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So, What do You Do? November 12, 2014

Posted by Sobek in Humor.

I recently had a High School reunion, the first one I’ve been to. It occurred to me that it would have been kind of fun, when I got the inevitable “so, what do you do for a living?” to simply lie. Not because I’m embarrassed about my job or anything, or because it’s some big secret. I just thought it would be funny to see how outlandish I could get and still get some of the incredulous to think, just maybe, I was telling the truth. Sort of like the first time I met Wiserbud, and I convinced him I was Tushar by speaking in an Apu accent (Note: the foregoing is 100% true and hilarious).

Here’s some of the things I came up with:

1. Corporate espionage
2. Ninja
3. The drummer for Pantera
4. Kazoo manufacturer
5. Professym of gender/midget studies at Vassar (hat tip to the brilliant Liberal Larry for the word “Professym”)
6. Professional YouTube commenter
7. Teaching German in Latin
8. Psychokinetic fissionist
9. Spice merchant
10. Camel husbandry

What else?


1. Jimbro - November 13, 2014

#7 got my first laugh as I read down the list. What is the German word for “absurd incongruity”?

11. Bull Semen Collector
12. Merkin Manufacturer.

2. OBF - November 13, 2014

I pretty much live off of the accolades of my children. Some days are pretty lonely.

Butterfly wing restoration expert

3. daveintexas - November 13, 2014

I sell life insurance.

Say, do you have a few minutes?

4. skinbad - November 13, 2014

Ned? Ned Ryerson?

5. skinbad - November 13, 2014

Kardashian ass oiler

6. Cathy - November 13, 2014

Woman of the Evening.

7. Retired Geezer - November 13, 2014

Stunt Double for Nick Nolte.

8. lauraw - November 13, 2014

Lobster Repairman

9. lauraw - November 13, 2014

Fairy Exterminator

10. lauraw - November 13, 2014

Hunchback Masseuse-Therapist

*smiles shyly*

11. lauraw - November 14, 2014

“I plane goats. You would not believe how bumpy those things start out. Here is an example of some of my work.”

12. lauraw - November 14, 2014

Crap, didn’t mean for that to embed. Detracted from the sense of non sequitur idiocy a bit.


13. Retired Geezer - November 14, 2014

Non-sequitur smoother.

14. Retired Geezer - November 14, 2014

Chakra fluffer for Al Gore.

15. OBF - November 14, 2014

Dancer Dudes final comment….”yeh, I meant to do that”

16. Michael - November 14, 2014

Ebola lab tech

17. skinbad - November 14, 2014

Chip and Dale dancer.

*scratches acorns*

18. lauraw - November 14, 2014

Smartcar juggler

19. Retired Geezer - November 14, 2014

Caffeine intake manager for Richard Simmons

20. wiserbud - November 15, 2014

Ant Farmer

21. Retired Geezer - November 15, 2014

Ant Farmer subsidy supervisor.

22. Sobek - November 15, 2014

Police officer for the Point Pleasant Police Department.

23. wiserbud - November 16, 2014

Inventor of the Weener Kleener


24. Sobek - November 16, 2014

Wiser reminded me, one of my original ideas was “I invented the truck nuts. You know the pink-colored ones with really detailed veins and stuff? Yeah, that was me.” I don’t think anyone would have talked to me after that.

25. lauraw - November 16, 2014

You don’t have to go to such an extreme to keep people from talking to you. Just tell them you sell life insurance.

26. wiserbud - November 16, 2014

I bought truck nutz for a former friend (former part not related to this story).

Hung them off of the new truck he was so proud of.

He and his GF removed them from his truck and hung them on mine.

I thought it was hilariously obnoxious, so I left them.

wiserbride disagreed with my POV. And one weekend, when she took my truck to the farm without me, she and her cousin castrated my truck.

i get it. it’s stupid. and obnoxious. but dammit, it was my truck,

27. ChrisP - November 17, 2014

Contract killer…

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