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I have no fork, and I must scream. September 19, 2010

Posted by skinbad in Crime, Family, Food, Handblogging, History, Honor, Law, Personal Experiences, Religion.
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Nooo!

Nooooo!!

Noooooyearghhhbllaaa!!!!

NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

What did I see this morning while the waffle iron was heating and I was gathering the necessary implements?

What the fork???

Yes, the Sacred Waffle Fork that has been with me nigh on twenty years (and has served waffles in Ohio and Idaho) has been compromised. No child will admit culpability and the missing piece has not been found. Yes, waffles were made and waffles were consumed, but if my kids would have taken a good look at my face, they would have noticed my smile looked out of place. You know the rest.

It does look kind of hazy, doesn’t it? There’s a big brush fire south of us.

Comments»

1. Cathy - September 19, 2010

What the Fork?!

2. Cathy - September 19, 2010

Forkulus!

3. Cathy - September 19, 2010

Fork barrel spending.

4. Cathy - September 19, 2010

My kingdom for a fork.

5. Cathy - September 19, 2010

Fork of July.

6. Cathy - September 19, 2010

Fork it over.

7. Cathy - September 19, 2010

Fork he’s a jolly good fellow.

8. Cathy - September 19, 2010

Fork and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie.

9. Cathy - September 19, 2010

Fork Motor Company

10. Cathy - September 19, 2010

Fork crying out loud. I own the Recent Comments!

Yea!

11. skinbad - September 19, 2010

Cathy is softening up the comment thread for me. It’s like cloud seeding. Thanks Cathy!

12. skinbad - September 19, 2010

Fork and Mindy
Slouching Towards Arugula by Judge Robert H.Fork

13. Cathy - September 19, 2010

Forkin’ Welcome!

14. Cathy - September 19, 2010

Oh Beautiful Fork Spacious Skies…

15. Dave in Texas - September 19, 2010

sucka

16. Cathy - September 19, 2010

Innocent Fork-Standers

17. wiserbud - September 19, 2010

What a forking shame.

18. skinbad - September 19, 2010

Has Dave got his fork-skin caught in that backhoe yet?

19. lauraw - September 19, 2010

Hey Skinbad!

Was wondering where you had toddled off to.

I like the little arrow on the fork to tell you which side to use. Exceedingly helpful.

20. Retired Geezer - September 19, 2010

Skinbad brought the Sacred Fork to Camp Geezer just to whip up the waffles.

Mrs. Skinbad brought some delightful homemade Plum syrup.

Yum

21. Retired Geezer - September 19, 2010

*Instructions on Fork*

“Do not insert in eye”

22. wiserbud - September 19, 2010
23. Michael - September 20, 2010

if my kids would have taken a good look at my face, they would have noticed my smile looked out of place. You know the rest.

Do you mean the kids should notice the tracks of your tears?

24. Michael - September 20, 2010

Wait a minute, maybe you mean you’re going to stab those kids in the back.

Good idea. Do it now before the college tuition bills start showing up.

25. Michael - September 20, 2010

I saw Smokey Robinson live about 15 years ago. It was a convention event sponsored by MTV/VH1. He was an older man at the time, and well into the gospel preacher phase of his life. But his show was still awesome, and it was just cool to see a living legend.

26. Michael - September 20, 2010

It’s interesting to look at old soul music acts. They introduced the elements of showmanship, choreography, and costumes to popular music. Meaning, they did not just stand onstage and play guitars, like their white competitors. We see their influence today, carried to the extreme, in acts like Lady GaGa.

27. OBF - September 20, 2010

Anyone know where smokey got his name? Using wooden forks on the grill perhaps? Old dude can still rock and be a legend at the same time.

28. skinbad - September 20, 2010

I like the little arrow on the fork to tell you which side to use. Exceedingly helpful.

I stopped using the arrow after the first ten years. You just kind of get a feel for it.

29. kevl - September 20, 2010

Best fork EVAH!

I know the feeling Skinny. I have a long plastic that looks like the Kool Aid man. He is stained and got melted on the oven burner, but I will not get rid of him.

30. Blackiswhite, Imperial Consigliere - September 20, 2010

A fork too far?

A farwell to forks?

Do I forkin’ amuse you?

Fork you AND the horse you rode in on.

31. Cathy - September 20, 2010

Fork Worth

32. Cathy - September 20, 2010

South Fork

33. Cathy - September 20, 2010

Fork Knox

34. Cathy - September 20, 2010

Forksgiving

35. Cathy - September 20, 2010

Forktunate

36. Cathy - September 20, 2010

Go Fork it.

37. Cathy - September 20, 2010

The Fork Network

38. Cathy - September 20, 2010

Monster Forks

39. Cathy - September 20, 2010

Dirty Forks

40. Cathy - September 20, 2010

Forkin A!

