously? (Bearded men in fancy frocks pretending to enact rites of a long-extinct cult do not count.)

over the millenia

Goodness me. And here I thought it was “millennia”. I learn something new every day.

9. Michael - March 31, 2008

And here I thought it was “millennia”.

*sigh*

Thanks, Musli, I fixed it.

10. Muslihoon - March 31, 2008

*bowtsy*

11. Michael - March 31, 2008

The only reason you corrected me was to impress Laura. I know that.

12. Muslihoon - March 31, 2008

But of course. We all know how the smart men get all the women.

*adjusts pocket protector*

13. Sobek - April 1, 2008

You’re trying to impress LauraW? I suggest you practice your trowel work. Man, that lady is a stickler like you wouldn’t believe.

14. lauraw - April 1, 2008

Dude, you left a glove, a beer can, and half a bitten-up turkey club sandwich in the mortar.

Just sayin’

15. daveintexas - April 1, 2008

Accessories make the outfit, don’t they?

16. soupforsoul - April 1, 2008

” My point being — nothing changes. Guys are just idiots when we are trying to impress women. Think about the long course of human history, and the amount of time we wasted over the millennia trying to impress women, ”

Yeah, but you gotta admit, if it hadn’t been for trying to impress women, the “long course of human history” wouldn’t have lasted so long, if you get what I mean.

17. kevlarchick - April 1, 2008

Isn’t that Geezer shoveling in front of Stonehenge?

Toolbelt and sweat. HOT!

18. harrison - April 1, 2008

In the Stonehenge photo, why is the man on the left wearing an orange vest?
There’s no traffic there.

19. PattyAnn - April 1, 2008

“There’s no traffic there.”
Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not there. ♬Dooo dooo dooo dooo…dooo dooo dooo dooo ♪

20. harrison - April 1, 2008

You’re just kooky, PattyAnn

21. skinbad - April 1, 2008

A little copper tubing and a few fat washers. Those anthropologists got punked. You’d think the nylon cord would have tipped them off.

22. PattyAnn - April 1, 2008

.ʎʞooʞ ɯ,ı sʎɐs uosıɹɹɐɥ puɐ buıʎouuɐ ɯ,ı sʎɐs 11ıʍ ¡ʎɐp ʇɐǝɹb ɐ ǝq oʇ buıob sı sıɥʇ

23. Muslihoon - April 1, 2008

How does one do that upside-down thing, PA?

24. PattyAnn - April 1, 2008

Musli, it’s sooper secret. I can’t tell you, cause wiserbud would kill me.

25. PattyAnn - April 1, 2008

1ıɐɯǝ ɹnoʎ ʞɔǝɥɔ ob ‘ı1snɯ

26. Sobek - April 1, 2008

“Just sayin’”

See what I mean? Gripe gripe gripe gripe…

27. Muslihoon - April 1, 2008

¡ɥɔnɯ ʎɹǝʌ noʎ ʞuɐɥʇ

.”buıʇxǝʇ” ǝʞı1 .ɯɯɯɯɯɯɥ ¿sɹǝʇʇǝ1 1ɐʇıdɐɔ 1ɐıʇıuı ou

28. Muslihoon - April 1, 2008

¡ʞ ǝɹoɟǝq s

29. Muslihoon - April 1, 2008
30. S. Weasel - April 1, 2008

I personally know one of the 100 or so saggy-titted hippies neo-pagans allowed to dance ’round Stonehenge at the Solstice. Not well known: the thing was extensively renovated in the early 20th Century. Some of the stones were re-righted and set in cement.

Also, it’s between two roads, one of which is very close. Like, feet away from the Heel Stone. It doesn’t feel very sacred, for sure.

31. Muslihoon - April 1, 2008

Colour me old-fashioned, but I do suppose that if a religion went extinct, it happened for a good reason. Just as we ought not to resurrect extinct dinosuars, we ought not to resurrect extinct religions. It’s all very silly and a right insult to the original adherents. Following such systems today more often than not involves inventing things from thin air, and incorporating practices and beliefs that never existed therein or that are borrowed from other systems.

When I was a student-adherent of Kemetic Orthodoxy, I was very amused how certain beliefs and statements of actual ancient Egyptian religion were twisted and “reinterpreted”. A “reinterpreted” form of ancient Egyptian religion is not an “authentic” form of ancient Egyptian religion.

Sorry for the rant.

32. PattyAnn - April 1, 2008

S. Weasel, I did not like your April fool joke. Wah!

33. daveintexas - April 1, 2008

It is an odd place S. Weasel. When we went there 5 years ago I did not realize it was one of many such structures in the area.

I’m dumb though, so no one was surprised.

Also the restaurants in Salisbury suck.

34. Muslihoon - April 1, 2008

I didn’t want to say anything. What I would have wanted to say was: We are not amused.

Well, we were. It was amusing. Hahaha.

But I kept hitting “Refresh”. First to make sure my browser didn’t have a problem loading it. Then in hopes Her Stoatliness would bring it back.

I get a little antsy without my daily fix du jour of S. Weasel.

