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Do Your Dancing Skills Mean Anything Regarding Genetic Selection? October 22, 2008

Posted by Edward von Bear in Ducks, Entertainment, Law, Lurkers, Man Laws, News, Science, Sex, Technology, Websites.
Tags: , , ,

I hate dancing and only do it to keep my wife from complaining about how I ignore her at events. When I go to a party or other gathering, I would rather hang around the bar, smoke a cigar outside with the fellas, or harass bribe the music man to play more Slayer or “Blister In The Sun” and less country music. Or at least a few less crap ass songs. Or none at all, so that I can participate in a civilized conversation about the merits of strangling hobos, bootleg beer, or leaving burning bags of dogshit on my neighbor’s porch.

Anyway, some researcher with too much grant money wants to investigate the correlation between how a person dances and their genetic suitability.

It turns out that women prefer small to medium size movements, and enjoy a level of complexity that includes an apparently random element. Perhaps unsurprisingly John Travolta’s controlled flamboyance wins out over David Brent’s monster of the dancefloor approach in “The Office”.

It might seem bizarre, but scientists have known for some time that there’s a strong correlation between physical features like the symmetry of men’s ears and limbs, the length of their fourth finger as compared to their second, and their exposure to elevated levels of testosterone in the womb – widely regarded as an indicator of overall genetic quality.

And it seems that women are pre-disposed to pick up on these subtle cues, consistently rating men with the most symetrical features (and longest fourth fingers) as more attractive. But what about cultural rituals like dance? Could our genes be quietly advertising their suitability through the shapes we cut on the dance floor?

Peter Lovatt certainly thinks so, but to prove it he needs your help. Armed with the results of his research into what women like, he wants to know if it’s the men with the highest exposure to prenatal testosterone who are delivering on the dancefloor.

Uhh…I don’t want any testosterone delivered on the dancefloor, thank you. Leave that for when you get home and want to watch Spanktravision on your Hi-Def TV. But I digress.

I guess this means dudes who hate dancing better just suck it up if they want to get them a wimins. And for no good reason, here is a video.

Enjoy while I go off and explore the correlation between hot naked athletes with guns and nothing in particular.


1. wickedpinto - October 23, 2008

Kinda sounds like, in the excerpt, that what it’s really saying is, “women like men, who do what the woman tells them to do when it comes to the gay, cockholstery sort of acts they try to make us do all the time, like dancing.

They don’t like men who dance, they like men, that they can convince and connive into dancing.

Which sounds about right.

2. wickedpinto - October 23, 2008

“I love him and he loves me!”
“How do you know, he could just be putting on a show, to get in your pants!”
“He danced, badly.”
“Oooooooooooh, he’s a keeper.”

3. Mrs Peel - October 23, 2008

I really don’t get what men have against dancing. It’s fun, it’s great exercise, and it can be incredibly intimate.

Also, WP, you’re full of shit. I like men who like to dance because I like to dance. How much fun would it be to marry a guy who refused to even try to learn and stubbornly sat at home while I went off to lessons every week and had a blast? Not much at all. It would be like if Michael or Cathy had married someone who didn’t like to travel.

4. Pupster - October 23, 2008

5. eddiebear - October 23, 2008

6. kevlarchick - October 23, 2008

Mr Kevlar does not dance. But he will bob his head, pump his fist in the air, and give a redneck shout if he likes the tune. We both like good live music, so whether or not he dances does not bother me a bit.

7. skinbad - October 23, 2008

8. Dave in Texas - October 23, 2008

Yes, my dancing skills mean there is a direct link between me and Cro-Magnon.

That and the hair on my back.

9. Cathy - October 23, 2008

that women prefer small to medium size movements, and enjoy a level of complexity that includes an apparently random element.

Pinto-Sweetie. We wimmins aren’t trying to control you guys on the dance floor. Control of you testosterone-loaded cuties is a lost cause.

It’s more like, as the study supports, that we are more comfy with guys who show some creativity and brains in their body movement without stepping on our toes or punching us in the face with their dance moves. It’s all about personal survival melded with some fun, non-boring foreplay in preparation for procreation. Simple.

10. Cathy - October 23, 2008

I don’t know but I’ve been told, if you keep on dancin’ you’ll never grow old.

*note to self*

Thanks, Skinny.

