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Man You Muhfuckers Are Depressing the Shit Outta Me March 25, 2015

Posted by daveintexas in Ballistics, Commenting Tips, Ducks, Economics, Gardening, Handblogging, Heroes, Law, Man Laws, Mufuckin Pie!, Nature Shit, News, Personal Experiences, Philosophy, Religion, Sex, Sidebar Flag Bullshit, Stupid shit, Terrorist Hemorrhoids, Women Ranting, WTF?.

Stop that STOP THAT! This is supposed to be an ‘appy occasion.

And how did I get nominated for the last post here ever? Geoff has been working his skinny butt off posting and such.

Ain’t right. Ain’t right.


Yes, this post is going to have a “theme”.

So. 2006 or thGFYerebouts. I was 47 years old. Geezer was 75, Peelie was 13 and LauraW was in county banging a tin cup on the bars and yelling “FILTHY SCREWS FILTHY SCREWS”.  If you never heard this stuff it’s all true email me I have documents and stuff.

I don’t know what I’m doing here. I don’t do this for a living you know.

In 2006 I had no idea how this worked. I had a kid in college and one on the way there.  I was just working and making jokes here and at Ace’s and getting to know you all.  And we’d get in comment threads and make absurd bitey faces at each other and joke around.  Then this, ace called it “The Splitters”.  So we did more stupid stuff and monkeys stopped flinging poop long enough to stare at us as if we were raving lunatics or something.  And then this amazing thing happened. I met some of you, most of you.  I actually came to places and saw your dorky faces and in person for reals.. met you.  You were already my friends then you became my in person touching hugging friends.  And every one of you every damn one of you hugged me and loved me and made me feel ten feet tall, bulletproof and invisible.  Thank you special people for the extra touches you know who you are and I won’t say it out loud here Geoff.


Hey Dave how about we all go some place across the country and meet each other for reals?

This place, this actual place made it be possible for me to meet you all.  To be friends and to love you. All your cares, all my cares. Fake internet friends became real friends. (thanks Al Gore).

Somehow it meant our personal lives became part of each other.  I am a part of you all. The goofy part, or maybe tummy gas. I’m still a part of you all.  Might be stinky. In a way I’d be proud if I was the stinky part.

OK then, I love you idiots. And I say idiots knowing I’m the idiot and you’re not I just have to drop that stuff at you because otherwise I’d gete sniffly and shit and no way no how am I gonna do that, fuck that.

I miss ya Harrison. You were one of the sweetest souls I’ve ever known who called me a friend. I miss Michael too.  He was a big dumb jerk but he was also my friend and he loved me and you all (and fuck cancer seriously fuck cancer, pineapple/sideways).  Oddly I miss them both in much the same way except I liked Harrison.

But I do need to say something very important that’s been on my heart for a long long time.

Michael, if you’re reading this (don’t you have better things to do?), I’m really sorry about the guest towels.  That was so wrong of me.  I feel bad about that, especially the part about me planting them in your pillowcase before I went home.

That was wrong of me.

Remember Pirate Talk?







Thank you Michael, Geezer, for bringing people into my life that I never would have met. I never would have known them, never would have loved them like I do. Your gift to all of us is so fine. You thought you were making a silly thing. Geezer thought it was a joke, a funny.  Thank all of you for inviting me into your lives, your homes your personal space without freaking out.. much.

What you made was friendships. That’s what you did and that’s the legacy of the Splitters.

How Dave Feels About Centering Pictures













We people are the people we people care about. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. That’s what y’all did and you had no damn idea even that’s what you were doing. Like usual.

I love you idiots.

This place was a place. Better than ice cream. And ice cream kicks ass.


Y’all are better than ice cream and I still need you all in my life.



















1. wiserbud - March 25, 2015

Well. So that’s it then. IB goes out not with a bang, but with a crazy person ranting like Ruprecht finding out he’s moving to Oklahoma.


Well, it’s my own fault for expecting poetry. I really should have known better.

2. Sobek - March 25, 2015


3. BrewFan - March 25, 2015

Who forgot to lock up the liquor cabinet??

4. Cyn - March 25, 2015

This was a good place.

5. See-Dubya - March 25, 2015

Bye y’all. Thanks. (Sheds tear-stained smoking jacket)

Are there going to be any spinoff blogs… like After-MASH or Baywatch Nights?

6. 88rosetta88@gmail.com - March 26, 2015

Hi kids,

I spent an hour on a comment that I tried to post on here but I forgot my STUPID WordPress password so when I hit “Post Comment” everything shit the bed.

Would someone with access and webtube skillz please check the spam bucket on this crapblog for my earlier comment?

If it’s there please post it for me. If not I will try again tomorrow.

Technology is a very hot chick with severe psychological disorders.

7. Mr, Chumpo - March 26, 2015

IB, it looks like you will be frozen in Carbonite. Thats ok because remember, only Han Solo went on to greater projects.

I’m glad to hear that this testament to bloggmenting will be archived. Too much love here for all the landfills in the sector.

Thanx, Splitters all for teaching me how to talk to strangers.

