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Haiku for Mars August 10, 2013

Posted by geoff in News.

Let’s start with this:

NASA’s next mission to Mars will carry a DVD containing just over 1,100 haiku received as a result of CU-Boulder’s Laboratory for Atmospheric and Space Physics Going to Mars campaign. The DVD also will contain selected art designed by students and tens of thousands of names submitted by the public by Sept. 10.

Yup, we’re bothering to waste time, money, and a wee bit of payload (at $500K/lb and 2.4 oz/DVD, that DVD cost $74K to send to Mars), to send a DVD full of nonsense to Mars. And we don’t even know which region it should be encoded for. Not to mention: DVD? Is that really putting our best foot forward?

We should have at least sent a Blu-ray disc.

But it gets worse. Check out the best of the haiku that we’re sending:

It’s funny, they named
Mars after the God of War
Have a look at Earth

Benedict Smith
United Kingdom

I suppose that might seem insightful if you’re 12. Doesn’t even make sense – Mars was the God of War for Earth, so the violence on Earth is/was due (in part) to that god. This is like saying, “they call him a wife-beater, but if you look at the fact that the violence occurs on his wife’s body, it’s really his wife’s fault.”

The next one is from a poet (they say). Seems that poets are a little unclear on things like evolution and “birthplaces of humanity” and such:

Thirty-six million
miles of whispering welcome.
Mars, you called us home.

Vanna Bonta

Also, in space, whispers don’t carry awfully far. I know there’s supposed to be poetic license ‘n such, but c’mon – this is for NASA, folks.

There are a few more examples at the link. Oh, and you can get your name put on the DVD if you go to the link at the bottom of the article.

But you’ll be putting your name on a DVD that no one would ever bother to watch, even if they could.


1. Mr. Matamoros - August 10, 2013

I wonder who was the pencil-neck geek at NASA that that this one up?

2. Mr. Matamoros - August 10, 2013

2nd that = thought

3. Mr. Matamoros - August 10, 2013

They should have gone for limericks instead of haiku.

4. geoff - August 10, 2013

Bad Martian haiku
Splattered on a DVD
Baby Jesus cries

5. skinbad - August 10, 2013

On Mars, you can’t scratch
Your ice hole without remote
Controlled red rover

6. geoff - August 10, 2013

Mars ain’t the kind of
place to raise a kid. In fact
it is cold as hell.

7. geoff - August 10, 2013

Martian invaders
will now have a list of the
first people to eat

8. Michael - August 10, 2013

Now the damn Martians
Will come to earth, seeking a
Springtime awakening

9. geoff - August 10, 2013

fights off voles with her shovel
all Martians take note

10. Retired Geezer - August 10, 2013

A big red planet
something to fear in the sky
besides our own drones

11. Jon - August 11, 2013

Sounds like the person who vomited this vitriol blathering blog is choking on his own bitterness. As for your career as a literary critic, don’t give up your day job.

12. geoff - August 11, 2013

A little critique
of NASA losing focus
Jon’s panties twisted

thirdnews - August 11, 2013


13. Retired Geezer - August 11, 2013

*geezer abandons idea of sending ‘special’ 8-track mix tape to NASA, sends it to Jon, instead*

14. Mr. Matamoros - August 11, 2013

Say, that’s good haiku…

15. lauraw - August 12, 2013

Dangit. Missed it.

16. geoff - August 12, 2013

No such thing.

17. lauraw - August 12, 2013

attention Martians:
sixteen hundred Penna Ave,
crunchy treats inside

18. lauraw - August 12, 2013

off-base on concept;
purpose of a whisper is
to not carry far

if you want sound to
go thirty six million miles
need a real big shout

not to get picky
but who in the fucking world
whispers a welcome

it sounds sinister
go ahead and try yourself
whisper “welcome, friend”


19. geoff - August 12, 2013

Ancestors from Mars
Never existed, Vanna
So how is Mars home?

Poetical types
Normally talk about our
return to the stars

Stars and Mars both rhyme
so perhaps that’s whence all the
pinheadedness stems

20. lauraw - August 12, 2013

the old saying is
“You can’t go home again” cuz
it’s a big dead rock

21. lauraw - August 12, 2013

Geoff, there’s a whole rap by Blondie that advances your hypothesis.

22. Retired Geezer - August 12, 2013

Haiku Master Lauraw is in da house.

I mean in teh house.

23. Pupster - August 12, 2013

I don’t understand
How Haiku on DVD
Helps Muslim Outreach

24. geoff - August 13, 2013

No science matters
unless uninformed Haiku
is written for it

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