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The IB Guide to Practical New Year’s Resolutions December 31, 2009

Posted by BrewFan in Art, Ducks, History, Stupid shit.
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Tired of making New Year’s resolutions that are too hard to achieve and end up making you feel bad about yourself? Me too! Let’s make a list we can live with. You leave something in the comments and I’ll update the list here.

IN 2010 I WANT TO

  1. spend more time with my wife, …..um…..uh…..what’s-her-name
  2. Try to steal Cathy away from Michael
  3. Masturbate less often than Dave
  4. Douche less frequently than wiserbud
  5. Scritch what needs scritchin
  6. learn how to get in touch with my emotions and reveal how I really feel
  7. Not vote Democrat
  8. Travel
  9. Clean the dead links off of the Hostages blogroll. Starting with IB
  10. smoke cigars, drink booze, and watch pr0n
  11. Be funnier than Dave
  12. Shave
  13. Not light my crotch on fire
  14. Buy more ammo…and more guns
  15. I resolve to eat less fish
  16. Be a nicer person than Wiserbud
  17. Think about boobies
  18. Insult The Hostages at least once every week
  19. Ignore the laundry
  20. Have Hugh Jackman over for a tickle fight and slumber party
  21. Buy another gun. Guns.
  22. Beat on more trolls
  23. Finish this tin of caramel popcorn
  24. Eat ice cream for breakfast
  25. Work diligently on my marksmanship skills until I’m a better shot than Michael
  26. Be a partisan hack
  27. Spend less time giving back to the community and doing charity work
  28. date Beyonce
  29. Blog
  30. Gain weight
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Comments»

1. Joan of Argghh! - December 31, 2009

Blog.

2. Dave in Texas - December 31, 2009

date Beyonce

3. geoff - December 31, 2009

Spend less time giving back to the community and doing charity work.

4. Car in - December 31, 2009

Be a partisan hack.

5. Russ from Winterset - December 31, 2009

Work diligently on my marksmanship skills until I’m a better shot than Michael.

6. Dave in Texas - December 31, 2009

Eat ice cream for breakfast.

7. lauraw - December 31, 2009

Finish this tin of caramel popcorn.

8. geoff - December 31, 2009

Beat on more trolls.

9. Dave in Texas - December 31, 2009

Buy another gun.

Guns.

10. kevlarchick - December 31, 2009

Have Hugh Jackman over for a tickle fight and slumber party.

11. Lipstick - December 31, 2009

Ignore the laundry.

12. Dave in Texas - December 31, 2009

I might be able to arrange that.

Mr. Hugh Jackman is a close, personal friend of mine.

13. Michael - December 31, 2009

Insult The Hostages at least once every week.

14. Michael - December 31, 2009

Think about boobies.

15. Enas Yorl - December 31, 2009

This year I resolve to finish losing all the weight I want to take off, throw away a lot of the useless clutter in my life and become a better & happier person!

Also, lurk less and comment more at my favorite blogs. :-)

16. Michael - December 31, 2009

Be a nicer person than Wiserbud.

17. Dave in Texas - December 31, 2009

I resolve to eat less fish.

18. Retired Geezer - December 31, 2009

Work diligently on my marksmanship skills until I’m a better shot than Michael Cathy.

FIFY

Also, I’m with Enas as far as losing weight and eliminating Clutter.

19. Russ from Winterset - December 31, 2009

*reminds Geezer that the point of this exercise is to pick a resolution that you can realize while simultaneously vegging on the couch watching football*

20. PattyAnn - December 31, 2009

“Be a nicer person than Wiserbud.”

Fish in a barrel. Fish in a barrel.

21. Cathy - December 31, 2009

Buy more ammo
…and more guns.

22. skinbad - December 31, 2009

Not light my crotch on fire.

23. wiserbud - December 31, 2009

Shave.

24. wiserbud - December 31, 2009

Be funnier than Dave

25. Eddie The Bear - December 31, 2009

smoke cigars, drink booze, and watch pr0n

26. wiserbud - December 31, 2009

Clean the dead links off of the Hostages blogroll.

Starting with IB.

27. wiserbud - December 31, 2009

Travel.

28. geoff - December 31, 2009

Not vote Democrat.

