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Kung Fu Monks Demand Apology For Internet Insult August 30, 2010

Posted by Michael in News.
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Apparently an anonymous intertubes user claimed online that the Shaolin monks got whipped by a Japanese ninja.

BEIJING (Reuters) – China’s Shaolin Temple, the cradle of Chinese kung fu, is demanding an apology from an Internet user who said its monks had once been beaten in unarmed combat by a Japanese ninja, Chinese media reported on Friday.

Jeebers, these monks better stay out of the online flame wars. They’re kind of touchy.

“The so-called defeat is purely fabricated, and we demand the Internet user to apologise to the whole nation for the wrongs he or she did,” the Beijing News said, citing a notice announced by a lawyer for the Shaolin monks.

I’m thinking the animosity of the Chinese towards Japan is a part of the story here.

The Internet user, calling themselves “Five Minutes Every Day”, said on an online forum last week that a Japanese ninja came to Shaolin, asked for a fight and many monks failed to beat him, the newspaper said.

“The facts that the monks could not defeat a Japanese ninja showed that they were named as kung fu masters in vain,” the Internet user was quoted as saying in the post.

The Shaolin temple “strongly condemned the horrible deeds” of the user, the newspaper said.

The temple actually has a right to be upset. Five Minutes Every Day got the story completely wrong.

What actually happened is that I went to the Shaolin temple and requested a fight in order to practice my Batman unarmed crimefighting skilz. Naturally, I whupped their asses, and whupped them hard.

They were pretty embarrassed by the time I was done kicking their sorry butts around, so I promised not to mention it. But apparently a distorted version of the incident has leaked, so I now feel obliged to set the record straight and defend my Chinese friends. The monks absolutely were not defeated by a ninja. It was me, wearing my Batman suit, which no doubt caused the confusion about a ninja.

Here’s a picture I took of some of the monks warming up, shortly before I beat the crap out of them:

monks.jpg

They really are a nice bunch of guys, and I don’t mind the fact that they are all gay. I hope I’ll have another chance to visit the Shaolin temple and work out with them, even though the food at the temple sucks.

Comments»

1. Pupster - September 1, 2007

My dog’s breath smells like dog food.

2. Cathy - August 31, 2010

My dog’s breath smells like dog food.

What would you like doggie breath to smell like?

3. Pupster - August 31, 2010

Recycling posts?

Michael is going green. And lazy.

4. harrison - August 31, 2010

Maybe he’s just getting you some more sympathy comments.

5. Mitchell - August 31, 2010

I think it’s just you Pupster. Have you developed time travel Pups?

6. Michael - August 31, 2010

And lazy.

There are about 4,500 main page comments on this site, and I have done 37% of them. A couple of years ago, my ratio was closer to 40%, so yes, I’m getting lazy. I’m not going to keep IB going by myself.

I’ve watched this ratio because I have always thought that my content should not be most of the main page. It would sorta defeat the purpose of IB if it became a personal blog.

7. Michael - August 31, 2010

FYI, the next most prolific author of main page material for your entertainment is Skinbad, who has contributed almost 12% of the main page comments here. Skinny has been a yeoman contributor over the years.

8. Michael - August 31, 2010

You probably are thinking that I should also mention Dave, with over 9% of the main page comments, but I don’t want to because my wife seems to like him more than me.

9. Muslihoon - August 31, 2010

What sort of monks are these? All they need to do is burn the Japanese embassy. Duh!

Oh, wait. They’re monks, not mullahs. Never mind.

🙂

I am grateful to Michael for keeping his blog going on and on and on.

10. agiledog - September 1, 2010

but I don’t want to because my wife seems to like him more than me

And none of us blame her for that…..

And those weren’t Shaolin monks – they were everyday Greek bath attendants (Greek baths are very big in China) dressed for work.

11. Kevie Baby - September 1, 2010

Thank you for this. Keep it coming !

(long time listener, first time caller)
~KL

12. Cathy - September 1, 2010

…because my wife seems to like him more than me.

Sumbunny needs a hug.

13. daveintexas - September 1, 2010

oh, okaaaaaaay

14. lauraw - September 1, 2010

*hugs Dave*

15. daveintexas - September 1, 2010

I needed that.

16. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere - September 1, 2010

Dave gets a hug from the hump????

Now I’m feeling left out.

17. dan-O - September 1, 2010

>>> Jeebers, these monks better stay out of the online flame wars. They’re kind of touchy.

Well, these Shaolin monks can get kind of touchy after their Iron Egg Skill training sessions, seen here:

18. daveintexas - September 1, 2010

>> Dave gets a hug from the hump????

All the time.

Try and stop her. You might wanna put on a football helmet first.

19. lauraw - September 1, 2010

*backs up to get a running start*

*paws at the ground and snorts*

20. agiledog - September 1, 2010

Now I’m feeling left out.

I’m sure you can get one from Rosetta…. Watch out for his roving hands, though.

21. TXMarko - September 1, 2010

I think they were pulling that heavy-looking roller on a slight downhill slope.

22. harrison - September 1, 2010

*backs up to get a running start*

*paws at the ground and snorts*

Now, there’s an image.

23. kevlarchick - September 1, 2010

She’s “presenting.”

24. Zombie Kwai Chang Kane - September 1, 2010

Come on over here bat-boy I’ll kick yo’ rubbery ass.

25. Michael - September 1, 2010

Come on over here bat-boy I’ll kick yo’ rubbery ass.

You prolly ought to go for a nut shot. I don’t have Iron Eggs.

26. TXMarko - September 1, 2010

The key strategy in the “Battle of the Over 50’s” is to achieve a Head Shot before the opponent completes a Nut Shot.

This is the philosophy I plan to adhere to.


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