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Cincinnati Bengals Player Legally Changes His Name. Would You? August 29, 2008

Posted by Edward von Bear in Commenting Tips, Ducks, Entertainment, Food, Gardening, Heroes, History, Humor, Man Laws, News, Personal Experiences, Sex, Sports.

Despite the fact he lives and plays in the hellhole known as Cincinnati (“We Make St. Louis Appear Habitable”), Chad Johnson, No. 85 in your Media Guide, is in the news again.

So, what did Chad do to get attention this week? Well, he had his last name legally changed to a Spanish version of his jersey number.

According to Miami radio station 790 The Ticket, which is in Johnson’s hometown, the receiver has legally changed his last name to “Ocho Cinco.” Johnson’s — sorry — Ocho Cinco’s reported name change has been rumored in NFL circles for weeks, and according to the station today, it’s official.

Johnson forewarned the public that a major surprise was coming during a recent interview with Chris McKendry on ESPN’s SportsCenter.

“A lot of people look at Chad Johnson and say he’s crazy and he does a lot of stuff, but I don’t think people really understand how smart I really am,” Johnson said. “So come Sept. 7, I believe when we play the Baltimore Ravens, I think that’s the game, there’s a surprise for everybody — for everybody. When I say something, it is what it is, just enjoy it. Because it’s going to last 16 weeks, plus some more.”

Could this be it? If the report is correct he should be able to wear his nickname on the back of his jersey without penalty, which he’s wanted to do for quite some time.

The media also would have to refer to him as Chad Ocho Cinco from this point on.

Well, I read this, and promptly went over to the greatest sports site going to steal their idea (is that a no-no now that they are a legally incorporated enterprise?) on how to handle this debacle: a commenter draft!

However, wacky names are no longer solely the providence of hippies, celebrities and the generally coke-addled, because you – yes you, generically named reader – get to pick an amusing sounding but totally nonsensical appellation. For life!

So, if you could legallychange your name, what would it be?
My picks?
Four Dollar Combo Choice
Washable Markers Myass
Eel Sashimi von Damnmywifeactuallyishornytonight
Ruger von Zombieslayer
Lord Eduardo von Hooraythedaughterisasleepandwhyarentyounekkid

What say you?


1. Muslihoon - August 30, 2008

Lanatullah “Lana” Alalirhabiyin

Jones Smith Hallelujahwearegoingtobeattheprinceofdarknessafterall Esq.

Musli/Mus/Moo’n Talibankush

Dandelion Rainbow Crystal Aquarius Sayfulfatah

2. Muslihoon - August 30, 2008

Mubarak Zulfiqar Ali Reza Hussain al-Ubaamah

Fred “I am in no way related to the gorgeous, svelte, manly, hunky swimmer…oh no, vade retro me Satanas!” Phelps

3. Muslihoon - August 30, 2008

This thread would do very well over at The Hostages.

4. Dave in Texas - August 30, 2008

If I recall correctly, Kevlarchick wore an Ocho Cinco Jersey to the IBSBP.

5. Pupster - August 30, 2008

I knew a gentleman whose last name was ‘Cummings’. The company he worked for was bought by ‘Siemens’.

True Story.

Are you feeling better Dave?

6. Dave in Texas - August 30, 2008

over the worst of it, thanks pups.

7. kevlarchick - August 30, 2008

I did wear that jersey. Since I don’t follow football much, I had no idea of the ridicule that was going on behind my back.

8. Dave in Texas - August 30, 2008

It looked better on you than it does on him.

9. eddiebear - August 30, 2008

You know that the NFL Apparel folks love this, because they have a whole new round of shirts and jerseys to sell.

10. pajama momma - August 30, 2008

So he’s not number eighty five, he’s number eight..five?

11. pajama momma - August 30, 2008

This thread would do very well over at The Hostages.

No, it would die quickly because you would correct all our translation errors.

12. eddiebear - August 30, 2008

10: I was told there would be no Spanish in this debate

13. Pupster - August 30, 2008


‘Beerme Daily’ has a nice ring to it.

14. Muslihoon - August 31, 2008

I’m doing this only because I can:
Lanatullah “Lana” Alalirhabiyin
على الإرهابيي Lana لعنة الله

Dandelion Rainbow Crystal Aquarius Sayfulfatah
The last one being: سيف الفتح

I really miss Sobek.
میں سوبک کو بھت یاد کرتا ھوں۔

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