35. Lipstick - April 1, 2008

S. Weasel is an amazing artist. I especially love the weekend weasel resting.

36. daveintexas - April 1, 2008

The weasel resting (on weekends, weasel restes) art is so cute you just want to pet the little goober.

Did I say that out loud?

37. S. Weasel - April 1, 2008

Shucks, y’all. It’s there. You just have to look harder.

I hate to harsh your petting instincts, Dave, but Weekend Weasel is based on this sad, flyblown bit of roadkill.

The whole area around Stonehenge is riddled with ancient ruins, burial mounds, stone circles and white horses. I think my favorite bit is the Ridgeway: probably the oldest road in continuous use in the world. It’s been a path since way prehistory. People walk it like you’d walk the Appalachian Trail — only there are ancient artifacts all along it. I’ve only walked a few miles of it (to Wayland’s Smithy) but I’d love to walk the whole length some day.

38. Cuffy Meigs - April 1, 2008

I hear Salisbury is famous for succulent cuts of beef. That’s what my lunchlady said.

39. Marilyn Monroe - April 1, 2008

Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

40. daveintexas - April 1, 2008

Oh. Well.

That explains my other urge, which was to give the restes weasel a decent burial.

Frankly I was confused by that, and I appreciate you clearing it up. I think. Poor weasel.

41. Muslihoon - April 1, 2008

The Cerne Abbas Giant.

My favorite part:

As a publicity stunt for the opening of The Simpsons Movie on the 16 July 2007, a giant Homer Simpson brandishing a doughnut was outlined in water-based biodegradable paint to the left of the Cerne Abbas giant. This act angered local neopagans, who pledged to perform rain magic to wash the figure away. The Pagan Federation subsequently distanced themselves from a misquote by an unnamed tabloid concerning the supposed rain dance, whilst at the same time confirming that they cannot condone such commercial usage.

Yes. Neo-pagans trying to protect something made 400 years ago. Centuries after the fall of English paganism. I bet there are churches older than the Giant.

42. Michael Crichton - April 1, 2008

Just as we ought not to resurrect extinct dinosaurs

Hey, what’s the worst that could happen?

43. jonesview - April 1, 2008

Some things never change.
[Assistant Site Administrator Note: I have removed the link to your blog, Mr./Mrs. Jones because it kind of pisses me off that you would visit here to simply drop a link and add nothing of substance to the intellectually stimulating material offered by this commenting site.]

44. geoff - April 1, 2008

I have removed the link to your blog, Mr./Mrs. Jones

You’ve got a thaaaaaaaannnngggg goin’ o-o-onnnnn.

45. Sobek - April 1, 2008

I know it must be wrong.

But it feeeeeeeeeeeeeeels so strong…

46. BrewFan - April 1, 2008

It just dawned on me that I am ASA at IB and my new avatar thingy is a picture of my unit patch from my Army days; the Army Security Agency.

47. daveintexas - April 1, 2008

MEEEYEEEYEEEYEEEE AND AND MISSUS, MISSUSJONES, MISSUSJONES MISSUSJONEYEEEYONES.

48. Sobek - April 1, 2008

Wierdos.

49. Michael - April 1, 2008

It just dawned on me that I am ASA at IB . . .

A Silly Asshole?

Annoyingly Stupid Arguer?

Always Spouting Asininities?

50. BrewFan - April 1, 2008

Amazingly Skilled Anti-Michael

51. eddiebear - April 1, 2008

48:
You say that like it’s a bad thing.

52. Bart - April 1, 2008

Who picks Alfred E Newman as their avatar?

53. Mrs. Peel - April 1, 2008

Someone who knows it’s spelled Neuman?

54. Jerry - April 1, 2008

Newman!

55. Yvette Hakim - April 3, 2008

Hey Michael,
Nice post on Stone Henge although there might have been a little more to it than impressing the ladies. My name is Yvette and I work with the Smithsonian Channel helping their online coverage of the dig.

The Executive Producer of the Channel, David Royle, is live blogging from Stonehenge with video feeds for the next few days. http://community.smithsonianchannelcommunity.com/droyle

We have a landing page here with information and daily video updates: http://www.smithsonianchannel.com/site/smithsonian/show_stonehenge.do

Hope you take a look and let me know what you think!

56. Retired Geezer - April 3, 2008

^ Well that raised our standards.

I’m using Yvette’s post to show to people that think we’re all morons.

57. Michael - April 3, 2008

there might have been a little more to it than impressing the ladies . . .

I dunno, Geezer. It looks to me like Yvette politely called me a moron.

58. geoff - April 3, 2008

All I can say is that that Smithsonian guy better start digging in earnest if he wants to get any. I’ll bet if he digs a big enough hole, even Yvette will go weak in the knees.

59. I AM SOMEBODY! « Innocent Bystanders - April 15, 2008

[…] See, I put up an archeological post that included information about a dig at Stonehenge. […]

60. sarsen56 - April 21, 2008

Members of the wordpress community who are interested in Stonehenge may like to see:

http://www.sarsen56.wordpress.com


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