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Real Men of Genius June 19, 2012

Posted by skinbad in Crime, News.

Bud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius

(real men of genius)

Today we salute you, Mr. Oversized Scrap Metal Thief.  *

(Mr. Oversized Scrap Metal Thief)

Any two-bit guttersnipe can filch a step-ladder from someone’s carport, but it takes real talent to hang four 12-foot aluminum beams out of the back window of your Grand Prix.

(You’re an unbalanced load)

Leaving the construction site in broad daylight you drive down the road desperately holding on to your stolen goods while watching out for street signs and power poles.

(Thank God for automatic transmission)

You didn’t even kill any cyclists or pedestrians in your mad dash to the recycling center.


And even though you told some nosy Nellies to mind their own beeswax, they were still able to call the police and describe your car between uncontrollable fits of laughter.

(Stupid cell-phone narcs)

So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, easy buck guy, because you can’t re-sell the “coppers” you’re going to be around for the next few months.

(Mr. Oversized Scrap Metal Thief)

*You should click it for the picture


1. geoff - June 19, 2012

Check out these maps of various activities in America. Way cooler than I make it sound.

2. geoff - June 19, 2012

More O/T: Do you remember 20 years ago when getting a long distance phone call was a big deal? The whole family would freak out and stand at attention waiting for their turn to talk, making not a sound, because it was long distance.

Cell phones and generous long distance plans killed off that reverential attitude.

[Sorry – that just popped in my head]

3. lauraw - June 19, 2012

Skinbad, I could hear that whole thing in my head, especially the 80’s hair band sounding singer dude with the high pitched voice.

Also, kudos to the Orem police for some top notch detective work.

4. daveintexas - June 19, 2012

Outstanding warrant?


5. BrewFan - June 19, 2012


6. Lipstick - June 20, 2012

Very creative, Skinbad! I saw this earlier and have had the tune in my head ever since.

Helloooo IBers!

7. daveintexas - June 21, 2012

Yo hot stuff what’s happenin?

8. lauraw - June 21, 2012

Lips! Long time no see.

9. skinbad - June 21, 2012

Thanks Lips and Lauraw.
Geoff, I have a clear memory of being about five and visiting my grandma (a very feisty little lady) and a visitor used her phone to make a long-distance call without her knowledge. He left a note and two quarters on the desk by the phone. She about blew a gasket. I was afraid of calling long distance until I was about 25.

10. Michael - June 21, 2012

I remember when long distance cost a dollar a minute. You didn’t get a long distance call unless somebody was dead.

11. Michael - June 21, 2012

Once you install fiber optic cables, hook up the electronics, and switch to packet data delivery, the whole concept of “long” distance becomes irrelevant from a cost perspective. Doesn’t really matter that the voice call, or IP address, is going next door or across the Atlantic on an undersea cable. Competition drives the price towards marginal cost.

Phone companies are yanking cables out of conduits and selling them for the value of the copper. The conduits are actually more valuable than the old copper cables.

12. Michael - June 21, 2012

Jeebers, I feel old.

I remember when the T1 line at l.5 MBS was a really big deal and was considered “high speed.”

13. Lipstick - June 21, 2012

Hey Dave, Laura and y’all. I’m so busy unpacking boxes and so forth that my internet time has tragically been cut. What have I missed?

14. Lipstick - June 21, 2012

Oh and about half my hair fell out. Meds side effect. Craaaap.

15. Michael - June 21, 2012

What have I missed?

My wit, wisdom, and Pure Lutheran Theology™, that’s what.

Sorry about your hair. At least you didn’t go bald. A friend of mine in Ohio recently went bald due to chemotherapy in order to deal with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. She bought a nice wig. Prognosis looks good right now, and the hair is coming back.

16. BrewFan - June 22, 2012

I have the bandwidth equivalent of 10 T1’s coming into my home. And that bandwidth is connected to a computer that’s processing power would rival that of a not-so-long-ago mainframe. That computer also has disk space capacity that would have cost about $3mm per month to rent if it was 90’s 3390 double density mainframe disk space. If you’re an old guy like Michael that is just amazing stuff.

17. lauraw - June 22, 2012

Craaaaap, Lippy!!
But you got the other half still, so that’s good, right.

Which half is it? Left or right?

18. Retired Geezer - June 22, 2012

Which half is it? Left or right?

I’m losing the front.

Might be genetic.

19. geoff - June 22, 2012

Oh and about half my hair fell out.

That means you can hang out with the guys. We’re very sympathetic to your plight.

20. daveintexas - June 22, 2012

I’m sympathetic too. I think the other dudes are more empathetic than me, but I do regret that for you.

21. Michael - June 22, 2012

Lipstick, I can give you a lot of surplus nasal and ear hair if you want it. You could paste it on your head with a little superglue.

22. Tushar - June 22, 2012

I am grateful Michael only offered nasal and ear hair.

23. Michael - June 23, 2012

I don’t have any pubic hair, as of about a week ago.

True story. I have been discovering stuff that Cathy bought which I didn’t even know about. One item I found while rummaging in the garage was a professional quality Wahl hair trimmer, with a complete set of combs. It has a lever on the side so you can precisely adjust the blade inside the comb. I vaguely recall, maybe a decade ago, that Cathy was thinking about trimming my hair and Son Michael’s, but it never happened. I did not know she bought the equipment.

I thought, dang, I can trim my eyebrows with this thing. I tried it out. It worked great!

Tried it out on some chest hair. It worked great!

Tried it out on my pubic hair. It worked great!

This was fun. I took a deep breath, and decided to shave my balls. It worked great!

I would recommend a Wahl trimmer to anybody who wants to have well groomed eyebrows and testicles.

24. Lipstick - June 23, 2012

Looking for that “extra optical inch”?

25. Michael - June 24, 2012

YES! That’s exactly what I was thinking.

I’m not sure it worked. Still looks the same to me.

26. BrewFan - June 24, 2012

Somebody find Michael a hobby!! Stat!!

27. Tushar - June 24, 2012

I urge anyone with a healthy mind to not click on the link below, but I think I have found Michael’s latest photo.

28. Retired Geezer - June 25, 2012

Why is it purple?

29. geoff - June 25, 2012

Dang it, RG, I avoided looking at that link until you just had to go and pique my curiosity. Eeeewwwwww.

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