11. Pupster - October 23, 2008

12. Michael - October 23, 2008

without stepping on our toes or punching us in the face with their dance moves


13. skinbad - October 23, 2008

14. kevlarchick - October 23, 2008


15. daveintexas - October 23, 2008

I dunno why this keeps happenin kc. I don’t feel too badly about not knowing though, obviously the askismet dorks don’t know either.

16. xbradtc - October 23, 2008

I’m not a big dancer. Not opposed to it, but certainly lacking in any sense of rhythm or poise that would assist in making me a good dancer.

When I was in Germany, and later Colorado, my best girl loved to two-step. She was great at it. My skills ranged from “mildy amusing, like watching a fender-bender” to “a genuine hazard to life and limb” on the dance floor.

The agreed rule was that I would dance with her at least once a night (and I certainly had no objections to holding her tight, nor to being seen in close proximity to such a hottie). The rest of the night, she danced with various partners who were closer to her level of skill.

I got better without ever getting good, she got to dance her ass off, and I got to spend lots of quality time in a bar. Worked for me.

17. Pupster - October 23, 2008

18. Lipstick - October 23, 2008

19. skinbad - October 23, 2008

20. composmentis - October 23, 2008

Hey Pups. I tried one of those Bacardi Silver concoctions, because I wanted to be beautiful like all those people in their adds.

Tastes like shit.

I’ll stick to drinking bourbon and farting in public.

21. mesablue - October 23, 2008

Slow dancing is great.

Doing the white man dance? Not so much.

Unless I’m drunk, then I’m Danny Terrio.

Sort of.

22. eddiebear - October 23, 2008

I actually do like slow dancing with my wife, since I get the opportunity to squeeze her bottom and get away with it.

23. composmentis - October 23, 2008

Testis . . . Testis . . . One. Two. Three??

24. BrewFan - October 23, 2008

my dancing has been likened to masturbation; fun for me, disgusting for others to watch.

25. geoff - October 23, 2008

without stepping on our toes or punching us in the face with their dance moves.

…talk about raising the bar.

26. mesablue - October 23, 2008
27. Retired Geezer - October 23, 2008

Can’t believe nobody linked this classic video about learning to dance like a White Guy.

28. kevlarchick - October 23, 2008

Mesa, I don’t believe you dance. Not without serious rewards being offered.

29. geoff - October 23, 2008

Dance vids?


30. geoff - October 23, 2008
31. geoff - October 23, 2008
32. daveintexas - October 23, 2008

A squadron of Apaches just flew over my house, maybe 100 feet off the ground.


33. mesablue - October 23, 2008

KC, when are there ever not rewards?

34. kevlarchick - October 23, 2008

True, mesa. Most chicks would initially see you as a pathetic wretch, but eventually they would find you strangely adorable.

As we all do.

35. Mrs. Peel - October 23, 2008

You know, I like A Knight’s Tale, but the chick is such a bitch. I wish they had had more scenes with Roland, Wat, & Geoff, and fewer scenes with Miss Lose-To-Prove-Your-Love-Oh-No-Wait-I-Totally-Mean-You-Should-Win. And at the end, she tells him to run? Bitch. She doesn’t understand him.

36. Mare - October 23, 2008

My husband is an excellent dancer (meaning; he has more rhythm than a solid gold dancer). I prefer to drink and watch people dance.

And I totally agree with Mrs. Peel @#34. Miss “I have weird hair to prove I’m edgy and modern” got on my nerves. Roland, Wat and Geoff had great chemistry.

37. Mrs. Peel - October 23, 2008

I mean, at the end, she’s all, “Oh yeah, we will totally run away together! I don’t mind living in your hovel with the pigs!” and William points out that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Well, she DOESN’T. She doesn’t have a f’n clue what poverty is like.

Dirty Harry should do a top 5 list of love interests we’re supposed to like but actually hate. (#2: That crazy bitch from Footloose. Seriously, what was the deal with the train scene?)

38. Muslihoon - October 23, 2008

Speaking about dancing…last week I had an interesting experience.

Sobek, Skinbad, and Pupster would understand: one of my home teachees is a special needs guys. More “normal”, in comparison with the others in his group home, but still. Our stake center hosted a special needs dance. DS, my special needs home teachee, wanted to go. He has no car (and can’t drive even if he did), and my home teaching companion wouldn’t be able to take him. Or anyone else. So, I sighed and decided to do the good home teacher thing and take him to the dance.

Now, let me say that I hate dancing. I have no skill whatsoever. There are other culturally-derived reasons I won’t get into, but suffice it to say that I don’t like dancing one bit.

