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Anna Karenina, the Abridged Version December 15, 2009

Posted by Sobek in Literature.

As a public service, in a last-ditch effort to bring some semblance of culture to the masses, Innocent Bystanders now proudly presents the highly abbreviated version of Count Leo Tolstoy’s classic novel, Anna Karenina.

Anna: Oh, I’m so miserable!  Boo hoo hoo!

Sobek:  Yes.  You certainly are.  You cheated on your husband for a soulless pretty boy, and abandoned your son and all of your family and friends to tour Europe with said pretty boy, without even a thought for the consequences.  While you wallow for hundreds of pages on your own misery, you never spare a thought for your husband’s broken heart.  Now you blame said pretty boy for your misery.  You get offended when people (accurately) point out that you are a whore.  I am reasonably certain you would vote Democrat, because nothing is your fault.  You have probably voted Democrat in Chicago a few times.


You’re welcome, world.  Oh, a bit of cheesecake below the fold.

If you squint just right, those knees kinda look like boobs.  Don’t say I never gave ya’ nuthin.


1. White Lily - December 15, 2009

He’s not even done reading it yet….

2. BrewFan - December 15, 2009

Is that the flower of womanhood on the cover of the book?

3. divemedic - December 15, 2009

Kind of like Atlas Shrugged. Rand went on and on for hundreds of pages. You could skip 200 pages in several places in that book and not miss a bit of the plot.

4. Dave in Texas - December 15, 2009

Yeah but is she hot?

5. wiserbud - December 15, 2009

She’s a tramp.

What about the souless pretty boy? How HAWT is he? Does he have a cute tush? Hung like a giraffe? Inqueering minds want to know.

6. compos mentis - December 15, 2009

Okay, that previous comment wasn’t really wiserbutt. I might know who did it. I’m not tellin’, but he did say he’s sorry. A little.

7. Dave in Texas - December 15, 2009

But is she a hot tramp?

Get with the pogrom here. (see what I did there?)

8. wiserbowie - December 15, 2009

Rebel Rebel, you’ve torn your dress
Rebel Rebel, your face is a mess
Rebel Rebel, how could they know?
Hot tramp, I love you so!

9. skinbad - December 15, 2009

Brings to mind another classic:

When lilacs last in the hooters bloomed

10. kevlarchick - December 15, 2009

She ran off with Eurotrash. Not interesting. And he probably is stinky.

Nothin worse than a whiny bitch.

11. Dave in Texas - December 15, 2009

Is that the same classic that has the line “resting my laurels upon your fair shoulder”?

That’s a pretty good poem.

12. harrison - December 15, 2009

Something about a “spring awakening,” maybe?

13. MCPO Airdale - December 15, 2009

She’s got baggy eyes
And sagging thighs
But she loves me in a way
I still recognize

You’re all right
You put up such a good clean fight
I’m afraid that you lose tonight
She may be a slut
But she looks good to me

– Todd Rudgren

14. HeartlessLibertarian - December 18, 2009

3. divemedic

Hear, hear. Don’t get me wrong, I love the basic premise of the story and the heros and heroine are delightfully uncaring of other people’s feelings, but Rand could have cut the book in half and it would still be a compelling read.

Oh, and Francisco’s speech on the value of money is 100X better than John Galt’s repetitive radio address.

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