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Upchucking Lions April 10, 2009

Posted by Lipstick in Man Laws.

(I have changed the title of the post to Upchucking Lions, cause “puking” just sounds gross)

Yup, here they are.  And Michael can control them with voice commands.  Truly!



1. Wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

(I have changed the title of the post to Upchucking Lions, cause “puking” just sounds gross)

I believe that I was the originator of “puking lions”.

and I was Very impressed with the pool, and LS’s boobies, and while cathy and I sat by the pool like girlfriends reading books, and listening to momentary diatribes, (when cathy is riled up, get out of her way, no really get out of her way, I said get out of her way fucker!!!) (jeez kids just don’t listen)

we sat at the pool “why aren’t your reading?” she asked me once. ONCE

“I just like the way the pool moves,”

I was absorbing new information, and I’m very selfish in that way, “that’s not tile, it almost looks like a rubber overlay”

“that brick isn’t brik.”

and she answered every question.

meet me in person and you will know most ric and tic that I am not a dic, but curious.

2. Wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

we did have a nice sarcastic convo about john edwards “all cash, no class” is how the convo could be broken down.

3. Wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

still waiting for batgirl.

4. Wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

POST IT!!!!!

You don’t look drunk, you don’t look like an asshole, you look like a goon.

Goons are cute, thats what I am, and for some reason people love me.

5. Wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

People love goons, even goons in spankies.

6. Wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

go with the goon.

7. lauraw - April 11, 2009

Is that the fence Michael was complaining about? I don’t think the inside of that fence is ugly at all.
Has a nice texture.

8. Wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

Compared to the rest of the house the fence looks a little . . .not low class, but the fence does clash with the rest of the house.

That might have been the arguement.

It’s a BEAUTIFUL house.

9. MCPO Airdale - April 11, 2009

The “Puking Dogs” of VF-143 might disagree about your choice of post titles!

10. Dave in Texas - April 11, 2009

don’t fence meeeee in

11. lauraw - April 11, 2009

Fun prank to play on the Michaels at the next IBP:

Excuse yourself to go to the bathroom.

While in the bathroom, poop in the wastebasket instead of the toilet.

Later on, if Michael tries delicately to ask you about it, scream “IT’S NOT ILLEGAL, YOU KNOW. A LAWYER SHOULD KNOW THAT. WHAT ARE YOU, SOME KIND OF CONTROL FREAK?”

12. Dave in Texas - April 11, 2009


I just said “that toilet paper is too rough”.

“oh. Sorry about those guest towels”.

I didn’t think of the whole legal angle.

13. lauraw - April 11, 2009

It’s not illegal.

14. Dave in Texas - April 11, 2009

Always take care of your hiney, and it will always take care of you.

15. Wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

random thing,

My favorite comment of all time was made by laura at Mrs. Peel’s blog. “If I get leprosy I get leprosy”

I laughed myself into a coughfing fit after that one.

But one of my favorite comments is by Cathy, “nice to know I’m still bangable.”

That’s classic stuff right there, you girls Are FUNNY!!!

16. Wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

also Laura, Michael isn’t that much a lawyer, at least in social situations, he more confused or confunded, and he talks about the most random shit.

He ain’t gabe, he’s more . . .I don’t know, it’s actually quite remarkable, because they are so prosperous and have absolutely no airs about them whatsoever, they’d be right at home in whiting.

I met one of their neighbors, and it’s almost like he WANTS to work as hard as normal people to be a normal person, btw, he’s a nice guy, a VERY nice guy, southern gent through and through.

But of those people who are prosperous, not just the michaels, I have noticed that they like having money, but they also really liked when they were like me.

The “rich” aren’t assholes they are normal people just like me, and in someways actually envy my freedom in the same way I envy their prosperity, at least, that is my experience.

Not saying the Michaels envy me, as I envy their prosperity, but, there is an unspoken understanding that makes us almost equal even though I’m a loser.

In some ways I actually pity the truly prosperous.

like “You have this big house, but only two people live in it?”

I told michael about Moz, how, a few months ago her mother passed away, but before that Moz, the family member who was better off, took care of her mom after a heart attack, would always fuss..

MoZ didn’t care about the fussing, she only cared about her mom, and she didn’t want her mom to be fussy and getting stressed.