So I took him. Shortly thereafter, busses of special needs people arrived and were seated at tables set up in the cultural hall. The Boy Scouts and the youth (Young Men and Young Women) were supposed to help out. There were no youth, just Boy Scouts and a few of us from the singles branch.

They had am emcee/dancer/guide. He showed what the people had to do, and everyone did it. That was so helpful to me at least.

Music started. Dancing started. The people were having a blast. What floored me was that many of these people had better coordination, rhythm, and style than I did. If you compared what they were doing to my inept attempts to follow the emcee’s directions, you’d think I was the retarded one.

‘Twas sobering indeed.

I felt good because the branch president showed up and he wasn’t very good at all either.

39. Mare - October 23, 2008

Oh, another good one Mrs. Peel she’s one you want to (as I think bart ?? said once) put on the backhand list.

40. Mrs. Peel - October 23, 2008

Yeah, no kidding. You would think Ren could do better.

Anyone got any others? I can think of romances I hate, such as An Affair to Remember and…say it with me…The Notebook, but I hate them both, not one particular partner.

Maybe Rock Hudson in Pillow Talk? I love that show, personally, but I knew at least one guy who thought Rock Hudson’s character was a total jerk. (Of course, this was the same guy who thought Reese Witherspoon should have married the Yankee in Sweet Home Alabama, so whatever. It’s a romance, you doofus. A romance doesn’t end with marrying the Yankee.) And maybe if you hated Pillow Talk, you’d hate A Touch of Mink, too.

Musli, it’s taken me four years of lessons (off and on) to get where I am…

41. Mare - October 23, 2008

Retired Geezer, after viewing that video, I can accurately describe my dancing as the “cracker squirm with brief periods of honky humping.”

42. TattooedIntellectual - October 23, 2008

Not entirely certain this is what you’re aiming for Mrs Peel, but Marianne Dashwood in Sense & Sensibility.

43. Mare - October 23, 2008

Just for fun:

Once Willoughby stopped writing, why couldn’t she get the whole “he’s just not that into you.” Shouldn’t her sister have slapped her face and said “Stop ruining us even more by your childish actions at the ball” (where she was snubbed) Of course that would make the book and film shorter and a lot less compelling.

44. skinbad - October 23, 2008

Pretty Woman. She’s a hooker. I thought the Costanza character had it about right.

45. skinbad - October 23, 2008

Oh. And good job Musli. That’s definitely worth some marks on the good side of the ledger in the Big Book. A lady I’m supposed to “home teach” is a widow and wants me to minister to her needs by pouring her a new driveway. At some point I’ll get guilted up to it. I’m not there yet.

46. xbradtc - October 23, 2008

Mare, getting married was their career. They had to work it.

47. Muslihoon - October 23, 2008

Skinbad: An excellent service opportunity for the Aaronic Priesthood, I’m sure. They need the Melchizedek Priesthood to direct and supervise, so you’ll be useful but not overworked.

48. Sobek - October 23, 2008

49. wickedpinto - October 23, 2008

There was actually a time when I “enjoyed” dancing, it had less to do with me actually enjoying the act itself, it more to do with the fact that I was “Dead Sexy” as T would say, and I was decent enough to stand out.

But I enjoyed dancing not because I enjoyed dancing, but because I could throw pheremones into the air, knew that I could build a large enough group of sexual servants to chose from at the end of the night to feed my ego.

Though, if you are bored, the music’s too loud,and you can’t carry on a conversation I will dance.

True story, because way back when I was “dead sexy,” (perfect V) when I was sweating so much that it was pouring off my entire body in cups, I would walk off the dance floor, for the purposes of safety, to the carpeted area’s of the bar/club, take off my shirt/s and ring them out.

I hate sweating that much, why I don’t run. Well, that and the effort, Never would have taken up running back then if I knew it required that much effort.

50. wickedpinto - October 23, 2008

Now if you are in a non-mating environment, where you see everyone simply enjoying the group activity of dancing, okay, thats a little different.

51. Mare - October 24, 2008

Xbradtc, I agree that’s why my title said “Just for fun.” Although a young lady would want to limit the number of people she embarrasses herself in front of.

52. wickedpinto - October 24, 2008


A young lady can have a seizure, and puke on herself.

Guys don’t think it’s embarassing, they just see a chance to hold hair, and stick something in her mouth so she doesn’t choke on her tongue.

