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Emergency Request: What to Do With Kids in Las Vegas? March 30, 2009

Posted by Lipstick in Crime, Terrorist Hemorrhoids, Women Ranting.

AARRGH!   Mr. L’s best friend and wife and 2 kids just showed up and we have no idea what to do to entertain the little darlings.  For 5 days.

Two boys, age 2 and 4.  Or 3 and 5, I can never keep that straight.

Somebody *glaring at Mr. L* got the dates wrong and we’re just not prepared.  The only thing I can think of is Circus Circus, Kid Zone (or whatever they call it) and watching the mermaids at The Silverton.

I humbly appeal to you parents for HELP!


1. lauraw - March 30, 2009
2. bill - March 30, 2009

What booze and hookers not good enough anymore? You new fangled parents with your kid zones. Bah!

3. Lipstick - March 30, 2009

Huge guffaw at Lauraw’s photo! The perfect solution.

Bill, if it were up to Mr. L and me, booze and hookers would be a great way to introduce the kids to Vegas. Unfortunately, the mother is a bit of a stickler.

4. wiserbud - March 30, 2009

If I’m not mistaken, I don’t think they allow smoking at the New York New York casino anymore, so that might be a good place to take ’em to.

Or you could take them on the rides at the top of the Stratosphere. The young ‘uns should absolutely love that!

5. BrewFan - March 30, 2009

McDonald’s with one of those playgrounds. At their age and with their attention span anything else is a waste of time and money.

6. Lipstick - March 30, 2009

Oh crap. Now they’re talking about going to see Monsters vs. Aliens.

Kill me now.

7. Lipstick - March 30, 2009

I don’t think they allow smoking at the New York New York casino anymore, so that might be a good place to take ‘em to.

Good to know. I’ll avoid that place. A quick fag will be the only thing getting me through the next few days.

8. eddiebear - March 30, 2009

^my parents took my daughter to see that this past weekend before they had to leave town for a few days.

She loved it.

9. eddiebear - March 30, 2009

I meant my reply to #6

10. Michael - March 30, 2009

Show them that pirate battle at Treasure Island, then the volcano erupting next door at the Mirage. In between shows, you can take them inside the Mirage to see the white tigers. You should also take them to the fountains/music/light show at the Bellagio, which I think is the most awesome thing in Vegas. Even little kids would love it too, I’ll bet, especially boys, who will probably try to reproduce some of those fancy water effects the next time they pee. All of this is free.

11. Pupster - March 30, 2009

They are probably already smeared with peanut butter, so the first step is taken for you…


12. Pupster - March 30, 2009

Get out blankets and sheets.

Lay the sheets over and the blankets under the furniture and make forts.

Every once in while, point your finger at them and say “Phew phew phew!”

That ought to hold ’em.

13. Lipstick - March 30, 2009

Pups, I’ll put Sophie the white ferret on them. She’s the one that bites.

Michael, there is no longer a pirate show at TI, no more white lions since the whole Roy got bit incident. But apparently MGM has a lion habitat thing.

The fountain idea with the additional “special effects” is worth pursuing! 🙂

14. Michael - March 30, 2009

Don’t forget, you have to make them recite a section of Luther’s Small Catechism every day or they go to bed without dinner.

15. Pupster - March 30, 2009

This site looks pretty informative:


My folks took me to Hoover Dam when I was little. I thought it was wicked cool because everybody kept saying ‘dam’ all the time.

16. eddiebear - March 30, 2009

Lips is Lutheran?

BTW, Sunday is Palm Sunday. My wife reminded me of that fact yesterday.

17. eddiebear - March 30, 2009

Aren’t there hiking paths and stuff in the mountains?

18. Michael - March 30, 2009

No more pirates?!? Aw, man, that sucks. The last time I was in Vegas was maybe 6 years ago for a conference. My room at the Venetian looked directly out at the pirate battle across the street, so I ended up watching it a lot. It was pretty cool.

19. Lipstick - March 30, 2009

Thanks, you guys are great. Heading out now, but keep the ideas coming — We’re desperate!

20. Sobek - March 30, 2009

Lipstick, take them up into Red Rock. It’s a great place for hiking or crawling around on some gorgeous rocks (depending on the age of said kids).

21. mesablue - March 30, 2009

Laughlin is nice, or so I hear.

22. Dave in Texas - March 30, 2009

Area 51.

Give them a couple of benjamins and some water.

23. eddiebear - March 30, 2009

Morton’s Steak House is a great place to take youngins’

24. Sobek - March 30, 2009

You can drive them to scenic Caliente.

25. skinbad - March 30, 2009

Mrs. Skinny says you should just drop them off at Sobek’s.

26. geoff - March 30, 2009

One of my low-parental-energy-tire-the-kids-out games is to have them run around in a loop (hopefully your house has a loop), and everytime they come by you try to bean them with a scrunched-up t-shirt. They get exhausted and you can drink beer. My kids loved it, I swear.

Other good ones:

“Snaky” – they go to the top of the stairs and have to snake their way down.

“Relay” – you make them do things like grab each other’s foot and then try to make it to some point and back. Then you give them a different handicap, like interlocking arms back-to-back. The old duck walk is great for this, too.

