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What is Abject Failure? January 28, 2009

Posted by skinbad in Economics, Entertainment, Personal Experiences.

So I’m signed up to take the online Jeopardy test tonight. I guess in theory, this can put you in the pipeline to getting on the show if you do well.

My beta-male self assessment tells me I could possibly do OK if the chips fell my way on a given day (like Rosie Perez in that White Men Can’t Jump movie). The multiple day winners are clearly out of my league.

Strengths (relatively speaking):

  • Literature
  • Current events/politics/news
  • Bible/religion
  • Geography
  • Sports
  • Pretentious French Phrases


  • Kings and Queens
  • Presidents (who was in when X happened kind of questions)
  • Current Popular Culture (didn’t pop culture stop about 1990?)
  • Alcohol (Potent Potables)
  • Word games–anagrams and such (I like them, but not in a race)

Any helpful study tips for the next five hours?


1. eddiebear - January 28, 2009

cheat sheets.

Just sayin’

2. eddiebear - January 28, 2009

Wait! You don’t know a lot about booze?

You need to start so that you can familiarize yourself.

3. Muslihoon - January 28, 2009

We have this trivia game on the Wii, and I usually get the science questions and places and people questions. (And, um, the fashion questions, but don’t tell anyone.) Everything else – books, games, sports, entertainment – I am horrible at.

4. composmentis - January 28, 2009

I have a weakness for alcohol too, skinny.

5. mesablue - January 28, 2009

Just get on the phone with WP, average call length is about five hours and you’ll learn all kinds of things you never thought you’d need to know.

6. skinbad - January 28, 2009

But can you remember any of it? Does HE remember any of it?

Douché compos.

7. Michael - January 28, 2009

Any helpful study tips for the next five hours?

Memorize the Encyclopedia Brittanica.

Seriously, the odds that you will learn anything this afternoon that shows up on the quiz are basically zip.

8. composmentis - January 28, 2009

Might as well memorize the internet from 0 – Z while you’re at it. Have a beer or sixteen while you’re boning up.

9. composmentis - January 28, 2009

Oh, and good luck, Skinny. Break a leg? Don’t pull a hammie?

10. skinbad - January 28, 2009

I know Michael. I was just throwing a slow pitch to get some comment humor. I guess it needed to be a plastic beach ball tossed underhand.

Boning up won’t occur in the next five hours. Next seven or eight? If I play my cards right.

11. Lipstick - January 28, 2009

Hey, good luck Skinny! Just go with what you know, I don’t think there is a way to study that will make any difference.

I know I bragged about this before, but I won $5,000 from Ben Stein. Was nervous as hell, but it all worked out. Let us know if you get on. Jeopardy is way harder.

12. xbradtc - January 28, 2009

What the hell, I registered as well.

13. skinbad - January 28, 2009

My nightmare scenario would be that I made it on the show and am introduced as (for example) “A trumpet-playing Scientologist transexual IT professional from Los Alamos” and the categories are:

High school marching band music
L. Ron Hubbard
Gender Bending
Geek Squad
Atomic Bomb Development

And I am unable to answer a single question.

14. Muslihoon - January 28, 2009

“A trumpet-playing Scientologist transexual IT professional from Los Alamos”

Don’t worry. No one’s going to mistake you for Rosetta.

15. skinbad - January 28, 2009

Ha! But I thought he played the jazz flute. Thanks, Lips. Good luck, xbrad–remember, eye of the tiger.

16. BrewFan - January 28, 2009

But I thought he played the jazz skin flute

Fixed that for you.

17. Retired Geezer - January 28, 2009

I don’t play a Clarinet but I signed up anyway.

18. Russ from Winterset - January 28, 2009

Michael, may I just say that the comments that you’ve been leaving at F*** You, Penguin are probably your best work since “Pure Herbal Viagra”. It’s hard to top the captions that guy/gal puts on the pictures, but you’re doing a pretty good job of bringing the funnay.

19. Wickedpinto - January 28, 2009

# Pretentious French Phrases


20. Wickedpinto - January 28, 2009

Grab an old trivial pursuit question box. And read every question and answer you can, until you take the test.

21. Lipstick - January 28, 2009

Read Barbara Cartland romance novels. For at least two of my questions, I knew the answers from reading her.

-What island nation is torn by civil war between the Tamils and the native Sinhalese? Novel: Moon Over Eden.

-What French article of clothing is a sabot? Novel: The Bored Bridegroom.

22. daveintexas - January 28, 2009

Can’t help you study but I can give you a tip. Here’s something you’ll never hear on the show:

“Thanks Alex! I’ll take Things Nobody Knows for $200”.

23. Wickedpinto - January 28, 2009

Though there should be a category, “Things that you will get wrong, and Alex can patronizingly hyper pronounce it with a french accent while looking like harry rhemes plugging away on traci lords.”

It’s a bit wordy, but appropriate.

24. Lipstick - January 28, 2009


25. Wickedpinto - January 28, 2009


26. Retired Geezer - January 28, 2009

Geezer feels a disturbance in teh Force.

Nah, somebody farted.

-What French article of clothing is a sabot?

I know, I know. It’s a Shoe. The Fwench Resistance used to throw shoes into the machinery to mess up war production.
Thus – Saboteurs.

But you knew that.

27. Retired Geezer - January 28, 2009

^ He’s like Spurwing on Meth.