On and On

8. Mr, Chumpo - March 26, 2015

P.S. Good Job, DeeT

9. daveintexas - March 26, 2015

No can find Rosetta :/

10. Will - March 26, 2015

Next time you’re this way, let us know and we’ll meet up again. The little man is starting to make sounds resembling words.

11. jam2 - March 26, 2015

“monkeys stopped flinging poop long enough to stare”

our arms were tired…
just sayin’

12. geoff - March 26, 2015

And how did I get nominated for the last post here ever?

I think the results speak for themselves. Thanks, Dave.

It’s been a great ride.

13. lauraw - March 26, 2015

*makes absurd bitey face*

Hey, wouldn’t it be hilarious if a last comments thread here took on a life of its own and kept going and going and going for years after the blog was over and the host was gone? Just so that some durable core of pals can still have a place where they can vent and keep in touch?

But, that never happens.

14. geoff - March 26, 2015

6032 posts
5.13 million hits

Not too shabby.

15. geoff - March 26, 2015

From the “Does Pirate Talk Seem Sexually Suggestive to You?” comment thread linked by Dave in his post:

14. daveintexas – September 19, 2007
Arrrghhhh ye scurvy bilge rats, hoist me jib up high n tight, and give em a blast with the twelve pounder!!! Arrrrrr

15. kevlarchick – September 19, 2007
This saucy wench prefers a blast from the long nines.

16. daveintexas – September 19, 2007
Arrrr, I’ll be in me bunk mateys.

17. Michael – September 19, 2007
Arrr, I didn’t make it to me bunk.
Man the bilge pumps!

16. Retired Geezer - March 26, 2015

geoff that made me laugh out loud (or lol as the kids say).

I forgot how funny KC was.

17. Mrs. Peel - March 26, 2015

*cries laughing* I’d forgotten about that.

18. wiserbud - March 26, 2015

Hey, wouldn’t it be hilarious if a last comments thread here took on a life of its own and kept going and going and going for years

s’been done


(yeah, I know. You’re referring to something else…)

19. bosk - March 26, 2015


20. Tushar - March 26, 2015

So, this is it, then? I will keep running into half the IBers at H2, but what about the others? RG, Sobek, Mrs Peel. You guys never visit H2. And Geoff, Lipstick, Brew etc are scarce as well.

21. Mrs. Peel - March 26, 2015

Sorry, I have a toddler. 😦

22. geoff - March 26, 2015

I’m cutting back on blogging in general, Tushar – that’s one of the reasons we decided to close IB. I was barely able to get something up here once in a while, so I haven’t spent much time at H2. I’m pretty much going to be occupied with work and family for the foreseeable future.

Which sucks, because blogging was a great hobby, in addition to being a substantial portion of my social life.

23. Retired Geezer - March 26, 2015

Sorry, I am a toddler. 😦

24. Retired Geezer - March 26, 2015

Seriously though. H2 moves so fast I can’t keep up.
Plus I only know a few of the main people there.
What I read was clever and funny but it’s hard to keep up with the comments.
I don’t read many of the comments at AoSHQ either.

25. Retired Geezer - March 26, 2015

And, I can’t say thank-you to geoff, enough. He really carried IB along the past 18 months.

26. Tushar - March 26, 2015

You don’t have to keep up at H2. No one can keep up at H2. Just once in a while, drop in, heap abuse on people, and go your merry way.

27. Mark in NJ - March 27, 2015

Good wrap-up, Dave. Peace.

Ciao everyone. Will miss this blog!

28. daveintexas - March 27, 2015

Peace back Mark, thanks

29. daveintexas - March 28, 2015

Important update

30. digitalbrownshirt - March 29, 2015

I’m laughing so hard it’s physically hurting me. Or maybe it’s the physical therapy I’ve been going through. I’m going to miss this place. As rarely as I posted or commented, I still visited pretty regularly. I’ll miss you guys. I still show up at AoSHQ sometimes, but the majority of my rants are just on Facebook. If anybody is lonely and wants to see what I’m up to, send me a friend request on FB. Michael Dennis, in Mustang OK. I’ve thought of starting a blog again, but that’s more out of boredom, not exactly the greatest motivator for writing. I miss it sometimes and IB helped a lot since I could just post when I felt like it without feeling like I had to write everyday. I guess I’m meandering because I don’t want to leave. Or it could be all the pills I’ve been taking this year. Anyway, I’ll see you guys around. 🙂

31. digitalbrownshirt - March 29, 2015

Well crap. I forgot I still have a dormant wordpress blog. Maybe I’ll bring it back to life. It’s only been 3 years since I last posted on it, hopefully I can figure out the password.

32. Retired Geezer - March 29, 2015

a crazy person ranting like Ruprecht finding out he’s moving to Oklahoma.

*happy he didn’t choose Ideeho.

33. edward_von_bear (@edward_von_bear) - March 29, 2015

I know I have not been around for a while, but I really appreciated and enjoyed my times here. Thanks to all for allowing me into your world.