Once they’re tuckered out, you can plunk them in front of the TV.

27. Sobek - March 30, 2009

Apparently Geoff has never heard of NyQuil.

28. Pupster - March 30, 2009

I’ll have to second Geoff’s recommendation for drinking beer while parenting.

Beer made me the parent that I am.


I wouldn’t have kids if not for beer.

Yeah, that’s better.

29. geoff - March 30, 2009

everytime they come by you try to bean them with a scrunched-up t-shirt.

Forgot to mention that they get to throw the t-shirt back on their next pass. Some risk to beer, but otherwise this is a harmless way to keep them engaged for 45 minutes to an hour. All while steadily approaching bedtime.

As a last resort, there’s always water. Water balloons, squirt guns, sprinklers – anything with water.

30. Michael - March 30, 2009

Man, I remember when my kids were little and we got our first pool when we bought our first Texas house. Aside from the usual stuff like Marco Polo and Cannonball, their favorite game with Dad was called Kid Pitching, which basically was me heaving them through the air from the shallow end to the deep end. We would also swim underwater and pretend to be birds, after discussing what kind of birds we were. And I could always give them a thrill by jumping in the water with them and announcing that I was a shark looking for dinner, which would instantly elicit screams and frantic swimming for the side.

Good times . . .

31. Sobek - March 30, 2009

I remember the time I lined my older brother’s swimming trunks with potassium.

Ah, memories.

32. Lipstick - March 30, 2009

Mrs. Skinny says you should just drop them off at Sobek’s.

Cool! 2 boys, age 3 and 5 — that sounds like they’re in the Little Sobeks’ range.

33. Enas Yorl - March 30, 2009

This will go directly to the spam bucket but what the hey. You can take them to the Mac King Magic / Comedy show at Harrah’s. Great show – totally clean act, very kid friendly and he does them in the afternoon! 1 and 3 Tuesday – Saturday.

34. Gromulin - March 30, 2009

The pool at Mandalay would be the only place I’d take my kids in that town.

Or The Gun Store, to shoot machine guns. But that’s just me.

35. Mrs. Peel - March 30, 2009

Sobek, LOL!

Lipstick, isn’t there a place called the Star Trek Experience or something? You get to be “transported” and stuff. They may be too young for that, though.

@16: I know! I’m going to miss Communion AND Palm Sunday AND a sermon on King David for the IBMMP&GS. >:-[ This better be worth it, folks.

36. Lipstick - March 30, 2009

Looks like the Star Trek Experience closed last year.

I like the Gun Store idea — we passed it today on the way to pick them up and I suggested it. Heh.

37. Michael - March 30, 2009

Wow. A rare delurking by Gromulin.

Lipstick, you should be honored.

38. Michael - March 30, 2009

This better be worth it, folks.

Not to worry. On Palm Sunday, while you are cramming .45 ACP ammo into your next clip, I can lecture you about the Clan of Jesse and the House of David, and the significance of entering Jerusalem on a donkey.

“Behold, your king comes to you, triumphant and victorious. He is humble and riding on an ass, on a colt the foal of an ass.” (Zech 9:9)

39. Michael - March 30, 2009

Meaning, the “triumph” and the “victory” were the submission of Jesus to the awful events that were about to unfold in the next week.

40. BrewFan - March 30, 2009

Hosannah! *waves palm frond to and fro*

41. Mrs. Peel - March 30, 2009

while you are cramming .45 ACP ammo into your next clip

Now we’re talkin’!

42. EnasYorl - March 30, 2009

My earlier comment was eaten so I’ll try again. The Mac King Magic & Comedy show at Harrah’s is pretty good and it’s totally clean & kid friendly. He even gets a kid from the audience for one trick IIRC. All of his shows are in the afternoon at 1 and 3.

43. Lipstick - March 30, 2009

Here’s a kid-friendly place: Rainforest Cafe at MGM. Fake animals that move, crayons and books to color, drinks in plastic cups with lids, etc.

I totally got out of going to Monsters vs. Aliens tonight. Yeah, I’m so smart: they’ve re-scheduled the movie outing since I “can’t make it”.

I fucking hate going to movies. Hate it.

44. Lipstick - March 30, 2009

Thank you Enas. I just looked up the Mac King show and it sounds great, but they do not allow kids under 5 to attend.


45. harrison - March 30, 2009

Sell them.
Keep the money.
Spend it on yourself.

46. geoff - March 30, 2009

This better be worth it, folks.

…does that mean you told her?

47. Michael - March 30, 2009

…does that mean you told her?

No, Geoff, I would never reveal that in advance.

48. EnasYorl - March 30, 2009

they do not allow kids under 5 to attend

Aw darn. Oh, hey – what about the Las Vegas Springs Preserve? There’s a bunch of stuff over there and it’s not terribly expensive, with a reduced rate for NV residents (kids under 5 are free!) for the exhibit areas. It’s pretty cool – you get to see how people lived around here before Bugsy started the whole casino thing. Alternately the desert trails and garden areas are free for everyone if you just want to see those.