Us guys? We are givers.

53. Mrs Peel - October 24, 2008

Yeah, Marianne is annoying, and Colonel Brandon did deserve better. She does grow up in the end, though. Plus the reader is generally sympathetic to Elinor, which would make you not want to smack Marianne around quite as much. (Or maybe more, since you see the effect her selfish behavior has on Elinor…)

54. BrewFan - October 24, 2008

Nobody puts Baby in the corner!

(See what I did there)

55. lauraw - October 24, 2008

A romance doesn’t end with marrying the Yankee.

You’re right, babe, that’s where the romance begins.

*waggles eyebrows*

56. eddiebear - October 24, 2008

WP: sweaty, dancing hot lady=bunk! Sweaty, dancing dude=vomit in the toilet.

57. eddiebear - October 24, 2008


58. skinbad - October 24, 2008

You’re right, babe, that’s where the romance begins.

“Hey! Youse evah coming to bed?”

59. eddiebear - October 24, 2008

“That’s wicked pissah”

60. eddiebear - October 24, 2008

Typical Chowdah Head reaction to anything:

61. lauraw - October 24, 2008

Right guys. The entirety of New England consists of a few neighborhoods in Boston.

In that case, all of the South consists of Western Georgia. Specifically, the five square miles around the abode of one banjo-pickin’ albino.

62. lauraw - October 24, 2008


? what

63. Mare - October 24, 2008

WP, you must charm the undies off the most discerning ladies.

64. eddiebear - October 24, 2008


just kidding.

65. skinbad - October 24, 2008

“No baby, leave the flannel onnn.


66. sandy burger - October 24, 2008

OK, movie chat with the girls:

In the movie The Wedding Singer, Adam Sandler’s character totally picks the wrong girl.

The Drew Barrymore character was marrying an obvious jerk for money. But her slutty friend saw through the jerk right away and immediately recognized the value of the wedding singer guy. And the slutty friend was such a good person that she was willing to give up pursuing the guy she liked (the wedding singer) in order to hook him up with her friend (Drew Barrymore’s character), because she knew they liked each other. Plus, the slutty one was cuter.

There is no justice in this world.

67. Dave in Texas - October 24, 2008

My opinion is just my own, but I find the Yankee wimmins to be hotter than hot, attractive and strong, smart. Cute. Wonderful humor, wit, charm and grace. Did I mention hot?

I might have missed something.

68. eddiebear - October 24, 2008

And I have found that aristocratic midwestern wimmins with lots of land who still marry slugs who like to wear orange crocs are hot.

69. wickedpinto - October 24, 2008

I felt the crazy coming, but I did nothing about it.


70. BrewFan - October 24, 2008

Dave is such a transparent suck up! No wonder Michael is jealous.

71. kevlarchick - October 24, 2008

Brew, Dave just says out loud what you are holding inside! Let it out!

72. Dave in Texas - October 24, 2008

I learned everything I know from my close personal friend Mr. Hugh Jackman.

Don’t hate me cause I take good notes.

Hate the game.

73. BrewFan - October 24, 2008

My opinion is just my own, but I find the Yankee Ohio wimmins to be hotter than hot, attractive and strong, smart. Cute. Wonderful humor, wit, charm and grace. Did I mention hot?

I might have missed something.

74. Mrs Peel - October 24, 2008

*picks banjo while brother/cousin blows across the open mouth of a jug and uncle/father plays the harmonica*

The “slutty friend” was her cousin, iirc, but yeah, that’s a good one. Although I didn’t dislike the Drew Barrymore character.

Speaking of Hugh Jackman, I’d suggest X-Men, because Cyclops is a total prick, but I think we’re “supposed to” be rooting for Wolverine, so that wouldn’t qualify.

On the more general topic of fictional relationships I hate, I have less trouble believing that I can wave a stick and levitate something than I do believing that Hermione and Ron could EVER have anything RESEMBLING a successful relationship. I bitterly cling to the fact that nowhere in canon does it actually say they got married (it’s heavily implied in the epilogue, but not stated explicitly, and I don’t consider Rowling’s interviews to be as authoritative as the text given the number of times she’s changed her mind).

75. Michael - October 24, 2008

Dave, your closest personal friend is Mr. Huge Jackoff, and your insufferable and odious pandering to the IB Wimmens is making me ill.

76. Michael - October 24, 2008

I bitterly cling to the fact that nowhere in canon does it actually say they got married . . .

