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Who Knew That Snakes Came With The Grill? May 27, 2009

Posted by Edward von Bear in Crime, Ducks, Family, Food, History, Humor, Man Laws, News, Personal Experiences, Philosophy, Sex.
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It seems to me that Michael has been ripped off. Apparently, his Mr. Lamm’s Heavy Metal Grill Thingy was missing a key value added service.

Namely, snakes!

She said a welfare officer took three hours to arrive, by which time she and neighbour Jack Jewitt, in his 80s, had resorted to cornering the snake with a washing basket.

Mr Jewitt threw the basket over the reptile and tipped it into a plant pot held bravely by Mrs Rogers.

The pair then put a saucer over the pot, held down with a car battery, assuming it was a baby python.

Mrs Rogers said she had been getting the barbecue ready for a family gathering on Saturday afternoon when she saw the creature.

She told the Gloucestershire Echo: “It was horrid and I was petrified. I thought it was plastic and my kids had played a joke.

“I was going to brain them as I have a phobia about snakes, inherited from my mother.”

The RSPCA identified it as a harmless cornsnake and said it was probably an escaped pet.

Who cares about the snake? What about the grill?

Priorities, people. Priorities.

Comments»

1. skinbad - May 27, 2009

Tastes like chicken.

2. Will - May 27, 2009

Snakes on a Flame

3. Mrs. Peel - May 27, 2009

Aw, poor snake. It must have been terrified. It should come over to my place – I like snakes.

4. Edward Von Bear - May 27, 2009

Personally, I like snakes, so long as they stay outdoors and are non poisonous.

Every year, I see about three or four garden snakes in my back yard. They usually just slither away and leave me alone. I leave them alone as well, since they are probably killing bugs, rodents, and hippies.

5. lauraw - May 27, 2009

The pond we built attracts more snakes than you can shake a…no, on second thought, you can pretty much shake a stick at all of them. It ain’t like the pit in Indiana Jones, fer cripes’ sake. Just a little puddle. What was I thinking.

I saw a pretty big unstriped snake in the filter pond the other day. Maybe a ratsnake? Not sure, it was hauling ass. The wildlife situation changes from year to year.

Usually we get a steady population of Green frogs inhabiting the margins, with the occasional Bullfrog showing up at the end of Summer (we hates the Bullfrogs, preciousss).

This Spring three Bullfrogs took over the pond and all the Green Frogs took a powder one night in a rainstorm. We saw them hopping across the yard.

6. geoff - May 27, 2009

Her pond was infested by snakes
So lw gave her stick a few shakes
The snakes hauled some ass
Away through the grass
But the bullfrogs took over their niche in the fragile and complex ecosystem that is threatened daily by the mammalian biases of its mistress, uh, uh,…

…and her cornflakes. (whew)

7. lauraw - May 27, 2009

Hee, Geoff!

Hey, check it out, it’s hump day.

Snuck up on me this week.

8. nicedeb - May 27, 2009

We used to have a pretty decent population of snakes on our property, but the kids scared them all away.

9. lauraw - May 27, 2009

How in the world did they…..? Nevermind, don’t wanna know.

10. Will - May 27, 2009

Back when we lived on acreage near a tree-farm, our cats loved to catch red racers and drop them on the back porch by the door as offerings to their bi-pedal masters. Occasionally one would survive the ordeal and attempt to dash inside when you opened the door. Lizard parts were pretty common too.

11. nicedeb - May 27, 2009

Occasionally, one would sneak into our basement. That was always good fun.

12. Dave in Texas - May 27, 2009

Here’s a pretty tasty lookin snake dish.

http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=7e0_1243223318

13. harrison - May 27, 2009

Thanks, Dave.
I’ll go heave now.

14. Dave in Texas - May 27, 2009

I saw some pretty gross lunch box fare in Taipei years ago. But at least the shit wasn’t moving.

15. Cathy - May 27, 2009

Not an animal rights activist, but fightin’ back tears watching those fish gills move.

Sorry. Need a tissue.

*sniff sniff*

16. Dave in Texas - May 27, 2009

oh crap, I’m sorry Cathy.

my bad.

17. Michael - May 27, 2009

Aw, no problem, Dave. It’s just a fact that Asian cultures have this thing about eatin’ stuff that is still moving. Like drinks with tiny live minnows — why would you want to do that?

18. Cathy - May 27, 2009

Dave, you owe me a hug, just sayin’

19. Michael - May 27, 2009

Don’t be flattered, Dave. Cathy is a hug-whore.

20. Michael - May 27, 2009

Seriously, every day I have to deliver maybe two or three more hugs than are really appropriate for a Lutheran marital relationship.

21. Dave in Texas - May 27, 2009

Michael, shush.

It was a hug set up.

pebble, hand, grasshoppah.

22. Michael - May 27, 2009

pebble, hand, grasshoppah

Dude, if you can lighten the hug load on me, you have my gratitude.

23. Lipstick - May 27, 2009

Cathy’s a great hugger.

24. Cathy - May 27, 2009

Cathy’s a great hugger.

Hug-whores get a lot of practice.

25. Retired Geezer - May 28, 2009

Me and Mrs. Geezer missed the huggin’ part of the IBMMP.

Dangit!

