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FAQs for the Columbus Day Texas Moron Meet-Up And Five Million Hits Celebration July 25, 2013

Posted by Michael in News.

Have you ever noticed that the “FA” in FAQs is almost always fraudulent?   The questions are not necessarily “frequently asked,” they are just those which the vendor thinks you should be asking, and wants you to know the answer, whether you thought of them or not.

In that spirit of disingenuity, I offer the following FAQs regarding the Columbus Day Texas Moron Meet-Up And Five Million Hits Celebration™, hereinafter referred to as the CDTMM&FMHC.

Q:  What is the event?

A:  The CDTMM&FMHC.  Please try to pay attention.

Q:  Who came up with this idea and is the person in charge of this event?

A:  Geoff.

Q:  When is it going to happen?

A:  The weekend of Columbus Day, October 11-14.

Q:  Where will it be?

A:  It will be based at my house in the mid-cities area of the Dallas Metroplex, just a short cab ride from DFW, four doors west and across the street from Tony Romo’s house.

CDTMM Party Headquarters

CDTMM Party Headquarters

Q:  What is the purpose of this event?

A1:  To celebrate the avarice, courage and adventurous spirit of Christopher Columbus, a man who apparently did not know you are supposed to get a decent haircut before you sit for a portrait.

Are there women on this continent?

Are there women on this continent?

A2:  To commemorate the likely achievement of five million hits from all over the world by Innocent Bystanders, an astonishing occurrence given that this site was initially just a joke by Retired Geezer.  See sidebar to check our progress towards 5M.

A3:  To enjoy good times and fellowship with the online friends we have grown to cherish over the years.

Q:  Who has committed to attend already?

A:  Geoff.

Q:  Just Geoff?!?

A:  DaveinTexas and Cathy have also said they will attend.

Q:  What about you?

A:  I have to be there.  It’s at my house.

Q:  What is going to happen?

A:  It’s not really fixed yet, but traditionally these things work like this:

Friday Evening Premeetup:  This is especially for folks arriving from out of town on Friday.  Likely venue is the Spirit Grille, the dive bar closest to my house.

Daytime Saturday:  Likely events include mid-morning brunch at my house, the discharge of firearms at the nearby Elm Fork outdoor range, possible visit to the historic district of Grapevine for some old-timey Texas atmosphere.

Saturday Night:  Party involving the burning of meat, the consumption of adult beverages, and Dave falling in the pool.


Meat burning device in use at prior moron meetup.

Sunday:  Sobering up, breakfast meetings and departures.

If you have Columbus Day off (Monday), you might want to make this a long weekend and enjoy some of the many attractions in this area, e.g., the Dallas Museum of Art, the Fort Worth Historic District, the Kennedy stuff and West End in the city, etc.  The State Fair of Texas will also be running  here at that time, a huge fair with many acts and attractions.

Q:  What about accommodations?

A:  Many choices nearby in the Las Colinas area to fit any budget.  There is a La Quinta very close to my house which is moderately priced and, according to Geoff and others who have stayed there, is OK.  You can call the La Quinta at 972-261-4900.

Hope you can make it!  Let us know in the comments if you have any suggestions or questions.


1. Michael - July 25, 2013

Cross-posted at H2.

2. daveintexas - July 25, 2013

I’m in

3. geoff - July 26, 2013

I’m in (but you knew that), and I think Mr. Matamoros, a lurker (and rare commenter) at IB for many years, is also in.

4. geoff - July 26, 2013

Oh, and maybe my honey as well.

5. Michael - July 26, 2013

Welcome Mr. Matamoros and Geoff’s Honey!

Over at H2, it sounds like Phat, Roamy, Vmax, Teresa and Mr. TiFW, and Tushar are likely so far. BiW and Cyn are working on it.

6. Tushar - July 26, 2013

Toga! Toga! Toga!