Harry Potter books are a canon???


*shuffles feet*

Somebody needs a new boyfriend.

77. Mrs Peel - October 24, 2008

It’s <a href=”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canon_(fiction)”common terminology, Michael. For example, there are differing opinions on what exactly constitutes canon in the Star Wars universe. (One major point of contention.)

Oh, I know you’re old and out of touch, but you really needn’t expose yourself quite so embarrassingly. I bet you make that old man grunting noise every time you get up.

78. Mrs Peel - October 24, 2008

dammit, apparently forgot a bracket. link

79. lauraw - October 24, 2008

I have less trouble believing that I can wave a stick and levitate something than I do believing that Hermione and Ron could EVER have anything RESEMBLING a successful relationship.

Ron is a dumb, whining, flinching, cringing Bitch, and Hermione is a Brilliant Stout-Heart.

There’s no fuckin’ way, unless Hermione is slightly perverted and simply makes Ron her part-time cabana boy to humiliate for her amusement on Monday and Wednesday evenings.

Dave: +10,000 Quasimodo pts.

Michael: so far in negative territory that the score hardly effin matters

80. xbradtc - October 24, 2008

I dunno, I’m pretty sure Ron eventually broke that bitch, as it were. You know H was tired of having to be squared away all the time. She WANTED and excuse to let go…

81. lauraw - October 24, 2008

The she would have gone for the Bad Boy, xbradtc.


BOOM, chicka chicka BOW WOW chicka chicka BOOM unh!

82. xbradtc - October 24, 2008

She really should have gone with Ginny.

83. Mrs Peel - October 24, 2008

Well, Hermione can be kind of a ball-buster. While I do empathize with her, I would say that she shows as little respect for Ron as he does for her. (“Always the tone of surprise.”) That’s why I don’t think they could have a successful relationship – they have nothing in common except Harry, and neither of them respects or values the other.

84. Dave in Texas - October 24, 2008

dude, I give, and you reject.

I’m giving here.

85. BrewFan - October 24, 2008

My opinion is just my own, but I find the Yankee Ohio Texas wimmins to be hotter than hot, attractive and strong, smart. Cute. Wonderful humor, wit, charm and grace. Did I mention hot?

I might have missed something.

86. Hugh Jackman - October 24, 2008

Oh how do you Yanks miss the charm and wonder of those American women who live in the northern territories of your magnificent country?

Really, you should listen to my friend’s wisdom. I taught him nothing about them, he taught me.

87. Wickedpinto - October 24, 2008

Ron and Hermione are gonna be the always angry black couple.

They will stay together, but they will always be fighting, and their fights will make them happy.

I know a lot of couples like that, but the best example that you guys might have seen is from south park, when chef took cartman to scotland so that kenny’s soul could be expelled.

“If you get out of here, I’ll give you three fifty.”
“Damn woman, why always give them 3 fifty, cant you at least till they ask before you give them three fifty! Always three fifty!”

Stuff like that.

I also like the archie and edith paradigm that is not at all uncommon, “You don’t look happy” the wife says

“If I wanted to be happy I wouldn’t have gotten married.”
“I’ll show you, ready for dinner? well thats a shame!”

Shit like that.

88. Wickedpinto - October 24, 2008

I Just Saw the tags!!

Flogging Hilarious!!!


89. Wickedpinto - October 25, 2008

how about just “Mrs W/P?”

90. Michael - October 25, 2008

Excuse me, Mr. Jackman. Would you please stand still so that I can hurl on your shoes?”

91. Dave in Texas - October 25, 2008

hate the game dude.

hate the game

92. Cathy - October 25, 2008

hate the game dude


93. Wickedpinto - October 25, 2008


94. Cathy - October 25, 2008


95. Wickedpinto - October 25, 2008

This is a GTFOOH quote.

“New England opposed the war and refused to provide troops or finance.”


New England? Opposing war? Whats that? Never heard such a thing!

96. Wickedpinto - October 25, 2008

“That’s wicked pissah”


I Need a lawyer!!

Okay now. . .


Eeeny, Meeny, Miney moe, who am I kidding? I’m gonna pick mike, cuz I want to bang his wife.

97. Wickedpinto - October 25, 2008

actually thinking about it, I don’t need a lawyer, cuz since I chose mike, eddie’s gonna pick sobek, and other than procedural shit, sobek will hand mike his ass in a tort.

CURSE MY Libidinous attitudes!!1

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