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Pimp Dave’s Ride January 9, 2011

Posted by daveintexas in Art, Ballistics, Heroes, Humor, Movies, Nature Shit, Sex, Sidebar Flag Bullshit, Women Ranting, WTF?.

Seen at retail car proprietorship, on the way home.  Lots of retired cop cars.

Normally I would assume these things would be handled by wholesalers.  Never seen a retail lot full of them before.. there’s four rows of these things.

I’m not a betting man, but if I were I’d bet you a paycheck I’ve ridden in at least three of these.

Not in the front seat.


1. Retired Geezer - January 8, 2011

It’s got a cop motor, a 440 cubic inch plant, it’s got cop tires, cop suspensions, cop shocks. It’s a model made before catalytic converters so it’ll run good on regular gas. What do you say, is it the new Bluesmobile or what?

It had to be said.

2. kevl - January 8, 2011

Mr Kevlar had a retired cop car. White Crown Vic with windows tinted black and a big spotlight on the driver’s side. He drove freely, very freely, up and down Texas highways for several years in that.

3. daveintexas - January 8, 2011

The cigarette lighter don’t work.

4. MCPO Airdale - January 8, 2011

I’ll take 2, please!

5. digitalbrownshirt - January 8, 2011

I would guess the dealership must have gotten one hell of a deal to be carrying that many XPD vehicles. A lot of small towns buy them used from larger departments, but they aren’t going to be buying that many of them.

Hi everybody. 🙂

6. geoff - January 8, 2011

DBS: It’s a little more lively at H2 (check sidebar) tonight.

7. TXMarko - January 8, 2011

Not in the front seat.

That might explain the smell coming from the back seat area….

Seriously, the Police Interceptor package on a Crown Victoria is a kick ass vehicle.

I drove one several times in the last year and would love to have one just to thrash.

8. Andy - January 8, 2011

Dave’s on a Mission From God%trade;?

9. Andy - January 8, 2011

Ooh. Lock up my HTML.

10. daveintexas - January 8, 2011

don’t you blaspheme, don’t you blaspheme!

11. Andy - January 8, 2011

Honest… I ran out of gas. I, I had a flat tire. I didn’t have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts. IT WASN’T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD.

12. daveintexas - January 8, 2011

best excuse ever

13. Andy - January 8, 2011

Awww, Jake 🙂

14. lauraw - January 9, 2011

*blows on fresh manicure*

*very carefully opens enormous technical manual on flamethrowers*

15. Michael - January 9, 2011

Never seen a retail lot full of them before.. there’s four rows of these things.

Obama bought the police department brand new cars. All made by General Motors.

16. Pupster - January 9, 2011
17. Fenris Badwulf - January 9, 2011

Michael in comment 15 is bang on.

Obama bought the po-lice fine, new rides.

As for you riding in the back of a po-lice car: that makes you a victim.

Society has hurt you feelings by not embracing your diversity.

You should have a pension for this. Never work again. And always vote left.

18. lauraw - January 9, 2011

The blog’s Hug-O-Meter needle is dropping precipitously.

Where’s Cathy?

19. Retired Geezer - January 9, 2011

For those who don’t know, Fenris is the Mayor of Mitchieville’s hired killer, Second in Command, close personal friend.

20. daveintexas - January 9, 2011

Maybe the Hug-O-Meter isn’t plugged in?

You should try plugging it in.

or does it run on batteries?

21. lauraw - January 9, 2011

It measures hugometric pressure. Runs on those little tiny cheek-kisses that often accompany hug storms.

Hmmm. Nope.
Cute idea but it makes no sense.

22. daveintexas - January 9, 2011

Well hugs have pressure.

Or is it tension?

I confuse those a lot.

23. lauraw - January 9, 2011

Pressure, yes. I like the ones that align my back and you can hear it crunch. Sounds terrible but it’s hilarious and therapeutic.

24. Michael - January 9, 2011

Where’s Cathy?

Right now, she’s driving to Austin. She’s going to spend the next two days telling our state gubmint reps that we don’t want RINO Joe Strauss to be Speaker of the House.