41. Cathy - September 20, 2010

Forky Chicken

42. lauraw - September 20, 2010

*sneaks up behind Cathy and pinches her*

*RUNS LIKE HELL*

43. Cathy - September 20, 2010

Ali Babba and the Forky Thieves

44. Cathy - September 20, 2010

Markey Mark and the Forkey Bunch

45. Cathy - September 20, 2010

The Fork Seasons Hotel

46. Cathy - September 20, 2010

Annette Forkachello

47. Cathy - September 20, 2010

Lauraw Fork President 2012

48. Cathy - September 20, 2010

Rosetta pitches fork!

49. Cathy - September 20, 2010

Forky Five Caliber

50. Cathy - September 20, 2010

Top Forky Hits

51. Cathy - September 20, 2010

Fork lift

52. xbradtc - September 20, 2010

I don’t think Cathy really knew what Michael’s been up to lately:

http://tinyurl.com/2w42j7s

53. Cathy - September 20, 2010

*adds red bustier, green gloves and green miniskirt to shopping list*

54. Tushar - September 20, 2010

Fork your eyes only.

55. Tushar - September 20, 2010

An eye fork an eye.

56. Shamefully lame geek joke - September 20, 2010

if ( fork() == -1 ) {
system(“mplayer scream.mp3”);
}

57. skinbad - September 20, 2010

Michael needs to take Cathy out for a nice chicken dinner–or maybe to Belize.

58. Retired Geezer - September 20, 2010

Michael needs to take Cathy out for a nice chicken dinner–or maybe to Belize. for waffles.

FIFY

59. TXMarko - September 20, 2010

No child will admit culpability and the missing piece has not been found.

Skinbad, do you by chance own an electric dishwasher? It appears you may due to the slight melted curve of the tool handle in question.

If you do, check the bottom right-hand corner inside the washing-area of the appliance.

It may hold the treasure you seek…

60. Cathy - September 20, 2010

Michael needs to take Cathy out for a nice chicken dinner…

Popeyes? Or Church’s?

61. Sobek - September 20, 2010

“No child will admit culpability…”

Give me ten minutes with each of ’em. I’ll get the truth.

*checks private stash of sodium pentathol*

62. skinbad - September 21, 2010

Good eye, TX. It’s true that my utensil has more of a pronounced angle than it did when I was younger. The bend has been there for a few years. From what Retired Geezer tells me I’ve heard, this is normal.

63. Retired Geezer - September 21, 2010

Blabbermouth

64. OBF - September 21, 2010

I have a photo of Sobek when he wa a naked baby. Well, nearly naked. He was wearing a diaper that had slid to the ground. I’m not sure what that has to do with a bent fork with a brooken tine but the image popped into my mind?

*Hmmm…how to scan and download an old photo?*

65. Tushar - September 21, 2010

>>Good eye, TX. It’s true that my utensil has more of a pronounced angle than it did when I was younger. The bend has been there for a few years. From what Retired Geezer tells me I’ve heard, this is normal.

Utensil? Is that what the kids are calling it now-a-days?

66. Tushar - September 21, 2010

>>*Hmmm…how to scan and download an old photo?*

Ha ha ha! Sobek is going to get the full monty!

OBF, now we know where Sobek’s good sense of humor comes from. Has he ever done his Apu (from Simpsons) impression for you?

67. lauraw - September 21, 2010

*Hmmm…how to scan and download an old photo?*

Pffft, please. We’ve met your kid.

Nobody here wants to see a picture of a lemur in a dirty diaper.

68. OBF - September 21, 2010

Tushar – he has. Funny but totally inappropriate but funny, but he shouldn’t have gone and done it, but funny, I’m not supposed to laugh, but I did. Political correctness is making me a little schizoid.

Baby crocs are much more cute that the bigger dudes but you’re right they’re still pretty ugly.

*puts away photo*

69. lauraw - September 21, 2010

Aw, don’t feel bad.
Here’s one of my baby pics: http://bit.ly/2oZ8Ku

I was pooping in the tub.

70. harrison - September 21, 2010

How cute.

71. xbradtc - September 21, 2010

You were nearly bald back then, Laura!

72. Tushar - September 21, 2010

>>Political correctness is making me a little schizoid.

Political correctness has no place here at IB. Everyone’s ethnic heritage is fair game here. Except Michael’s. A horrified silence falls over this place whenever anyone broaches the topic of where Michael hatched from. One theory suggests a torrid romance between a Manatee and a Sasquatch.

73. Sea Cow Anti-Defamation League - September 21, 2010

We’re called Personatees now, you misogynist human-centric bastard.

74. Bill Clinton - September 21, 2010

Ain’t NOTHING wrong with your utensil, bubba.

75. Dave in Texas - September 21, 2010

>> The bend has been there for a few years. From what Retired Geezer tells me I’ve heard, this is normal.

Well, yeah, if by a “few” years you mean 42.

76. Lipstick - September 21, 2010

One theory suggests a torrid romance between a Manatee and a Sasquatch.

Hey now!


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