49. Lipstick - March 30, 2009

I didn’t know anything about that, Enas, thanks!

50. EnasYorl - March 30, 2009

Glad to be of help! One note though – the whole place was built around the whole green + sustainability mindset so that will be featured prominantly throughout the exhibit areas particularly. Unlike the Algoricle and his ilk they actually practice what they preach and they’ve come up with some interesting ways of showing it and demonstraing how others can do that stuff as well. Some of this messaging is particularly aimed at kids so just FYI.

51. sandy burger - March 31, 2009

I fucking hate going to movies. Hate it.

It’s not my cup of tea, either. I almost never see movies in the theater. I don’t even know what’s out now.

Looking back on my childhood… man, my parents had to sit through some stupid stupid movies for us kids. Ha.

52. White Lily - March 31, 2009

It looks like you’ve already gotten a plethora of great ideas. I have one suggestion to add though…Bonnie Springs, in Red Rock. Just drive out Charleston toward Red Rock, and about 5 miles out of Summerlin you come to Bonnie Springs.

I recently took my three-year-old’s preschool class on a field trip there and the kiddies loved it. There’s a petting zoo and an old west town. They even stage cowboy performances…a gun demonstration, a bank robery/catch the bad guy show, and even a mock hanging. Great for boys! (although, we did leave before the hanging.

53. White Lily - March 31, 2009

Mrs. Skinny says you should just drop them off at Sobek’s.

We’re actually quite busy around here for the next few days…

54. Lipstick - March 31, 2009

Michael, I’m totally going to do a cannonball in your pool and splash The Little Princess. Then pretend to be a hungry shark. You’re my inspiration.

55. Lipstick - March 31, 2009

Mrs. Sobek, that sounds like a wonderful place to take the kids! I will definitely suggest that.

56. Mrs. Peel - March 31, 2009

Isn’t there some sort of airplane museum somewhere near Vegas? Again, they may be too young for that. I am teh fail when it comes to kiddies.

My parents had to sit through The Incredible Mr. Limpet I don’t even know how many times. Poor them.

57. Mrs. Peel - March 31, 2009

Oh man, I can’t believe I missed the opportunity to say this:

while you are cramming .45 ACP ammo into your next clip

Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!!

58. Dave in Texas - March 31, 2009

Things to do with kids…

Two words: gunpowder

59. A Quick Fag - March 31, 2009

A quick fag will be the only thing getting me through the next few days.

We’re here for you, Sweetie.

(can’t believe nobody jumped on that)

60. Rich - March 31, 2009

Here’s a good game to entertain the lil ones: drop them off at one end of the strip. Whoever collects the most pr0n flyers wins and gets a free icecream.

61. Tushar - March 31, 2009

Lipstick, you can go see Monsters v/s Aliens and not get bored:
Just imagine Michael is the Monster and BrewFan is the Alien. Interprete everything they do as some comment on IB. You will have loads of fun!

62. Lipstick - March 31, 2009

Rich, that’s hilarious. I’ll try it!

Tushar, you don’t understand my burning hatred for sitting trapped in a movie theater. Not much would make that experience better. (Your avatar cracks me up.)

63. Russ from Winterset - March 31, 2009

Lipstick, tell the kids that you’re taking them to an “Amish Drive-In Theatre”. Then go out into the desert and stop at the first big rock formation you see. Park and make them stare at the rock for 2 hours, then drive back home.

64. Rich - March 31, 2009

You can do shadow puppets on the rock.

65. Cathy - March 31, 2009

Play 5 Little Ferrets Jumping On the Bed!

5 little ferrets jumping on the bed
One fell off and bumped his head
Lipstick called the doctor and the doctor said:

4 little ferrets jumping on the bed.
One fell off and bumped his head.
Lipstick called the doctor…

( you got the idea…)

66. Cathy - March 31, 2009

Lipstick, you could even sing it!

67. eddiebear - March 31, 2009

Try this:

68. Lipstick - March 31, 2009

If I sing they will run away screaming.

Hmmmm. . .

69. Tushar - March 31, 2009

>>If I sing they will run away screaming.

Looks like we have arrived at an optimum solution.

70. Sobek - March 31, 2009

Discussion question:

Is there anything fluffier than a cloud?

71. Mrs. Peel - March 31, 2009

A good soufflé.

72. eddiebear - March 31, 2009
73. Mrs. Peel - March 31, 2009

I’m trying to decide what courses to take in upcoming semesters…there is only one that works for my schedule and course requirements this fall, which means I really should take something this summer so I don’t delay my graduation even more (it has already slipped to December 2010, and there’s a non-zero chance I’ll end up having to take 2010 off due to a yearlong time-intensive travel-requiring training program I am applying to at work).

There are two courses I could take this summer. One is an all-summer evening course (thankfully only 2 days a week), and the other is a 6-wk internet course. (They do overlap.) Hmmm. I guess the question is what exactly is involved in internet courses…

Anyway, I’ll be halfway done with my master’s at the end of this semester. Yay.

74. wickedpinto - April 4, 2009

It’s a magazine, not a clip.

Just had to get all reactiony for a second.

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