Meaning, I have to feed myself. And the dogs.

No hugs for me. Just some dog-snuggles.

25. harrison - January 9, 2011

Just eat the dogs.

2 birds/1 stone.

26. daveintexas - January 9, 2011

Michael, allow me to introduce you to the microwave.

Awesome invention really.

27. Michael - January 9, 2011

Awesome invention really.

I know about another awesome invention — the Spirit Grille, across the street from our subdivision, and they allow smoking if you eat at the bar.

28. daveintexas - January 9, 2011

I saw roaches in there.

29. Michael - January 9, 2011

From the Spirit Grille, all I have to do to get home is drunk drive through one intersection with a stoplight. I can do this with help from the GPS navigation system. I just need to focus on the stoplight and discern the color.

30. Michael - January 9, 2011

I saw roaches in there.

You did not.

Even if you did, it is unseemly of you to say so, because I paid your tab.

31. daveintexas - January 9, 2011

Just sayin.

32. Michael - January 9, 2011

Besides, those aren’t the nasty German roaches you see up north. They are just big ole friendly Texas Water Bugs.

33. daveintexas - January 9, 2011

Yeah, my mom used to say that too. “Oh, it’s just a waterbug.”

Mom, that is a giant friggin cockroach. I caught him before he tromped all over the dressing.

34. Michael - January 9, 2011

People in Georgia and Florida claim that their waterbugs are bigger than ours.

Bullshit. They are just trying to start a fight. I saw one last week that was the size of a VW Golf.

35. digitalbrownshirt - January 9, 2011

I was pulling fire watch in baic training (Lackland AFB) back in ’88 when I heard a rattling metallic sound coming from the shower area. It’s 3am and I’m thinking “It better not be somebody hanging themselves”. I walk in there with my flashlight and start looking around the room. Nobody’s there. Then I hear the sound again. I look at the floor and see a cockroach trying to squeeze between the drain and the floor. It was so big it couldn’t fit. I swear it was size of a cell phone. That heavy brass drain was rocking back and forth as the mutant tried squeezing into the drain.

I thought about crushing it, but was afraid I’d just make it mad so I went back to my desk and stayed out of the showers until my shift was over.

36. Michael - January 9, 2011

DBS, you are a heartless bastard. You could have helped out with a little squirt of WD-40.

37. lauraw - January 9, 2011

My first exposure to giant southern insect life was on a trip to Venezuela with my sister in 1988.

We were in a tiny secondary airport, watching this huge suspended light fixture getting knocked around by bugs the size of fucking sparrows.

Then, in the so-called villa where we were staying, one whole wall was just wrought iron and canopied, but otherwise open to the elements.

And by ‘elements,’ I mean GIANT goddamned cockroaches. It was very entertaining. My sister took these little wooden replica booze bottles that were decorating the kitchen table and just kept whipping them across the room at these things as they scurried across the baseboard.

It’s really the major thing I dread about ever moving down South. And I don’t even mind bugs very much. As long as they’re small, I’m okay.

Living where there’s Winter Kill = leetle bugses.

38. Russ from Winterset - January 9, 2011

Just getting back on topic (on IB? Why bother?), but I’ve got to say that Dave is a BIG FAT Liar!

While he was asleep at the original IBSBP, I ran his drivers license through SCMODS, and it said that his current residence was 1040 West Addison Street, Chicago, IL.

Last month, I was passing though Chicago, and I decided to stop by and say hello to Dave. Funny thing about that: When you tell the cops “Hey, it’s OK, my ol’ buddy Dave lives here”, it turns out that instead of letting you finish climbing the fence, they just smile and reach for the pepper spray.

39. Tushar - January 9, 2011

A millipede once entered my shorts when I was 7 years old. It was frightful for me and great entertainment for the rest of the family.

40. Lipstick - January 9, 2011

From the Spirit Grille, all I have to do to get home is drunk drive through one intersection with a stoplight.

Ahh yes, I remember it well. I also remember we were all laughing our asses off.

41. daveintexas - January 9, 2011

thumb-sized roaches, bout as bad as it gets.

I just hate it when they talk to you though.