28. Sobek - January 28, 2009

Sri Lanka, and a shoe. And I’ve never read either book, I just know some useless stuff.

Do you know what common English word is derived from the French word “sabot”?

29. Sobek - January 28, 2009

Darn it, Geezer…!

30. Michael - January 28, 2009

Thanks Russ!

FUP kinda inspired me. I really put some effort into my “mental patient” comments last night.


31. Vmaximus - January 28, 2009

Hey that is a great idea, I need another glock. I am thinking about a 30 in 10mm. Thanks Dan!

[Note from Site Administration: Vmax is referring to a deleted comment.]

32. Michael - January 28, 2009


Lipstick, did you really want to say that in public?

Fifty bucks in my PayPal account can make that disappear.

33. Vmaximus - January 28, 2009

oops, Michael delete 31 if it is inappropriate.

34. Wickedpinto - January 28, 2009

I really put some effort into my “mental patient” comments last night.

Well you know some of the right people for research purposes.

35. Lipstick - January 28, 2009

Lipstick, did you really want to say that in public?

Eh, I don’t care and it kind of cracks me up.

36. Lipstick - January 28, 2009

Geezer, I didn’t know that! Cool, thanks.

37. Sobek - January 28, 2009

Our crazy visitor was shocked at the idea of 30-some comments about Skinny’s Jeopardy prep. God help her if she ever discovers the Hostages.

38. Wickedpinto - January 28, 2009

Count doesn’t even visit much anymore. Now it’s just Mesa, BiW and Rosetta to deal with trolls.

39. Mare - January 28, 2009

My strengths: cheap wine

My weaknesses: sentences that start with “what is”

40. Mrs. Peel - January 28, 2009

I knew about the sabot thing.

Because of Star Trek.

I also know the word “scatological” because of Star Trek.

41. Wickedpinto - January 28, 2009

Don’t forget another one of your strengths Mare.

You’re picture was taken on a golf course while drinking coffee.

Chief wishes he was 48 years younger.

42. Wickedpinto - January 28, 2009

Wrong post Dan, you need to find your way over to AMA for a good C word post.

[Note from Site Administration: WP is referring to a deleted comment.]

43. Retired Geezer - January 28, 2009

OK Skinny:
Here’s ones I missed that I can remember:

Upton Sinclair – could not think of it… was it The Jungle?


I don’t mean to imply that that is all I missed, those are just two that I remember.

Epic Fail

44. Retired Geezer - January 28, 2009

Brandenburg Concertos?

45. Retired Geezer - January 28, 2009

Queen Mary?

46. eddiebear - January 28, 2009

The Duke Of Northumberland?

47. Wickedpinto - January 28, 2009

Breaker of bitches?

48. Michael - January 28, 2009

The Doctrine of Transubstantiation?

49. eddiebear - January 28, 2009

An Album Cover?

50. Wickedpinto - January 28, 2009

“The Heat of the Moment.”

51. Wickedpinto - January 28, 2009

Know how I know you’re gay?

You know where Asia is.

52. mesablue - January 28, 2009

Gee thanks, Sobek.

53. Michael - January 28, 2009

Don’t worry, Mesa. Even SWMNBN is not crazy enough to read those threads.

54. Wickedpinto - January 28, 2009


Thats a LOT of Acronymnonality right there.

55. Michael - January 28, 2009

She Who Must Not Be Named.

She googles her name. You don’t want to mention it or she might show up.

56. Wickedpinto - January 28, 2009

I’m out, hope everyone makes fun of chief for being old.

57. Wickedpinto - January 28, 2009

Wiser was PISSED at me for mentioning her name.

I actually had to do admin work to make him happy.

58. wiserbud - January 28, 2009

Skinbad, most important thing to remember is to answer everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, in the form of a question.

Name? What is “skinbad?”
Age? What is “36?”
Religion? What is “Wiccan?”
Are you gonna answer that way on every question? What is “You got a problem with that?”

No matter how you score on the exam, they will definitely put you on the show.

Trust me.

59. wiserbud - January 28, 2009

Wiser was PISSED at me for mentioning her name.

T’wasn’t me. It’s not MY blog, as you are so fond of reminding everyone. I could care less if she stalks you.

It was probably mesa.

60. Wickedpinto - January 28, 2009

Maybe rosetta.

One of you goons was pissed.

61. Wickedpinto - January 28, 2009

I’m out.

Nappy’s, and dreams of Cathy, I mean hot chicks that don’t belong to “batman” (snigger) like it really matters 🙂


62. xbradtc - January 28, 2009

I was pissed. I have enough problems in my life without that place going bugshit crazy.

63. skinbad - January 29, 2009


I know I missed:

Yellowhammer state
The queen question
Probably the president question
I blanked on the Tom Jones author
Yes, The Jungle was right. I think Brandenburg Concertos was right as well.

It was hard for me for the 15 seconds to relate the “category” they gave you with the question. The category should help your thoughts go in the right direction, but it was hard to put those two together that fast for me–especially changing the category on every one.

64. wiserbud - January 29, 2009

The queen question

Who is Rosetta?

65. Retired Geezer - January 29, 2009

Mrs. Geezer was going to try to write down the question so we could go over them later.
Hah, a court stenographer would have had trouble doing that.

I should have had my video camera over my shoulder, then I would know for sure that I missed over half of the questions.

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