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Leave It To The Japanese To Bring The Commercial Awesomeness April 25, 2009

Posted by Edward von Bear in Commenting Tips, Economics, Gardening, Heroes, History.
Tags: , ,
2 comments

I have no idea what this product is, but it has to be top notch.

“You Have To Lock It” April 25, 2009

Posted by Michael in Economics, Entertainment, Man Laws.
1 comment so far

A couple of years old, but I’ve never seen it.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

More infomercial goodness below the break.

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Mr Kevlar Mistaken for Army Grunt April 25, 2009

Posted by kevlarchick in Food, Man Laws, Women Ranting.
12 comments

Mr Kevlar is a chef.   But, like other IB men, his alternative identity as a crime fighting warrior is often uncovered.  Must be the hairdo:  #1 on sides and #2 on top.  Is that a “high and tight?” 

Not actually Mr Kevlar

Not actually Mr Kevlar

While he was making his catering rounds a few weeks ago,  a crusty sargeant approached him and asked him when he would be on base to serve the National Guard boys departing and returning from weekend duty. 

“When do you need me, SIR,”  responded Mr Kevlar reflexively. 

“0500 this Saturday, boy,”  replied the sargeant.   “You will have a hot meal ready for 8 groups of 30 men.  We will depart for training and return that evening.  You will feed them again when return after sundown.  They will not have eaten all day and will be hungry.  THAT IS ALL.” 

“YES SIR.” 

What is a group of 30 soldiers called?  A squad? 

So today Mr Kevlar preps large quantities of carbs for the hungry soldiers of the National Guard’s 216th  Engineer Battalion.  We all serve in our own way.

Geoff Selecting A Troll April 25, 2009

Posted by Michael in News.
3 comments

Or make up your own caption.

hawk

Thanks to Demonicious.

Bad Weather Forecast for Indiana (Updated) April 25, 2009

Posted by Michael in Science.
15 comments

Really, really bad weather.

.

groundhog2

Below the break, another unfortunate day in the newsroom.

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A Boy and His Dog April 24, 2009

Posted by BrewFan in News.
51 comments

Welcome the newest member of the BrewFan household. We got him from the Humane Society today. He is 6 months old and quite the sweet guy. Like Rosetta, he has been emasculated. His name is Diesel but there is serious consideration being given to changing that. Any suggestions?

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$787 Billion Doesn’t Buy Very Much These Days April 24, 2009

Posted by geoff in News.
33 comments

The Labor Department released its latest employment figures, prompting some fairly dire projections from economists:

Worse-than-expected news on unemployment and home sales Thursday dampened optimism that a broad economic recovery might be near.

Many analysts don’t expect the housing slide to show signs of stabilizing until the second half of this year. They said layoffs may be at their high point, but that the jobless rate, already at a 25-year high, will keep rising until the middle of 2010.

Rise until 2010? RISE UNTIL 2010?

That can’t be – Obama’s economic team promised us that if we passed the stimulus package, unemployment would start dropping by July 1st! In fact, they even made a graph to show us how wonderful the stimulus package was going to be:
stimulus-unemployment-april-proj

See? SEE? The unemployment rate was never supposed to go over 8%. But when you compare projections to the actual unemployment results (the triangles in maroon), the actual data doesn’t seem to follow the “With Recovery Plan” curve.

In a stunning surprise, the data does follow the curve projected by the GOP and the conservative punditry, who said there would be no near-term benefit from the stimulus package. Now the economists are saying that the unemployment rate won’t start dropping until the middle of 2010. Gee, that’s when it would have started dropping if we had done nothing.

I know we all thought the stimulus package was not focused very well on near-term relief, but I don’t think anybody would have predicted that it would have absolutely no benefit 2 months after it had passed.  …or more than a year after it had passed.

Let’s Focus on the Issues!!! April 23, 2009

Posted by Michael in News.
73 comments

Finally, a discussion of matters of public importance that comes close to what I had envisioned for Innocent Bystanders as a serious forum for informed and scholarly debate.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Eats, Sh*ts, and Leaves April 23, 2009

Posted by skinbad in Crime.
1 comment so far

This kid needs to do something better with his life. At least shoot for  an upstanding white collar criminal career.

I guess it might not be a bad defensive mechanism. Maybe it will be good for a prison gang nickname.

“They call me The Octopus. Why? Pray you never learn.”

Great Moments in Product Development April 23, 2009

Posted by skinbad in Crime.
9 comments

So I’ve got this idea.

Yea?

An iPhone game. You know how babies cry and cry and cry sometimes and you just want them to shut up?

I’m feeling ya.

I put a little picture of a baby on the phone. It cries. Loud. Obnoxious.

I hate that.

So you have to shake the phone.

How do you win?

When you shake it hard enough, you get red “X”s across the baby’s eyes and it stops.

Cool. I think we could sell that.

Everybody Should Do Something Well April 22, 2009

Posted by Michael in Man Laws.
7 comments

Me, for example.

I am really good at cooking with Mr. Lamm’s Genuine Texas Heavy Metal Barbecue™.

Also, I happen to be a crime-fighting thug.

Other people have skills as well, acquired like I did, with years of discipline and practice, plus some natural talent.  I’m not talking about being kinda good at something, like Dave playing his bass and exhibiting spastic foot movements.  No, I mean really good.

Here is an example of what I am talking about, someone with skills acquired like I did with endless practice.

Plus, the song is good:

Vodpod videos no longer available.

I Do Solemnly Swear… April 22, 2009

Posted by BrewFan in News.
34 comments

I am going to be sworn in to my new position as village trustee this evening. In a moment of weakness I gave in to my sense of civic duty and ran for this position in the spring elections. I’d like to tell you I won a mandate but the reality is that there were three seats on the board open and only three candidates seeking office. Even still I received the least number of votes as there appears to be about 20 people in this community who did not cast a vote for me. I do have a reputation of being conservative from my term on the local school board. On the other hand it may have something to do with me mowing my lawn naked. I’m sure its one of those two things.

Anyway, wish me well if you would. All joking aside I feel strongly that folks either need to contribute something to their communities or drink a big, cool glass of STFU.