7. Tushar - July 26, 2013

Michael, I am assuming flying in to Love Field and renting a car will be convenient. Southwest has good prices Newark to Love Field

8. daveintexas - July 26, 2013

Yeah, Love is close

9. BrewFan - July 26, 2013

Love is patient

10. geoff - July 26, 2013

Love is the drug I’m thinking of

11. geoff - July 26, 2013


I don’t know how broadly we want to extend the invite, but I could link to this post from the AoSHQ sidebar, if you like.

12. Michael - July 26, 2013

I’m thinking that’s not a good idea. Maybe there are some folks we should just email because they are not regulars here or at H2. LC Aggie Sith, for example. IIRC, she lives around San Antonio.

13. geoff - July 26, 2013


14. Sobek - July 28, 2013

I would dearly love to be there. Will have to wait until closer to the event, to check availability.

15. xbradtc - July 29, 2013

Strong possibility I can make it this time.

Michael - July 29, 2013

That would be great, Brad!

16. phat - July 30, 2013


I will be officially retired from the AF by then and can jumpseat down on American. I’ll justify it by saying I’m visiting mom in Euless.

What weapons does Elm Fork have available for range use? All my weapons are in IL, but I can always bring my mom’s handguns. Yeah, it’s plural, she’s a Texas gal.

17. Michael - July 30, 2013

Looks like they rent Berettas. Check the web site and look under range fees. There will also be other gun owners there (me, Dave and Cathy, at least) with guns you can try out. In the past there has been no shortage of machinery without anyone having to rent. Worst case is that you have to borrow my machete and slash away at targets in the parking lot.

18. Tushar - July 30, 2013

Looks like this is my chance to fire a gun for the first time!

19. Michael - July 31, 2013

Looked to me like Dave is a good instructor, Tushar. Maybe you can get him to show you which end should be pointed downrange.

20. Michael - July 31, 2013

So was Geezer, for that matter, but I don’t know if he will be there.

21. Michael - July 31, 2013

It’s a little intimidating when you first shoot a handgun. At least it was for me. Not the same experience as a long gun. A little calm assistance from somebody who knows how to shoot can make it easier and more fun.

22. daveintexas - July 31, 2013

I started out the girls on my little .22 plinker squirrel rifle, to get em used to the noise and the general feel of a firearm. From there we went to a .22 revolver, and a .38 revolver.

After that semiautomatics. 9mm up to a .45.

Progression and practice give you a feel of control and confidence. I can’t remember if I did the squirrel rifle with Geoff’s son, but we did that same kind of thing and after an hour he was shootin pretty good with a full .45, and he was a little guy back then.

23. geoff - July 31, 2013

he was shootin pretty good with a full .45, and he was a little guy back then.

He still talks about that in glowing terms. Unfortunately I haven’t taken him out shooting since. I keep asking my mom to take him, but it seems like there’s never a good time.

Thanks again for taking him, Dave. It made a huge impression on him, even though I’m pretty sure he’d seen thongs before.

24. Andy - July 31, 2013

Put me down as a maybe. Like Sobek, I need to see how availability plays out as the date approaches.

25. Retired Geezer - July 31, 2013

I would love to attend, won’t know until the last minute though.
Dave is a good instructor. He threw our match so that I could win.

26. daveintexas - July 31, 2013

>> even though I’m pretty sure he’d seen thongs before.

He didn’t seem surprised. And you’re welcome.

And no, I didn’t throw it, but I did get that one bit of advice from you that improved my shootin tremendously. I was embarrassed cause it was shootin 101 (stop pulling the trigger).

27. geoff - August 4, 2013

All right – flight, car, and hotel reservations made.

We’re arriving at 9:45 am on Friday and flying out at 6:30 pm on Sunday.

28. MJ Danger - August 5, 2013

I’ll have to check as the date gets closer but I’m pretty sure that I’ll be able to make it.

I’ve never travelled with a handgun before, so if I have to rent a pew-pew-pew machine, so be it.

It will be nice to meet some morons for the first time and say ‘hi’ to old friends.

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