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BREAKING. MUST CREDIT INNOCENT BYSTANDERS. December 12, 2010

Posted by BrewFan in Crime, Gardening, History, Lurkers, Sidebar Flag Bullshit.
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Exclusive photos of the infamous recluse Old Man Winter have been obtained from an anonymous source. This is the man who has wrought this in the land of Milk and Honeyweiss:

Looking Out the Back Door

Looking Out The Front Door

This is the scoundrel!

Ol' Man Winter

Comments»

1. Sean M. - December 12, 2010

Fuck you, ice.

2. Car in - December 12, 2010

Ice can kiss my ass.

It prolly will later today as I walk to Ford Field.

3. lauraw - December 12, 2010

Yaktrax, Carin. I swear by those things.
Bought a pair for just about everybody in my family one year.
Turns ice to dry pavement. Lifesaver.

Just do not ever, ever, EVER, walk on indoor tile floors with them. Turns those to ice…
o_O

4. kevl - December 12, 2010

Lovely pics Brew. Now get out there and shovel.
We will get some snow, but not that much. It’s the cold that cuts you.

Crampons! lauraw, I should look into those. I walk my dog no matter the weather, but falling on your ass on ice starts to hurt as you get older.

5. lauraw - December 12, 2010

The plain cheapies are great because you can easily take them off with one hand before going indoors.

http://www.yaktrax.com/walker

Those are what I have and they have lasted for years with almost no wear.
Unlike those stupid pull-on rubber cleats I used to get where the pegs are always falling out.

6. MCPO Airdale - December 12, 2010

Yikes! Hope everyone stays safe and cozy.

7. daveintexas - December 12, 2010

Is confused. Ice?

8. kevl - December 12, 2010

I found a store in my area that actually stocks those Yaktrax. Good present for my dad, Mr Kevlar, and me! Cheap. Thanks laurs!

9. lauraw - December 12, 2010

Please advise everybody (Dad especially) never to wear them indoors!

My MIL slipped and fell in her kitchen wearing them when she popped inside to grab something off the table before a walk. Sprained her wrist. I felt terrible of course because I had given them to her.

The hard plastic tile they use in some stores is bad too.

10. kevl - December 12, 2010

Noted. My dad meets his homies for coffee every morning at 5am. I will have to drill him on crampon protocol. He will remember my dire warnings.

I am more concerned about Mr Kevlar, who would forget his ass if it wasn’t attached.

11. lauraw - December 12, 2010

*nods, notices Scott’s ass let behind on coffee table*

Gotta get around to sewing that on for good…

12. Dave in Texas - December 12, 2010

How does he keep his legs on?

13. geoff - December 12, 2010

How does he keep his legs on?

Isn’t that what assless chaps are for?

14. Cathy - December 12, 2010

I am more concerned about Mr Kevlar, who would forget his ass if it wasn’t attached.

… but I’m sure you are watching that cute ass for him. That’s your job, Kevl.

Pretty pic out back door, Brew, but it looks dang-cold.

15. kevl - December 12, 2010

Mr Kevlar has no ass. It’s like Death Valley back there. Plumber’s butt 24/7.

Crampons ordered! Thanks again Laura. My dad is a hard feller to buy for. I used to buy him clothes, but he deems them “too good to wear around everyday.” So he never wears them, instead going around in his old threadbare cardigan with holes in the elbow.

16. Lipstick - December 12, 2010

Is confused. Ice?

It’s what goes in drinks.

17. Dave in Texas - December 12, 2010

Ohhhhhhhh.

I’ve been told I have no ass either, but I’m not sure I believes it.

18. Rosetta - December 12, 2010

This is a terrible post. One of the worst ever for sure.

http://tinyurl.com/2982kg2

19. lauraw - December 12, 2010

How does he keep his legs on?

http://is.gd/iD0MK

20. Dave in Texas - December 12, 2010

Come back when you figure out the internets Rosetta.

21. lauraw - December 12, 2010

If you remove the http:// part, link works.

22. Dave in Texas - December 12, 2010

Glad I went to the trouble, cause I really needed to see that.

*woof

23. Cathy - December 12, 2010

This is a terrible post.

Thinking you meant terrible pole.

24. Russ from Winterset - December 12, 2010

It’s not nearly that bad here, but we did have high winds and sub-zero wind chill last night. I’m glad I stuck to my usual “shoot the first deer you see & get home ASAP” deer hunting strategy. I’d hate to be sitting out in the woods today.

I got a 10-point buck, but it wasn’t because I’m a great hunter. I basically sat in a lawn chair for an hour until a deer ran by & stopped to look at me. BANG! It just happened to be a nice buck, but it was the first reasonable shot opportunity of the day, and I took it. I finished my season with only three shots fired (two sighting shots at a milk jug on Friday, and one shot Saturday morning), so now I’ve got plenty of extra ammo for next year.

Between field-dressing him & dragging him a quarter mile back to the Explorer, I spent more time in post-hunting activities than I spent actually hunting.

25. OBF - December 12, 2010

Where does one sign up for about 4-5 degrees of global warming?

Used to threaten Sobek that if I unscrewed his belly button his bottom would fall off. He was too young to remember so permanent mental damage.

52 degrees here in my desert. I’m willing to share if someone needs a warm place.

26. xbradtc - December 12, 2010

84 here today.

27. lauraw - December 12, 2010

Used to threaten Sobek that if I unscrewed his belly button his bottom would fall off.

