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How To Make Brioche in a Wood-Fired Oven November 28, 2008

Posted by Michael in Food.
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As you all know, Thanksgiving Dinner is nothing without brioche, and an excellent brioche must be baked in a stone oven with real wood coals.

What?  You didn’t know that?

Well, neither did I, to tell the truth, but it’s a new Thanksgiving tradition at our house.  Let me explain.

First, you should know that “brioche” is a French term that is difficult to translate, but it basically means “bread which can be cooked by a moron or an American.”

I am an American, so I am qualified to tell you how you make brioche.  There are four easy steps.

1.  Buy an overpriced house shortly before the housing market collapses, which has one of these stone ovens outside that you never would have thought to buy except it came with the house, and now you are frickin’ determined to use the damn thing:

oven-501

The recessed area below the oven is for storing wood.  The prior owners left some oak in there, but I burned most of it yesterday making brioche.

2.  Make a fire inside that stone thing until it gets very hot inside.  Leave the doors closed, except to throw more wood in.  You can tell when it gets very hot inside because the bolts on the hinges for those wooden doors (which are lined with steel plates) will burn your finger and raise a blister if you poke them.

Put an ice cube on the burn.  Then, let the fire burn down, and push all the coals to the back.  The oven will be ready when it looks like this:

coals

I know the picture is dark.  Sue me.  My cell phone camera does not have a flash.  You can just take my word for it that the coals are all in the back of the oven.

3.  While the fire is going, tell your spouse that she looks really lovely today.  Then get her to make brioche dough and bring it to you on a stone slab.

dough

4.  Stick the dough in the oven on the stone slab.  Drink bourbon.  Rotate slab once in a while.  Drink more bourbon.  Keep an eye on the turkey you are barbecuing.  Poke brioche with your finger.  When it is crusty on the surface and resilient underneath, and not mushy, remove the brioche.

Voilà!

brioche-50

“Voilà” is another French word.  It means “I am awesomely awesome.”

Don’t forget to celebrate your success at making genuine wood-fired-oven brioche.  You could, for example, do the Wickedpinto happy dance, which is what I did, but you need to have imbibed enough bourbon to do it right.

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Comments»

1. Mr Minority - November 28, 2008

Michael made fancy Fwench bread?

It is not too late to come back form the Dark Side Michael.

Or should I start calling you Metrosexual Michael?

2. Cathy - November 28, 2008

You had me at buy an overpriced house…

3. xbradtc - November 28, 2008

You had me at Bourbon!

4. Mrs. Peel - November 28, 2008

So…um…does Wickedpinto really have washboard abs?

5. Wickedpinto - November 28, 2008

No peel, I’m a soft brioche. though I can get washboard back in about 2 months with the right motivation.

Do you have C cup or betters?

6. Wickedpinto - November 28, 2008

You had me at buy an overpriced house…

THATS FUCKING FUNNY!!!!

7. Wickedpinto - November 29, 2008

The recessed area

or otherwise called “my house” or “neighborhood.” or “401K”

8. Wickedpinto - November 29, 2008

and it’s the “I fixed it dance” not the “happy dance.”

9. Wickedpinto - November 29, 2008

While the fire is going, tell your spouse that she looks really lovely today. Then get her to make brioche dough and bring it to you on a stone slab.

I will always remember the “I’m cooking the roast” thing.

Thats just funny, it’s like “I’m doing the laundry, but I don’t fold it.”

10. kevlarchick - November 29, 2008

Nice story Michael. Especially the bourbon.

11. Wickedpinto - November 29, 2008

THE GUY DOESN’t COOK!!! DON’t YOU GET THAT YET!!!???????

MIKE STICKS STUFF IN PLACES and IGNORES THEM!!!!!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!!!

MIKE SAT ON HIS ASS FOR HOURS!!!! AND HE SAID “I’M COOKING THE ROST”

HE WASN’T COOKING the roast, he just lit a fucking fire!!!! and good thing mesa and I were there cuz we like rare beef, cuz even russ, RUSS BAGON BOY HIMELF apologized to his wife about the roast having rare spots.

FUCKING REALLY!!!

Hey Mike, and KC I fixed global warming, how you fuckers freeze your asses off.

12. Wickedpinto - November 29, 2008

that was a typopalooza.

13. lauraw - November 29, 2008

Julia Child’s brioche recipe: http://www.recipezaar.com/Brioche-51546

Looks real, real good. I’ve never had brioche, I don’t think.

Have to try that one of these days.

14. Mare - November 29, 2008

The part about your finger was particularly interesting. Please make a pizza next time.

Really, the brioche looks good.

15. Mare - November 29, 2008

* I am prone to burning myself on regular ovens, stoves, curling irons, microwave food, etc.

16. Mrs. Peel - November 29, 2008

No, WP. More like A.

(Man, I should have told him that earlier. Didn’t even think about it. Like lauraw says, it’s nice to have some physical shortcomings as a “jerk filter.” Saves you a lot of hassle.)

17. TattooedIntellectual - November 29, 2008

No wood fired oven, but I can manage something similar to a brioche w/ my regular oven.

18. Michael - November 29, 2008

MIKE SAT ON HIS ASS FOR HOURS!!!! AND HE SAID “I’M COOKING THE ROST”

All great barbecue chefs must master the art of patience.

19. Frankenstein in Texas - November 29, 2008

FIRE! BAD!

20. Venturestein - November 29, 2008

Brock bad!

21. mesablue - November 29, 2008

All great barbecue chefs must master the art of patience.

Barbecue time is measured in beer.

22. Wickedpinto - November 29, 2008

Did Peel call me a jerk?

Thats hot.

and peel? I’m really not picky, and besides, I bet they are A+.

23. lauraw - November 30, 2008

I’m really not picky

That’s so fucking romantic, man. How could she not hump your brains out now?

“…and peel? I’d settle for anything with two legs and a heartbeat. That includes some farm animals with birth defects, and the heartbeat thing isn’t exactly written in stone either. So, you’ll do.”

“TAKE ME NOW AND NEVER LET ME GO STUD BOY”

24. kevlarchick - November 30, 2008

*sprays lauraw with garden hose*

DOWN, girl.

25. lauraw - November 30, 2008

*sputter, coughCOUGH, shiver*

HAAAAYYY.

If a body can’t give WP a noogie and an Indian burn once in a while, then what is the internet for, woman?

Sigh.

Grumble.
Hokay.

I’m SORRY, WP.
That line of yours struck me funny, but now I look up and what I did with it is not so funny. You know how that happens. Frame-of-mind thing. Again, I am sorry, that was a bad chunk of text and I’d be grateful if you would chalk it up as just a clunker.

26. Michael - November 30, 2008

Well, I got a giggle out of #23, so I’m an insensitive clod. But you knew that.

27. lauraw - December 1, 2008

Uhhh thanks Michael.


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