34. geoff - March 29, 2015

And of course this morning I have the urge to write a post on “The Right to Screw Up,” talking about how college kids are supposed to be in a learning phase, and so should be expected to make major blunders (and learn from them). Instead, they’re being vilified, severely punished, and the standards for their behavior are being tightened to an impossible degree (microagressions? really?).

But I’m not a blogger anymore, dang it.

35. daveintexas - March 29, 2015

puts a pillow, lovingly over geoff’s mouth..

this isn’t weird is it?

36. geoff - March 29, 2015

puts a pillow, lovingly over geoff’s mouth..

I have no blog and I must scream…

37. composmentis - March 30, 2015

I was barely able to get something up Typical Geoff.

I wasted pissed away spent a lot of working hours hanging out here with you funny, racist clusters of fuck. Thank you for your virtual friendships. Giant slobbery, pudding-breathed kisses right on the mouth to you all.

I’ve always thought it was kind of shitty of Dorothy to tell the Scarecrow, in front of the others, that she was going to miss him most of all. I mean, what bitch picks favorites out loud at a time like that? But now I get it. She could’ve whispered it though.

38. geoff - March 30, 2015

The low hanging fruit brings compos out of the woodwork!

We should have made your famous gastrointestinal malfunction our last post. That’s still funny.

39. lauraw - March 30, 2015

Geoff, if you feel like writing, just update the post with whatever you want to write about.

Then just keep updating the post. All the time.

40. Retired Geezer - March 30, 2015

We should have made your famous gastrointestinal malfunction our last post. That’s still funny.

Yes! That is by far, the funniest thing I have ever read on the internet.
Is it still hanging around anywhere?

41. wiserbud - March 30, 2015

Is it still hanging around anywhere?


42. Retired Geezer - March 30, 2015

That was great, WB.

Mrs. Geezer and I are dying laughing.
Her comment… “I didn’t know they made it into a MOVIE!”

43. geoff - March 30, 2015

My wife and I as well – simply awesome.

44. Lipstick - March 30, 2015

And, I can’t say thank-you to geoff, enough. He really carried IB along the past 18 months.

Seriously, ditto. And I agree, let’s keep this thread open so we can talk or rant about things. As long as Obama is president at least, we’ll need it.

Plus we can, I hope, plan get-togethers here? But maybe email might be a a better way for that or to say hey, I’ll be in your town soon, let’s get together and hoist one.

Speaking of that, I hardly check my old yahooie account any more. Here is the best way to reach me: janice Aaatt janilope dottt filthycommie.

I really do love you guys.

45. daveintexas - March 30, 2015

HAHAHAHAHA I forgot that youtube

46. Lipstick - March 30, 2015

hahaha, that rocks.

Also, there’s no actual “filthy” in my email. But there probably should be.

47. daveintexas - March 31, 2015

hang on I’m sending it

wait, what

48. wiserbud - March 31, 2015

>>>>HAHAHAHAHA I forgot that youtube

While it’s not my story, it is one of my prouder moments.

49. geoff - April 1, 2015

Snif. Tomorrow will be the first time since March 2009 that I haven’t posted on the employment stats.

50. Retired Geezer - April 1, 2015

uh… could you make it in the form of a comment?

51. geoff - April 2, 2015

Dang – felt like Thursday yesterday. So NOW tomorrow will the the first time……blah, blah, blah.

52. Lipstick - April 9, 2015

We can still talk about the stats, don’t you think?

*blubbers, shoulders heave*

53. lauraw - April 21, 2015

*hugs Lippy*

54. geoff - April 21, 2015

It sucks not to blog.

55. lauraw - April 22, 2015

*hugs Geoff too*

56. geoff - April 22, 2015

OK. Now it sucks a little less.

57. geoff - April 22, 2015

…where “a little” means “yowza – IB babe hug!!!”

58. lauraw - April 22, 2015

I do not rate a yowza anymore. Have become too old boring etc.
So tired and frazzled and missing the crap out of all of you good people. Never see friends anymore… *sob*
Before this blog blinks out, we need to do a meetup.

59. geoff - April 22, 2015

Well, I’ll be in Boston in late-ish May, I think. I keep hoping that it’ll be my last trip out there, but I’m probably not that lucky.

60. daveintexas - April 23, 2015


61. lauraw - April 23, 2015

Late May? Hmmm. Hopefully not around Memorial Day, because I have to work.

62. wiserbud - April 23, 2015

Late May?

I’ll still be on the air. And MJ is trying to figger out a time to get here so he can do the DotS live in studio…..

On-air meat-up?

63. wiserbud - April 23, 2015


64. daveintexas - April 24, 2015


65. geoff - April 26, 2015

Comments are back up.

66. Mr. Chumpo - April 26, 2015

why don’t we do it in the road?

67. wiserbud - April 26, 2015


Ok.. ok…. calm down there, big guy……

68. wiserbud - April 26, 2015

This is now like Kevlarchick’s blog, except with more …. stuff

69. lauraw - April 26, 2015

Semi-great song, Chumpo.

70. daveintexas - April 27, 2015

Don’t boss me

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