Hah! Cute!

By the way, I believe I have appropriated something that belongs to you. http://is.gd/iDfsw

28. kevl - December 12, 2010

Venison stew tonight at Russ’!

29. Teresa in Fort Worth, TX - December 12, 2010

Yaktrax – something ELSE I have to get the girl before she goes off to the Great White North….

30. lauraw - December 12, 2010

Was talking to the mom of an RIT student at work the other day.

Microfiber windshirt as an intermediate layer. See if you can find one with a hood.

She said the hardest thing is the wind. The campus is horrendously windy and when it’s that cold it cuts right through yuz.

No worries. I’m sure once she sees what the other folks are using to keep warm, she will ask you to send her some care packages 😉

31. Cathy - December 12, 2010

Congrats on the 10-pointer, Russ.
Hope the meat is sweet and tender.

32. Russ from Winterset - December 12, 2010

It’s actually a younger buck (based on the teeth), so I’m sure it will be good corn-fed Iowa deer. As opposed to those sagebrush-fed Texas deer and the pinecone-eating squarehead Minnesota deer.

33. Michael - December 12, 2010

I hate to say it, but Texas deer are pathetic little things. They are not much better than killing a large armadillo. So shooting Texas deer is pointless, because it’s pretty easy to hit an armadillo with your truck and collect the road kill if you want some stew meat.

34. Michael - December 12, 2010

Armadillos have this defense mechanism where they leap straight up when suddenly threatened, before they roll up into a ball and present their scales to an attacker.

This is not a good strategy when armadillos are threatened by the oncoming grill of a Ford Explorer. I’m thinking that armadillos need some further evolution.

35. Michael - December 12, 2010

Quail hunting is the big deal in Texas. Not much meat involved, but at least it takes some skill with a shotgun, and talented dogs, to knock them down.

Why shoot at those cute little quail? Well, it’s because the harsh Texas landscape will not support a serious bird, like a turkey or a pheasant. Dang, we gotta kill something.

Our big bird is a the turkey vulture, a carrion eater. They survive on the rotten armadillos we ran down. Go figure. Nobody wants to eat that thing.

36. kevl - December 12, 2010

Deer in Texas are also called “dobermans.”
Here in Ohio, the deer are big and numerous. They feast on neighborhood gardens and are quite bold. Last Christmas, there were four of them walking right up my mom’s street like they owned the joint.

I’m thinking we need to re-introduce wolves to this area.

37. Dave in Texas - December 12, 2010

Deer in Texas are smallish.

Until you hit one.

That is an odd thing about armadillos. I remember the first time I came up on one when I was a kid, walking in the woods. Little fucker jumped up 4 feet, scared the shit out of me.

Also quail hunting is best in south Texas.

38. Cathy - December 12, 2010

Armadillos are creepy looking. Little beady eyes. They make a scraping noise when they walk across the driveway.

39. daveintexas - December 12, 2010

But they’re so cute. I wanna pet em.

They’re nearsighted too.. You can sneak up behind em and grab em by the tail, that’s kinda fun.

When I was, what? In high school I guess, 75 or so, I heard about the Rice band painting a bunch of them up, white, with little orange longhorns on the side, and releasing them onto the field while the Texas band was performing. They were running around like crazy, looked like a bunch of football helmets with feet.

Those Rice Owls. Funny mofakus.

40. OBF - December 12, 2010

If you round up 50 or so armadillos you can sell them in Harlem as possum on the half shell…or so I’ve been told.

Learning from O-president how to use that straw man.

41. OBF - December 12, 2010

Lauraw #27

Now that’s funny. However, I look better in profile.

42. Robert - December 13, 2010

And here it is about 75 degrees in Phoenix.

43. Lipstick - December 13, 2010

I hate to say it, but Texas deer are pathetic little things.

The closer to the equator, the smaller the mammals.

44. Water Buffalo - December 13, 2010

Excuse me?

45. Lipstick - December 13, 2010

Mr. Water Buffalo Dude, just think how BIG you’d be in Canada!

46. Michael - December 14, 2010

Russ, do you have those Lyme Disease ticks there yet?

That kinda cooled my interest in field-dressing a deer.

47. Russ from Winterset - December 15, 2010

I don’t know. I do all my hunting after the first frost of the season, so ticks really aren’t a factor. That might be a concern for early season bowhunters.

I do know that we’ve got the state and several private animal pharma companies keeping a pretty tight lookout for CWD in our deer herds. One of the guys who used to hunt with our group worked for a pharma company out of Fort Dodge, and he used to take CNS tissue samples from all our deer back to work with him after we would dress them.

48. lauraw - December 15, 2010

Michael, my understanding is that you can’t get Lyme Disease if you are merely bitten by a tick. They kind of have to be on you for a while, chewin’ on ya for many hours, to transmit their schmutz.

If you check yourself thoroughly after the outing and put your clothes in the washer immediately, you’ll be fine.

I have found two deer tick nymphs on me (I hadn’t even been in the woods, but because mice and deer are everywhere here, you can pick up ticks anywhere here) and sent them to the UCONN health center for analysis and neither of them had the Lyme whoosis.

49. Retired Geezer - December 15, 2010

I have found two deer tick nymphs on me

Better image.

You’re welcome.

50. Bullwinkle T. Moose - December 17, 2010

“Mr. Water Buffalo Dude, just think how BIG you’d be in Canada!”

I resent that remark.


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