I Love All of You March 24, 2015Posted by Sobek in News.
Last summer I drove across a couple of states to go to my High School reunion. You may be surprised to hear this, but I was never part of the “in” crowd back then. Quite the contrary. But my friends were great, and we’ve since moved all over the country, and so the reunion was a perfect opportunity to see them again.
What about all those other people? Everyone who made me feel excluded and weird and alienated for so many formative years? I’m writing this from the vantage point of many, many years after the fact, so it’s always possible that I’m misremembering everything, but I had to admit the possibility that they felt excluded and alienated and weird – or at least some of them, anyway. Maybe the reason we weren’t friends was because I didn’t make much of an effort to befriend them. So the reunion was a perfect opportunity to get to know all these interesting people who have lived lives, grown, and experienced the world in ways that I haven’t. The plan was to spend the whole time talking to people, whether or not I knew them, whether or not we were friends back in the day, or even if I didn’t like them back then. Because again, it’s possible I misremember everything, but I couldn’t think of anyone who I hated back then who I had an actual reason to hate.
I have to say, that reunion was about the most fun I’ve had in a room full of near-strangers (I’m not including IB meet-ups, because although you’re pretty strange, I can’t say you’re strangers). That includes the times when I shook hands and smiled, genuinely, at people I really didn’t like back then. I don’t remember why I didn’t like them, and rather doubt there was ever a reason beyond normal teen-aged angst. That being the case, the problem was more with me than with them. Several hours passed before I knew it, and it was time to go. I can’t wait for the next one in ten years.
Afterwards, I went to dinner with some friends, one of whom didn’t go to the reunion. He said it would have been nice to see some people, but he wasn’t interested in seeing many of them – the same types I’ve been mentioning, those who felt comfortable in their own skin, those who made him feel excluded and weird and alienated. “F*** those guys,” he said, because if they made him feel bad back in the day, why would he want to be friends with them now?
That question is why I’m writing this post as my farewell.
It’s possible that for everyone in High School who made me feel excluded and weird and alienated, there were three or four more who felt the same about me.
My on-line personality is a lot more curmudgeonly than the meat-space version, so when I heard the blog is going dark, I briefly considered writing something along the lines of “Screw you all, I’ve secretly hated you for years.” But even as a joke – which I’m sure you would recognize for what it was – I quickly decided was not the way to go out. The fact is, I love you goofballs a lot. This has been a great place to laugh, learn, commiserate, celebrate and mourn. The fact is, I spent too much time on negativity, even as a joke, and that’s something I want to change. I never want anyone to feel alone, unloved, friendless, unaccepted. I see too much of that, and it breaks my heart, and I want the world to be a better place, even if only by the tiniest amount, because I said something kind to someone who needed it on a bad day. I want my last post here to say, simply:
I love all of you.