Previously mommy moz lived with her other daughter who has a bunch of kids, a couple of which I met, and I cant believe how old we are now, anyways, anyways, before living with her successful daughter (moz) Moz’s mom lived with/near her other daughter, and Moz told a story about how unhappy her mother was living with her, because “I miss the sound of children.”

It was during a talk about being a parent, and a grandparent. Mike was sorta hoping his kids would get around to cranking out kids, and about how eddie has a small child.

“I miss the sound of children.”

simple and non-commital yet poignant.

17. Michael - April 11, 2009

And Michael can control them with voice commands. Truly!

The story behind that — my watch is pretty accurate; about one second fast every two weeks. Normally it’s right on NIST atomic clock time to the second. The puking lions are set to shut off automatically at 7:00 p.m., but I happened to have noticed in the past that they really turn off at 6:59:50. So, while talking to Lipstick outside, around 6:59:00 I started complaining that the lions were making too much noise (this was almost true; Lipstick speaks very softly and the lion puke is loud). Forty-nine seconds later I yelled at them to shut up. The timing was absolutely perfect. It only took Lipstick about three seconds to realize what had happened, but the initial look on her face was priceless.

18. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009


We kinda understood that you were full of shit, we didn’t think you ACTUALLY controled the pumps with your mind.

We are morons, but we didn’t have birth defects.

19. Lipstick - April 11, 2009

Very well played indeed, Michael. Timed to the millisecond. I was stunned.

(Then, suspicious)

But for those three seconds, it was like I was a kid again, marveling at the amazing things magic people can do.

Michael - April 11, 2009

Maybe for my next unsuspecting female guest I’ll turn the lions on by waving my magic wand at them.


20. kevlarchick - April 11, 2009

I’m sorry I missed the gathering. You can get me with those lions next time Michael.

21. Lipstick - April 11, 2009

KC, several times we talked about how great you are and how cool it would have been for you to be there.

22. Lipstick - April 11, 2009

Next time, we’ll just have to watch out for Michael’s “Magic Wand”.

Michael - April 11, 2009

You can get me with those lions next time Michael.

As I am usually a more or less decent guy, I will not hold you to that surprisingly generous offer, however much I would like to get you with my lions and the magic wand.

23. Dave in Texas - April 11, 2009

You know, for a little joint in Grapevine Texas, those oysters weren’t bad at all.

Random thought. Pay no attention.

24. Michael - April 11, 2009

Not saying the Michaels envy me, as I envy their prosperity, but, there is an unspoken understanding that makes us almost equal even though I’m a loser.

You know, WP, that was an interesting little essay. But you’re wrong about one thing, we are not “almost” equal. Tomorrow is Easter, and we are all sons and daughters of a living god. That’s how I look at it.

Regarding class differences, I’ll tell you something. Over thirty years ago, Cathy and I were recently trailer trash and then living in the inner city of St. Louis in a questionable neighborhood, but we knew some awesome people. I still think George and Linda were the best neighbors we ever had. George was an autoworker who was laid off for about two years. He kept his family going by doing odd jobs, whatever he could get, like building backyard decks for people.

Back then, I remember deliberately promising to myself that I would never wake up one day to realize that everyone I know has a graduate degree and a six figure income. I’ve kept that promise.

25. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

been sleeping strange, probably why I let it out.

26. Lipstick - April 11, 2009

hmmm, let’s see, a very intelligent vet who has found and vowed to keep the love of his life. Whose heart is true to her and who is willing to go halfway around the world to claim her and start a new life.

Yep. Total loser.

*giving Pinto a virtual noogie*

27. Lipstick - April 11, 2009

Back then, I remember deliberately promising to myself that I would never wake up one day to realize that I was a blatant card cheat

Fixed that for you Michael.

28. Michael - April 11, 2009

Lipstick, I fucking owned you for three seconds, and I won’t forget it.

29. Lipstick - April 11, 2009

Yes, it was quite an honor for you, I’ll agree.


30. Michael - April 11, 2009

Well, actually, it was mostly a tribute to the accuracy of my watch. But I did a good job of setting up the trick.

31. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

and your pool timer.

32. Michael - April 11, 2009

I’m a loser.

