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How to Move Hot Women Around the House June 18, 2010

Posted by Michael in Technology.

You don’t want them to walk,  do you?

Oh no, of course not.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

Honda, what the heck were you thinking?  Segway has already saturated the market for self-balancing vehicles.  Maybe yours is better, but all the mall cops already have one.  Plus, your prototype looks like it will be in the shop about 70% of the time, getting that intricate drive system serviced.

Also, I notice you didn’t say anything about battery life.

This is what happens when the geeks in R&D  are given too much money.

Found at Internet Scofflaw.


1. d3ft punk - June 18, 2010

Note to self: hire Swedish women, get roller chairs.

2. epv - June 18, 2010

Operational time is ~1 hour as claimed by Wikipedia. The battery problem really needs to be solved to allow all kinds of cool tech to be possible.

3. geoff - June 18, 2010

Stupidest ad ever. Everybody knows guys are the early adopters, but did they give the models jousting sticks? Not by the 2:00 point, when I lost interest.

Sales to guys who see a jousting commercial: 2/guy
Sales to guys who see models gliding around: Nada

Plus this thing is completely unrealistic – that tiny seat is not going to accommodate the most likely user demographic for a personal conveyance device.

4. d3ft punk - June 18, 2010

5. reason - June 18, 2010

“Plus this thing is completely unrealistic – that tiny seat is not going to accommodate the most likely user demographic for a personal conveyance device.”

Word. To. That. This was exactly the same thing I thought while watching this. Sure, those tiny little buttflaps are just the right size for blondie while she’s still a size 0 at Week 1 of ownership. But how quickly is that plastic making up the hinges going to fatigue and give out after she’s made her 537’s trip on the thing to the kitchen for more microwave popcorn?

Plus, let’s not ignore that this video was shot in rooms so pristine you could manufacture microprocessors on the floor. Those tiny wheels-within-wheels are perpetual fluff-magnets, and do not have the diameter necessary to overcome typical small-debris obstacles. Let’s see the blooper reel where blondie is moving sideways when her machine tries to drive over the lost back to her earring.

Let’s see how easy it is to clean the wheels out after you’ve accidentally run over a square of Cap’n Crunch.

6. geoff - June 18, 2010

Lawnmower Jousting

*puts in order for 2 riding lawnmowers*

7. reason - June 18, 2010
8. lauraw - June 18, 2010

That pool table is caught somewhere between ugly and nifty.
I am curious about how they simulate the texture of felt with glass.

9. Michael - June 18, 2010

It has some kind of synthetic surface called “Vitrik” on top of the glass that is supposed to replicate the resistance of felt.

10. lauraw - June 18, 2010

Saw the video.
It is less ugly and more nifty than it looks at first blush.

*orders 3 glass billiards tables and 45 U3-X Personal Mobility Devices for next big party*

11. reason - June 18, 2010

Oh, man, laura, you just gave me an excellent idea.


*tears out walls of entire second story*
*orders enough Berber carpeting to cover the entire area*
*orders 16 football helmets, one each in each color/style of a classic pool set*
*orders 16 Personal Mobility Devices*
*calls 15 other friends*

12. reason - June 18, 2010

These, combined with the glass pool table:

I think you could conceivably rip the space – awesome continuum…

13. reason - June 18, 2010

I think I like the aesthetic of the G4 table better than the G1.

Not that I have $50K to blow on something like this.

*wonders how much he could get for one of his kidneys*

14. lauraw - June 18, 2010

Nah, kidneys are common, a dime a dozen. You want to make some real cash, sell your liver.

15. d3ft punk - June 18, 2010

Bah, livers, so 2007.

Wanna make money in human farming? I got two words for you: endocrine systems.

16. lauraw - June 18, 2010


17. S. Weasel - June 18, 2010

Oh, man…when the bluehairs get hold of this, the supermarket will be impossible. They’ll be pinging all around Tesco’s like pinballs.

18. S. Weasel - June 18, 2010

Are mobility scooters street legal in the US? They are here. Man, is that dangerous.

Plus, I think the NHS will buy you one for the asking. The scooter people turn up at street fares and have main street storefronts and stuff. I think the government reckons once you stop walking everywhere, it’s not long before your fat ass is going to DIE.

Unproductive people dying is the key that allows socialism to continue limping along.

19. lauraw - June 18, 2010

There’s an optimal ratio of parasites to hosts, and they are determined to find it. Someday.

20. wiserbud - June 18, 2010

Wanna make money in human farming? I got two words for you: endocrine systems.


According to Gary Busey, getting an endocrine system out of someone’s body is simple.


21. Retired Geezer - June 19, 2010

Oh, man…when the bluehairs get hold of this, the supermarket will be impossible.

Try going to an indoor swapmeet / convention / renaissance faire (ok, I added that for Mrs. Peel).
Those places are Baby Stroller Hell. They clog the aisles and you can’t get around them. Some of them are as big as Volkswagens.

22. reason - June 21, 2010

We haz one of the VW-sized strollers. And I may get ban’t for this, but…

…it’s really nice.

We don’t take it everywhere, but we will use it if we are doing a day-long outing somewhere where we know there will be lots of walking and/or few places to sit, like the zoo or Mayfest. It is a double, one behind the other, so we know the kids will both have a place to sit when they get tired and one of us (read: I) won’t have to carry them, and we have a place for all the “stuff” that has to come with us.

And yes, I will use it for crowd control WITH IMPUNITY. Nothing slices through a zoo mob quite like it, and I have learned from my many years of being the inconveniencee how to successfully wield a stroller to have my way as the inconveniencer.

My confession is now complete.

23. Doc Merlin - June 25, 2010

The drive system isn’t that complicated.

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