Got to hug Lipstick, Enas, Sobek and White Lily in Vegas though.

Just sayin’.

26. geoff - May 28, 2009

When I met ND in KC, I figured her for a hugger, but she stuck out a mitt and we commenced to handshaking. That was OK by me – I was taught to hug by my mom, who believed that the contact area should be minimal and the rest of the body should be as remote as possible. So you get that “lean forward at the waist, girl’s shoulder touches man’s chest at exactly one point, perfunctory pat on the back” type of hug.

Not like the lambada hugs of Dave & Michael.

27. Mrs. Peel - May 28, 2009

That’s my preferred kind of non-romantic hug, geoff. And don’t forget the length – it can’t last more than a second or two.

28. composmentis - May 28, 2009

Only at IB can you go from snakes on a grill to mushy hugging.

I myself prefer long, lingering hugs, with a little cheek to cheek action, and maybe a little squeeze to the back of the neck, but that’s only if I’ve known the guy for awhile. Or if his name’s Dave.

29. composmentis - May 28, 2009

Phil messes with Ned. One of the best hug scenes evar!

30. composmentis - May 28, 2009

Hi Peel 🙂 Are you a fan of The Avengers and thus the name?

31. Samuel L. Jackson from Winterset - May 28, 2009

I’M TIRED OF ALL THESE MUTHA*&^$ING SNAKES IN THIS MUTHA*%^$ING GRILL!

32. Dave in Texas - May 28, 2009

Hah. I practically invented the Chaste Shoulder Hug™.

Ask around.

33. BrewFan - May 28, 2009

Ask around.

I did. Michael says you like to grind.

34. lauraw - May 28, 2009

It’s all good.

In my family we mostly long-squeezy-hug and even sometimes sit there rocking slightly and murmering “I love yous’ to each other or even having short shoulder-conversations with our arms wrapped around each other. This behavior makes starchy whitebreads look away with a ‘this isn’t happening and I didn’t see that’ expression on their faces.

Dad is an exception. He simply walks up and mauls people. Grabs the back of their neck, shoves their head in his chest, pounds them on the back, puts them in a headlock, kisses them sloppily and roughly on the side of the head, and screams “I love you” into their faces from two inches away. This goes for man, woman, child, son, daughter, total stranger he just met that day, doesn’t matter.

Hubby’s family is the shoulder-hug type. It’s all good.

35. geoff - May 28, 2009

Grabs the back of their neck, shoves their head in his chest, pounds them on the back, puts them in a headlock, kisses them sloppily and roughly on the side of the head, and screams “I love you” into their faces from two inches away.

I can’t believe this is happening and I didn’t see that.

36. Lipstick - May 28, 2009

Hah. I practically invented the Chaste Shoulder Hug™.

Ask around.

Well, I’m glad I got the Dave Bear Hug instead.

37. Lipstick - May 28, 2009

Mr. L was convinced that my mom hated him because she gave him the Chaste Shoulder Hug.

It wasn’t until he saw her give my sister and me the same kind of hug that he realized that’s the way she hugs everybody.

38. Dave in Texas - May 28, 2009

Well, I might go with my preferred method if certain misters aren’t around givin me teh stinkeye.

I mean, I do have feelings and stuff. Just don’t wanna get my ass kicked over em.

39. Michael - May 28, 2009

This behavior makes starchy whitebreads look away with a ‘this isn’t happening and I didn’t see that’ expression on their faces.

I was doing that just reading your comment.

40. lauraw - May 28, 2009

Hah!

41. kevlarchick - May 28, 2009

I like lauraw’s dad.

I like to sway a little in a long hug. Like a slow dance.

42. Lipstick - May 28, 2009

One of my uncles is a lip kisser.

*shudder*

43. Cathy - May 28, 2009

One of my uncles is a lip kisser

Rather have that than a butt patter.

44. Mrs. Peel - May 28, 2009

Yes, compos. “Mrs. Peel” is awesome, and Diana Rigg is hawt.

Hmm…would I rather be kissed on the lips or patted on the butt by an uncle? I might actually go with butt-patting. Should be a little easier to fend off, and you’re justified in smacking him.

I like fast dancing, like 200+ beats per minute. Fast Lindy and collegiate shag are a blast.

45. Dave in Texas - May 28, 2009

>> makes starchy whitebreads look away

Oh no you dint!

46. Ed Rooney from Winterset - May 29, 2009

“One of my uncles is a lip kisser.

*shudder*”

So THAT’S the way things are in her family….

47. lauraw - May 29, 2009

One of my uncles was well-known among us female cousins for butt-groping right around the time we were reaching a certain age.

*shudder* is right. Ick.

48. daveintexas - May 29, 2009

Had an older cousin get ‘counseled’ by the brothers for untoward behavior of that sort, back when I was in high school. I do believe the thing ended at that point.

49. Retired Geezer - May 29, 2009

So I guess tongues are out.

Sorry Dave.

50. daveintexas - May 29, 2009

Hmph. I’ll take my chances

51. Spudder - May 29, 2009

So THAT’S the way things are in her family….

WHOSE family??

52. Lipstick - May 29, 2009

Crap.

53. Retired Geezer - May 29, 2009

lol Residual Sockpuppet.


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