Every one of your online pals that meets you in meat space likes you. Mesa, me, Cathy, Patty Ann, Lipstick, etc. Even though you talk our ears off. You ever notice that?

The rebellion at The Hostages was largely people who had never seen you face to face.

So, get the hint. Be yourself online.

33. Lipstick - April 11, 2009

Wiley lawyer. I never even noticed you looking at your watch.

34. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

I am, it’s just that people prefer to remember the myths rather than the truth.

35. Michael - April 11, 2009

I had the face of the watch propped up on my leg and angled away from me slightly, so I could look at it whilst pretending to look at the pool.


36. Lipstick - April 11, 2009

Wicked, at least you’re not sneaky!

37. Michael - April 11, 2009

What really bugs me is Dave. I can kinda understand that chicks would like him online. But, one would think, if they meet him in person they would totally see through his Texas goober act, and despise him as a genuinely ignorant rube.

But not so. My own wife is like a pie-making machine whenever Dave is going to show up. What the fuck is that about?

38. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

I think it’s like the australian thing, he actually talks the talk of tehahs, so everyone falls for it.

39. Vmaximus - April 11, 2009

Who does not like Mr DiT? He is a smart funny Goober.
He has made the summary more times than you Michael.

But that is just me, I am a sick twisted freak who rides a bike. You are a fine upstanding gentleman, that plays batman in his spare time and rides a Harley.

I do have a warped sense of humor.

My nightly drunken Max Pic

and a pic of a flower on my tree
it is a hong kong orchid tree growing in my yard Florida in the spring has lots of flowers

40. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

Tomorrow is Easter, so we make polish sausage, of course we baught 15 pounds for some reason, and we are making 5 pounds tonight.

fuck is the apartment filled with the smell of sausage, it’s almost oppressive, it’s so strong.

“think we should add some garlic or onions?” mom asked, and I just fucking laughed, cuz it’s some pungent stuff.

41. Michael - April 11, 2009

Fuck Dave.

Another thing about Dave that annoys me, aside from his effect on wimmens, is that he is a theologically astute Baptist (which is rare), but he usually plays dumb and talks about his socks. Dave mostly avoids theological threads, but occasionally he drops a bomb in a real casual off-handed way.


42. Cathy - April 11, 2009

My head has risen from the pillow…

…for a few hours.

It will return to that pillow…


*thanks for the laughs, folks*loves y’all*

43. Michael - April 11, 2009


You can link those Max pics here any time. That was one lovely dog.

I would cool it with the flowers, however. Those flowers clearly represent the type of vaginal longing that made Georgia O’Keeffe a famous artist.

You get my point. You’re just advertising the fact that you desperately need to get laid.

44. Michael - April 11, 2009

Also, Vmax, I do not ride a Harley. I think I have straightened you out about this in the past. I ride a 1998 Yamaha Royal Star Tour Classic, in mint condition with all the leather bags and chrome and everything, and with the 1300 cc 4-cylinder water-cooled engine that will last forever, shaft drive, and hydraulic clutch. It’s made to produce the HD rumble sound effect with reasonable torque at low gear ratios.

At the time, HD was not capable of making anything like that. They were stuck on belt drives and the big twin-cylinder air-cooled engine.

45. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

good point mike, he can always go to redreel or badjojo.

(btw, every porn site that I know of? Was linked to me by mos. She’s a good girl)

46. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

also, another random thing about moz, she wants to trade in her current car, which is an MG and buy an rx 8? whatever it is the new mazda rotary, and she was just talking and talking about the car, “the wenkel engine is so efficient, fuckah’s don’t get it, there is something about revolutionary technology that people don’t like” and she kept on.

And when she was done, I said “so you wanna buy a new car?”


47. Michael - April 11, 2009

The Mazda rotary engine is basically a good idea. The concept is to make centrifugal force work for you, rather than the inefficient energy-wasting up-and-down hammering of pistons.

I’m with Moz on this. The fact that she is a super-hot brown person with big hooters does not influence my opinion about this at all.

48. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

I think I was able to define love with moz, because when she got angry, I smiled.