29. Eddie The Bear - December 31, 2009

learn how to get in touch with my emotions and reveal how I really feel

30. Pupster - December 31, 2009

Scritch what needs scritchin.

31. Dave in Texas - December 31, 2009

Douche less frequently than wiserbud.

32. wiserbud - December 31, 2009

Masturbate less often than Dave.

33. wiserbud - December 31, 2009

Well, in public, anyway.

34. wiserbud - December 31, 2009

Try to steal Cathy away from Michael.

35. wiserbud - December 31, 2009

spend more time with my wife, …..um…..uh…..what’s-her-name.

36. GrumpyUnk - December 31, 2009

Buy more ammo
…and more guns.

And try to restrain myself from utilizing them as they are intended on those who need it.

37. Reginald Wingate - December 31, 2009

Recapture the Sudan.

38. Tushar - December 31, 2009

Do that wax thingy to my hands like Dave.

39. Tushar - December 31, 2009
40. Tushar - December 31, 2009

Feed these products to Wiser and Rosetta.

41. Tushar - December 31, 2009

Gift This to Dave…for um.. his garden.

42. Tushar - December 31, 2009

Crap,

I made a long comment and WordPress threw it away.

[Site Administration: It's now #44, thanks to my quotidian efforts.]

43. Anonymous - December 31, 2009

“Spend less time giving back to the community and doing charity work ”

teh funneh

44. Tushar - December 31, 2009

Try to work following words into conversation:

abjure, abrogate, abstemious, acumen, antebellum, belie, bellicose, bowdlerize, chicanery, churlish, circumlocution, deciduous, deleterious, diffident, enervate, epiphany, evanescent, expurgate, facetious, fatuous, fiduciary, gamete, gauche, hemoglobin, hypotenuse, incognito, incontrovertible, inculcate, jejune, loquacious, lugubrious, mitosis, moiety, nihilism, nomenclature, nonsectarian, obsequious, oligarchy, omnipotent, orthography, parabola, pecuniary, precipitous, quotidian, recapitulate, soliloquy, subjugate, suffragist, supercilious, tautology, tectonic, tempestuous, unctuous, usurp, vacuous, vehement, vortex, winnow, wrought, yeoman, ziggurat

45. Tushar - December 31, 2009

Consume this medicine to solve my problems.

46. TattooedIntellectual - December 31, 2009

I think Tush needs some more words.

Egregrious
Bailiwick
Desultory
Irrefragable
Coprophagia
Panacea
Philology
Virago

47. TattooedIntellectual - December 31, 2009

Fucking A! I spelled egregious wrong.

48. Anonymous - December 31, 2009

Too late, I already worked egregrious into a conversation..

49. TattooedIntellectual - December 31, 2009

I did too yesterday which is why it came to mind today.

50. Michael - December 31, 2009

TI, the spellchecker that comes with FireFox is a panacea for such egregious spelling errors, and may help to prevent you from lapsing into a desultory mood.

51. Dave in Texas - December 31, 2009

>> Well, in public, anyway.

20 is a ridiculously low target. Get with the program here.

52. Enas Yorl - December 31, 2009

I resolve to use fewer big words. Yay simplificationalitariansim!

53. wiserbud - December 31, 2009

Not get involved in a land war with Asia.

54. wiserbud - December 31, 2009

heh. I used churlish just the other day at Cuffy’s place.

And vituperation.

55. Michael - December 31, 2009

That’s right, Wiser. You were insulting me, if memory serves.

It is incontrovertible, nay, irrefragable, that you are a coprophagous reprobate who is out of his bailiwick in the refined precincts of IB, and there is no panacea for your fatuous and bellicose blatherings.

56. TattooedIntellectual - December 31, 2009

TI, the spellchecker that comes with FireFox is a panacea for such egregious spelling errors, and may help to prevent you from lapsing into a desultory mood.

Correction, the spellchecker for Firefox is a piece of shit 3/4 of the time.

57. Michael - December 31, 2009

Your supercilious attitude towards FireFox is not welcome here, young lady. You may stick a ziggurat where the sun don’t shine.

58. TattooedIntellectual - December 31, 2009

and there is no panacea for your fatuous and bellicose blatherings.