42. lauraw - January 9, 2011

A millipede once entered my shorts when I was 7 years old. It was frightful for me and great entertainment for the rest of the family.

Millipedes in the Indian Subcontinent are twelve feet long, venomous, and intelligent.

That ‘climbing into a kid’s shorts’ thing they do is a pure comedy act.

Your parents paid his agent fifty bucks for the honor.

43. Michael - January 10, 2011

When you live in Texas, you have a monthly bug service. Period. It’s not optional. It’s just considered a basic utility, like electricity and water. They are effective at keeping your home bug free.

44. Dave in Texas - January 10, 2011

It’s two guys with big slippers, sneakin around the house smackin shit.

45. lauraw - January 10, 2011

And leezards.

They are cute, outside.

I don’t want leezards en la casa.

46. lauraw - January 10, 2011

Hey, I just got a nice thank-you card and a tip from a customer. Inside he wrote:

“You always give me whatever I need, whenever I ask. Thank you very much.”

*resolves to destroy card before hubby sees it*

47. Dave in Texas - January 10, 2011

Remind me to regale you with stories about the Central Texas Three-Day Gecko War.

48. wiserbud - January 10, 2011

“You always give me whatever I need, whenever I ask. Thank you very much.”

I KNEW IT! Lauraw’s store is a front for a massage parlor.

49. lauraw - January 10, 2011

*yells loudly at shop girls in Korean*

50. wiserbud - January 10, 2011

Umm, what time will my “watch” be ready?

You know, my Chinese “watch?”

51. lauraw - January 10, 2011

You wait.

One OW-AH.

52. lauraw - January 10, 2011

ok, I actually don’t know what you meant by that

53. wiserbud - January 10, 2011

ok, I actually don’t know what you meant by that

54. lauraw - January 10, 2011



55. John Cameron Swayze - January 10, 2011

Timex.. it takes a.. ok you know the rest

56. kevl - January 10, 2011

It’s important that everyone live with cockroaches at some point in their life. I hate them.

I trained Boy Kevlar for a nightly ritual I called “Roach Watch.” We would prowl the house, find the bastids, and he would think of innovative ways to kill them and then carry out his plan. Brilliant child.

57. lauraw - January 10, 2011

That time was when I was a little kid in Hartford, and later on when I owned my own apartment building in Hartford.

Just the thought of them makes me angry.

58. Retired Geezer - January 10, 2011

Las Vegas was a cockroach haven. I was amazed that we didn’t have any up here in the Spud State.
Don’t have many black widows either.

We do have a bunch of Gophers… and Mice.

*(except lovable Ferrets)

59. kevl - January 10, 2011

You have Spudder to unleash Armageddon on all rodents that cross the Geezer rubicon.

60. Lipstick - January 10, 2011

*(except lovable Ferrets)

Ahh thanks. Geezer is so considerate.

61. Lipstick - January 10, 2011

I had cockroaches following me down the hall in a fleabag Egyptian hotel. Biggest ones ever.

Kept looking back thinking “nah, this can’t be true”, but the fuckers were chasing me!

62. Michael - January 10, 2011

the fuckers were chasing me!

Maybe you should show less cleavage.

63. Egyptian cockroaches - January 10, 2011

Drop the falafel and we’ll stop chasing you!

64. Lipstick - January 10, 2011

They were watching me go to the bathroom, too!

I had to stamp my feet while hovering to keep them away — little perverts.

65. Retired Geezer - January 10, 2011

They were watching me go to the bathroom, too!

I had to stamp my feet while hovering to keep them away — little perverts.

Comment Hall of Fame

66. kevl - January 11, 2011

Comment Hall of Fame? It’s more than that. Doing the Hover Squat whilst stamping feet is a feat of amazing coordination and strength.

What a woman!

67. Dave in Texas - January 11, 2011

I have no idea how women do that, but they do seem to have powers of levitation when properly motivated.

68. Lipstick - January 11, 2011

A filthy black toilet with no lid or seat will provide great motivation.

69. Jones in CO - January 11, 2011

it’s got a cop motor, cop tires, cop shocks…

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