I didn’t do that with other girlfriends or anything, but while Moz is mostly sweetness and light and HOT! she also has a side of her that is evil twat, and when she goes all evil it entertains me, because I see her with my eye, and the phrase “You are beautiful when you are angry” is so apt.

Am I the only guy like that?

I like watching all of her variations and knowing that I’m her guy, and allowed to see it.

I think it’s awesome and hilarious and hot. . . .is every guy like that?

49. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

centripetal, centrifigul is not a valid physical concept, but yeah, same thing, but different when you get to the physics.

50. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

I think it’s PA but one of “us” bloggers and commenters and ace makers is a HUGE rotary engine fan, and the passion with which they describe it is quite interesting, I think it’s Purple Avenger, there are even diagrams and descriptions of rebuilds and stuff, the non carburator carberator is just cool, the “no stroke” concept is cool, the rotary is just plain cool.

51. Michael - April 11, 2009

Am I the only guy like that?

In my experience, WP, less than 1% of the English-speaking population will use the word “apt” in ordinary conversation. It seems like the word is dying.

I do it, but almost nobody else does, even though it seems like a very useful word. Normally, that word shows up in academic writings, even though it is a very useful one-syllable word.

Just a goofy thing I have noticed.

52. Mrs. Peel - April 11, 2009

I do, but then I figure any conversation involving me is by default not ordinary.

53. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

How’s the book going? or have you started it yet michael?

54. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

I’m amazed that peel doesn’t say “fuck” more often, I mean, she DOES keep dating gay guys, you should visit gay sites and have the singles follow you, cuz you seem to have such a dysfunctional gaydar, that you target everyone that wants to be the one with balls across his face, and that would make things a lot easier for the gay community.

I’m just saying.

55. Michael - April 11, 2009

I figure any conversation involving me is by default not ordinary.

You are right about that.

I mean that as a compliment, Mrs. Peel. You are very engaging, and a conversation with you is not “ordinary.”

56. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

much more convenient than “appropriate” or “correct.” It’s a good word.

Like I said, when I was in, it was kinda odd, that us enlisted always dated either teachers or nurses.

I once used the word “angst” while doing one of my verbal monologues, and one of the teachers (gradeschool) said “you used the word angst in proper syntax and context.”

“Thank teach, do I get a gold star? really, can you STOP talking down to us, we kinda have this thing attached to our job that consists of DYING! Please, get over yourself.”

fucked her.

57. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

Watching Zach Efron on SNL is funny “if some can keep a tweens attention for more than 5 minutes, then a parent, will give them all of their disposable income to keep them shut up.”

That’s just funny.

58. Michael - April 11, 2009

“Angst” is just German. I can’t believe you got laid for that. How do you meet so many easy chicks?

I was out last night and ended up dancing with Cathy and two lesbians. I’m doing something wrong.

59. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

It was the uniform, I didn’t always wear it, but I carried myself, and still do, as though I am.

“tailored sex” is how I describe the blues.

60. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

also I think it was the fact that I wouldn’t act like a lesser, while she was being “pedantic.” that turned her on.

We were all fit, but I wouldn’t put up with her shit, and that turned her on that got me laid.

61. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

I’ve been to a number of nations, but my cock has hit almost every state on the planet, I was a very very very fortunate man at one time.

62. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

I was out last night and ended up dancing with Cathy and two lesbians.

poor guy.

63. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

must be rough, one time I was at a club in okinawa, and I danced with a girl, who became my girlfriend, had her sit on my face, while 4 other big tittied asians went down on me.



64. wickedpinto - April 11, 2009

(last story is bullshit,)

65. Lipstick - April 11, 2009

yep, when you said “big titted asians”, that gave it away.

66. Wickedpinto - April 12, 2009

by waving my magic wand at them.

I think it was one of those midnight comment threads at H1, with Max, when I apologized to pup about not liking his bersa, compared to dave’s walther, which I love, and I said something like “the bersa is like a ten inch willow with a unicorn hair core, while the walther is a 12 and 1/2 inch oak with a phoenix core, the bersa is perfectly serviceable, but the walther feels better.”

chief called me out on comparing guns to harry potter wands, and mainpaged it.

that was kinda funny.

67. Wickedpinto - April 12, 2009

There are big tittied asians, though it’s not likely that you will find all four of them in the same place at the same time.

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