Judge from Liechtenstein says you shoulda gone w/ the alliteration.

and there is no balm for your belligerent and bellicose blatherings.

59. wiserbud - December 31, 2009

It is incontrovertible, nay, irrefragable, that you are a coprophagous reprobate who is out of his bailiwick in the refined precincts of IB, and there is no panacea for your fatuous and bellicose blatherings.

Your mitotistic parabola of abstemious deciduousness is fiduciary and quotidian, Michael. Therefore, I hereby enervate your moiety and expect no further pecuniary to gamete.

60. Michael - December 31, 2009

Wiser, I don’t think you know what any of those words mean.

I don’t either, but at least is didn’t use them before I looked them up.

61. Tushar - December 31, 2009

**Reads the comments**

WTF have I wrought?

62. TattooedIntellectual - December 31, 2009

Mitotistic?

Hmmm.

63. TattooedIntellectual - December 31, 2009

WTF have I wrought?

Chaos run amok.

64. Dave in Texas - December 31, 2009

wiser has remarkably toned buttocks for a man of his years.

65. TattooedIntellectual - December 31, 2009

And Dave would know, being a middle-aged man buttock connoisseur.

66. wiserbud - December 31, 2009

but at least is didn’t use them before I looked them up.

Who has time for that?

wiser has remarkably toned buttocks for a man of his years.

If I really wanted to impress you, I would have turned around.

67. Tushar - December 31, 2009

Haha! To bowdlerize means removing vulgar parts of a written work. All these years I thought that to bowdlerize means to add more vulgarity.

68. TattooedIntellectual - December 31, 2009

I will freely admit I’ve never heard the word bowlderize before. Ever.

69. TattooedIntellectual - December 31, 2009

Expurgate’s an awesome word.

70. Michael - December 31, 2009

^
Glad you think so. Your comment has been expurgated.

71. Vmaximus - December 31, 2009

you guys and your chicanery, crack me up!

72. Vmaximus - December 31, 2009

H2 is very jejune, but funny.

73. geoff - December 31, 2009

Your comment has been expurgated.

That sounds dirty when you say it.

74. Vmaximus - December 31, 2009

I find Fris Vodks unctuous

75. Sean M. - December 31, 2009

Merry New Year, Bystanders!

76. TattooedIntellectual - December 31, 2009

That sounds dirty when you say it.

Kinda like masticate.

77. BrewFan - December 31, 2009

If, you all are trying to impress me with your apparent spontaneous manipulation of polysyllabic words the exuberance of your verbosity is not very copious to my undevouring comprehension.

78. Vmaximus - December 31, 2009

Good night and happy new year IB’ers
Even you BrewFan.

79. TattooedIntellectual - December 31, 2009

Brew, your sentence feels like it’s missing a comma.

80. BrewFan - December 31, 2009

Back at ya Vmax! Tats, my sentence, albeit profound, is missing more then, in retrospect, meaning.

81. TattooedIntellectual - December 31, 2009

A comma sweetie. Just one.

82. Michael - December 31, 2009

OK, Tat, I just added a comma to Brew’s comment for you.

Stop yer bitchin’. It’s pretty clear that Brew has been hitting the sauce.

83. TattooedIntellectual - December 31, 2009

It’s pretty clear that Brew has been hitting the sauce.

Given that comma placement it’s pretty clear he’s not the only one.

84. TattooedIntellectual - December 31, 2009

What the fucking fuck?

Stupid HTML.

85. Eddie The Bear - January 1, 2010

happy New year!

86. Michael - January 1, 2010

Happy New Year!

87. Lipstick - January 1, 2010

Happy New Year to my dear goofballs!

88. xbradtc - January 1, 2010

Happy New Year, you scurrilous scalawags.

89. Dave in Texas - January 1, 2010

>> If I really wanted to impress you, I would have turned around.

That might work with the chicks big guy but I don’t roll that way.

90. Cathy - January 1, 2010

Happy New Year.

What your preference, folks?

Saying “twenty ten” or “two thousand ten?”

91. Anonymous - January 1, 2010

“The good year that followed that shit year”

92. TattooedIntellectual - January 1, 2010

Saying “twenty ten” or “two thousand ten?”

Just ten, but not oh-ten!

93. doc - January 2, 2010

twenty ten. HNY


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